Ronan
ronan
M y navy-blue jacket swallowed Willow, making her look so small. So lost. So scared. I fucking hated that I couldn’t do anything to take that fear from her.
I’d been fighting memories from five years ago all night. They clawed at my mind, reminding me of everything I’d done wrong— again .
I’d missed another call—another call that could’ve ended in permanent death.
I stared at Willow, unable to do anything else. I knew she was tired of me hovering, so I forced myself to sit behind my desk, but all I wanted was to be right by her side. I wanted to touch her, to make sure she was still whole, that she was still here. Alive. Breathing.
I clicked my pen seven times, took a breath, then did it again. I couldn’t stop moving, bouncing, tapping, clicking.
I fucked up again.
I kept replaying the fear in her eyes when I shone my flashlight on her face for the first time. I could still feel the way she’d punched and kicked me, the way she’d scratched me, fighting for her life. She’d been shaking, and tears were streaming down her face, but she never stopped.
She screamed like she was being murdered, and I swore it was a sound I’d hear in my nightmares for the rest of my life.
Before we left her house, I helped her find clothes to put on so she wasn’t in her nightie at the station. I didn’t think she even noticed or cared that her clothes were so minimal and revealing, and that there were five men trying not to look at her.
The second I saw one of my deputies checking her out for a minute too long, I took him aside and ripped into him.
No one looked at her again.
Willow held her arms tightly around herself as she stared at the wall, the fluorescent lights washing out her usually rosy complexion. Her hair was tied in a messy side braid, and her lips were shredded from constantly chewing on them. But it was her eyes I couldn’t stop staring at.
Dark half-moons sat under them, but there was a faraway look that gutted me. I knew she was reliving those moments over and over, and I knew what that was like.
She’d been alone. I hadn’t been there. I’d let her down, and I hated myself for it.
There was another break-in yesterday, but it was different than the others. Instead of taking random harmless things, the perp had stolen a gun. Which meant I needed to find him and retrieve it before he sold it, or worse—used it.
I’d been at the crime scene all morning, and right when I got back to the station, I was called into a meeting with the city manager and mayor to talk about the break-ins. They tore into me about why they were still happening, and about the fact that the perp was clearly escalating. Like I didn’t fucking know that already. My deputies and I were trying our hardest to find this guy, but he was like a damn ghost.
When I got out of the meeting, I put my head down and worked all day. I just wanted to catch the asshole and put an end to everything.
But none of those were good enough reasons to ignore Willow. I hadn’t intentionally ignored her, but I’d been so wrapped up in my own shit that I hadn’t even seen her text. It wasn’t until I heard our address on the radio that I realized something was wrong. And then I saw the text and dropped everything.
I’d never driven so fast before. I went dangerously over the speed limit to get to her first. My heart was pumping so hard, so fast, I thought it was about to give out. It took every ounce of strength and training I had to not sprint into the house and just find her. Doing a proper sweep killed me, but I knew it was the safest thing I could’ve done.
“Willow?” She jumped at the sound of Trinity’s voice, and I shot to my feet. Willow peered up at my sister, a shaky smile curving her lips. “I brought you this.” Trin crouched as she held out a bottle of water. Her voice was soft, like she was speaking to a frightened animal, and I clenched my jaw.
I did this. I fucked up. I caused Willow to look like that, and Trinity to speak like that.
It was all my fault.
“Thanks,” Willow whispered.
It shook in her hand as she tried to open it, and the longer I watched her struggle, the more it just upset me. I tried to keep myself calm as I approached, not wanting to scare her, but it was hard. I wanted to hunt this motherfucker down more than ever.
She was mine to protect, and I’d failed her.
Gently, I tugged the bottle from her grasp and opened it. She just stared at me, that same blank expression she’d had since we left her house on her face. Trin tilted her head toward the hallway, and I reluctantly followed her out, leaving Willow to continue staring at the wall.
I clicked the door shut and turned toward my sister. “What do you need?” I asked, running my hand through my hair. “You okay? You should go home. It’s late.”
