CHAPTER 21 Ainsley Bradley
Boys and Men
I sink into him as his lips press to mine.
I’ve kissed plenty of boys. Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I haven’t done other stuff. I even kissed someone new as recently as a couple of weeks ago when I almost married Jordan.
But this? This is a man.
Yes, I’ve kissed plenty of boys. But I’ve never kissed a man. Not like this.
His hand moves to cup my jaw, and I let myself get lost in it as he opens his mouth to mine. His arm is tugging me against his body, and I feel how hard he is everywhere as one of my hands moves to his chest while the other dives into his hair.
I’m lost in him for a few seconds that are far, far too short as I realize what’s happening here.
I’m getting lost in a kiss that he’s just using for a display. This is a show. It’s not about getting me a little tipsy and giving in to this pull between us. There is no pull. It’s simply me fantasizing about the things I cannot and will not have.
Someone somewhere must be watching, and that’s what forces me to pull back from him. After I moan into him a little, naturally, because why not make it even more awkward and ridiculous? That’s just me. That’s what I do.
If he’s smooth and sexy, I’m a bumbling idiot.
I don’t know what to do or say as my eyes meet his heavily lidded ones.
It’s for show, I remind myself.
“Another drink?” I ask brightly. Too brightly. Awkwardly brightly.
“Mm,” he says, and he not-so-subtly adjusts himself over his pants as he gives me a strange look, then beelines for the bar.
I blow out a breath, feeling like I made the right choice by ending that before it got out of hand. But still, something deep down feels…off.
Like I shouldn’t have ended it.
I didn’t want to end it.
A moment later, we have fresh drinks in hand and head back inside to the ball. The auction winners are announced, and I guess it’s time to party now as the dance floor seems to pick up.
“Want to get out of here?” Dex asks me.
“Whatever you want,” I say.
He pulls out his phone, and then we head toward the front doors. A few minutes later, we’re climbing into the back of the car Milton arranged for us.
“We’re heading home?” I ask. “What happened to taking me out? Taking risks? Saying fuck it? Getting me wasted?”
He clears his throat and glances away from me, and I’m not sure what he’s thinking. Maybe he’s tired of me and wants to get rid of me so he can go back out and have some fun.
Eventually he lets out a breath, and then he says, “It didn’t seem like your scene. We can have another drink at home. I was wrong to push you into getting drunk. You can just have a drink or two if that’s all you want.”
I tilt my head and purse my lips as I contemplate that. “Is that what you want to do?”
He presses his lips together, and then he narrows his eyes at me. “I’m not sure what I want, to be honest. But you seemed uncomfortable, and I kind of figured the easiest route to figuring out why was to get you home where we could talk.”
“Talk?” I ask, a bit of incredulity in my voice. “You want to talk? You took me home early so we could talk?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I know. I don’t know what the fuck’s happening to me, either. A night at home, a few drinks looking out over the view with you…I don’t know. It sounds relaxing.”
“What do you want to talk about?” I ask, still a bit dumbfounded.
He seems to contemplate what to say, and then he turns back into the direct guy I’ve come to know. Only…his direct response leaves me with my jaw hanging open. “I want to talk about why you ended the kiss up on the rooftop.”
“Huh?”
“The kiss. You didn’t like it?” he asks.
“Oh my God, Dex. No, that wasn’t it at all. I was just…” I trail off as my cheeks turn bright pink.
I can’t exactly admit to him that I was about to lose myself in that kiss in a way I’d never done before during a kiss in my life, so instead, I say, “I was getting caught up in the moment, and I forgot where I was for a minute. That’s all.
” I turn away from him and look out the window, but he doesn’t let me get away with that.
“What does that mean? Caught up in the moment?”
I chew my bottom lip for a few beats. “I forgot who was kissing me, okay? I forgot that this can’t happen between us.” My words come out as a whisper, and he’s quiet beside me until I feel his fingertips under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“Why not?” His voice is low and raspy when he asks me, and the car glides to a stop as we arrive at our destination.
Thank goodness.
I don’t think I have the strength to sit back here with those eyes pinning me to my spot another second.
I practically jump out of the car, which is an absolute mistake because I’m wearing a gown, and said gown gets caught under me as I step out of the car, and I proceed to trip forward since I’m stepping on my own gown.
I’m about to plow face-first into a planter when strong arms haul around my waist to save me.
Dammit.
I can’t seem to escape this guy’s arms tonight, and it’s just reminder after reminder that I want him.
Well, one more peach bellini and maybe I won’t be strong enough to continue telling him all the reasons why we can’t be together.
