Willow
willow
I sank onto an emerald couch at the Sugar Shack, and dabbed the sweat gathered along my forehead. We’d just had the final rush of the day, and I was done cleaning up the main floor while Gracie finished up in the kitchen.
It had been a long day—truthfully, it had been a long few days. After Gracie brought up investigating the lighthouse widow, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. She’d lost her identity when she died, and all that was left was a half-assed legend about her pining after a man.
There had to be more to her than that.
She’d had friends, a family, a life. She was a person .
I knew what it was like to lose myself to a man—it was all I’d ever done my entire life. I’d shifted and morphed, forcing myself into little boxes to be more appealing. Easier to digest. I still felt like I didn’t have an identity, but a part of me wondered if I gave the widow hers back, if that would somehow help me find mine again.
The first thing I needed to do was stop lying about Ronan. I needed to start living a real life, not this made-up version I told my family to keep them entertained and happy. I deserved happiness, didn’t I? Real happiness.
So, I knew that was the first step. But after that? I was totally lost.
Guilt ate away at my stomach every single day. I cringed when I thought about all the lies I’d told over the last year. Why couldn’t I just tell the truth? Why couldn’t I just be content with my life as it was? Why did I feel like I needed to prove myself to them—to anyone?
I was sure a therapist had all the right answers. They would tell me exactly why I was doing what I was doing, and they’d have some fancy diagnosis and pump me full of medication and throw treatments at me, and I’d come out the other side normal. I wouldn’t lie anymore, I wouldn’t feel like I was inadequate. I wouldn’t have to prove myself. I could just… live .
And how freeing would that be?
I sighed as I looked out the window, the lush green trees and grass almost too saturated. The mid-afternoon sun was high in the sky, making the puffy white clouds glow as they coasted by. I tracked them as I chewed on my bottom lip.
Warm cookies baked in the oven, and the pot of coffee I’d started brewing a few minutes ago filled the air. I should be doing more, but I needed a breather. Just for a moment.
My eyelids were heavy as I watched people stroll past the massive window, laughing and talking with each other. I longed to be one of them—to be a true member of this town. I hated feeling like an outsider, and as long as I kept this lie up, I knew I’d never feel totally settled.
I smoothed my hand along the velvet before taking a deep breath, letting air fill my lungs until it felt like they were about to burst.
“How are you doing?” Gracie asked as she plopped beside me, startling me out of my thoughts. She ran her hand over her wild curls, barely taming them before resting her elbow on the back of the sofa. Sunlight illuminated her face, making her look impossibly more pretty.
“I’m fine,” I said, shrugging slightly. Her dark brow lifted at my nonchalant tone, and I let out a long breath, chuckling lightly. “I’m…fine. Just tired, you know? I didn’t sleep much last night.”
Her hazel eyes searched mine in the way that made me feel like a fly under a microscope. “Take it easy for the rest of the day,” she murmured, but I shook my head.
“I’m fine. Really. Put me to work, boss.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know I hate when you call me that.”
I turned my attention outside again, jerking my chin as someone wandered by. She followed my gaze, and we watched as a few people strung up a long banner over the road announcing the festival at the end of the summer.
What would she say if I told her about the lie?
Guilt ate at me. I wanted to talk to her about it, but every time I tried to say the words, they wouldn’t come. The mountain of lies was like a wall between us. If I just told her, we could be closer. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force the truth out.
Today was no different.
We stared out the window, and I jerked my head toward the banner.
“I think Lobster Fest will be really fun this year. I heard Luna and The Tides are playing,” I muttered.
“…” She sighed, but I kept my gaze glued to what was happening out there. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
No. I wasn’t sure at all.
But I couldn’t tell her that—I couldn’t tell anyone that. If anyone ever found out about the lies, they’d think I was a stalker. I’d have to leave town, and I really didn’t want to.
I wouldn’t have a choice, though. Because who in their right mind lied and said they weredating the sheriff? Crazy people, like me, that was who.
And, under it all, the guilt wasn’t about lying to my dad. It was about dragging Ronan into it without his knowledge or consent. The longer it went on, the more it ate at me.
My phone vibrated, thankfully saving me from this conversation. Because I knew once I opened my mouth, the only thing that would come out was word vomit, and I’d tell her everything.
I could just imagine what would happen if she heard all my dirty secrets. Her mouth would fall open, and her eyes would go wide. Her face would shift with disgust, and maybe there would be a little anger lingering there, too. She’d throw me out of her bakery and her life.
I’d be left all alone, with no choice but to move back to Ohio.
