Chapter 15 Marlon #2
It’s all I ever wanted him to say, it’s all my dreams come true, but in this moment, I can’t accept it.
I know it’s not true. “The photos made it look like you were in this zero percent.” There.
I don’t even care if I look stupid right now, bringing up press photos.
They were the only thing I had all summer, so they are what I’m going with.
Freddie looks at me, furious, determined, sad, tender, all at once.
A confusing whirlwind, Freddie Bloom as he lives and breathes.
The most perfect man I’ve ever encountered.
And then he opens his mouth. “Is this about Hadidja?” he asks and has to audacity to sound incredulous. “Mar, she doesn’t matter!”
“How dare you.” Real fury courses through me now, because it’s one thing to disrespect me, leave me hanging, ghost me, whatever. But DJ, who is innocent in all this? How dare he talk about her like that?
He laughs, clearly confused. “What the fuck?”
“I swear to god, Bloom, if you talk smack about your girlfriend ever again I will personally—”
He laughs again and before I can punch him, he puts his hands up to placate me. “How are you so perfect, god damnit? You utter gentleman, Marlon Rothe.”
Freddie is being way too nonchalant about something so important and I take an angry step forward.
“You think this will make me feel better? Disrespecting Hadidja, when all she has ever done is support you? How can you even think that would be a good start to a—” Relationship.
The word is right there, on the tip of my tongue, and a couple days ago I would have killed for it to be true.
Now, though? I don’t want it. Not like this.
Instead, I gesture helplessly between us. “This,” I finish, lamely.
He stares at me, blinking slowly, visibly processing what I just said.
Then a smile blooms on his lips, happy and wonderful and so damn beautiful.
“Oh,” he says. “Oh, fuck, you’re such a good person, oh my god.
I love you so much. You are—” He clears his throat.
“Look. Yes, we were playing it up during the tournament, but it was intentional. We wanted to make sure everybody saw us together. Because DJ is on her way to getting herself a girlfriend, and I—” The happiness drains from his face.
“You?” It shouldn’t, but my heart is racing. I shouldn’t, but I’m hoping. I want to tell myself it’s nonsense, but at the same time I’m desperate to hear what he has to say.
His chest heaves with a deep sigh. “I deserve this,” he says, more to himself than to me.
“I—I was hoping I might be on my way to a relationship, too.” He immediately raises his hands in defiance, completely misinterpreting my gasp.
“No, no, I know. Stupid of me. I fully get it. I was stringing you along and kind of, well, expecting you to wait for me until I have my shit ready, which I know is a massive dick move. I would happily grovel and try to make up for it until the end of time. But I understand I’ve lost that chance and I’ll do the right thing this time and respect your choice. ”
Relationship. He said it. I heard it with my own two ears.
The word I couldn’t bring myself to say, Freddie put it out there.
My hands flex at my sides and my mind is whirring.
I don’t think he realises how monumental his little speech was.
How much it changes things between us. He said the quiet part out loud, always between us but never acknowledged.
Feelings. Hearing him say that he wanted more with me hits me harder than the confession of love.
All of a sudden, it’s real. A possibility.
No longer a pipe dream, a hypothetical. Now it’s something Freddie wants. Something Freddie thought we could have.
For the first time, I’m letting myself think what I’ve known to be true from our very first night: I love him, too. I didn’t want to, and I refused to let it be true, but I do. I’m afraid I’ve loved him since the first time he smiled at me with so much tenderness it turned my world upside-down.
There could be an us.
Maybe.
We could at least try if we can make it work.
My toes tingle and that’s so new and unexpected it makes me laugh. My toes? That’s my body's tell for when I’m excited and ready?
Freddie stares at me with a hangdog expression and I can't blame him. It’s pretty rude of me to laugh after he just made himself so vulnerable. “I’m so sorry,” he says. “I wish I could unfuck this whole thing. Do it right. Treat you the way you deserve.”
Our eyes meet for the briefest moment and the tingling spreads up my calves to my knees. I’m tempted to laugh again but manage to keep it inside. It’s probably an overreaction anyway. I still don’t know what to say.
“Mar.” Freddie sounds pleading as he looks at me. “I’m sorry. Can you accept my apology? I never wanted to hurt you. Never. It’s just—” He raises his shoulders, helplessly. “The problem is I’m such a massive bellend.”
My lips twitch in a smile, involuntarily. I cock my head. “Not sure you were hoping for me to disagree, but I won’t.”
“Fair.” His grimace makes the tingling creep along my thighs. He’s so unserious, but I love it. I love all of it.
