Chapter Six Sienna
Chapter Six
Sienna
Calling a truce. Restarting our relationship—no scratch that, our friendship . Oh, that word is funny to me. I don’t want to be Gavin’s friend. I want to fuck his brains out and witness him coming completely apart. I want to ride him like I’m a cowgirl and he’s my favorite horse. I want to feel him wrap his arms around me from behind and nuzzle my neck, his mouth on my skin. I want to see his eyes go soft when he first sees me, like I’m the only thing that matters to him. I want it alllll, and instead I settle for friendship.
Am I purposely trying to torture myself by allowing Gavin back into my life?
Not like he ever fully left it. How could he? He’s one of my brother’s best friends. They spend a lot of time together, and not just during football season either. They have genuine affection for each other, and Coop runs everything by his besties—mostly Nico, and even Frank.
And considering I spend a lot of time around Coop and all his teammates, that means Gavin is always around. Lingering nearby. Popping off with some silly comment or laughing at something I say, though he rarely says anything back. He’s kept his distance as if he knew that’s what I preferred, and he’s right. He’s 100 percent right.
I suppose I only have myself to blame for approaching him and having that conversation. Why did I do that again? I wasn’t even drunk, so I can’t say it was too much alcohol.
I am frustrating. Even to myself.
Currently, I’m wandering around campus during a huge break in between classes. Three hours, as a matter of fact. I don’t know what I was thinking when I created my schedule and gave myself so much time in between these two classes, but it’s too early in the quarter to use this time wisely. I don’t have any major homework or projects due. Yet.
I’m about to leave campus and come back later—always dangerous because I rarely come back later; I end up skipping class—when I hear someone call my name. A familiar male voice that sends shivers down my spine every time I hear it. I don’t even need to turn around to know who it is.
Gavin.
“Hey.” He’s walking beside me in seconds, and I know he ran to catch up, though he’s not out of breath. He does this sort of thing—run—on a regular basis, and he’s in peak condition. Nothing fazes this man. “How are you?”
I’m stunned that he approached me, but we have new rules now. Guess I shouldn’t be that surprised after all. “I’m—bored.”
Gavin frowns, readjusting his backpack strap on his shoulder. “Bored? We’re too early in the quarter for that.”
“I have a three-hour break in between classes.” I make a face. “That’s too long.”
“Yeah, it is,” he agrees, glancing around campus. The cool breeze coming off the nearby ocean ruffles his dark hair, and oh, he’s gorgeous. I could stare at that chiseled jaw and square chin all day long if he’d let me.
But then I’d look like a total creeper, and that’s not cool. I tear my eyes away from the perfection that’s his face and stare straight ahead while I keep walking. “I’m headed back to my apartment.”
“Coop mentioned you live pretty close to campus.” He says this casually. Too casually. Did he ask about me? Does he bring me up in conversation with my brother? Coop’s never mentioned it, but he rarely offers up much info when he talks, so why would he?
“I do,” I agree, though I give him zero details. Let him ask for them.
“Who are you living with?”
“Um ... Destiny.”
He comes to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. I do too. “Destiny, as in your roommate in the dorms Destiny?”
I nod, coming to a stop as well. “Yep.”
“I thought you hated her.”
That he remembers me griping about her that long ago touches my heart when it shouldn’t. “I still kind of do.” Well, that’s extreme. I don’t hate Destiny. I just ... don’t know what to think about her most of the time.
“Why do you live with her then?”
“It’s not like we don’t get along. I stay out of her way and she stays out of mine.” Well, this sounds familiar—like my relationship with Gavin. “I don’t see her often, because she’s either in school or at work or with her girlfriend. She’s not a bad roommate,” I admit. “We lived together in the dorms for two years, and we agreed we should try to find an apartment together. At least now I have my own room and bathroom.”
I reference my own bedroom to remind him of what happened between us when we were in that dorm room. On my bed. I still can’t forget it.