I clamped my mouth tightly shut as I pulled my phone from my apron pocket. I waved it at her, trying to ignore the sinking feeling at the sight of my dad’s name on the screen.
“I have to take this,” I said, pushing off the couch.
“—”
“I’ll be back.” I felt her eyes on me as I hurried to the kitchen, answering the phone on the way. “Hey, Dad.”
“Oh, look who finally decided to answer,” he said, a tight chuckle leaving him. I ripped a bit of skin off my lip. I should’ve known something like that was coming. “I was starting to think I’d been demoted to voicemail-only.”
“I’ve just been busy.”
I pushed the back door open and stepped outside, letting fresh air fill my lungs. The hill the Sugar Shack was perched on overlooked the ocean and harbor. I watched the ant-sized men hurrying from one boat to another. They worked quickly, efficiently, and I made a mental note to take them some coffee and bagels in the morning.
“I get it. Me, too. I’ve been swamped at the office. It’s one thing after another, but I guess that comes with the territory of being boss, huh? I have to put everyone’s fires out. Not that you’d know about that. You’ve never been a boss before.”
A cold, oily feeling spread through my stomach at the words. No, I had never been someone’s boss before, and if we were being completely honest, he wasn’t anyone’s boss, either. Not the way Gracie was. He was a manager, overseeing a handful of employees at the company he worked at.
But the way he spoke made it seem like it was his business. Like he’d started it from the ground up, but he hadn’t. He was a cog in the machine, just like I was.
I leaned against the side of the building, listening to the faint indie music filter out from the open back door. Leaves rustled in the trees overhead, and squirrels ran from branch to branch.
It was a peaceful day, and that was the only thing keeping me from spiraling.
“So, what’s up? I need to get back to work,” I said gently. Silence greeted me for a long moment. So long, I thought the call dropped. I pulled the phone from my ear to look at the screen, but it was still connected. “Dad?”
“Well…” He chuckled, sounding nervous, and my hackles immediately rose. “Well, you know we’re going to Greece next summer.” I swallowed thickly at the reminder.
“Yeah, I know.”
“And it’s been a while since we’ve seen you…”
I took a deep breath. Was he about to invite me on this family vacation? Excitement warred with dread inside me. I didn’t want to go, but a big part of me was excited he finally remembered me. That he was about to invite me.
Maybe this was the turning of a new leaf. A fresh start. If this was him trying, I could try again, too. I’d put so much work and effort into our relationship over the years, and he never had. But now that he was?—
“And your birthday is coming up soon,” he continued, and I bounced on the balls of my feet, fighting a smile. “So we thought we’d come up to visit. We’ve never seen your place or met the couple of friends you have. We thought it was about time.”
My entire world whipped around me—it tilted and turned, spinning out of control. All the air in my lungs whooshed out in a violent breath, and a distant roar filled my ears. Every pulse point in my body thrummed as my heart battered against my ribcage.
The words sank like a lead brick in my stomach, forcing bile to rise in my throat. He wasn’t inviting me to go on my dream vacation—he was forcing himself into my life.
A life I’d carefully cultivated—a life totally my own.
They never came to visit me . I always went to them .
It was safer that way. It kept him at a distance, making sure his words, his loud disappointment, couldn’t squash the bit of happiness I’d found here. Cedar Ridge hadn’t been tainted by him, and I never wanted it to be.
But it seemed like I didn’t have a choice.
I searched for words to cling to, for something to say, some way to tell him absolutely not. That he was not welcome here—none of them were. But the only thing that came out was a raspy, “ What ?”
“We’ve never visited you before.” A brief pause. His throat cleared. Then the bomb dropped. “Plus, you and Roland have been together for…what? A year now? It’s about time I met him, don’t you think?”
He laughed again, but it was distant to the panic soaring through my veins. I couldn’t hear anything. Couldn’t see or feel anything. I couldn’t even correct him—how many times did I have to tell him it was Ronan?
My senses fought with each other. I was too hot and too cold all at once. How was that even possible? It shouldn’t have been possible, yet it was. Because I was feeling it. I felt the needles spreading over my skin, pricking me like blades of ice. I felt the air leave my lungs in quick gasps, and I felt the tremors racking my limbs, uncontrollable and incessant.
Panic clawed at my insides as it worked its way up my throat. I bent in half, bracing my free hand on my knee as I tried to catch my breath.
“We want you to give us a tour of Cedar Ridge,” he continued, oblivious to what I was going through.
