Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THOMAS
I may not have found the courage to ask Finley out on a date, but I did come up with a brilliant way to get even with my mom and dad for that awful prank they played on me and my sister all those years ago.
While I don’t particularly want to dress up and pretend to be a bunch of glamorized he-men, I can’t wait to see my parents’ reaction when I hand them a calendar.
The trick will be getting them here so I can give it to them in person.
As driven as I am to get revenge, I’ll also get to spend more time with Elk Lake’s most adorable photographer. Finley didn’t seem as excited as I thought she’d be at the prospect of seeing me in a pirate costume again, but I suppose I can see why. The last pictures were that bad.
Picking up my phone, I start a group text to my parents and sister. Vivie is going to love this idea, and I plan on giving her a heads up later on. Privately.
Me
I’ve got some big news I want to share but I need to do it in person. I’d like to fly you all out here in a couple of weeks.
Mom
No. Come home.
Dad
What news?
Vivie
I’m in!
Me
Mom, I can’t come home. I can’t miss work this soon after starting.
Mom
Well, I can’t go there. I’m allergic to Wisconsin.
Me
You’ll be sorry.
Mom
Why?
Me
It’s a secret.
Mom
Are you seven?
Me
This is going to make you happy, Mom. Trust me.
Dad
Did you meet someone?
Mom
Is that what this is about? A woman? How special can she be? You’ve only been there two weeks.
Vivie
Did you meet someone, Tommy? I can’t wait to meet her.
Me
I’m not telling you all on the phone. I want to do it in person.
I hurry to check the calendar and discover April first is on a Wednesday this year. Even though we haven’t pulled April Fool’s Day pranks on each other in several years, I don’t want to do anything to tip them off. I hurry to type:
Me
Can you come out on Sunday March, 29th? You could stay until the following Saturday or Sunday.
Mom
I’m not going to spend a whole week in Wisconsin, Thomas.
Dad
My calendar is free. I don’t have another speaking engagement until the middle of April.
Vivie
I’ll be there.
Me
I’ll book the tickets and send you the itinerary.
Mom
I have book club on April first.
Dad
You can miss it this month, Morgan.
Mom
I can’t miss it, Jason. I picked the book.
Vivie
What book is more important than Thomas, Mom?
Mom
It’s a book about Watergate. I saw the author interviewed and she claims to have never-released information.
Me
While Watergate was shocking in its time, Mother, that scandal is child’s play compared to what politicians do now.
Mom
It involves aliens. You know how I feel about them.
Vivie
Like you want them to come and take you back to your home planet?
Vivie adds seven laughing face emojis to her last question.
Our mother was in Arizona for a spa week nearly thirty years ago, when the Phoenix Light UFO sighting happened.
It was purportedly the largest sighting in the history of the world, witnessed by tens of thousands of people. Our mom claims to be one of them.
It’s not that I don’t believe in life on other planets, I just have a hard time believing more intelligent life would bother visiting us. And if they can get here, there’s no doubt they’re more intelligent.
Mom, on the other hand, is sure the otherworldlies are watching and are ready to intervene when we screw things up too badly.
When she saw the Phoenix lights, she claimed to have experienced a sensation of peace, like never before.
Which, if you ask me, is not a normal reaction to seeing the outline of the football field-sized spaceship in the sky.
Either way, she’s been all about the aliens ever since.
Mom
Laugh if you want, Vivienne, but Kurt Russell saw them, too. He was the pilot who first called the sighting in.
Vivie
Well, then, that makes it totally credible.
Mom
The universe is big, Vivienne. Don’t doubt what’s out there.
Dad
The aliens can find your mother in Wisconsin. We’ll be there, Tommy.
My parents have a great partnership, and as a rule, neither of them tells the other what to do.
Having said that, when something is important to one of them, the other always goes along for the ride.
My dad has just declared the importance of coming to see me.
That’s why I’m not surprised by my mom’s response.
Mom
Fine. But I won’t be eating any cheese.
Me
You might be sorry. They have something called cheese curds here that are surprisingly good.
Mom
I know what cheese curds are, Thomas. I’ve been to Canada.
On that note, I sign off with my family. Texting with them makes me sad we won’t be having supper together on Sunday. But the good news is they’ll be in Wisconsin soon, and I’ll still get my fix.
Before heading off to bed, I quickly check my other texts. Other than two from my colleagues in New York, there’s one from Constance.
Constance
I emailed you the information about our Spring Fling. Please let me know as soon as you can if we will be attending together.
Me
Thank you for sending the information. I won’t be able to go with you, but I will look forward to seeing you there.
Not.
Constance reads the message but doesn’t answer right away. Instead, the ellipses come and go several times like she’s trying to figure out how to respond. She ultimately winds up with:
Constance
Take your time deciding but let me know a week in advance.
She clearly doesn’t want to take no for an answer, but I am not going to change my mind. Instead of telling her that, I put my phone away.
There’s a lot to recommend life in Elk Lake. There’s Finley and her odd fetish for pirates. Even though she kept up an emotional shield today, I feel like I got to know her better. And I like what I see.
Then there’s Kevin and Shelly next door.
It’s nice having neighbors who stop to chat with you.
There’s comfort in knowing people are looking out for you.
Also, I’m looking forward to learning how to drive with more finesse, and I figure Elk Lake is a much better place to practice my skills than New York City.
I set a reminder on my phone to check the timing of the next session.
Another bonus: my job is a lot less stressful here. Almost to the point of putting me to sleep at times. One day, our biggest emergencies were an infected splinter and a twisted ankle.
In addition to the negative impact of workplace boredom, I don’t like being pursued by my boss. It’s weird and uncomfortable. Constance does it with such entitlement, I briefly wonder if this is how women have felt since the dawn of time. It makes me ashamed to be a man.
After climbing into bed, my mind once again wanders back to Finley.
If things go well between us during our sessions, maybe I’ll invite her to the Spring Fling.
I don’t want to ask her before then because I don’t want our time together to be uncomfortable if it turns out she doesn’t like me that way.
Having said that, I get the feeling she might. That dream she claimed to have about tornados surprisingly included a character named “Pirate Thomas.” I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
So far, Finley Harper is the biggest draw for my staying in Elk Lake, and I’m really looking forward to seeing her again. Now that we’ve accomplished the original assignment Constance hired her for, we can get busy having some real fun.