Chapter 19 #2
“Sorry.” Kilian chuckled as he shifted his gaze away from me. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. What were you guys talking about?”
“About you,” Eliah replied.
“Dominic said I’m just as stubborn and persistent as you,” Vanja added as she theatrically flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder.
“Oh, really?” Kilian’s grin turned mischievous. “I’d like to hear more.”
“This conversation is over,” I said curtly, finishing my beer.
Everyone at the table laughed, and I had to work hard to stay serious.
“Here! Your order,” Jacob said, placing a whole pizza margherita in front of Kilian.
“Thanks!”
“What, an order?” Vanja asked. “Can you actually order here?”
“We can,” Jacob answered, sitting down with a second pizza between Eliah and me. “This is the reward for our hard work.”
“What did you guys do?” Eliah asked.
“Set everything up,” Jacob said, nodding toward Kilian. “And he handled the lighting.”
Kilian was now solely focused on the food. He folded his slice of pizza in half and took a bite. As he chewed, he grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth.
Seeing him like this—eating, having fun, and relaxed, just like we knew him—was a relief. I was glad to see he was feeling better and had his appetite back.
“I’ll grab another drink. Want anything?” I asked him.
“Sure, a beer,” he replied, his mouth full.
When he smiled at me, and I saw the light in his dark eyes, my heart fluttered. I wanted to kiss him so badly. But here? In front of everyone?
Returning with two beers, I placed one next to Kilian’s plate. Vanja, Eliah, and Jacob were deep in conversation about the bride and groom, with Vanja asking if anyone knew where Sebastian and Kathrin were going on their honeymoon.
“Hawaii, as far as I know,” Jacob answered.
“Cool! When?”
“Not until the end of September,” Kilian added between bites.
“Supposedly the best time to go,” Jacob continued. “Seb will be gone for an entire month.”
“Man,” Vanja sighed with envy. “I’d love to do that sometime.”
I sat there, barely able to breathe with Kilian nearby. His presence attracted me like I’d never experienced before. And there he was, just sitting there, eating his pizza in big bites as if he hadn’t had a meal in five days.
“You seem to be feeling better,” I said after watching him for a while—probably not as discreetly as I thought.
“Yeah, I’ve been back to normal since Friday,” he replied, grabbing another slice. Before he took a bite, he paused and looked at me. “Thanks for ….”
I waited in vain for him to finish the sentence, furrowing my brow. “What?”
“You didn’t bombard me with questions. I appreciate that.”
“I don’t think you would have answered them anyway.”
“They would’ve put more pressure on me, and … I didn’t have the energy to kick you out, so …”
“Kick me out? Would you have wanted to?”
He thought for a moment, then shook his head. “No, it was fine the way it was.”
“As long as you’re feeling better.”
Kilian folded the pizza slice and shoved it into his mouth.
“I’ve never seen anyone eat pizza like that,” I said with amusement.
“This is how you eat pizza. My dad taught me. And he learned it from Sophia Loren.”
“Sophia Loren? She’s old!”
“Yeah, but in the movie The Gold of Naples, she explains how to eat pizza properly. And this is how you do it,” he said, pointing to the last folded slice in his hand. “Wanna take a bite?”
“I already had, but thanks.”
Kilian winked at me and took a big bite. “What did your dad teach you?”
I was just about to take a sip from my beer when his question caught me off guard. I stared at Kilian for a moment—or maybe through him. The noise around us faded, and my vision blurred.
“Everything okay?”
“Nothing,” I answered, my voice strained.
“Nothing?”
“I didn’t have a father.”
No one else was paying attention, and there were no comments when Kilian inched closer to me, leaning slightly forward.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get too close.”
“It’s okay … I … didn’t have a mother, either.”
“Fuck, what?”
“I was in foster care for a long time.”
“But … where are your parents?”
“Somewhere?” I answered with a question of my own. “I don’t have parents. The only person in my life who comes close to family is Nico. And you’ve already met him.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
“The authorities took me out of there when I was five. I barely remember anything. But if they hadn’t, I probably would’ve starved to death.”
“Fuck …” Kilian wiped his mouth with the napkin and turned back to me. “You’re acting like you’ve got it all together, but I really don’t feel good about bringing this up.”
“I … well, I was in therapy,” I said and shrugged. “But I guess I haven’t processed everything, considering that …” I immediately stopped myself. Kilian had no idea about my experiences in the chemsex scene—an underworld I never would’ve entered if I hadn’t been so desperate for love and affection.
“What are you thinking about?” Kilian pressed.
“The mess down there didn’t just come out of nowhere,” I answered, shrugging again.
I wasn’t sure if Kilian bought my explanation, because he was clearly struggling to keep up his calm demeanor.
“You have no idea how much I still want to know about you, but I think for today, that’s enough. After all, we’re at a party.”
“Party!” Vanja shouted, raising her beer in the air.
“Let’s celebrate!” Jacob echoed, clinking his glass against hers.
I was amazed at how much I enjoyed Kilian’s company. Just sitting next to him made me feel like I was no longer alone—a feeling I’d spent my whole life trying to escape.
All of a sudden, Manuela, the dramaturg, appeared between us. She placed a hand on Kilian’s shoulder and bent down to speak to him. “Kilian, Favre is here.”
Kilian flinched at the name and, his curiosity piqued. “Tatjana Favre?”
“Yes! This is your chance. She wants to meet you. Ludwig has already reminded her three times that you’re permanently employed at the theater. Come on! I’ll introduce you.”
Kilian rose from his chair, gave me a ridiculously charming smile, and left our table with Manuela.
“Who is Favre?” I asked the group, directing my question to Jacob.
“She’s the head of the art museum,” the carpenter answered. “Ever since the new building went up, Kilian’s been complaining about how terrible and amateurish the lighting is.”
My ears perked up. “And he wants to fix it?”
“He’d relight the entire city if they gave him permission.”
The whole table erupted in laughter, and I found myself falling even more for him.