“Wild.” He rubs his chin, a little habit of his that he does often. “And she has a girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Her name is Lizzie, and she’s the sweetest. I think she makes Destiny a little nicer.” It’s not that Destiny is a complete bitch, but she always seemed on edge, especially when we were in the dorms. Then she met Lizzie and became nicer. This is her first relationship with a woman, and when I asked her what the difference was versus being with a man, Destiny said, “I never have to explain my moods or why I’m acting the way I am. She just gets it.”
Makes total sense.
“Whatever works, right?”
I appreciate how Gavin accepts my answers, and when he does question me, it’s because he’s genuinely curious. That’s what it feels like, at least.
“I don’t live too far from campus either,” Gavin continues. “And I was just headed home.”
“Oh.”
“Want to walk together?”
“You walked to campus?”
“Always. Nico is the only one who’s so lazy he drives to campus when it takes him, like, less than five minutes.” Gavin grins and I smile too.
Nico enjoys driving his truck everywhere. Plus, whenever anyone needs something he’s the first one to offer to go get it. He drives the guys home from practice when they’re dog tired since the stadium is on the farthest end of campus. That walk can be daunting, depending on the circumstances.
“Their new roommate has a car,” I tell him. “And she said Nico gave up his spot in the driveway so she wouldn’t have to park on the street. Her car got broken into the day she moved in with them, and now she has nothing.”
Poor thing. I felt so bad for her when she told me about it.
“Dollar mentioned that to me. He also said you offered some of your stuff to her.” He sends me a look I can’t decipher. “That was nice of you.”
Him saying that reminds me I need to go through my clothes that I was going to get rid of and put aside stuff that might work for Everleigh, though there might not be much. We’re not exactly the same size. “I can be a nice person when I want to be. We’re supposed to meet up later.”
“You and Everleigh?”
“Yeah. She’s really nice.” I hope we can be friends. I miss having someone around I can gossip with. Commiserate with. Just being able to have girl time with her will be nice. Growing up, at one point I wanted to be my brother. And if I couldn’t be him, I wanted to chase after him and spend all my time with his friends. They tolerated me because, as one of them told me a long time ago, I wasn’t too girly.
I was a tomboy at heart and in spirit until around eleven, when I realized some of Coop’s friends were cute. I didn’t stop hanging around them after the realization, though. Instead, I took advantage of having a bunch of football players around me all the time and even dated a few in high school. The relationships all fizzled out, save for one during my senior year, and he was my first and has been pretty much the only serious boyfriend I’ve had.
Marc was cute and popular, and at the end of it all, he turned out to be a complete cheater. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He was my senior prom date, and we walked together at graduation, and at a grad party one of our friends was having, I found him and said friend making out in her bathroom. I was devastated. I eventually got over it and was glad to start college single and ready to get my party on.
Then my crush on Gavin came to complete fruition and sort of ruined my life. Well, that’s dramatic, but still. I’ve dated guys. Even had sex with a couple of them, but ultimately, I only want one man and he’s unattainable.
Despite walking with him back to our respective apartments, everything about this man screams off limits—and those limits are ones I set for myself.
“She seems nice enough.” Gavin shrugs. “I think Nico is into her.”
“Oh God. I worried about that.” I rest my hand against my chest, shaking my head. Nico is a great guy, but he is far from boyfriend material. The man walking beside me is the same, but he doesn’t publicly go through an endless stream of women.
Or maybe Gavin is more discreet. I’m not sure. He is Mr. Mysterious, after all.
“It’s only because she’s new. And he has to see her every day, so he’s tempted. He’ll get over it.” His nonchalant words make me wonder if that’s what he did with me. Was he only interested because I was new, but then he got over me quick?
Can’t think about it, won’t think about it. If I concentrate on that theory too much, I’ll get mad. And then tell him to shove it. When I’m supposed to be his friend.
This is more difficult than I thought it would be.
We come to a stop at an intersection, waiting for the light to change, and this is the moment when we could possibly separate. I need to go right, but he might cross the street and keep heading for the endless row of apartments that is on the other side. They’re newer. Nicer. Whereas my apartment complex has seen better days.
“I turn here,” I tell him, and he squints in the direction I point.
“I keep going.” He inclines his head to point across the street, just as I suspected.
“Well, thanks for walking with me.” I smile at him, ready to take off when he asks me a question.
“Want to see my apartment?”