53. Wilder
Itried to numb the pain in my heart and head with alcohol, and as always, it didn’t work.
If anything, it just made me feel worse.
Every time I tried to close my eyes, I saw another page from that file, another hospital report, and that led to another drink.
Cade didn’t join me, just watched me try to self-destruct while tapping away on his phone all night.
I didn’t bother asking what he was doing, because I knew he wouldn’t tell me, and I didn’t have the energy to care anyway.
The sun is already climbing over the city by the time he finally stands to stretch out his muscles. “I need to leave for a while,” he grunts, but I don’t look up from the glass in my hand.
“Good for you,” I mumble, taking another sip and wishing I’d chosen to drink myself into misery alone.
“Bobby!” Caden shouts, and his office door opens immediately, my friend leaning inside with an expectant look. “Stay with him, and make sure he doesn’t drink himself to death.”
Bobby glances at me and grimaces. “I’m not even sure I could stop that, bossman.”
Caden gives me one more look, but then shrugs at his best friend. “I have faith in you, Rocky.” Then he’s gone, and Bobby is looking at me with nothing but pity.
He sits in the corner for a while watching me, then orders us some food that I don’t even attempt to touch, before he gives up and starts texting on his phone.
Whoever he’s talking to is making him smirk, before he looks up at me and asks, “Did you meet her?”
“Meet who?” I ask with a sigh, finishing off my drink.
“Billie.”
“Who?”
“You know, Casper’s new pet at The Academy.”
It’s only then that some sense of recognition flows through me. Billie, right, the new scholarship kid. Of course I met her, she’s the first girl to ever land a spot at The Academy, my dad was talking about her when I was still out on the PRI circuit.
Except Bobby’s assessment of her is way off, even to me in my drunken state, and I snort. “He fucking wishes, she was running rings round him this week on the track.”
“I think that’s not the only thing she's running rings round,” he replies, not lifting his focus from his phone, and I don’t ask him to elaborate, because I don’t care.
Instead I stand and move toward the door. “I need a coffee, do you want one?” I ask, and just like I knew he would, he nods without lifting his attention from his phone.
Clearly he’s a terrible fucking babysitter, because he presumed I was too drunk or miserable to give him the slip.
So, when I sneak out the back exit and order myself an Uber, I don’t even feel bad knowing he will face the wrath of Caden.
It doesn’t matter to me, because there is only one thing I need right now, and that’s to make sure Reed is okay.
I know he won’t have stayed at his parents’ house, so I pull up his address, which I shamelessly stole from his work file this week, and head for his apartment. By the time I reach Reed's building, my phone has rang three times, all of them Bobby, and I ignored every single one.
Smiling at the doorman, I walk inside like I belong there, making my way to the elevators and pushing his floor number.
I’m not surprised by the fancy building he lives in, it fits him perfectly, but I am surprised when I knock and no one answers.
I knock again, but still come up empty, and it’s only after the third knock that I settle on the fact he’s clearly not here.
My heart begins to race, and I press my hand to the center of my chest, trying to ease the ache.
I just need to fucking see him and make sure he is okay, is that too much to ask?
I lower myself against the opposite wall, because I’m not leaving until I set fucking eyes on him, even if I have to wait here all fucking day.
Twenty minutes later footsteps echo down the hallway from the stairwell, but when I look up, I find stern green eyes instead of blue ones.
Fucking Caden.
“Do I even want to know how you knew I was here?” I ask with a sigh, as he comes to a stop before me.
“I tracked your phone.”
“You can do that?”
“I can do a lot of things.”
Before I can respond, more heavy footsteps thunder down the hall, and then Bobby appears round the corner looking like he’s run the entire way here. When he reaches us, he has to bend over and put his hands on his knees, as he struggles to catch his breath.
Caden watches him for a long moment, then sighs. “Why do I even pay you?”
Bobby straightens slowly. “Because,” he heaves in a deep breath. “You love me.”
Caden's face remains completely blank. “If you say so.”
Bobby finally notices me sitting against the wall and frowns. “Oh, Wild,” he sighs, shaking his head, gesturing vaguely toward my current state. “This is pathetic, buddy, even for me.”
