35. Sean
CHAPTER 35
SEAN
A shley and Kenzie have been gone for an hour. I read the hurt in her eyes when I volunteered Kenzie to go with her, but I couldn’t bring myself to be alone with her right now. I’m wretched, consumed with guilt. Maybe if I had told Dad about us, this wouldn’t have happened. I curl my hands into fists, digging my short nails into the skin of my palms until it hurts. I need the pain to distract me from the dark void forming in my chest.
Despite my inner turmoil, I’m the first to notice a nurse is coming our way. I sit straighter and brace for news.
“Mrs. Davenport?” she asks Marnie.
“Yes.”
“Your husband is awake.”
“Oh, thank goodness. Can we see him now?”
“He’s asking to speak with his son first.”
“Oh.” She sounds disappointed.
My stomach twists painfully, and my pulse skyrockets. Hell, I’m not looking forward to this conversation. I turn to Marnie, forcing a smile. “He probably wants to make sure he doesn’t look like roadkill before you see him.”
She nods. “It’s okay, hon. I can wait a little longer. The important thing is that he’s out of the woods.”
I stand on shaky legs and follow the nurse. I have no idea what to expect, but my problems take a back seat when I enter his room and see him hooked up to all the machines. My throat constricts and my eyes burn.
“Dad…”
“Sean…” His face twists as if he’s in agony.
I rush to his side. “Are you in pain?”
He covers his mouth, and my eyes zero in on the needle attached to his vein. My guilt seems to double.
He shakes his head and grips my arm. “How long, Sean?”
My guts coil tightly. I can’t believe he wants to talk about my relationship with Ashley now. “Long enough to know I’m in love with her.”
His eyes widen. “No, no… No!”
The display on the machine monitoring his heart rate moves faster. “Dad, calm down.”
“Sean, you can’t be in love with Ash, you can’t.”
“We don’t need to talk about it now. You need to relax.”
Closing his eyes, he shakes his head. “This can’t wait, Sean. You must understand. You and Ashley…” He licks his dry lips. “You have to end it at once.”
A punch to my stomach would hurt less. I knew he’d have a hard time with it, but I didn’t expect him to ask us to break up.
“I love her, Dad.”
His eyes turn frantic. “You can’t love her! Not like that anyway.”
“Why not? Because she’s my stepsister?”
“She’s not your stepsister. She’s your half-sister.”
Every single cell in my body freezes, and I can’t get air into my lungs. “What?”
Dad closes his eyes. “Ashley is my biological daughter.”
Despair washes over me. I feel sick. “You cheated on Mom?”
“It’s not that simple, son. I’ve known Marnie since we were kids. She’s my best friend, but I’ve always known I wanted more than friendship from her. I was too much of a coward and let her slip through my fingers. She married someone else, and I married your mother. Years later, we reconnected. We were both miserable in our marriages.”
“Don’t you dare give me that excuse,” I grit out. “You’re unhappy, you get a divorce.”
“I wanted to, but your mother was already pregnant with you, and as you know, it was a difficult pregnancy. I couldn’t do that to her.”
“Oh, what you did was so much better.” Hot tears roll down my cheeks. “How certain are you that Ash is my…” God, I can’t even say it.
“One hundred percent certain. I did a paternity test.”
I’m shaking from head to toe, torn between anger and despair. “You should have told Kenzie and me the truth.”
“I know, Sean. I’m so sorry I didn’t. Please forgive me.”
I shuffle back, needing to put distance between myself and this person I no longer recognize. “How can you ask for forgiveness? I’m in love with my own sister thanks to all your lies!”
He winces, and the heart monitoring machine beeps in warning. The nurse rushes into the room. “What happened?”
Remorse eats at me. I shouldn’t have yelled at him while he’s recovering. “Is he having another heart attack?”
While the nurse checks on him, he holds my stare. “Please don’t tell Marnie, son. It’ll destroy her.”
I wipe the tears from my face. I want to say something, but the words get stuck in my throat. The doctor comes in, and I move into a corner. I want to get the hell out of here, but I can’t leave without knowing Dad is all right.
“Is he going to be okay?” I ask the doctor.
“He needs to rest. Please return to the waiting area.”
When I don’t move, the nurse steers me out of the room. I hold Dad’s stare for as long as I can until the nurse shuts the door in my face.
Alone in the hallway, the brunt of Dad’s confession hits me full force. A boulder seems to rest on my chest, caving it in. Ashley is my sister. I fell in love with my sister . My pulse is pounding in my ears, and the familiar darkness I haven’t felt in years returns with a vengeance.
I force my legs to move. I can’t stay here. But when I see the sign to the waiting area, I stop. I can’t go that way. Marnie will take one look at my face and realize something is wrong. As much as I hate Dad for withholding the truth, I’ll have to do the same now. Marnie is part of the deception, and I’m angry with her too, but if I tell her I know, she might confess to Ashley, and I can’t have that. I must protect Ash at all costs. I’d never want her to feel as horrible as I’m feeling right now.
My heart shatters as soon as I make the decision. Keeping the secret means I have to hurt Ashley in a different way. The darkness swirling in my chest becomes larger, just as the noise in my head gets louder. I want to run away… disappear.
I see the sign for the stairs and make a run for it. Once I hit the stairwell, I rush down the steps. By the time I reach the ground floor, my breaths are coming out in bursts, but I don’t slow down. I must look like a lunatic, running through the hospital like that. I stop only once I’m outside and belatedly remember Ashley and Kenzie took the car.
Fuck.
Waiting for them to return is not an option. I pull my phone out to request an Uber. I can’t talk to Ashley right now. I need to think and come up with a plan. But the first thing I see on my screen is a text from her.
ASHLEY: I love you.
My world shatters completely. A few hours ago, those three words would have made my heart soar. Now, they’re like a punch to my throat. I cover my mouth with a fist to suppress a sob. It feels like I’m trapped in a room, and the walls are closing in, ready to blow. Forget the Uber. I break into a run, even though it’s started to snow again. In the distance, someone is playing “Jingle Bells.” I’d forgotten what day it is.
Merry fucking Christmas to us all.