37. Ashley
CHAPTER 37
ASHLEY
“ S ean?” I call his name from the entry hallway. He wasn’t in the living room or kitchen.
The house still smells like Christmas—cinnamon, vanilla, and peppermint scents hang in the air, thanks to Mom’s scented air fresheners. I used to love this smell, but I’m not sure I do anymore. It’ll depend on what happens in the next few minutes.
I head up the stairs and look in Sean’s room first. He’s not there, but his duffel bag is open on the bed, his clothes neatly folded next to it. He’s packing to leave. A knot forms in my throat, or perhaps it’s my heart stuck there.
I keep walking until I’m in front of my bedroom door. I don’t remember closing it when I left earlier. With a deep breath, I open it and walk in. Sean’s standing in front of my desk, looking out the window. He’s so tall and strong, he looks like a mountain, unmovable. His arms are crossed, and his posture is tense.
He turns, and I’d have run to him if I thought he would welcome my embrace. His eyes are cold and hard, and his jaw is locked tight. Shakes run through me as my chest tightens, squeezing my heart in the process.
“You wanted to talk.” I force the words out.
He nods. “You know this is over, right?”
Tears form in my eyes. I suspected that would be the outcome of this conversation, but I hoped I’d be wrong. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“It does.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve let this go on for too long.”
“What do you mean, I ? I thought there were two people in this relationship.”
His scrunches his brows. “Fine. We’ve let this go on for too long. Come on, Ash. We’ve always known this had to end. I just wish we hadn’t given my dad a heart attack before we woke the fuck up.”
I wince. “You seriously believe we gave him a heart attack? Come on now.”
“I know we did!” he shouts, making me nearly jump out of my skin.
The last time I saw Sean this angry was when I caught him cutting himself.
“I’m sorry.” He rubs his face. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m trying to do right thing here, Ash. I can’t… I don’t want to be with you anymore. We’re done.”
Just when I thought Sean wouldn’t hurt me again, he does this. He makes me fall in love with him only to shatter my heart into pieces. Angry tears roll down my cheeks, and I hastily wipe them away.
“I see… of all your faults, Sean, I didn’t think cowardice was one of them.”
He grimaces but doesn’t offer a retort as I thought he would. Calmly, he says, “I’m going to stay with my grandparents while Dad recovers.”
“To avoid me? Don’t trouble yourself. I’m going back to Fairbanks today.”
His brows arch. “Please don’t hate Dad because of my decision, Ash. He needs you now.”
I let out a derisive laugh. “He doesn’t need me. He has Mom, Kenzie, you, and the rest of the family. And I don’t hate him. But I can’t say the same about you.” I point to the door with a shaky hand. “Please, leave.”
Sean doesn’t move, and I fear I might have to drag him out, even though I don’t think I could budge him if he wanted to stay. His face is a cold mask, but his eyes are fucking sad. This decision is breaking his heart too, but I can’t find an ounce of sympathy for him when he’s making it for the wrong reasons.
He finally moves, and it’s me who looks away first. I stare at the floor. He pauses next to me for a second, and my traitorous heart skips a beat, hoping he’ll change his mind.
“Are you going to tell Marnie?” he asks in a small voice.
Disappointment overwhelms me again. “What’s to tell? We’re done.”
Without another word, Sean walks away, and I don’t dare to breathe until he’s gone.
I rush to close and lock the door before I allow the agony to consume me. I slide against the hard surface until I’m on the floor with my head between my knees. A loud sob escapes me, but I bite my lower lip, trying to cry quietly. Sean doesn’t get to hear me fall apart.