Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
NOAH
I’ve been in a fog ever since leaving Chicago yesterday afternoon.
I barely slept a wink last night wondering if I was making the right choice.
When I woke up this morning, I felt I was on an entirely different planet.
Even though everything looks the same, I know it isn’t and probably never will be again.
The principal at Banks made me a very enticing offer. He didn’t give me everything I asked for, but he came pretty darn close. Enough so that it certainly felt like a victory. The problem is, I couldn’t seem to get Allie out of my mind.
Mid-morning, I give up trying to stay focussed and pretty much just let the kids do whatever they want.
Instead of doing my job, I spend the day comparing the differences between Elk Lake High School and Banks.
Elk Lake is pretty much like every other small-town school.
They’re nearly interchangeable right down to the smells that emanate from the cafeteria—predominantly pizza, green beans, and salisbury steak.
Meanwhile, Banks is like a Hollywood version of high school.
Huge, state of the art, impressive in all things, and atrociously expensive.
As my mind whirls, I have the strangest sensation that I’m only half in my body. The other half is floating through the ethos trying to make sense out of my life.
When afternoon practice finally starts, I can barely keep my eyes off Allie. She’s positively luminous, which makes me even more nervous to tell her my news.
Once our teams are running drills, we move to the sidelines and get our first chance to talk since Saturday. Allie jumps right in and demands, “What did you do yesterday?”
I was going to wait to tell her at dinner, but I suddenly need her to know now. Even though I know I’ve made the right decision, I want her to confirm it. “I went to Chicago and met with the principal of my old school.”
Her expression falters noticeably. “Oh? How did that go?”
“Really well,” I tell her. “He nearly doubled my previous salary and even offered to sign a three-year contract with a sizable bonus if we go to number one in the state.”
Allie looks like she’s trying to be happy for me, but she’s not selling it. “That’s great news, Noah. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted.” Oh yeah, there’s a definite lack of excitement.
“What did you do yesterday?” I ask in return.
“Margie and I had supper with my folks.”
“And?” I prod. “Wasn’t there something else you were going to tell me?”
“At dinner,” she says. Gesturing around the chaotic gym, she adds, “This isn’t the place to tell you my news.”
She’s making me nervous. “It’s good news though, right?”
Allie stands with her legs shoulder-width apart and shifts her weight from side to side, while saying, “It’s the very best news ever.”
I can’t imagine what it could be. Did her ex fall off a cliff or something? Yet, I know it can’t be something like that. Even though Brett deserves it, Allie isn’t the kind of person to wish ill on anyone.
“Did you win the lottery?” I ask, hoping to narrow down the source of her joy.
Her smile is so wide she looks like a toothpaste advertisement. “I did.”
“Wait, what? You won the lottery? How much?” I want to know. The most I’ve ever won is ten bucks and while I was pretty jazzed, I didn’t look anywhere near as happy as Allie currently does. She must have won millions.
“I won something better than money, but that’s all I’m going to tell you until after practice.” With that, she gives me a small wave and walks away in the direction of the girls’ team. Whatever happened to Allie, she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her and that fills my heart.
Practice feels like it drags on for a year but that’s because I can’t wait to find out Allie’s news. When it finally ends, and the kids are gone, I walk over to her and ask, “You ready?”
“Yeah, but I’ve changed my mind. I want to tell you here where it’s nice and quiet. Is that okay?”
“More than okay.” I also need to tell her the rest of my news. “I’m not sure I could have waited long enough to get to the restaurant.” I walk toward the bleachers before sitting down.
Allie doesn’t join me. Instead, she starts to pace back and forth in front of me. I don’t try to stop her, I merely watch. When she finally stands still, she turns to me and announces, “I’m going to have a baby.”
My mouth hangs open like my jaw just came unhinged. “You’re what?”
“I’m going to have a baby,” she repeats.
I want to know a thousand things, but the most immediate is, “Who’s the father?”
“You know him,” she says mysteriously. Every man in Elk Lake suddenly starts to pop into my head but for the life of me, I can’t think of who it might be. The only man I ever see Allie spending any real time with is me and I know I’m not the dad.
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” I tell her, sounding way less happy than she is.
When she sits down next to me, I can feel the energy radiating off her. She’s like a lighthouse in the middle of a storm. “You know how I was going to sign up with adoption agencies? Now I don’t have to.”
“Because you’re pregnant.”
“What? No! I’m not pregnant, I’m adopting.”
“How did you do that without signing up anywhere?” I’m so confused, my head is starting to hurt.
“I’ve been chosen by the birth mother,” she says.
“Already? How?” And that’s when it hits me. “You’re going to adopt Margie’s baby, aren’t you?”
Before I fully process the news, she throws her arms around me and sobs, “I am! Isn’t it amazing?”
I hold onto her for a long minute before answering, “It really is. It’s perfect for you.” Not only am I happy for Allie, but I’m also pleased the kids have found a solution to their situation that won’t require either of them losing out on the chance of higher education.
