56. Wilder
The next few days follow in a blur. I take leave from The Academy so I can be there for Reed, which is strange considering I have barely seen him.
He is still holed up at the safe house with his mom and Freddie, and as much as I want to be by his side, I know he has to navigate this next step alone.
He needs a chance to figure out who he is, now that every decision he makes doesn't have to revolve around surviving his father.
And a small, selfish part of me keeps wondering whether, somewhere down the line, he'll blame me for what happened.
I don't know if that's rational, I just know grief has a habit of looking for somewhere to land, and I know that from experience.
Still, it doesn’t stop me from doing everything I can to try and make things easier for him.
Caden managed to track down Eloise, and we gave her the PG version of what happened, before depositing her with Reed.
What surprised me the most, is that we found her with Zara Michaels of all people.
Apparently the two of them are together, and with Zara refusing to leave her side, I can’t help but feel a little envious.
It’s what has me throwing myself into all the work that needs to be done.
I speak with the director at Freddie’s school, who was already aware of what happened, granting him some personal leave until the funeral takes place.
He sent some work over for him to complete, and to my surprise, Freddie did it without complaint.
I also worked with Laura and The Academy’s PR specialist to draft a statement for the press, giving them a story and asking them to respect the family’s privacy.
Of course it’s been hard, given all the secrets now splashed across the papers, thanks to Caden and his minions, but none of them are blaming Reed or his family.
I then went through all their accounts, with Duchess’s help, and ensured Freddie’s school fees are paid up until he is eighteen, and that there is a separate college fund set up.
I also topped up both his and Reed’s trust funds, while giving his mom a healthy settlement too, before the police could seize anything.
I don’t think any of them want to go back to the family home, so I also went and packed up some of their personal belongings, since I have a plan for them too, but that will have to wait until later.
The Underground is almost empty when I arrive, the lights are off and the fights long since ended, but I know I’ll find my cousin here. His office door is open when I reach it, and to my surprise, Bobby is nowhere to be found.
“You’re late,” he grumbles without looking at me, and I pause on the threshold with a frown.
“You weren’t expecting me, how could I be late?” He doesn’t turn around at my question, and even though it’s quiet, I still close the door behind me as I enter.
“I assumed you’d come eventually,” he sighs, sounding tired, and I approach him silently, joining him to look out over the expanse of forest that surrounds this place. “I’m waiting.”
“For what?”
“The question you want to ask me.”
I’m not sure how he knew I was coming, or what I was coming for.
I guess when you take decisions and control away from people on the regular, you learn to anticipate others' moves.
I take my time moving away from him, taking a seat at his desk, before I finally pluck up the courage to ask my question again.
“Why did you do it?”
We both know I’m not talking about Reed’s dad, and without a word, Caden walks to the large safe built into the wall behind his desk. The heavy door swings open and he reaches inside, pulling out yet another file, before placing it gently on the desk.
I look down at it. “What's this?”
He doesn't answer immediately, instead he sits opposite me, a dark expression across his face, and my stomach tightens.
“Everything you need to know about your brother is in there.”
I take my time, inhaling deeply, before I slowly open the file, scared of what I might find. But nothing could have prepared me. The first page is a list of names, women's names, dozens of them, and my heart starts to thunder in my chest, especially when I see a name I recognize. Aurora Gray.
Fuck.
I flick through the file, bile burning the back of my throat, as I take in dates, times, medical examinations, and police reports that went nowhere. There are even pages of what appear to be pay-offs, but every section is marked with the same three words.
No further action.
My voice barely works, as I ask. “What is this?”
I know what it is, I’m not stupid, I’m reading it in black and fucking white, but still I need Caden to say it.
“Every girl Jason raped or assaulted.”
I hear his words, but they don’t connect, even as I flick through every page and read horror after horror. Sure, the stories all slightly differ, but they all end the same way. No justice, no consequences, just money and fucking Influence.
“How did he even get away with this?” My hands begin to shake as I flick through more pages, and I think I’m going to throw up.
“He hacked into one of grandfather’s old accounts, the one that was set up for my mom, that no one has looked at in years.”
Fuck. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact my brother is a rapist, or that he stole the inheritance from his fucking dead aunt.
“I knew something was happening a few months before he died, but I didn’t know what.
I found out about the money, but didn’t have the help I do now to trace it.
It took me a while to start piecing things together, and then it wasn’t until that night with Harden…
” he trails off, reminding me of the way one of Cade’s racer friends attacked Jason.
“I knew from the look in Aurora’s eyes what he’d done, and then everything else finally made sense. ”
I’m shaking my head through every word, wondering how I never saw this.
Sure, I heard girls talk at school about him, but they never seemed too serious, and I fucking hate myself for not looking deeper.
I keep reading, sick to my stomach at the amount of reports in here, until a photograph slips loose that isn’t like the others.
This one isn’t one taken by doctors or police, it’s of her standing outside the offices to a local newspaper. “Who's she?”
“The one who was going public.” I frown, noting the date on the picture is after Jason went missing, and when I look back at him, I know he sees my question. “She had enough evidence, enough to destroy Jason, so I paid her.”
The words land heavily. “You paid her? Why? He was already gone.”
He ignores my question and pushes on. “I paid for her education, bought her a house, got her a fresh start somewhere new, and ensured she had therapy to help her with what happened, but only on the condition that she didn’t go public.”
“Why?”
His answer comes without hesitation. “Because you were about to start your rookie season and this would have ruined it.” Shock runs through me, but Caden pushes on. “The story would've broken the week before the first race, and every headline would have been about that.”