I realize as soon as I think it that we never actually detailed said reasons, and as I straighten back to a stand and manage to step off the hem of my dress, I mutter a thank you and make my way inside.
We’re on the elevator alone when he says, “I’m your best friend’s older brother. I’m paying you to take care of my kid. We hardly know each other. You’re ten years younger than me. You’re too sweet and pure and kind for someone like me. We’ve got a contract. Does that cover it?”
“Eleven years,” I correct, folding my arms over my chest.
“Eleven years,” he repeats. “Fuck.” He shakes his head a little, and then he steps closer, taking away some of the small space separating us—the space I was counting on, to be honest. “I don’t give a shit about any of that. I know what I felt when I kissed you, Ains, and I didn’t want it to end.”
“You weren’t kissing me for show?” I ask, confused at his words.
“There was nobody up there to show off to,” he says quietly. “I thought you felt it, too. Maybe I misread the situation.”
“I’m scared, Dex. I’m scared you’re going to hurt me.”
He nods. “That’s valid, and I probably will. But don’t you just want to say fuck it and give it a try anyway?”
“Give what a try?” I ask, absolute vulnerability at the top of my tone.
“This. This pull between us.”
The elevator skids to a stop on Dex’s floor and gives us that little pause before the doors open, and that’s when I blurt, “I’m a virgin.”
The doors open, and his jaw is somewhere down on the floor as he stares at me.
“You’re a…” He trails off.
“Virgin,” I confirm.
He’s still staring at me, and we’re still standing on the elevator when the doors slide shut. The elevator doesn’t move, but we’re still on it.
“You’ve never…”
“Had sex,” I say. I shake my head, and then something in the air between us shifts.
It crackles and sparkles with tension.
Need.
Want.
Desire.
From both people occupying this space. Need, want, desire for the other person standing too close.
He’s kissed me three times now, and I never thought it would go any further than that. Public displays of affection for public consumption.
But the way he’s looking at me now tells me he wants me for more than just my mouth. He’s looking at me like he wants to devour me. Like he wants to explore every untouched inch of my naked body.
I may be innocent, but I’m not na?ve.
He clears his throat, and his eyes are heated. “I won’t take that from you, but goddamn, Ains. I fucking want to.”
“Then do it,” I whisper.
“What?” he asks, the end of the word lost in the air between us.
“Do it. Take it. I want you to. There’s never been anyone worthy of it. Until you.”
He shakes his head and takes a step back. “No, no. Make no mistake, Birdie. I’m not worthy of it. I’m not worthy of you.”
It’s me closing the gap between us now. “Come on, Dexter.” I raise a brow. “What’s it gonna be? Are you all in? Are you gonna say fuck it and give me what I want?”
He takes a step back, bumping into the wall of the elevator. He closes his eyes and leans back, his neck corded and his jaw clenched at my words as he contemplates what to do here.
“You don’t want it from me. Trust me,” he says.
I close the final space between us, my chest against his.
He’s got height on me, but I’m in heels.
I reach up and slide my fingertip along his jawline.
“I’ve started to trust you, Dex. You’ve been letting me in.
Allowing me to see parts of you that nobody else gets to see.
And now I want to give you a part of me that nobody else has seen. ”
He stares down at me, his eyes heated and conflicted at the same time as he contemplates what to do and how to handle this.
Instead of answering, his mouth crashes down to mine. He slides his hand along my jawline as he kisses me here, really kisses me, his tongue tangling with mine as he pulls me in closer with his other hand, hauling me toward him around my waist.
He turns us so I’m the one against the wall now, and he has me caged in.
His hips rock against mine, and I feel it, feel him and how much he wants to give in to this thing between us that’s becoming harder and harder to ignore.
He’s hard and needy, all man, as my hands move to his chest and then to his arms so I have something to grip onto since my knees feel like they could give out at any second.
There’s an unspoken promise between us, a vow that once we get off this elevator, something different is going to happen. Something I’ve never experienced before. This kiss is just a preview, but it’s both of us giving our consent to moving this to the next level.
It feels like I’m flying, and that’s when the ding of the elevator pulls me out of the trance I’m in.
We are flying, or rather, the elevator is moving because he was too shocked by my words to get off on his floor, and now we’ve traveled back down to the ground floor.
He reluctantly moves off me just as the doors pull open, and I’m sure my lips are swollen from his, and I look like an absolute train wreck when I spot the person standing on the other side of the elevator doors waiting to go up.
“Surprise!” she says.
“Ivy?” both Dex and I say at the same time.
Shit. What the hell is Ivy doing here?