Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
LORELAI
Holy cow! The tension over dinner was other-worldly. I came here expecting to maintain a friendly atmosphere while simultaneously making it clear that I no longer harbored any romantic feelings for Luke. I blew that spectacularly.
“Would you like to walk around for a bit?” I ask as we leave the restaurant. I tell Luke, “I can give you a tour.” For effect, I bat my eyes once or twice as though suggesting we visit some dark corners where we can enjoy more kisses like we shared last week.
Instead of jumping at my offer, Luke looks at his watch, which makes me wonder if I’d imagined our chemistry. “I’m sorry, Lorelai, I really need to get going.”
I want to demand to know where he can possibly have to go. His shift is over at Pop’s—not that his dad’s diner is still open. He can’t possibly be needed at home, as his parents are probably already in bed.
As if he can feel my frustration, he explains, “I’m leaving early in the morning for Chicago. I need to pack up.”
I want to know why he can’t leave mid-morning, but I don’t ask. Instead, I wait quietly for him to explain the tightness of his schedule. When he doesn’t, I say, “Well, then you’d best be on your way.”
He leans in as though he’s going to kiss my cheek. My body immediately turns rigid with indignation. No way, buddy. You don’t enjoy a meal like that and then refuse a tour only to put your lips on me. Not gonna happen. I pull away with enough force that I catch him unaware, causing him to stumble a few feet before regaining his balance.
“Have a good night, Luke,” I say before quickly turning and walking away. I huff and grumble to myself all the way to my car. What was that? I know I claimed I wasn’t interested in anything happening between us tonight, but that was before we actually ate together. That meal was one of the most erotic experiences of my life and we didn’t even touch one another.
I’m so frustrated right now, I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to find Luke and demand to know what his problem is. But I’ve chased that man for too long. It’s time for me to regain some lost dignity.
My brain flashes to the Valentine’s Day I gave Luke a heart that I made out of a paper doily. The inscription read: I love you with my whole heart. I even put on lipstick and kissed the paper.
I cringe to think that most of my memories involving him are me declaring my undying love, and him looking for a way to get away from me. Like tonight! Gah! I’m so over being treated like a pesky little kid, I could kick a wall.
I sit in my car and wait for Luke to leave the lodge but he doesn’t appear to be in as big of a hurry as he would have had me believe. Either that, or he’s afraid to come out for fear I’d egg him. Why didn’t I bring a couple of dozen eggs with me? Reminder: Take eggs along to all future dates in case it becomes clear the man I shared my evening with deserves to get pelted.
My phone beeps, so I look down to read the incoming text. It’s from Luke.
Luke
Lorelai, I had a lovely evening. Thank you so much.
Bite me. But I don’t send that because I don’t want him to think he matters enough to make me mad.
Me
The food was wonderful
Luke
So was the company.
Me
Have a safe trip back to Chicago.
Luke
Lorelai...
I turn my phone off before I can read anything more. I’m embarrassed that I ever gave Luke the power to hurt me. If I could go back in time, I’d warn my younger self not to let him break my heart. But even as I consider such an outlandish idea, I know I wouldn’t have listened. Such is the pull of young love. You think it’s the most powerful thing in the world that you helplessly fall to its destruction. Talk about dramatic.
Once I get home, I take off my dress and replace it with my favorite granny nightie. Maybe I’ll start a company where I design comfort wear for hopeless spinsters. I remind myself there’s nothing wrong with being alone, so I correct that description to snuggly garments for women smart enough not to let some man rule their choices. I could call it something catchy like, “Forever Single,” or “Man Kryptonite.”
I am strong, talented, and I am going to make a great life for myself whether I share it with some man or not. Luke Phillips no longer has the power to make my heart hurt. I take back every loving gift I ever gave to him. I renounce all declarations of childish devotion. I relinquish any dreams of a future we might have shared. I am woman, hear me roar!
I’m worn out by the time I crawl into bed and all I want to do is cry. But I don’t give into the urge. I’ve made some big changes in my life recently that include coming to terms with creating my own future. And a woman like that—one who’s on the precipice of a great metamorphosis—does not cry for someone who won’t give her the time of day.
As I drift into an uneasy sleep, a vivid dream begins to unfold. I see a version of myself unburdened by the sorrow Luke has left behind. I’m standing on a sun-drenched balcony overlooking Main Street in Elk Lake. The sky is a brilliant blue, and the air hums with possibility.
In this vision, I’m surrounded by friends who love and support me. Allie and Faith are there. And so is Trina. We laugh together in a way that heals old wounds and strengthens my will to own my happiness.
I don’t know what I’m doing for a living but looking toward my living room, I see a large basket full of yarn. There are sketches on the dining room table full of imagined living spaces with swatches of colored fabric glued to the sides of the pages.
I may not envision myself living in exotic places like Paris, or Milan, or the serenely vibrant beaches of Bali, but I can see myself vacationing there.
Every step I take will be a step toward self-discovery. I will open myself up to love and I will fulfill my capacity for happiness. Will that look like everyone else’s happy ending? Maybe not, but I will let my spirit soar freely, creating what it will without any barriers .
In this fantasy, the shadow of Luke no longer looms over me. My heart is mended and fortified, ready to embrace the world with renewed vigor. I feel an unwavering sense of fulfillment, a deep-seated peace that comes from knowing I am enough. My desires are my own to fulfill without the constraints of someone else’s life.
When I wake, the dream lingers as a beacon of hope illuminating my path ahead. While my heart may still ache, that’s not how my story will end.
I’m at the beginning of a new chapter, one where I reclaim my power and write my own destiny. I am Lorelai Riley, mistress of my own destiny, and I will find my happiness, with or without Luke Phillips.