His words finally registered, and I swore my vision turned black. “We?” I croaked.
“Me, Lydia, and Vanessa. It was going to just be me and Lydia, but Vanessa wanted to see Maine.”
Of course she did.
My back slammed against the wall, and slowly, I sank to the ground. The cold, damp earth seeped into the bottom of my jeans, soaking through to my skin. A chill overtook my entire body, and my teeth chattered together.
This wasn’t happening.
It couldn’t be happening.
“Anyway,” he sighed. “I just wanted to tell you what our plans were. We’ll see you in three weeks.”
“Three weeks,” I repeated, my gaze fixed on the massive tree in front of me.
Three. Weeks.
“Alrighty. I’ll let you get back to it. Call me some time,” he said, an edge to his voice. “Don’t make me be the one to always initiate. The phone works both ways, you know.”
My mouth was too dry to speak, to even acknowledge that statement. My hands trembled, and a fine, cold sweat broke out along my forehead, down my back. It coated my skin like grease—I needed to wash it off. Wash off the lies, wash off this news. I needed to get away. To breathe. I needed…
To get out.
Everything was closing in around me. It was all crumbling down, like I knew it would one day, but I’d been too arrogant to think the day would ever actually come. Maybe arrogant wasn’t the right word, but in that moment, it was all I could focus on.
Arrogance.
Arrogance at the fact he hadn’t even asked what I was doing for my birthday, if I had any plans. He didn’t care, because outside his life nothing else existed. I’d, of course, drop everything for him. For them.
Arrogance at the fact he invited himself to my home. To my life. To my town. It wasn’t a question; it wasn’t even a conversation. I was bulldozed, blindsided. I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t have a say.
I didn’t have a choice.
Just like always.
Arrogance at the fact that I’d stupidly believed this lie would never catch up with me.
“Bye, Dad,” I whispered, the words barely audible.
“Bye, .”
With that, he hung up, and I dropped the phone to the ground beside me.
They were coming—they were all coming.
They were all coming in three weeks.
Three short weeks.
That was all the time I had to figure out how to tell them Ronan had died, or we’d broken up, or he was out of town, or…something. Anything.
God, I had three weeks!
Tears burned as they silently seeped from my eyes, down my cheeks. I stared out at the sea in the distance, just wanting to be with my lighthouse as my world burned around me.
Why did I tell that stupid lie? I should’ve never said it—or at the very least made someone up. Why did I choose to use my neighbor, the freaking sheriff, as my pretend boyfriend?
Because I never thought, in a million years, my family would come to visit. Ever.
But they were.
And they’d be here in three weeks.
I didn’t even ask how long they were staying. I couldn’t think past the shock, past the anxiety wrapping itself around my lungs.
It was too much—it was all too damn much.
I should call him back and tell him not to come, that I’d see him for the holidays at the end of the year. They just had to wait a few months…eight months.
And so what, they’d never seen Cedar Ridge before? They didn’t need to see it in person. That was what the internet was for. I’d sent them plenty of photos over the years. Though, I’d stopped, because they usually went unanswered or the conversation shifted to Vanessa.
A loud, long groan left me. It echoed and was full of pain I wasn’t fully ready to acknowledge. It wasn’t a physical pain, though I did feel it in my body—it was all emotional.
In my head .
“?” I blinked at the sound of my name and robotically turned toward Gracie. Her brows crashed together as she sank onto the ground beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“They’re coming,” I rasped, my throat almost too tight to speak. “They’re all coming.”
“What? Who?”
“My family—my dad, my stepmom, my stepsister. They’ll be here in three weeks.” A sob broke free, one that was full of defeat. Gracie’s arm tightened, anchoring me to her side.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’ll be okay.”
“No,” I cried, letting the tears fall freely now. “It won’t be.” She smoothed her hand over my hair as she gently rocked me, letting me get all the tears out.
“Talk to me. What’s really wrong? And don’t tell me it’s because you have to see your stepsister. I know everyone thinks she walks on water, but she’s just a person, .”
“It’s not that.” I pressed my lips tightly together, wanting to keep the words in—needing to keep them in. But the harder I tried, the harder they slammed against my lips like a battering ram. “I lied!”
Her movements froze at the words, then her fingers started their gentle combing again.
“Lied about what?” Her voice was soft, like she was speaking to a child or a frightened animal. And that somehow made it all worse.
“Everything.” I buried my face deeper in her neck, feeling her skin turn slick with my tears. “I told them?—”
I didn’t want to say the words. Finally admitting the truth, telling her what I’d done, the lie I’d kept…it was too much.
