Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ALLIE
I stare at Noah across the table for several seconds before announcing, “I’m going to adopt a baby.”
He doesn’t look as surprised as he does confused. “When?”
“I’m not sure,” I tell him. “Not today and maybe not even next year, but with all this talk about Margie putting her baby up for adoption, I realize adoption is the perfect solution for my particular problem.”
Noah nearly chokes as he asks, “You’re going to adopt Margie’s baby?”
“No.” I shake my head and tell him, “Margie doesn’t want to put her baby up for adoption. She just needs to figure out how she’s going to raise it on her own.”
Tina stops by the table and puts our food in front of us. “Happy eating.”
As she walks away, Noah pops an onion ring in his mouth and chews it thoughtfully. Then he says, “I’ve never considered adopting before.”
“That’s probably because you’ll have a family the old-fashioned way.
With your wife.” A bolt of sadness slams into my chest so hard I nearly cry out from the pain of it.
Noah is going to get married and he’s going to have a family the same way I thought it would happen for me.
Which makes it clear there’s no chance he and I could ever wind up together.
Without confirming my prediction for his future, he asks, “Are you planning to get married first?”
“Probably not,” I tell him truthfully. “In fact, I’m not sure I’ll ever get married again.
” As I say the words, I realize how likely that scenario is.
Brett took a lot from me, but the biggest theft was that of trust. He taught me that love can’t conquer all, and that all relationships have a breaking point.
Cutting right to the heart of it, Noah asks, “And you don’t think your parents will take the news well, huh?”
A burst of nervous laughter erupts out of me. “My mother will do her best to talk me out of it and try to convince me that I can’t possibly be a parent on my own.”
“And your dad?” he asks.
“He’ll say all the right things and be supportive, but I know my becoming a single parent isn’t his vision for me.”
Noah stares at his food without touching it for so long I ask, “Did I make you lose your appetite?” This was probably the last thing he thought we’d be discussing tonight.
He lifts his gaze until he’s looking me straight in the eye. “No. It’s just … what I mean is … you must be planning to stay in Elk Lake if you’re going to adopt a baby. You’ll want to be near your parents.”
“To be honest, I haven’t gotten that far in my thinking. I just decided today that I’m going to investigate adoption. I’ll be here at least long enough to do that.”
Noah doesn’t seem like himself right now. I can’t tell if he’s surprised or disappointed by our conversation. But it’s not like what I do with my life is going to affect him at all.
“What about you?” I ask. “Are you planning on staying in Elk Lake?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I want to go back to Chicago. If I can’t get my old coaching job back, I’d like to work at a similarly ranked high school.” He pauses before explaining, “I’m a good coach, and I want the glory that goes along with that.”
“Which you’ll never get here.” I feel inexplicably empty at the thought of him leaving.
“No, but as long as I am here, I want to do some good for these guys.”
“How soon are you thinking of going back to the city?” I ask.
I shouldn’t be surprised that Noah doesn’t want to live here.
I mean heck, I never thought I’d be back in Elk Lake.
But he’s right, if I adopt a baby, I’m going to want to be close to my parents.
Even though they’re probably not going to like how I become a mother, neither of them will be able to keep their hands off their first grandchild.
And even though we have our differences, I know they’ll fall into line like a couple of softies.
“I plan to stay for the school year,” he says. Which is quickly followed by, “But at this point I can’t see staying longer than that.”
The air around us suddenly feels heavy like an impending storm is hovering. Noah and I both have plans, and they’re polar opposite from each other. I feel compelled to tell him, “I’m glad our paths have crossed again, Noah. It’s nice that I can consider you one of my friends.”
The rest of our meal is spent in relative silence.
Noah and I are obviously both distracted by images of our own paths.
For me, those thoughts include feeling a sense of freedom to have finally come up with a plan for making my dreams come true.
I’ve been preaching to Margie about not giving up on hers, but that’s exactly what I’ve done.
When Tina drops our check, I pull my wallet out of my purse. Noah waves his hand and says, “This is on me, remember?”
“You’re paying for Margie, not me,” I remind him.
“I want you to use the house account, too,” he says. “You’re the one who’s helping Margie out. It’s the least I can do.”