“I wasn't aware you were the authority on pathetic,” I snap back with a glare, but before he can say anything, the elevator dings and all three of us turn instinctively.
The doors slide open and someone steps out, and when he does, everything around me stops.
Reed doesn't notice us immediately, his head is lowered and his keys are already in his hand, as he limps toward his apartment. My stomach drops at the sight of him, taking in his disheveled state and the pharmacy bag in his hand. When he looks up our eyes meet, before his own widen in surprise, but I can’t stop my stare from bouncing around his face.
There is a dark bruise already blooming across his cheek bone, a black eye on the other side, and a split lip that looks like it has only just stopped bleeding.
He was moving with a stiffness that can only mean he’s in deep pain, like even just breathing hurts, and now my heart is racing for another reason.
The keys slip from his fingers at the sight of me, clattering against the hallway floor, but none of us move, even Caden goes unnaturally still.
And then I don't remember standing, because one second I'm sitting against the wall, and the next I'm halfway across the hallway before my brain even catches up.
My voice comes out barely above a whisper. “Oh fuck, Blue,” I choke out, my voice breaking on the last word.
He doesn't speak, not at first, just stands there looking at me like he's been holding himself together by a thread, and seeing me might finally be enough to make it snap. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice sounding so defeated, barely loud enough to fill the hallway.
Not that he gives us a chance to respond, no, he’s already bending down with a pained grunt to grab his keys, before brushing past me to get to his door.
He fumbles the lock twice, before finally managing to shove the key into the door and pushing inside.
I don’t hesitate in following, trailing after him before he can slam the door behind him, with both Caden and Bobby following me too.
The second the door closes behind us, the silence becomes unbearable, as we all wait for the inevitable explanation.
Reed stands with both hands braced against the kitchen counter, shoulders rising and falling as he tries to steady his breathing.
It’s taking everything in me to not go and wrap him in my arms, but that looks like the last thing he wants right now.
Caden is the first to speak. “What happened?”
For a long moment, Reed says nothing, then he laughs, actually laughs, as if any of this is funny, but there is something off. It’s nothing like the laugh I have come to know. No, this one is the saddest sound I've ever heard.
“Eloise is gone.” He rubs both hands over his face, as he stands back to his full height, still not looking at us.
“She came home from our bullshit engagement party last night, packed half her things and left me.” His voice cracks on the last two words.
“I woke up this morning and found a note saying she can’t do this, that she is choosing herself.
” He lets out another hollow laugh. “As if it’s just that easy, as if I don’t wish I could fucking do the same.
” He shakes his head before taking a deep breath. “Now I don't even know where she is.”
My chest tightens. “Blue,” I say tentatively, taking a step toward him, but he spins around so fast he winces.
“No, I don't have time for this.” He’s shaking his head vigorously, even though I’m certain it must be hurting him, not meeting my stare again.
“I have to find her, I have to make it right, then my father will keep his end of the deal. It was only marriage and children, that’s nothing in hindsight, not when we knew we didn’t mean it, we just had to say I do and then he would stay away from Freddie.
” He speaks in a detached manner, as if he is talking about something as simple as the weather.
Bobby swears quietly under his breath, as he puts the pieces together at the same time I do. It was all a deal to protect his brother, I fucking knew it. I hate his father even more than I thought possible, but it’s not about him right now.
“Freddie has years left in that house, and I won’t let him face the same fate I did, not for anyone.
” He wipes at his eyes angrily, and my heart breaks into a thousand pieces at his feet.
“I thought,” his voice shakes as he finally looks at me.
“I thought if I sacrificed my happiness, I could protect him, but now everything is falling apart.”
I take a step toward him, and I wonder if he realizes he is already subconsciously shaking his head. “It’s okay, Blue, I can help you.”
“No, I can’t do this right now.” He gestures helplessly toward himself. “I have to clean myself up and find Eloise before Freddie gets home tomorrow.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and I note his trembling hands.
I glance at Caden and he meets my eyes, and it only takes one look, one silent conversation, before I nod and he is moving. “Bobby, let’s go.”
My friend looks between Reed and I, before offering me a grim smile and following Caden toward the door. When it closes behind them, the apartment suddenly feels impossibly quiet.