Chapter Nine Gavin
Chapter Nine
Gavin
This girl. This gorgeous, sexy-as-fuck woman is blowing my mind tonight, and I don’t know what to say. Or how to react.
That’s a lie. I know what I want to do—lunge across the table and kiss the shit out of her—but her brother is sitting mere feet away from us, and I’m not about to cause a riot in Charley’s tonight.
Instead, I try my best to remain calm. I shift my hands under the table so she won’t see how they’re curled into fists, resting on my thighs. I have to keep them like that. Otherwise, I’d be reaching for her. Pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her waist. Staking my claim.
I am a possessive motherfucker. I’ve known this about myself since I was younger, and I’d get so pissed when I’d like a girl and she’d already have a boyfriend. Or worse—when she seemed into me and then I’d catch her flirting with someone else. I had a girlfriend in high school—great girl, really sweet. Too sweet because she was kind to everyone, and that made me jealous as fuck.
It’s a flaw. I know it is. That’s another reason why I’m not interested in anything serious. As long as I don’t grow feelings for someone, I can keep things casual with a woman. Once the jealous feelings start, forget it. I act like an asshole.
And then there’s the relationship I witnessed between my parents while growing up. It was an utter catastrophe and the worst example ever. I’m not a good boyfriend. Sometimes I worry I’m too much like my dad—and he’s not a good person. He’s possessive, too, over all his things. And his things include his wife and son. We’re objects to him, not actual human beings, and I worry I would do the same to a woman.
That’s why I don’t get close, I don’t catch feelings. The only woman I genuinely care about is sitting across the table from me, and she’s off limits.
I drain half my fresh beer in one long swallow and set the glass down with a loud thunk, lifting my gaze to Sienna’s. She’s watching me with those dark eyes, and I can tell she’s excited. By our conversation and what she admitted. I’m still blown away that she had been into it that night—into me. Originally, I believed she was, but after it all happened, when she constantly avoided me, I wrote it off that I’d offended her and left her alone. I’m not about to chase after a woman who’s not interested.
I’m not about to chase after any woman. That’s not my style. I remain distant until it becomes convenient.
Meaning I am a callous prick. I shouldn’t even be allowed to be this woman’s friend. And she’s still looking at me with an expectant glow in her eyes, when all I’m going to do is break her heart.
Jesus, I should be locked up for what I’m about to say because it’s positively criminal.
“You know the deal between us,” I murmur.
“What deal?” She’s frowning. Confused.
I’m quiet for a moment, letting it stretch out for as long as possible for maximum effect. “We can only be friends, Freckles.”
She sits up straighter, which causes her chest to thrust out, and my gaze automatically drops. Lingering there. Remembering how for one hot second two years ago, I had my fingers barely in her wet pussy before we were rudely interrupted by her roommate.
“What did you just say?” She sips on that damn straw. Her lips pursed around it remind me of other things. Moments I’ve fantasized about over the years. Like Sienna kneeling before me completely naked, waiting for me to tell her what to do. And what do I want? First, I would request a blow job, which she’d give eagerly. Her enthusiasm shines in everything she does, and I don’t doubt for an instant she’d do it well.
But I destroy all my secret sexual fantasies starring Sienna with the next sentence that leaves my mouth.
“Friends, Sienna. That’s all we can be, you know? A relationship between us wouldn’t work out. Don’t you agree with me?” If I get her to say that she agrees, I’ll feel better. This wouldn’t be all my decision. No, we’d share it equally.
“Why wouldn’t a relationship work between us?”
I want to groan. Should’ve known she’d question me. And I don’t feel like boring her with all my personal, fucked-up family trauma. “Your brother, for one.”
It’s an excuse, mentioning her brother. Yes, I don’t want to piss him off because, knowing me, I’d end up hurting her, and he’d come for me in her defense. Coop is a good guy. They have a close relationship.
“Coop doesn’t care.”
He might not, but I do. And I think she’s lying. Coop would totally care.
That’s not the only reason I shouldn’t pursue anything with Sienna. Despite how much I like her, I know I’ll mess it up somehow. Mess us up. And I can’t stand the thought of not having her in my life, especially now that we’re on friendly terms.
I’m such a selfish asshole. How am I going to be able to resist her? In my eyes, she’s the perfect woman.
“We spend a lot of time together. All of us.” I wave my hand toward the table where my best friends sit. “You included. If we attempt ... something, it could end spectacularly and ruin friendships.”
Her expression turns void. Any happiness she might’ve been feeling moments ago is gone, just like that. Just like I knew would happen. “Like with my brother?”
I nod. “I value him. He’s not just a teammate to me. He’s also one of my best friends.” And I don’t have a lot of those.
It’s her turn to remain silent, and I want to squirm in my seat for how long she lets it go on. I’m this close to saying I might’ve made a mistake when she finally speaks.
“Apparently you value him more than me.” Blowing out an irritated breath, she plucks the straw out of her drink and downs it until there’s nothing left but ice. “You’re an idiot, Gavin. You have a willing woman sitting directly in front of you, yet you’re pushing me away because you’re scared. You’re nothing but a scared little boy who never commits to any woman because ... why? You don’t want to tie yourself down? Are you afraid something better might come along if you do?”
“That’s not it at all—”
She talks right over me. “You’re an idiot, Gavin Maddox. Worse than that, you’re blind. I think we’re perfect for each other, but you can’t see it. And that’s a damn shame.”
