8. Chapter 8
The bus ride to Federal Hill didn’t take too long.
Honestly, Nate and I should’ve just skated there, but the bus had heaters, and we were going to be in the cold for several hours.
With thick, worn blankets tucked under our arms and backpacks packed with a thermos of hot chocolate, bottled water, and our boards, we stepped off the bus and walked toward the pizza joint nearby.
I was limping because my kneecap was still bruised and swollen with the stitches pulling and tugging, but I could walk pretty well.
We ordered a large pizza, half with pepperoni, onions, and mushrooms for Nate, and the other half with only cheese for me.
I wasn’t as adventurous when I ate, despite my ability to make delicious mixed drinks.
I liked my food simple after months of being forced to eat horrible meals during that camp from hell and eating old food while on the streets.
Not to mention we barely got the basics in foster care.
Foster homes didn’t give us many opportunities to try unique foods.
Nate was more adventurous than me, but not by much.
Since we had time before the movie, we sat at a couple of barstools with a long table facing out a massive window to eat our pizza while it was still hot.
I peeled off a slice, oozing in melted mozzarella cheese with steam coming off it.
My mouth watered as I took a bite of the cheese, tomato, and garlic dough.
Pizza was my happy food. Pizza meant it was a special day since it was only ordered on certain occasions growing up, like a birthday party at school. Nate and I rarely splurged on it, so this sort of felt like a date.
I wish we were on a date. We could’ve watched the movie, cuddled under the blankets, and kissed ourselves stupid with pizza lingering in our mouths.
Nate’s hand would slide underneath my coat and hoodie.
His hands would be cold, which would blanket my skin in goosebumps, but soon, he’d warm me up as he kissed my throat—
“God, this is pretty fucking good pizza,” Nate said, bursting my fantasy bubble, which was a good thing because my dick tried to pulse to life.
He took a large bite of his pizza, the cheese oozing out of his mouth in long strips as his mouth desperately tried to bite it all and keep it from dripping on his pink hoodie.
It was hard to take my eyes off him, his curls falling in his face, mouth greasy from the pizza that I weirdly wanted to lick off, uncaring of how that sounded.
When Nate caught me staring, he smiled with a mouthful of food, exposing his pretty cheekbones.
My heart fluttered, and my stomach dipped.
Even after years of loving Nate from afar, he could still do that, always making my body react and burn for him.
Imagine if we touched each other willingly and not in a friendship or comforting way. My body would probably incinerate.
With a deep breath to calm my libido, I took another bite of pizza and yanked my eyes away from him.
“Thanks for not making us get nachos,” I teased, mainly as a distraction.
Nate stuck his tongue out at me, making me chuckle. “Nachos are the food of the gods. They have every food pyramid requirement: tortilla chips for grains, cheese for dairy, ground beef and beans for protein, and sprinkled with onions and tomatoes for your veggies.”
We’d had this conversation countless times. I loved teasing him about his infatuation with nachos, but I understood it. They were pretty tasty, but without the onions and beans.
After my second slice, I was pretty full, but Nate and I forced ourselves to eat as much as possible so we didn’t waste our food. We weren’t used to eating this much, so we got stuffed easily. My stomach felt bloated yet satiated.
“What movie’s playing tonight?” Nate asked.
“Uh… I don’t remember.”
He smiled and pulled out his phone, bringing up the website. He snorted a laugh. “It’s Shrek . Fuck, that movie came out before either of us was born.”
I leaned over his shoulder and wished I could inhale him, but the pizza scent overpowered Nate’s smell. “I haven’t seen it, but it looks fun.”
“Yeah, I haven’t seen it either. Not that we see a lot of movies.” Growing up in foster care, we rarely got to see movies, and TV was as basic as you got. And if we got to watch what we wanted, we had to fight over it with the other kids.
“Yeah, I don’t remember watching too much TV.”
Nate wiped his hands on the napkin and shoved away his plate with a slice of half-eaten pizza. “I’m fucking stuffed. If I eat anymore, I’m going to explode.”
He asked a server for a smaller to-go box. When they returned with the container, he shoved the remaining slices into the box and put it into his backpack.
“The pizza will be smashed, but we can nuke it at home for lunch tomorrow. Pizza’s still pizza, right?”
“As long as I don’t have gross onions, mushrooms, and pepperoni mixed with mine. Kidding, not kidding.”
Nate laughing happily was the best sound in the world.
We grabbed our things and headed out into the frigid night. The evening sky looked pale from the thick clouds reflecting the city lights, making the night brighter.
I loved the snow and hoped we got a lot.
While we couldn’t go out and skate, I loved being cooped up in the apartment with Nate, like we were the only two souls left in the silent, white world.
We’d snuggle on the couch under a blanket and watch TV because our apartment would be cold, or he’d read me one of his comic books.