I know he’s just trying to be nice, but darn it, I’m starting to feel like a charity case in this town, and I’m not down with that. “No way,” I tell him, dropping my money on the table. “Find another way to help, but I can take care of myself.”
“Fine.” He picks up my money. “I just wanted to be nice.”
“You are nice, Noah, and I appreciate it. But part of my moving out of my parents’ house was to prove that I can be on my own. That includes paying my own way.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a mom. That’s a big deal.”
“It is,” I agree. “But I’ve been trying to become a mom for several years now, so I guess it’s finally my turn. I’m sure it will take some time though.” Especially because I’m going to do it on my own. A lot of people might not think I’m an ideal candidate because of that.
Noah stands up and reaches his hand out to help me up.
Yet once I’m standing he doesn’t let it go.
Instead, he holds on tightly and leads the way out of the restaurant.
The cool autumn breeze wafts past, and I’m suddenly full of so much optimism and possibility I’m nearly blown over.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this sure about something, I almost forgot how good it feels.
As Noah and I walk across the street to my apartment, he still doesn’t let go of my hand. Instead, he turns to me and declares, “We both have a lot ahead of us.”
“I suppose that’s true,” I agree.
He surprises me by saying, “I like you, Allie. I like you a lot. Not only are you a nice person, but you’re generous and caring. You’re the whole package.”
I’m not sure where he’s going with this, but I’m certainly enjoying the props. Especially as they’re coming from my childhood heartthrob. “Thank you.”
“I’m probably moving back to Chicago. And you’ll be here starting a family. Which makes what I’m about to say completely out of line.”
Looking for some levity in the moment, I ask, “Are you propositioning me?”
“No,” he says. “But I would like to kiss you. I’d like that very much.”
Chills race up my spine and into my extremities. I’ve fantasized about this, and not just once or twice, either. A million times. “I’d like to kiss you, too,” I tell him in a breathy voice.
Still keeping the distance between us, he says, “I know I shouldn’t but …”
Instead of letting him finish his sentence, I hurl myself into his arms and plant one on him like I’m performing a lifesaving resuscitation.
Everything about this moment feels right.
From the softness of Noah’s lips to the warmth of his arms around me.
We’re a perfect fit and I never want him to let go of me.
Our kiss goes on for what could be seconds or lifetimes. I don’t really know because all sense of time has flown and has taken any common sense I once possessed with it.
Kissing Noah Riley is everything I ever dreamed it would be. My teenage self had no idea how great it really is. Good thing, too, because I probably would have set up camp on his doorstep had I known.
Noah eventually breaks our contact to take a deep breath. If it was up to me, I’d die right here in his arms. “Wow,” he says. “We should have done that sooner.”
“When?” I ask. “When I was fourteen and you were seventeen?”
He shakes his head. “Probably not then. But I would have definitely gone for it the summer you and Lorelai graduated from high school.”
I love this feeling of ease between us, so I tease, “When I was eighteen and you were in your twenties?”
He looks down at me with such tenderness, I wonder how I ever survived without him. “I might have waited until your college graduation just so it didn’t look pervy.” After a beat he asks, “Can I kiss you again?”
My chin barely lifts before we’re once again locked in each other’s arms. Even though I know nothing long term can happen between us, that doesn’t keep me from relishing every moment of whatever this is.
When our connection finally ends, I tell Noah, “That was very nice, thank you.”
He leans down and whispers in my ear, “Thank you.” His hot breath sends ripples of pure ecstasy through me. “What are we going to do about this?” he asks.
“About what?” Playing dumb seems like the way to go.
“You and me.”
“We’ve already told each other what we want,” I tell him. “I want to be a mom, and you want to go back to Chicago. Which I suppose means that whatever this is, it’s only temporary.”
His eyes narrow slowly. “But what is it?”
“Friendship?” I offer.
As he tries to absorb this, he wants to know, “Friends with benefits?”
“Uh, no.” I laugh. I don’t need to get further attached to this man. “Maybe friends who kiss once in a while.”
“Friends who kiss …” he repeats. “I could be down for that.”
I know I won’t mind getting the occasional toe-curling lip lock.
I try to force myself not to think about what will happen when Noah goes back to Chicago.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that if I let him, this man could break my heart.
I may tell myself that I’m done with letting anyone have that kind of power over me, but the problem is, I don’t have a great track record when it comes to listening to my own good advice.