“ You should go home,” she countered. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.”
But she was right. I felt like shit, too.
“Take Willow home?—”
“I don’t think she’ll want to go back there for a bit,” I said.
She twisted her lips to the side. “Maybe I can call Gracie to come pick her up?”
That didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t want to be away from her. Just having the door between us was making me antsy.
I tapped my fingers against each other. “I’ll ask her to stay with me,” I finally said.
“It’s still the same house. You think she’ll be okay?”
“Maybe if she knows I’m in the other room, she’ll feel safer.”
I hoped that would be true. But if she felt uncomfortable, I’d check us into a hotel for however long it took for her to feel safe again.
I’d do anything to make her feel safe.
Trinity stared at me for a long moment, her arms folded over her chest. “What?” I huffed. “Say what you need to say. I have to get back to Willow.” I threw my thumb over my shoulder, and she glanced at the door before grabbing my arm and tugging me further down the hallway.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked quietly. “You’re moving really fast.”
“You’re the one who wanted me to start dating, remember?”
“Yeah, dating , Ro. Not moving your girlfriend of a week into your house. I just don’t want you to jump into anything before either of you are ready.”
I took a deep breath. I knew she was just trying to protect me, but I didn’t need her to.
“If she’s not ready, I won’t push it. But…”
How did I explain to her I was more than ready for this?
It was a fucked-up situation, but having Willow in my space didn’t freak me out, it didn’t stress me out. Maybe it should’ve, but I was ready to spend my days and nights with her. I was ready to spend every minute of my day with her.
And tonight proved one thing: I didn’t want this to be fake anymore.
“I’m ready,” was all I could say. She just kept staring at me with that unreadable expression.
“You really like her, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“And she really likes you,” she said softly.
I fucking hoped so.
“She makes me happy,” I said. “And I hate that I wasn’t there for her tonight. Trin, I can’t—I can’t be away from her. I can’t let anything happen to her.” My throat tightened. “I could’ve lost her.”
I tapped my fingers against each other again, faster. Over and over. I couldn’t stop.
“I’m sorry I’ve fucked you up so badly,” she blurted. “I never thought about what it would do to anyone else. I was just—I’m sorry, Ro.”
I shook my head. After five years of not talking about it, we weren’t about to have this conversation right now. Not tonight. I was already hanging on by a thread, and if my sister finally decided to talk to me about her suicide attempt, I’d lose my mind.
“I know,” I said. “It’s alright.”
Her lips pressed tightly together, like she was trying to keep the words she wanted to say in. Finally, she wrapped her arms around my waist, giving me a long hug. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it until that moment.
We stood there for a few heartbeats before I pulled away. I kept my hands on her shoulders, needing her to hear my next words. “I need to check on Willow,” I murmured. “But we can talk later, okay? I am not ignoring you or your feelings. I’m here whenever you need me, and if things get dark, you know to call me.”
“I know,” she whispered. “My days have been pretty bright lately.”
My heart squeezed at her smile. A few years ago, I didn’t think I’d ever see it again.
“Love you, sis.”
“Gross.” She scrunched her nose. “Don’t go all mushy on me now.”
I rolled my eyes as I pressed my palm against her face, gently shoving her away. “Go home,” I grumbled. “And don’t speed. I swear to god, next time I’m letting Toby give you the ticket.”
“Whatever!” She skipped down the hallway, her blonde hair swinging behind her. I huffed out a laugh as she flipped me off, then disappeared around the corner.
My smile slowly disappeared as I braced my hand on the doorknob of my office. With a deep breath, I pushed the door open, finding Willow in the same position I’d left her in. The bottle was still open, and her gaze still transfixed on the wall.
“Hey, shortcake,” I said, resting my hand on her shoulder. She leapt out of her skin, her eyes massive as she turned toward me. “I’m sorry. It’s just me. I thought you heard me come in.”
She shook her head as she tried to catch her breath. “Sorry. I zoned out.”
