23. Sean
CHAPTER 23
SEAN
I can’t say I’ve ever forgotten to wear a condom before. Not even in my haziest hookups did I forget to wear protection. What does that say about my situation with Ashley? I thought that after a couple weeks of nonstop sex, the craving would lessen, but it’s only getting worse. It isn’t just about sex anymore. I enjoy her company, even when I’m not buried deep inside her.
She hasn’t said much since we left Fairbanks, and I worry she’s not as unfazed about the no-condom situation as she made me believe.
I glance at her. “Hey, are you all right?”
She meets my stare. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”
I turn my eyes back to the road. “You’ve been quiet. You’re not stressing about the no condom, are you? You can tell me if you are.”
“I’m not. You can relax.”
Somehow, I don’t believe her. Maybe she’s not worried about getting knocked up, but something is definitely eating at her. I should leave things well alone, but I don’t want to.
“I’ve never had unprotected sex before,” I confess.
She turns to me. “Never?”
I look at her again, curious about her reaction. She’s looking at me wide-eyed. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I assumed most guys prefer it.”
“After today I can confirm that is better, but it’s not worth the risk of an STD or unwanted pregnancy, you know? Besides, I’ve never dated anyone seriously.”
“Does that mean you’re worried about the no-condom?”
I frown. “No. What makes you say that?”
“We aren’t dating, for starters.”
Heaviness settles on my chest. When we started hooking up on the regular, we agreed to no attachments, even though we’re exclusive. But hearing it out loud reminds me that Ashley will eventually meet someone she doesn’t need to hide. I get mad thinking about her with another guy.
“True, but we’re not just a random hookup either. You are…”
Fuck, I don’t know what to say. How can I describe what she is to me without revealing she owns me?
“I’m what?”
“Familiar.”
She twists her nose. “For a second, I thought you were going to say family.”
I cringe. “God.”
“Technically, we are, but I try not to think about it.”
“It’s definitely not why I’m unbothered about unprotected sex with you.”
She looks out the window. “Can we stop talking about it? I need to forget about all the dirty things you did to me while we’re with our folks.”
My brain agrees, but my body doesn’t care. I’m already getting a hard-on. Not talking about it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it.
“All right. Let’s talk about something else. How’s the double major thing going for you?”
She sighs. “It’s working as I thought it would… I’m bored in most of the classes that have to do with business.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah… but I’m making it work. How about you?”
“What about me?” I glace at her quickly.
“Balancing hockey and school is like a double major too, isn’t it?”
“I suppose it is. It’s fine.”
“Have you already declared your major?”
“Not yet, but I’m thinking about pre-med.” The revelation rolls off my tongue with ease, and I’m surprised. I didn’t think I was ready to tell anyone.
“Wow, pre-med. That’ll be super intense.”
“I know. I haven’t told anyone yet. I want to be sure first before I mention it to my father.” I look at her again to see her reaction.
Her pretty eyes are round as saucers and her lips are parted. “I’m the first to know?”
“Yep.” I grin.
“And yet, you didn’t want me to know you had enrolled at Hannaford U.”
My smile vanishes. I can’t even remember now why I wanted to keep it a secret from her. “Life is full of surprises.”
“That’s true. I’m glad you told me though.”
I feel a little bit lighter. Who would have thought I’d be so comfortable sharing secrets with Ashley? “Me too.”
“Do you mind if I connect my phone to the car’s audio system?” she asks.
“That depends. You’re not going to make me listen to some annoyingly catchy song, are you?”
“You’ll have to wait and see what I’m in the mood for.”
She connects the phone and, a moment later, the familiar intro to “I Miss You” by blink-182 comes through the speakers. I smile. “Good choice.”
“You sound surprised.”
“Well… most of the girls I know are diehard Swifties. I thought you’d pick one of her songs.”
“Seriously, Sean? Even diehard Swifties like other artists.”
“I get that. Forget I said anything.” I regret opening my big mouth. I sounded judgmental as fuck.
“I really like this song,” she says after a while.
“Me too.”
We listen to it in silence, but I already know I'll think about Ashley whenever I hear it from now on.
A shley’s mom is out the front door before we exit the car. I bet she was at the window, anxiously watching for us.