I love the terrible sense of humour and the inappropriate jokes and the constant talking.
Freddie is the opposite of me in so many ways and maybe that’s exactly what I need.
I shouldn’t make him suffer. He’s given me the opportunity to be happy, I shouldn’t drag things out. It’s not doing either of us any good.
“Freddie.” And with just one word, my entire body tingles. My heart races in my chest and I’m shaking. Nerves have a tight grip on me but I need to get this out. “Paolo broke up with me.”
Freddie freezes, but his eyes light up. He looks at me, expectantly, as if waiting for me to take it back. Tell him it was a joke. But all I can do is smile and shake my head and hold my hand out to him. Suddenly, the distance between us is way too big.
But he doesn’t move. “Mar,” he says, so cautiously it’s almost a whisper. “Are you—what are you saying?”
I sigh and gesture for him to get closer. “This is going to boost your ego so much,” I say and roll my eyes, but when Freddie gets up from the bed and steps close to me, I shiver with happiness. “I’m saying I kept calling for you when I came and he eventually had enough of it.”
Freddie’s hands slip around my waist and my eyes flutter closed immediately. “You did?” Yup, he sounds way too gleeful.
“Shut up.” I lean forward blindly and our foreheads touch. Everything in me settles. I’m calm even though I’m humming with nerves. “Your ego is big enough as it is.”
I’m fully expecting a size joke, but when none comes, I open my eyes again. This is not the Freddie I know. Is he serious about the whole grovelling thing? If it’s going to be like this, I’m not sure I want it.
Then he gets down on one knee, the insane man, and I stare at him in horror. “What in the—”
“Marlon Theodore Rothe,” he interrupts and gazes up at me with such gravity I’m honestly worried about the next words out of his mouth. “Will you give me another chance?”
A laugh slips out before I can stop it, relieved and amused and bewildered. “You complete and utter monkey,” I say, and Freddie correctly interprets it as a yes. He gets up and grabs my hand again. “Also, my middle name is not Theodore,” I say. “You’re an idiot.”
He shrugs and grins wildly, and my heart stumbles. “It felt like a middle name kind of situation, you know? So I freestyled.”
I snort but it’s short-lived, because Freddie pulls my hand to his lips and softly kisses my knuckles.
My knees are this close to buckling. “Will you be with me?” he asks, unexpectedly serious.
“For real? I want this, I really do. I fell hard for you during our first night and clearly trying to get over you doesn’t work.
It makes life so much harder for both of us but I’m done pretending.
I want to hold you and kiss you and have you in my life as more than just a mate and give in to this—this ridiculousness I’m feeling. ”
“Sounds like we have a mutual ridiculousness going on,” I retort, and his eyes go soft at the admission.
He’s never looked at me like this before, not when we were drunk, not when we were in bed together.
This is new and it feels so good and I already can’t get enough of it.
“I want you, Mar,” he says, in a voice like molten chocolate, soft and sweet.
“In all the ways I can. In my bed. On the field. And in my heart.”
“Who went and made you poet laureate?” I mock grumble, because he got me good with what he said.
My hands rise and curl around his face all on their own accord.
His stubble scratches against my palm, his wiry hair rebels against my touch.
I’m in heaven. “So, you want me to be with you? It sounds like a full-time job, honestly,” I quip, but it’s no good, I’m going all soft and tender and melty in his arms. “I guess I’ll carry that burden. ”
“So kind of you,” Freddie says, through a beaming grin, then he leans forward and finally, finally kisses me. It’s soft for all of two milliseconds and then it turns forceful and urgent and full of promise.
Oh, shit. I am in so far over my head with this guy. I am so done for. All of me wants him, every single cell in my body is straining to be close to him. “I love you,” I whisper against his lips, “I love you I love you I love you, against all reason.”
His lips briefly widen into a grin but they never leave mine. “Nicest things anyone’s ever said to me.” His tongue slips into my mouth and makes me float from the touch alone. “Now let me take you apart the way you deserve.”
In this moment, I realise: Freddie is it for me.
I’ve had my fair share of men over the last couple of months, but none have made me feel like this.
Not my heart, not my mind, not even my body.
“Yes,” I groan and pull him closer. His erection is hard against my thigh and I notice I’m hard as well.
“Yes, Freddie, god, please.” I want to sink to my knees right here and now and take him in my mouth.
But there’s one thing I still need to do, so I pull away from his embrace and blink at the loss of his warmth, then clear my throat. “Hang on, we’ll get right to it,” I say faintly, trying to collect myself. “Just one sec.”