I almost laugh, considering how much I was questioned about Jason anyway, and it’s only now I am realizing how much worse it could have been.
Instead, I just stare at him as my throat tightens.
He protected me. Not Casper, not the family, me, and I didn’t even know it.
I’ve spent the last nine months blaming him for my brother’s murder, when what he actually did was save me.
He chose me over Jason, and I will never be able to repay him for that.
So I don’t stop myself from standing up and rounding his desk, as Caden stands, as if anticipating I might hit him, but instead I pull him in for a hug.
His body goes completely rigid in my hold. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Hugging you.”
At that, he awkwardly pats my back once. “Is it over yet?”
I can’t help but laugh. “I love you, man, do you know that?”
Another pat on my back. “Yes, yes okay,” he drawls, and I’m almost certain if I don’t let go, I’ll be next on his kill list, so I pull back.
Then, in classic Caden fashion, he immediately ruins the moment. “You can leave now.” He gently shoves me away from him, moving to clean up the file he gave me so he can put it back in the safe.
“What?” I ask, staring at him completely perplexed, but he just waves me off.
“Leave, you've cried enough in my office.”
“I have not,” I scoff, as he pours himself a whiskey and sits back at his desk.
“You've emotionally contaminated the furniture,” he tells me firmly, and I shake my head with a laugh.
“You're unbelievable.” I turn to leave, and as I reach the door, he speaks one last time.
“Wilder,” I pause, turning to look at him. “If you ever hug me again I will slice off your hands.”
His threat only makes me laugh. “I hope you never find caramel for your coffee again,” I toss back, striding out the door and slamming it behind me, but not before I see his expression of shock.
I find myself smiling all the way back to my car, the reality of what I just learned not really hitting me until I am behind the wheel.
The first tingling starts in my fingertips, then my jaw, then my chest begins to tighten, until it feels like someone's wrapped steel around my ribs. No, not now, please. The panic attacks have become familiar enough that I recognize them before they fully arrive, and now I’m open enough to admit what they are to myself, they somehow feel worse.
It’s what has me driving on autopilot, pulling into my parents’ driveway harder than necessary, knowing my mom won’t hear me. The engine barely stops before I'm out of the car, and I don’t knock, I just find the key and push inside
“Dad!” I call out, my voice sounding strange, and he appears from his office, looking as bad as I feel.
“Caden called.” The two words are filled with so much anguish, that it has my legs giving out, but he’s there to catch me in an instant. “It’s okay, just breathe.” I shake my head. “Come on, deep inhale for me.” He demonstrates it slowly and I fight to copy him. “Again.” Another breath.
Eventually the room stops spinning, not completely, but enough that I can think again, as Dad guides me into his office.
I spot a file on his desk, one that matches the one from Caden’s safe, but my father doesn’t even look at it as he guides me to the sofa.
My chest hurts, but it’s nothing in comparison to the guilt now swarming my body.
Neither of us speaks for a minute, and I’m not sure where we go from here, but all I can do is apologize. “I’m so sorry, Dad.” I feel him nod against me, and when I meet his stare, I find that he is holding back tears. “I don't know what to do with this,” I choke out, and he nods.
“That makes two of us,” he huffs, his eyes finally landing on the file, and if I’m not mistaken, I see a flash of disgust in his stare. “I knew he liked trouble, but I never…” he trails off, fighting to find the worlds. “Drinking and fighting, sure, but this? I can’t comprehend this.”
I nod, feeling every word with every part of me. “And now he’s dead,” I reply, finally letting myself say that out loud to someone else, and I wish it didn’t feel so good.
I wish sharing the burden didn’t ease the ache in my chest.
“And now he’s…” he stops before he can finish the sentence, no doubt unable to say the words, no matter what he read in that file.
“I don’t have the answers here, son.” And instead of trying to give me any, he pulls me into his arms like he did when I was six years old, and we mourn the loss of my brother together.
Or at least who we thought he was anyway.
We spend the rest of the night talking and crying, and agreeing that he will be the one to share the truth with my mom when the time is right.
Not that I’m sure the time could ever be right for something like that, but I trust his judgement.
Then I slip out of the house before my mom ever knows I was there, and head back to Reed’s apartment.
By the time I make it there, the sun is rising in the sky, and another night has slipped by without me getting any sleep. I plan to try and grab a couple of hours on the sofa, but when I push inside I find Reed already sitting there, with papers scattered all around him.
“Blue?” I say in surprise, but his eyes don’t move in my direction, they’re too focused on all the files before him.
“What is all this?” he asks, searching through page after page, and I cringe a little, knowing I wasn’t expecting him back yet.
“I just thought I'd keep busy while you were gone,” I sigh, closing the door behind me and walking over to him.
“Busy?” he laughs, tossing the folder titled ‘House Options’ on the coffee table in front of him.
It lands beside the ones titled ‘Freddie’, ‘Mrs. Lamont’, ‘The Company’, and ‘Finances’. I know he must have a thousand questions, so I try to answer them as best as I can.
“The board met this afternoon, and your father's shares are frozen while probate happens, but they found enough evidence of financial misconduct that the board voted to remove his name from every executive position. He was smart enough to keep all of his business finances separate from his personal, so all of that goes to you and your family. I’ve tentatively split it up here,” I tap the finances folder.
“So you guys don’t have anything to worry about. ”
“You did all this for me?” he finally asks, meeting my stare, and just like the first time I saw them, those blue eyes almost take my breath away.
I cross the room before I can talk myself out of it, dropping beside him and taking his hands into mine. “I’d do anything for you, Blue, I thought you knew that by now.”