“Told them what, ?” The words were soft. Coaxing.
This was Gracie. She wouldn’t judge me. She wouldn’t hate me.
But what if she did?
The words tasted like ash as I forced them out. “I lied and told my dad I’m dating Ronan. That he’s been my boyfriend for the last year. Every time I was going to tell them we broke up, Vanessa did something else great, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
I wiped my face with my fingers as I pulled away, knowing she probably didn’t want to touch a dirty, rotten liar anymore.
When she said nothing, I risked a glance at her. She stared at me, her eyes searching mine. Gently, she wrapped her hand around mine and squeezed.
“It’ll be okay,” she said, sounding so sure of herself.
I chewed my lip as I shook my head. It wouldn’t be okay. I had to tell them the truth or tell them another lie, and hope Ronan was nowhere to be seen during their visit.
“What do I do?” I whispered desperately. Her thumb stroked over the back of my hand, her gaze holding me captive.
“You could tell them you broke up,” she said, and I nodded. Yeah, that would be the least likely thing to cause drama. “Or tell them the truth.”
I shook my head before the words were fully out of her mouth. “I can’t do that. I can’t—they can never find out about it. Vanessa would never let me live it down.”
Gracie turned her attention to the ocean in the distance, her eyes sharp as thoughts whirled in her head. I could see all the gears turning as she tried to figure out the best solution.
“What if you ask Ronan to pretend to be your boyfriend while they’re here?” Her voice was so soft it nearly blended in with the wind, but I’d heard it clearly.
“I can’t—” I cleared my still too-dry, too-tight throat. “That’s insane. He would think I’m insane, Gracie. I—I can’t.”
“He’s understanding and kind.” She turned toward me, a soft smile on her face. “I think he’d do it if you asked nicely.”
“If I asked nicely,” I echoed. “I just yelled at him the other day about his trash being on my side. I’m always yelling at him, and when I’m not, we’re too awkward to hold a regular conversation. He’d never agree to it.”
“But he might.” She sounded so hopeful, so excited, it crushed me. “He’d totally do it. And I think he secretly likes you?—”
“Stop.” The words died on her lips, but the hope never guttered from her eyes.
“Those are your options.” She shrugged. “Tell your family another lie, tell them the truth, or ask Ronan to be your fake boyfriend for a few days.”
I nibbled my lip as I turned my attention to the expanse of blue in front of us. “How would I even ask him something like that?”
“Bring him a basket of all his favorite things,” she laughed. “That’ll be a good place to start.”
“You want me to bribe him with sweets?” I asked, turning a disbelieving look her way. “I can’t bribe the sheriff?—”
“You’re not bribing the sheriff ,” she countered, grinning wickedly. “You’re bribing your future fake boyfriend.”
I wrung my hands tightly together as I paced in my living room. The basket of baked goods sat on the coffee table, taunting me. They were the only reason I hadn’t disappeared to the lighthouse yet. But as soon as this conversation was over, that was where I would be. Maybe I could move in there and become a hermit.
It would be better than this .
I smoothed my hands over my cream-colored dress—it was the nicest dress I owned, and I’d spent the last two hours doing my hair and makeup to perfection. I knew he wouldn’t care about how I looked, but it somehow made me feel better.
My gaze flitted over my living room, catching on the open pantry door. I paused. I didn’t remember opening it.
Lights flooded my living room, pulling my attention, and my stomach dropped to the floor as I crept toward the window.
There he was.
He slid out of his truck, his work bag in hand. I glanced over my shoulder at the basket of desserts sitting on the coffee table. Maybe I should’ve made him dinner instead. It was the end of the day. He likely wanted something hearty, not a bunch of sweets.
I shook myself. It didn’t matter.
“Get it together, ,” I told myself, forcing my shoulders back. He beeped the horn multiple times, just like he always did as he strolled up the walkway to the porch.
Should I go out there now? Or should I wait? Should I let him get comfortable first? I was sure he’d had a long day at work, but anxiety was making my head fuzzy.
I braced my hands on my waist, forcing air into my lungs. It would be okay. He wouldn’t be an asshole—or maybe he would. God, I didn’t know how he’d react.
His door opened and closed, and I dropped my head forward, forcing myself to breathe. It was such a mess, and I had no one to blame for it but myself. Maybe one day we could look back at this and laugh, but right now, all I wanted to do was disappear.
Ten minutes.
I’d give him—and myself—ten minutes, then I’d head over there and ask him to be my fake boyfriend.
What could go wrong?