Chapter 15
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Dominic
As much as I’d been looking forward to seeing Kilian on Tuesday, I was disappointed that we barely had any time for each other. We tried to have lunch together, but even then, I didn’t have him all to myself.
Instead, I got to meet Yael, his older sister. It was fun watching how they interacted and noticing the similarities in their features.
They had the same hair color and slim build, and they shared the same nose.
Unlike Kilian, whose eyes were pitch black, hers were two hazel ones.
It was so sweet seeing how much Yael cared for her little brother; she probably wouldn’t have brought him the wallet he’d left at their parents’ house if she didn’t.
“So?” Yael asked, her elbows propped on the table. “How did you two meet?” We were sitting in the lounge on the theater terrace, eating Lebanese takeout that his sister had brought.
Kilian rolled his eyes and laced his fingers behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.
I snickered and took a sip of iced tea, with no intention of answering her.
“Oh, come on!” Yael slumped in her seat, arms folded. “I mean … you call me an hour before and ask me to shop for three people. I should be allowed to know a few details.”
“He forgot his wallet?” I asked, glancing at Kilian’s wallet, which lay beside the pita bread. I turned to Kilian. “Tell me, do you do this on purpose?”
Yael laughed, and I couldn’t help but hear the similarity between her laughter and Kilian’s. Not only in their features, but also in the sound of it. Yael tossed her long, dark brown hair over her shoulder and sat up straighter.
As much as I enjoyed our conversation, lunch was over quicker than I’d expected, and we said goodbye to Yael. Seeing the two of them kiss each other on the cheek and hug brought a smile to my face.
I didn’t have siblings myself and certainly hadn’t grown up as sheltered as they had—which was likely a part of the reason for my downfall.
For a long time, I had mourned the lack of a stable family while looking for a replacement. The chemsex parties had become my drug, a place where I got something that was still far from what I’d been searching for in my foster home.
Yes, I was wary, and it took a long time for me to trust or get close to someone. But I knew right from wrong and could recognize self-destruction when I saw it. The thing with Gian had opened my eyes and given me the courage to seek help. Nico had been there and helped me out of the darkest hole.
“Come on,” Kilian said, guiding me up the stairs to the control room.
“You don’t need to drag me like a cop,” I said, holding my hands up in jest. “I’d come with you anyway.”
But he didn’t hear me and opened the door, forcing me into the dark room. “We have five minutes left before Theo sends a search party.” Kilian’s lips pressed against mine, and I slid my hand into his neck, my tongue in his mouth. Kilian bit my lower lip and stretched it.
“We’ll do something together on Friday.”
“I have to work at Red,” I said breathlessly. “Ronny’s on vacation.”
“Forget about Ronny.”
“Sorry. It’s not possible.”
We laughed, but I could see the disappointment in Kilian’s face.
“Then I’ll think of something,” he said and kissed me again.
At that moment, the walkie-talkie crackled, and Theo’s voice echoed through the room.
“Where’s Kilian?”
“Oh, man, he’s too early,” Kilian groaned, rolling his eyes.
I stroked his cheek and smiled. “I have rehearsal anyway.”
Kilian reluctantly nodded and stepped aside to let me pass. At the door, I turned back to him. “Your sister is nice. I think she likes me.”
“She loves you, babe. Ever since she saw your Hamlet performance on Instagram at the Piadina Bar, she’s a fan of yours.”
“Is that good?”
“Why? Would you rather have her than me?”
“I’m not into older women,” I said, winking at Kilian, before leaving the control room.
The week was too crazy, and there was too much going on at the theater for us to have another chance to meet. When I finished rehearsal on Thursday, I took a quick look into the hall on my way out.
In the ninth row of the audience, Theo, the director, Sebastian, the stage manager, and Kilian were sitting.
He had set up a small desk in front of him with his laptop.
On stage, there were extras, including set designers from Sebastian’s team, acting as stand-ins for the actors.
Through his headset, Kilian was giving instructions to his team.
“Okay, circuit 5, set it to blue and move it up to the left,” I heard him say.
I liked watching him work when he was focused.
The lighting changed and cast a long shadow over the stage.
“It’s a bit cold,” Theo said.
“How about red cloths?” Sebastian suggested.
“Switch to yellow,” Kilian said, and the lighting changed again.
I didn’t want to interrupt them, so I quietly left the hall. It could take hours to get the right lighting for a scene.
Despite the high that Kilian had given me, I was also worried about him. This was the second week he’d been working so much. It wasn’t that I thought he didn’t enjoy what he was doing—he obviously loved his work above all else—but it seemed like he had no sense of when to take a break.