Allie eventually pushes herself out of my arms and tells me, “Jordan has agreed to it as well.”
“What about their parents?” I want to know. Both couples seemed set on an abortion so I can’t imagine how they’re feeling about adoption.
“I don’t know about Jordan’s folks, but Margie’s seem to be taking it in stride. They even asked Margie to come home.”
My thoughts are swarming as I try to process this news. But even so, I’m thrilled for Allie. “Has she already moved back in with them?” I ask.
Allie shakes her head. “She’s having a hard time forgiving them for the way they reacted when they found out she was pregnant. She’s decided to move in with my parents, instead.”
“How did that happen?” Allie made it sound like her mom and dad would be a hard sell on the whole single mother adoption angle. It looks like things are working out all around.
“I’ll tell you that part at dinner,” she says. “But needless to say, if you told me that pigs have started to fly, I’d believe you.”
I reach over and take Allie’s hand in mine and simply hold onto it for a minute. “Which brings me back to my news.”
Instead of letting me finish, Allie interrupts, “I’m happy for you, Noah. This is everything you’ve ever wanted. You deserve this.” Her whole energy has shifted, and she suddenly appears very sad.
“You don’t sound very happy for me,” I tell her.
Her gaze lingers at her feet before looking up at me. “I am happy for you, but I’m sad for me.”
“How can you be sad when you just got the best news in the world?” I ask her.
“I’m sad that you’re leaving Elk Lake. I really liked having you here.”
“I’ve liked being here,” I tell her. “Who would have ever thought that you and I would have met up again?”
“I guess maybe I was starting to hope that things would work out differently for us,” she says quietly.
“How so?” I want to hear her say the words.
She inhales deeply like she’s trying to fortify herself. “I used to have the biggest crush on you,” she says. “I guess when our paths crossed again, I started to wonder if maybe …”
“Something might happen between us?” I interrupt.
She nods her head. “I know that can’t happen.”
Sliding closer to her, I ask, “Why can’t it?”
She scoffs loudly. “Because you want your own kids and you should have them. Because you’re going back to Chicago and I’m staying here and adopting Margie’s baby. Because of so many things. I guess we really weren’t meant to be anything but friends.”
“While I do consider you my friend,” I tell her, “and I couldn’t be happier about that, that’s not all I want, Allie.”
Her face crumples in on itself in a look of uncertainty. “I don’t understand. You’re going back to Chicago. You got your dream job. I’m staying here in Elk Lake. I don’t see how we could make that work.”
“I was offered my job back,” I tell her. “I didn’t say I took it.”
“What?!” Allie is back on her feet, pacing. “They offered you everything you could have hoped for! It’s all you ever wanted. You told me that yourself.”
“It’s not all I ever wanted,” I tell her.
She itemizes by raising one finger at a time. “Almost twice your salary, a three-year contract, and a bonus if you make number one.”
“They did offer me all of that,” I tell her.
“And yes, at one time I thought that was exactly what I wanted, but it looks like I actually need more than that.” She’s not putting two and two together, so I tell her.
“I need you, Allie, and I’m pretty sure that you need me.
I want to stay in Elk Lake and date you for real. ”
“But I’m having a baby!”
“I know.”
“Why would you want to date someone who was going to be a mom?”
“What difference does that make?” I ask her. As strange as it sounds, finding out that Allie is going through with adoption doesn’t make dating her less appealing. In fact, seeing her on the verge of having everything she’s ever wanted makes her that much more enticing to me.
“If we do date and things work out well, and we, you know …”
“Get married someday?” I ask.
“Yes. That. If that happens you won’t be able to have your own kids.” So many emotions seem to cross her beautiful face all at once.
Pulling her into my arms, I tell her, “Adopted kids are really yours, you know?”
“Not biologically.”
“No, but does that really matter? Love is love, right?”
Allie rests her head against my shoulder, and I realize I could die a happy man right now. This woman is everything I’ve ever wanted. Being with her is the biggest dream I could imagine.
“So, you’re staying in Elk Lake?”
“I am,” I tell her. “But it would really help sweeten the pot to know that you’ll be my girlfriend.”
“You want me to be your girlfriend so soon?” she asks. “I thought you big city types liked to date around.”
“Been there, done that,” I tell her. “I’ve known you most of my life, Allie. And I know that I’m more than ready to be your boyfriend, if you’ll have me.”
Allie sighs against my shoulder. “This is the best day ever.”
“It really is,” I agree.
I’m not sure what the future holds, but I know one thing for sure: dreams change, and you have to be ready to pivot when that happens. I no longer care about coaching at a fancy school and making it all the way to first in state, so long as I have Allie in my life.
Having said that, I’m not ready to throw in the towel with the Crappies. I’m going to work as hard, if not harder, than I did with the Bulldogs. Who knows, maybe in five or ten years, we’ll have something to show for it.
In the meantime, I’m going to focus on my personal life, and there’s no one else I can see doing that with but Allie.