I sat on the edge of my desk and stared at her. “You look exhausted,” I murmured. She dropped her gaze to the floor. “Do you want to stay with me for a while? Just until you’re comfortable to go back to your place.”
“Really?” she breathed, sounding shocked. “I can—I can ask Gracie if I can stay with her. I don’t want to impose.”
My fingers tapped against the desk. “I want you to stay with me, but if you’re not comfortable with that, we can call Gracie. Or I can set us up in a hotel.”
She stared at me. “A hotel?”
I shrugged. “I just want you safe and comfortable,” I said. “I don’t care where it is.”
“You won’t mind if I stay with you?” I wanted to pull her lip from her teeth as she chewed on it.
“Of course not, sweetheart.”
Her breath shuddered as she inhaled, then slowly let it out. “What if he comes back?” she whispered. “What if he wanted to hurt me?”
I pushed off the desk and kneeled in front of her. Resting my hands on her knees, I let my gaze bore into hers.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise, Willow, I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
Her hand slid over mine and gently squeezed. “I trust you.”
It was nearly two in the morning by the time we pulled into the driveway. Willow hadn’t said a word the entire drive home. I’d asked if she wanted to stop for food, but she’d just shaken her head and stared out the window.
“I can get you whatever you need from your place,” I said. My voice sounded too loud in the dark, quiet truck. Silence stretched between us, and when I turned to look at her, tears silently steamed down her cheeks.
My heart shattered.
I shoved the center console up, slid across the bench seat to her, and wrapped my arm around her shoulders, gently tugging her into my side.
“You’re safe,” I whispered, pressing my lips to the top of her head. “I’ve got you.” Her sweet scent invaded my lungs, grounding me, reminding me she was safe.
“It’s so stupid,” she cried, choking on a humorless laugh. “Logically, I know he’s not in there, but?—”
“You went through something terrifying tonight,” I murmured. “The way you feel doesn’t have to be logical.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Those words were so similar to the ones Theo said to me five years ago.
Feelings don’t have to make sense. What you went through didn’t make sense. What you saw, what happened, didn’t make sense. Don’t try to rationalize it. Just feel it.
I forced the past away and sank into the present with her. She needed me fully with her right now. I could spiral later.
We sat together for a bit, and I stroked her hair as she rested her head on my shoulder. Her breathing finally evened out, and when she pulled away, she wasn’t crying anymore. Instead, she was staring at the house like she’d never seen it before. A few breaths passed, then she straightened her shoulders. Reaching up, she wiped her damp cheeks with shaky fingertips.
“I can do this,” she whispered. “I can go in there.”
“You don’t have to,” I told her, squeezing her gently. “But I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”
She nodded, sliding her tongue along her lips. “You’ll check the house first?” she asked, turning to look up at me. Her breath ghosted along my lips, and I inhaled sharply.
“Yes,” I breathed. “I’ll make sure it’s empty.” My gaze dropped to her mouth as she licked her lips again. “You don’t have to go in there. I’ll get everything you need.” I just wanted to protect her, keep her from reliving the events of tonight.
Her eyes flicked between mine. “You’re sure I can stay with you? You really don’t mind?”
My hand slid to the back of her neck, and I tapped my fingers against her warm skin. “I don’t mind.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. I didn’t realize I was moving until the tip of my nose brushed against hers. Electricity shot through my body at the slight contact, and I forced myself to pull away.
Now wasn’t the time to kiss her.
“Stay here. I’ll check everything out first,” I said.
Her throat bobbed as she nodded. “Please be careful,” she whispered, and I smiled softly. I pressed a lingering kiss to her head again, then slid out of the truck. The cold air was welcomed on my heated skin.
I made my way around the perimeter of the house first, checking windows, doors, and the gate in the back. When I got to the front door, the yellow paper with our logo was still on it. I snatched it off and crumpled it before shoving it in my pocket.
Unlocking the door, I stepped inside. It was eerily silent and dark, so unlike Willow’s usually warm and bright home. I kept my back against the wall as I walked toward her bedroom, peeking inside. It was clear, so I moved onto the rest of the house.
