Chapter Thirty One
O n Saturday morning, Tilly woke up early. It was only when she was already in the shower that she realized that actually, she was excited about her dad coming to visit. The last few days had admittedly been terrible. She thought of Sophie all the time, and singing next to her was pure torture.
But that didn’t mean that a tiny part of her couldn’t be happy that her dad was coming. A familiar face, someone she didn’t have to try hard with. Someone who could give her a hug and tell her everything would be alright even if it wouldn’t.
It was early enough that she snuck down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone else in the house. A quiet breakfast and then she’d go down to the station and meet the train.
She was silently creeping down the stairs when she heard the sniff. Confused, she looked back up the stairs, but no, the sound was coming from the living room. She hesitated, not sure whether she should go in or not, but then Mila had always been there for her, and the sniffing couldn’t be anyone else.
She knocked quietly on the door before she went in, and Mila was hastily wiping her eyes, blue hair tucked behind her ears, cheeks pink.
“Sorry to intrude,” Tilly said gently. “But I wanted to check that you’re alright. Is there something I can do?”
Mila gave her a watery smile. “No, love. No, I’m just being a bit silly, that’s all.”
Tilly sat down on the couch next to her. “I’m sure you’re not,” she said. She thought about all the discussions she’d heard, she thought about Dash saying his parents argued, she thought about her own break up, and she sighed. “Want to talk about it?”
“It’s nothing, really,” Mila said.
“You’ve got a free listening ear,” said Tilly, smiling. “I won’t tell a soul anything. You can rely on that.”
Tilly smiled back. “Yeah, you’re right about that. Max says that you’re by the book, that you never break a rule.”
“That includes the rules of friendship,” said Tilly stoutly.
Mila shook her head. “It’s just… Well, to be honest, it’s money.”
Tilly frowned. “Money? It’s not… You’re not… You and Max?”
Mila laughed. “Me and Max are fine, but I suppose you’ve overheard some things over the last few weeks. We’ve argued a bit, I’ll admit that, but mostly because we need to figure some things out.”
“Like what?”
“Like how we can afford a bigger house and private school fees,” Mila sighed. She rubbed at her eyes. “Ag’s talking about bringing a grand piano home. She stands a good chance of getting into the conservatory. Dash’s room is basically a cupboard. God knows where we’re going to fit a new baby in.”
Tilly’s mouth dropped open. “A… a baby? You mean… you?” She started to laugh. “I had no idea. Congratulations.”
Mila looked pleased. “Yes, well, the little one might be sleeping in a drawer at this rate. Property prices around here are ridiculous. We can’t afford to move.”
“I’ll keep an eye out,” Tilly promised. “Something will show up. I’m sure it will.”
“Thank you,” Mila said. “We haven’t really told people yet, so, you know…”
“My lips are sealed,” Tilly said.
“And there’s you supposed to be an up-and-coming detective,” said Mila with a grin. “You didn’t even guess?”
“Not a clue, your secret’s very… secret.” Tilly sighed again, if only because her image of Max and Mila as the perfect couple was restored. She was glad, she found, that they weren’t having relationship problems. She was glad that at least one couple in the world got everything right.
“Can I return the favor?” Mila asked, reaching out and taking Tilly’s hand.
“How?” Tilly said, a little confused.
Mila squeezed her hand. “Relationships are hard,” she said. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. But then, anything worth having is hard work.”
“Ah.” Tilly cleared her throat. “Sophie and I—”
“Broke up, I know,” Mila said. “But I can see that it’s not ended for you. I can see that you still have feelings. I’m not trying to interfere. I’m really not. I’m just telling you that if you know something is right in life, then you act upon it. Whether that’s a law, a moral, or just a feeling. You fight for what’s right. You’re a police officer, you should know that.”
It was a nice thought. Tilly smiled a little. “Thank you,” she said. “But I don’t think Sophie wants to talk to me, let alone be in a relationship with me. I did what was right. I made the arrests. Perhaps now I have to let things go.”
“You won’t know until you try to talk to her,” Mila said, getting up. There was a bump overhead. “And that’ll be Dash. He’s an early riser like his mum. I’d better be getting on with breakfast. Eggs for you?”
“Only if I’m making them,” Tilly said. “You go and get Dash. I’ll start cooking for us all.”