I watch in silence as she grabs her phone off the table and jumps to her feet, then turns her head, her attention seeming to zero in on something. Someone. I glance over my shoulder, but all I see is an endless crowd of people.
“There’s Everleigh. Oh, look at that. She walked in with Nico, of all people. If anyone is afraid of commitment, it’s that guy, so I’d love to hear what’s going on between those two.” She starts walking but stops right next to my chair, and I tilt my head back. She’s sneering at me like I disgust her, and I assume I do. “Thanks for the drinks, Gav . Hope you have a great night.”
She leans down and kisses me. Right on the lips. It’s far too brief, and my hand automatically reaches for her as if I have no control, but she’s gone before I can touch her. Strutting away from me and leaving behind a fucking mess.
Me.
Finishing off my beer, I stand and head over to join the rest of my teammates, sliding into the booth and sitting on the edge of it since it’s already crowded. Coop seems to be having the time of his life, which is not normal. Not that he doesn’t know how to have fun, but he’s not one to drink when we go out. Usually he sits there and watches over everyone like he’s our dad, making sure we don’t do anything too outrageous.
Did he spot me and Sienna sitting together? Did he witness his sister kissing me before she walked out? Fuck, I hope not.
“What’s your problem?”
I glance up to find Nico standing in front of me, a full-blown scowl on his face. “What do you mean?”
“You look like someone ran over your dog.” He jabs his thumb at me. “Scoot over.”
“I’m already sitting on the edge and about to fall out of this fucking booth.” I stand, glancing over at the table I abandoned only a few minutes ago to find it’s occupied.
By Sienna and Everleigh.
“Those two are looking cozy,” I mutter, annoyed. More at myself than anyone else.
Nico turns his head, watching Sienna and Everleigh, and a fond smile stretches across his face. “I think it’s great. Everleigh doesn’t really know anyone here, and Sienna is always complaining there aren’t enough girls in our friend group. I’m glad they seem to get along.”
I stay quiet. Mulling over everything Sienna said to me, her words on repeat in my brain. And I definitely can’t forget the way her lips felt on mine, even though the kiss was way too quick. Those sexy lips were plump and soft, and I immediately wanted to grab her. Pull her down into my lap and devour her. Didn’t care if we had an audience—my impulsive nature was ready to get it on.
Clearly, my impulsive nature is also a total jackass.
“You have a problem with them getting close?” Nico asks, his irritated voice invading my thoughts.
“What? No, of course not. Why would I have a problem with them being friends?” I chuckle, but it doesn’t sound right, so I shut up.
“I don’t know. You’ve always been kind of weird when it comes to Sienna.” Nico’s gaze narrows. “And she’s weird about you too.”
That’s just fucking great. I thought no one noticed our interactions, but I guess we’re more obvious than I thought. “We’re friends.”
“Uh-huh.” The doubt in Nico’s voice is strong. If he had suspicions about us, why didn’t he ever bring it up to me before? “She says the same thing.”
“Then we’re in agreement.” I need to change the subject, and fast. “What about you and the new roomie, hmm? You liking her?”
“Sure.” He shrugs, playing it off as his gaze goes right back to her, lingering. Shit, I’d recognize that look anywhere. The dumb fucker probably likes her. “She’s nice. A little bossy.”
“Bossy? Like how?”
“She’s trying to get us to eat better, for one thing.” Part of their agreement with Everleigh was that she would cook them meals and they would reduce her share of the rent.
“And that’s a problem why? Coach would love that.” Our entire coaching staff would praise her for trying to fix our bad eating habits. We try to do good, but look at us. Currently drinking beer when we should be watching our calorie intake. We suck.
“She can’t tell me what to do,” Nico mutters, making me laugh.
“You sound like you’re five.”
“When I’m around her, sometimes I feel like I’m five.” Nico shakes his head. “She’s fine. I just need to get used to living with her. It’s different, having a woman there.”
“I’m sure it is.” I decide to poke the bear. “She’s pretty.”
Nico jerks his gaze to mine. “You really think so?”
“Definitely.” I rub my chin, contemplating both women sitting at the table, but really only looking at Sienna. “She’s gorgeous.” I’m not talking about Everleigh when I say that. My words, my feelings are all for Sienna.
But I blew it with her, and there’s no going back now. That woman was willing and eager only a few minutes ago, and I turned her down. Meaning I am exactly what she said—a complete idiot.
“Back off,” Nico practically snarls, which makes me laugh all over again. The moment I do, Sienna’s gaze levels on me, and I stare right back. She doesn’t look mad or even disappointed. No, she looks fucking sad.
And that’s ten times worse than any other emotion I want to see.
“I’m not interested in your new roommate, Nico. You can have her.”
“Oh gee, you’re so generous. Thanks, QB.” Nico nudges me in the ribs, and I step away from him, annoyed. I am a big motherfucker, but Nico is bigger. And then there’s Coop, who’s the biggest of us all.
“You’re fucking welcome, Valente. If you’re interested in her, let it happen. Have a little fun.”
“No way. With my luck, I’ll do something stupid, and she’ll end up hating my guts. Then we’ll have to live together until we graduate. Fuck that. I’m not about to start something that will most likely go down in flames,” Nico says.
I understand. I’m in the same predicament with Sienna.
“You’re probably right,” I tell him, clapping him on the back. “Best to stay away from her.”
“Like you need to stay away from Sienna?” he taunts.
“Exactly.”