My guys already checked every entry point when we were here earlier, but I still took a second to crouch by the back door and inspect it. I switched the latch locked, and something fell into place, but when I pulled on the handle, it slid open.
Either her lock was broken before tonight and the perp got lucky, or…
Or he came earlier to scope the place out and broke the lock. I needed to check the other crime scenes to see if he’d done the same thing.
The house was totally empty, and nothing else had been disturbed, so I didn’t think he’d come back while we were gone. Not that I thought he would’ve. He never hit the same house twice.
I made my way back to the truck, finding Willow’s eyes huge through the window. I hated seeing her so scared. I just wanted to make it all better. I wanted to turn back time and accept her fucking invitation for dinner. I wanted to come home early and spend my night with her.
Because maybe if she hadn’t been here alone, if I would’ve been with her, none of this would’ve happened.
“All clear,” I said as I opened the door. Her chest heaved as she stared at the house, then turned her gaze to me.
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
I braced my hands on her waist and lifted her out of the truck. Her feet hit the ground, but she didn’t move. I wrapped my hand around hers, gently stroking my thumb along the back of it. “You’re sure about this?” I asked, and she dipped her chin in an unsure nod.
“I can do it.”
There was no doubt in my mind that she could do this. But she didn’t need to. Not when I’d do it for her.
We made our way across the yard to the house. The door was open, and the darkness inside was like a blackhole. Suddenly, she dug her feet into the wooden porch, stopping us. I rolled my lips between my teeth, forcing myself to stay silent.
She wanted to go inside, and I’d stand out in the cold with her for however long it took for her to work up the courage to do it.
“Maybe I can’t,” she whispered. “Not yet.”
I gently turned her toward me and crouched so I could get closer to her face. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do,” I said firmly.
“It shouldn’t be such a big deal,” she muttered. “I’m being so dramatic.” Another humorless laugh left her.
I knew it wasn’t her talking. It was years' worth of bullshit her father had fed her.
“You’re not being dramatic,” I said, my voice low. “Don’t you see how strong you are?”
Her eyes flicked between mine. “You think I’m strong?”
“One of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
Silver lined her eyes, but she blinked the emotion away. She turned her face toward the house, toward the door taunting her.
“I don’t know about that.”
Gently, I gripped her chin between my fingers. “ I know . And I’ll remind you every time you forget.” Her breath hitched, and it took all the strength I had not to kiss her right then.
I forced myself to take a step back, to put some distance between us. “Call out what you need, and I’ll get it,” I said, walking into the house. The light was blinding as I flicked it on, and when my eyes adjusted, I smiled.
Her place was a lot neater than the first time I’d seen it. I wasn’t sure if she was keeping it tidy because of me or not, but it was cute.
“I need my makeup bag,” she called from the door. “It’s in the bathroom on the counter.” I nodded as I headed that way. “Oh, and my curling iron. It’s a mess in there. Sorry.”
That was an understatement. Makeup and hair products were scattered all around the counter, overflowing out of an open makeup bag. I wasn’t sure what all she needed, so I just put everything in it. The zipper strained as I pulled it up, and I held my breath as I waited for it to bust.
When I returned to the living room, she was still standing on the porch, her hands wringing together. “What else?” I asked, setting the bag on the couch.
“I just bought groceries, so can you grab some of the perishables? I don’t want them to go bad. Oh, and my clothes.” She groaned. “I don’t know what clothes to get.”
“I’ll get the food after the clothes. How about I just grab some from your closet? Ifyou hate what I pick, I’ll come back and get more.” She smiled softly as she nodded.
“There’s an overnight bag in my closet.” Her face paled at the mention of the closet, her smile disappearing, but I didn’t react. If I did, it would only make her spiral more.
Going to her room, I looked through her closet. It was so weird doing this. Her bed was unmade, the sheets white with little pink flowers all over it. The quilt on top was a pale green and white plaid pattern. Shoes littered the floor, and her jewelry sat in various little dishes on the dresser.
I grabbed a few of my favorite dresses, then moved to the dresser and hesitated. She needed panties, but it felt so wrong going through them.