Not that I had done any better. I panicked during my free afternoon off, fearing a relapse. Shaking my head, I boarded the bus and headed home.
Friday was calm. I went through my relaxation exercises, went to the gym, and practiced my lines. But my thoughts kept drifting back to Kilian, and the longer it went on, the more I started to feel like a hypocrite.
I had wanted to stick it out for these three months, but somehow, he made it impossible for me.
Weeks like this were somewhat of a blessing, because Kilian didn’t make my life difficult.
On the other hand, I missed his laughter and his unfiltered comments.
His loose tongue and the way he talked about sex so casually, while I had put a muzzle on myself in that regard.
I was fully aware that Kilian probably thought of me as a prudish square who needed a few buttons pushed to get going.
While Kilian had practically celebrated my inner Mr. Hyde last week, I was afraid to unleash him again because, deep down, I knew that I was actually Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll was just a mask.
During the parties, I had been the one to dominate the guys, whispering all kinds of filthy things in their ears. Since getting off that whole scene, I felt like a cursed submissive bitch. I hated myself for it—until Kilian showed up.
Maybe he was holding up a mirror to me, showing me what he had and what I could no longer have. The bizarre thing was, his attitude turned me on, and it took away all my resolve to stick to my plan.
I’m weak, I thought as I stood next to Vasily at the entrance of Red, checking IDs.
It was only one in the morning, and the way the night had been going, not much more was likely to happen.
It was probably the summer weather that brought people to the lake or made them want to barbecue with friends.
In any case, the club was only a third full, and a few girls had already left.
The night was over. The only question left was whether Vasily or I would be the first to go home.
Still, I made my rounds, collecting empty bottles and dirty towels from the playrooms and starting a load of laundry.
Only two people were still working at the bar, and when I bumped into my boss Maurice in the break room, he just said, “I’m out for the night.
You guys decide who stays until the end. ”
Back in the common room, I drank a glass of water and checked my phone. Not that I was expecting anything, but I secretly hoped to hear from Kilian.
It was odd how attracted I felt to him, but at the same time, I was glad when he didn’t have time for me.
Knowing that the lighting rehearsals would be over next week turned me on in a strange way, and I even imagined agreeing to break my resolve for him.
The fact that I couldn’t get hard didn’t even cross my mind.
Just the thought of doing something forbidden—with him—was enough to make my desire boil over.
Fuck, I’m weak, I thought as I set the empty glass by the sink.
As I left the common room, one of the dancers, Anastasia, passed me. Her full breasts were wrapped in black lace. A thong adorned her firm ass, and a garter belt held her black stockings in place.
“I’m done for today,” she said, brushing past me into the common room. “What about you?”
She leaned against a chair, slipped off her bright red high heels, and pinned up her blonde hair with a clip before opening the fridge.
“I guess I’ll be fighting with Vasily over who gets to go home first.”
Anastasia giggled, knowing that no one at Red would win that battle, and poured herself a glass of orange juice.
“I’ll make one last round, then I’ll face my fate,” I said. “Enjoy your evening off.”
We said our goodbyes, and I headed down the hallway toward the smoking lounge when someone grabbed me from the side and jostled me into one of the playrooms.
“What?” I said, caught off guard as the door slammed shut behind me. I turned around and gritted my teeth. “Kilian? How did you get in here?”
“Through the back door,” he answered with a mischievous smile.
I looked around and found myself in a blue-and-purple lit room. White lounge furniture surrounded a circular stage with a pole. Ice and drinks were ready on a side table. The entire left wall was covered in mirrors, while the right wall was decorated with various sex toys and accessories.
My gaze returned to Kilian, who was watching me with a slightly tilted head and a dark look in his eyes.
“Fuck,” I groaned. “You’re serious.”
“Did you think I was joking?”
“I should go. I mean … I’m working.”
“You’re on a break,” he said in a low, ominous voice.
I swallowed as it dawned on me that I found him much sexier than Anastasia in her lacy lingerie. His messy hair only made him hotter, wilder, and more dangerous. There was a darkness in his eyes that made me swallow hard.
I was at his mercy. Because no matter how hard I tried to keep Mr. Hyde locked away, even I had my pride and refused to run away from this playroom like a scaredy-cat.
Plus, I was just too curious and wanted to see what Kilian had in mind.
I could probably take it easy. He knew I couldn’t get hard, and apparently, that didn’t bother him. My sex abstinence aside, no matter what he had planned for me, I couldn’t really do anything.
Oh yeah, I was incredibly weak.
And a master at lying to myself.