Like me, Nate wasn’t the best reader, but I loved to listen to his voice as he stuttered a little and slowly told a story about his favorite superhero.
He found a box of them really cheap at a thrift store once and fell in love.
Nate checked the time on his phone. “The movie’s going to start soon, so we better hurry.”
The walk was only a few blocks as we rushed toward Federal Hill. The area where they were showing the movie had a small grassy hill facing a brick building with a massive movie screen over it.
The hill was busier than we’d thought it would be, as we found a place on the grass to sit close enough to see the screen.
But there weren’t so many people that it stressed me out.
And the view was to die for, looking out at the entire city of Baltimore with the tall buildings, city lights, and the harbor.
This city struggled with poverty and jobs, but it was home and pretty much all I knew.
Nate laid one blanket on the ground before pulling out the thermos full of hot chocolate to keep us warm. Once we sat down, he covered us up with the other blanket and scooted so close to me that we touched shoulders, hips, and legs.
Nate handed me the thermos, and I took a sip as the credits started to roll. I handed it back to him, and he took a sip before closing the lid tightly.
“This looks like it’s going to be good. What a great idea, Sam.”
I beamed at my best friend. “Thanks.” That was exactly what I’d wanted when I made plans. I had a hard time planning and sticking with them, but once I had an idea, I’d just tell Nate, and he’d roll with it, making sure we got to where we needed to go on time.
As long as I made Nate happy, he’d never leave.
The movie was hilarious. Nate and I giggled almost non-stop as we finished off the hot cocoa.
At some point, Nate’s hand brushed against mine.
My body froze so he wouldn’t move it. Don’t move.
Keep it there. I pretended we were boyfriends, holding hands on date night.
But when I shivered, since I didn’t have the warmest coat, Nate pulled out a knit beanie from his backpack and put it on my head.
Then he grabbed both of my hands in his to warm them up.
I wanted to whimper at his touch, needy for so much more than little touches that meant nothing more than friendship. Maybe it was just as well, because I’d never be good enough for Nate. He deserved a man who was smart like him and someone Nate didn’t have to take care of all the time.
I was a fucking burden.
“Is it wrong of me to ship Shrek and Donkey?” Nate asked, pulling out of my declining thoughts.
I plastered on a smile I didn’t feel, so he wouldn’t need to take care of me and ask me what was wrong.
“No, I totally ship them, too. I’m Donkey, and you’re Shrek.” Nate’s smile was wide as he chuckled. “I’m the bouncing one, all over the place.” Then his smile dropped, and I swallowed, not looking at him. I rested my chin on my folded knees as I watched the end of the movie.
Shit, did I just hint I was shipping us together?
“I’d rather be Donkey than Shrek. Donkey is smart and resourceful, like you. I think you’d make a perfect Donkey.”
I turned my head on my knees and looked at my one true person. “No, I’m none of those things. I’m not good at anything.”
Nate’s brows furrowed as he scooted closer to me. He sat so close I felt his heat even in this cold, and then his smell washed over me like a warm, fuzzy blanket. I wanted to shut my eyes and absorb him.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nate didn’t ask in anger. His tone was soft, like a tender touch. “You’re very resourceful and amazing at a lot of things, like bartending, which you’re a fucking pro at, you skateboard like an expert, and you planned this perfect night.”
He touched my hair and pulled back my long bangs, peeking out from under the beanie. His words made my eyes want to water, but I wouldn’t do that to him when he was being so nice to me.
“You always say bad things about yourself, and I wish you saw what I did. You’re so strong and resilient, and you find so many ways to keep yourself happy.
I would never ask you to be any other way than how you are now.
Only that… I hate it when you’re hurting. If I could take it all away, I would.”
My bottom lip trembled, so I sucked it in my mouth, touching the coldness of my lip ring with my tongue. “I know you would.”
Nate was my safe harbor in a storm. A place where I could anchor myself and be the real me, unafraid of how he’d react when I failed, forgot something or said the wrong thing.
But I also wanted to be my best for him, to show him he could lean on me, too, when he needed it, that I could get my shit together long enough when he needed me to hold him instead.
His dark eyes never left mine, watching me for any hints of my pain and suffering forcing their way through my porous walls. “Please tell me you’re good.”
“I’m good.”
After the movie, we made it on time for the last bus of the night. I was grateful for the warmth. The ride wasn’t too long, but Nate had fallen asleep, resting his head on my shoulder. He always lacked sleep because of me, but he never complained.
I rested my head in his curls, constantly inhaling his addicting scent. He was my home.
All too soon, we were close to home and at the end of our date night. It wasn’t a date, but I pretended it was. I had a really good time, and I think Nate did, too. Then again, we always had a good time together, except at night when my demons came out to play.