Deep breath .
The drawer easily slid open, and little lacy panties stared up at me. They were delicate and pretty, with a scrunch on the back that I knew would make her ass look incredible. I grabbed a pink pair, lifting it up. God, what I wouldn’t give to see her in these.
I shook myself. Now wasn’t the time.
Quickly, I shoved a few handfuls into the bag before moving on to the next drawer, finding matching lacy bras. She was killing me. They were soft and see-through, with an underwire.
I was going to die, and her bra and panty drawers would be my heaven.
I needed to stop. I sounded like a fucking creep.
After filling the bag with bras and panties, I grabbed a pair of sandals she always wore and moved to the living room. She was staring out at the yard and turned around when she heard me.
“I got everything,” I muttered, hoping she couldn’t see the raging hard on in my pants. “I, um—” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I grabbed your underwear, too.”
Her face turned bright red. “What?” she squeaked.
“Were you planning on going commando?”
“No!” She looked scandalized, and I huffed out a laugh.
“It’s just some fabric, shortcake. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to hear about your sex life.”
“What sex life?” I laughed again. “I haven’t been with anyone in a decade.”
Fuck. Why did I say that?
“Really?” she breathed, and I shrugged as I slid my hands into my pockets.
“Yep. Pretty pathetic, I know.”
“It’s not pathetic,” she murmured. “Why not? You’re—any woman would be eager to sleep with you.”
The corner of my mouth kicked up in a smirk. Maybe if I couldn’t make her forget about tonight, I could distract her. Even just for a little bit.
“Would they?” I took a step closer to her. Only a few feet separated us. “Would you be eager, sweetheart?”
A tomato-red blush bloomed across her chest and up her neck before settling on her cheeks. “I—I—I would.”
I took another step closer, just a foot separating us now.
She tilted her head back, her gaze locking with mine. Slowly, her tongue traced along her lips, and my gaze followed the movement. My heart hammered in my chest as she stumbled closer, nearly closing the distance. Tension, thick and palpable, settled between us.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” I admitted, my voice a rough whisper that barely reached her.
Her breath caught. “I really want you to kiss me.” Her voice was as breathless and raspy as mine was.
Slowly, she pressed her shaky palms against my chest. I settled my hand over hers, stilling her tremor as my thumb brushed over her knuckles. My other hand slid against her smooth cheek, cupping it. She leaned into my touch, the pulse in her neck throbbing wildly. Her eyes searched mine, wide and questioning. I held my breath. What did she see? What was she thinking?
“You’re sure about this?” My voice was softer now, almost reverent.
Her lips parted on a shaky exhale.
“Just kiss me,” she whispered.
So I did.
Our noses brushed, and her eyes fluttered shut. There was a sharp inhale—hers, mine, or both, I didn’t know—and then our lips met. Softly at first, just a whisper of a touch, and her fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt.
My world narrowed to this moment, to her. She was sweet, and addictive, and a high I knew I’d spend the rest of my life chasing.
She was stiff for a heartbeat, but then she melted into me. Her mouth moved fluidly against mine, like we’d done this a million times before. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me until there was no space between us. My fingers rested against the curve of her ass, and my cock throbbed in my pants.
She whimpered as I trailed my tongue along the seam of her lips, silently begging for permission. They parted, and my tongue swept into her mouth. I swallowed her next moan as my hand moved even lower, cupping her ass possessively.
Goosebumps rippled along my skin as she slid her hands up my chest and wrapped them around the back of my neck, tugging me closer. My fingers tangled in her hair, gently angling her head for a deeper kiss.
I never wanted this kiss to end. I wanted to freeze time and live in this moment with her forever.
We lost ourselves in the kiss until air became nothing but an afterthought, and when I finally pulled away, her lips were swollen and her eyes glazed. I grinned down at her, at the wildness of her hair, the flush of her cheeks.
“How was that?” I whispered.
She let out a breathless laugh. “It was…” Another laugh bubbled up, but she managed, “ Amazing .”