“Here goes nothing,” I say.
“Quick. Say something obnoxious,” Ashley tells me.
“What?”
“I want you to aggravate me. It’ll be easier to pretend I still hate your guts.”
My brows shoot up. “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve said today.”
She frowns. “I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”
“I guess not knowing should be annoying to you.” I wink before I get out of the car.
Marnie opens her arms wide. “Welcome home, Sean.”
She’s as short as Ashley, so it’s a little awkward to hug her. However, I have no problem bending over to kiss her daughter. My ears burn from thinking about that while I hug my stepmom. I really need to take my mind out of the gutter this weekend.
“Hi, Marnie It’s good to be back. Where’s Kenzie?”
“She’s inside stressing about cupcakes.”
I shake my head. “I blame the Great British Bake Off .”
“Oh, Ash and I love that show.”
“What show?” Ashley walks over, carrying her duffel bag.
It looks heavy, so I reach for the strap automatically, taking the burden off her shoulder.
“Thanks,” she replies absentmindedly.
Marnie doesn’t miss the gesture and smiles. “Look at you two, finally getting along.”
“What? I can be nice,” I reply defensively, but the truth is, the old Sean wouldn’t have done that.
“It’s true,” Ashley chimes in. “When it’s convenient for you.”
Now it’s me who can’t tell if she’s serious or not. I let them walk ahead of me while I sulk on it.
The moment I step foot inside, I smell not only cupcakes, but also fresh baked cookies. My stomach grumbles. I drop Ashley’s duffel bag by the stairs and head straight for the kitchen.
Kenzie just pulled a batch of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, and my mouth is watering. I reach behind her and grab one, burning my fingers in the process.
“Sean! What the hell. Couldn’t you wait?”
“Nope.” I blow on the cookie before taking a tentative bite, then I shove the entire thing in my mouth, and it melts.
“Is Sean already acting like a jerkface?” Ashley joins us in the kitchen.
“You know my brother.” Kenzie hugs Ashley, and I take advantage of her distraction to steal a couple more cookies.
Kenzie whips around as if she has eyes in the back of her head. “Sean, those are for later!”
I stuff another cookie in my mouth and mumble, “So good.”
Ashley shakes her head, and I wink at her. Kenzie notices it. “What the hell was that?”
Ashley’s eyes bug out. Fuck me. I can’t believe I did that.
“Whatchu talking about, Kenzie?” I ask innocently.
“I saw you wink at Ash. Are you friends now?”
“Sean is into a friend of mine, so he’s sucking up to me,” Ashley replies quickly.
Nice save.
“Ah, that tracks. But shame on you, Sean, for only being nice to Ash because you want to get laid.”
I frown. “I’m not being nice to Ashley because I want to rail her friend. She thinks I’m desperate.”
“I don’t think. I know you are,” she retorts.
I know this is all pretense to stop Kenzie from suspecting anything, but I can’t help pushing Ashley’s buttons. I curl my lips into a smile, and say, “Oh, honey. I have a long list of girls to pick from. I actually have trouble keeping up with the demand.”
Ashley narrows her eyes but she doesn’t say anything more. I think I’ll end up paying for my comment later. As long as my punishment isn’t no sexy times, I’m okay.
Kenzie twists her nose. “Ew, Sean. Stop being such a pig.”
“It’s not my fault everyone wants a piece of me.”
“I’ve heard enough bullshit. I’m going to take a shower.” Ashley turns around and leaves the kitchen.
I can’t stop myself from watching her go.
“You’d better not hook up with any of my new friends, Sean,” Kenzie pipes up.
“When would I have time to hook up with your friends? I thought tonight was dinner with the fam.”
Kenzie gives me a droll look. “That’d be so lame. We’re going to a party after.”
“Is that so?”
She bobs her head up and down. “Yep. The new QB from the football team’s having one. He’s also a senior. Oh, and he has a major crush on Ashley. Maybe I should ask if she’s interested.”
My entire body goes rigid in an instant. “She’s not.”
Kenzie’s brows furrow. “How do you know?”
“Trust me. I know.” I walk out of the kitchen before I give more clues to Kenzie that Ashley is mine.