Mila went off upstairs, and Tilly went to the kitchen. She was truly pleased for Mila and for Max, too. She was sure something would work out for them. But she thought Mila was wrong. Happy endings didn’t belong to everyone, and she was sure that Sophie wouldn’t want anything to do with her.
Fighting for what was right was one thing. She did that at work enough. But it was time to let things go.
SHE WAS PROUD to show her dad around Whitebridge. It was a neat and clean town, law abiding and prosperous. He nodded in satisfaction as she showed him the small police station. He and Max spent a few minutes catching up, but then he took Tilly’s arm and escorted her out of the station.
“You could have stayed for longer,” she said. “You haven’t seen Max for ages.”
“I came to see you,” he said. The air was crisp and cool, the day pleasantly sunny if a little cold. “And if I’m spending time with my daughter, I want to give her my undivided attention.”
Tilly grinned at him. “That’s sweet.”
“Why don’t we go for a walk?” he asked. “There’s a nice footpath that goes over the fields and around the town. Max says it finishes at the pub, so we could get an early dinner before I get the train home.”
“Sounds perfect,” said Tilly, keeping her arm in her father’s as they began to walk to the outskirts of town.
Her father updated her on everything that was happening with his own career, and by the time they were out into the countryside, Tilly was feeling more relaxed than she’d felt in days. Until her father cleared his throat.
“Alright,” he said. “Out with it.”
“Out with what?” she asked in surprise.
“Whatever it is that’s bothering you. And don’t pull that ‘it’s nothing’ trick. I’m not only your father, but I was quite a passable detective in my time. I’m here to make sure that everything’s alright, and it obviously isn’t. So what’s wrong?”
Tilly clenched her jaw and waited for another answer to come to her, but when it didn’t, she sighed and began to tell him everything.
To his credit, he kept his reactions to a minimum, even though she was sure that she saw a glimpse of disapproval in his eyes.
“And that’s it,” she said, when she was done.
He said nothing for a while as they tramped through the fields, cold nibbling at their ears. Until they came to a stile, and he stopped.
With clear blue eyes, he looked at her. “I’d do it differently,” he said. “If I could do it again.”
“Do what differently?” she asked.
He looked down at his gnarled hands. “Your mother always told me that I put the job first. And I thought it was the right thing to do. Maybe it was. Making the world a safe place to be, that’s important. So I worked nights, so I went up for promotion, so I left her alone more often than I should, and we argued.”
“Dad, this isn’t about—”
“Just hear me out,” he said, still looking at his hands. “We didn’t work out. Maybe we never would have, even if I’d been around all the time. But I don’t know because I never got the chance to find out. She left. She had every right to. I was no husband to her.” He looked up now. “But I’d do it differently if I had another chance, just so you know.”
Tilly tried to digest this. He’d do it differently? Her father? The most career-minded person she’d ever met? Her role model?
He looked out over the fields. “The thing is,” he said. “It’s lonely being alone. And the job doesn’t keep you warm at night. It’s an important job, it really is. But there’s more to life than just the job.”
“I’d have thought that you’d be the first to tell me what an idiot I’ve been,” Tilly said.
“Why? Because you got mixed up with someone who might not be the perfect choice?” He laughed. “The heart wants what the heart wants, girl.”
Tilly bit her lip. “I just want to make you proud.”
“You can. You do.” He sighed. “But if you really want to make me proud, then don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
Tilly took her dad’s hand. “I don’t think she wants me anymore,” she said quietly.
“Do you want her?”
She closed her eyes. “My life was better with her in it,” she said. “It was lighter, brighter. I didn’t want to stay at work all the time. There was something waiting for me.”
“See?” he said. “That’s the thing. The job means more when you’re doing it for someone. For me, that person was you. I told myself every day that I was making the world a safer place for you. You need to find your person. Because without that, the job’s just a job, same as any other.”
Tilly squeezed her eyes tight shut for a second, then opened them to blinding brightness. “I do want her,” she said. “I’m not ready to let her go.”
“Then, for god’s sake, tell the woman,” her father said, shaking his head. “Or I really will think you’re an idiot.”
He squeezed her hand, let it go, and began to clamber over the stile. Tilly watched him for a second, then started to laugh. Was it all really that easy?