4. Ashley
CHAPTER 4
ASHLEY
THREE YEARS AGO
F reedom. That’s what today feels like. After years of juggling AP classes, cheerleading, art school, and volunteering to have the chance to attend my top-choice school, I’ve done it. I can hardly contain my excitement as I walk in a daze through the Hannaford U campus. I’ve been dreaming about this day for so long that, now that it’s here, it doesn’t seem real.
This is real, Ashley. You aren’t dreaming.
On the drive to campus yesterday, I had a mini panic attack. Imposter syndrome hit me hard. I called Kenzie, crying that I didn’t deserve to be a Hannaford U Warrior. She set me straight and reminded me that I’d worked hard to be accepted at one of the best universities in the country.
I love her. She’s the best thing that came out of my mother marrying Chris. The same can’t be said about her older brother, Sean. He’s a jerk who’s never been nice to me.He’s the reason I don’t like going to Birchen Beach anymore. First, there was the kitchen incident, then, years later, he got into a fight at the bonfire party and ruined that summer for us. Thank God I don’t have to see him as often now that I’ve moved out of our parents’ home.
I stop in front of the athletic pavilion, where first-year orientation is being held, and take a deep breath to get a grip on my nerves. I’ve always been prone to anxiety attacks, but they’ve gotten worse in the past year. I thought once I got into college, I’d get better, but no such luck. If I told anyone about it, they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve learned to mask it well. I was the head cheerleader in high school, and I was involved in several committees, and not once did I let people see what was going on with me. Maybe I should listen to Kenzie and seek out a therapist, but I’m terrified people will find out, and treat me differently.
I’m glad I stopped by Ditzy Donuts on the way here and got myself a treat. I take a bite of the pink glaze-covered sugar ball and close my eyes while I savor it. Sugary treats usually have a calming effect on me. Only when my heart stops racing do I open my eyes again. I finish the donut, square my shoulders, and walk in. The place is already filling up. I scan the room to see where I’m going to sit and immediately spot the jock area. I’m not sure why making them out in the crowd is so easy. It’s probably because they don’t look nervous.
I’m sure of one thing, though. I don’t want to sit anywhere near them. Some of my closest friends in high school were football players, and I know jocks can get super loud and distracting. I want to be able to pay attention to the presenter.
I’m about to turn and head in the opposite direction, but a familiar face catches my eye. My stomach drops to the ground.
Motherfucker. Sean is here.
I haven’t seen him in over a year. He didn’t spend last summer with us because he was in training. His hair is a bit different, longer on top and shaved on the sides, and it’s also lighter, as if he spent too much time in the sun.
I don’t know why he’s here though. He’s supposed to be playing in the Swedish junior hockey league, much to his father’s disappointment. He was recruited when he went to a hockey camp there. Hell, did Sean change his mind to appease his dad? If he did, then why didn’t my mother or Kenzie tell me Sean was enrolling at Hannaford U? Before I get mad at them, I need to know what’s going on. Kenzie would have told me her brother was coming here. She knows about our feud all too well.
I forget about finding a seat far away from the jocks and head toward the bane of my existence. My friends think my hatred of Sean is unwarranted. They don’t know how much the pest tormented me growing up. Sure, he picked on me in front of our folks, but that was just normal sibling bickering. He was too smart to show his true colors when there were witnesses.
I find him in deep conversation with a couple of super-blond dudes who look to be as tall as him. One of the guys looks my way and smiles appreciatively. Hell. I forgot how conceited jocks can be, especially when they have the looks to back it up. But I’m so not in the mood to be chatted up.
“Hello there,” the blond says, undeterred by my grimace.
Sean turns, and his expression darkens. Here we go. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Wait. Do you know her?” the second blond asks, and I realize he’s the identical twin of the other.
Double the trouble. I can already tell they’ll be very popular on campus.
“Yeah, she’s my stepsister,” Sean replies with the enthusiasm of a door.
At least he’s not trying to hide that he doesn’t like me.
I cross my arms. “What are you doing here, Sean?”
“The same thing as you.”
Rage simmers in the pit of my stomach. “Why? Couldn’t cut it in the junior league?”
He gives me a condescending look and smirks. “I see you haven’t changed. As immature as always.”
“I’m not immature. I just don’t understand why you had to come to my top choice of school.”
“Hannaford U is my father’s alma mater, and my grandfather’s. But you already know that.”
I swallow a retort. I was hoping Sean’s career in pro hockey would take off and he would skip playing college hockey altogether.
“Just stay far away from me,” I grit out.
His brows arch, and amusement shines in his eyes. “You’re the one who came to me. I’m more than happy to pretend I don’t know you.”
Tears prickle my eyes. I can’t believe I let Sean get under my skin so quickly and humiliate me in front of strangers.
I pivot and walk away as fast as I can. I won’t let him see me cry.
SEAN
Fuck . What have I done? I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t antagonize Ashley anymore, but it’s the first thing I did when I saw her. I guess old habits are hard to break.
“Well... that was interesting,” Alex Kaminski, one of the twins, chimes in.
“Sorry about that. Ashley and I have a complicated relationship.”
“It seems she doesn’t like you that much,” Logan adds, still looking in her direction. “She’s hot though. Is she only mean to you, or is that her personality?”
I want to lie and tell them she’s a bitch, if that’d keep them away from her. I hate that both of them were checking her out. But I doubt an abrasive personality would stop them. I get the feeling they aren’t looking for a girlfriend.
Ashley looks more stunning than I remember, and I hate that I still notice and appreciate that.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s off-limits,” I grumble.
Alex shrugs. “Whatever. There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
I’m in a bad mood now, but I try to keep it bottled inside. I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot with my teammates. The twins are also playing hockey here.
Ashley wasn’t completely wrong when she asked if I couldn’t cut it in the Swedish junior league. It wasn’t a case of sucking. I simply didn’t like it. Even though I lived in London for the past eleven years, I always pictured myself playing hockey for an American team. But when I was approached by the Swedish junior hockey league after I attended hockey camp in Stockholm last year, my ego got in the way. I should never have accepted their offer.
Even though I didn’t know I was coming here until the last minute, I received my acceptance letter to Hannaford U before Ashley did hers. When I finally made my decision, I told only Dad and asked him not to tell anyone. My bullshit excuse was that I wanted to surprise Ashley. I knew how hard she’d worked to get accepted here, and how stressed she was. I didn’t want to rub it in that I got in before her. The truth is, I didn’t want to be forced to do things to get ready for college together. I can’t believe Dad bought my excuse and kept my secret even from Marnie.
“Are you going to Ryder’s party on Saturday?” Logan asks me, bringing me back to the moment.
“Yeah, of course.”
The twins continue talking, but I tune them out as I search for Ashley in the crowd. I can’t see her anymore, and that makes my stomach tighten. I suppose that’s what guilt feels like.