Chapter 30 #2
He raised an eyebrow, the very picture of composure, until his cheek fluttered from suppressing a grin.
“Outside,” I said, pointing to the door. “Now.”
The back door opened onto a large deck strung with lights, the cold hitting us the second we stepped through. I pulled down my sleeves and flipped up my collar.
“What the fuck was that?”
“What was what?” he asked, his breath fogging in the air.
“Sebastian.” I let loose something that sounded embarrassingly like a growl and reached for his arm.
I caught myself just in time and dropped my hand, which made everything so much worse.
Standing two feet away from the man I loved and not being able to touch him was its own specific kind of torture.
“It's not a big deal. Your teammate was trying to set me up with someone. I told him I have a boyfriend.”
He said it the same way he might have said, “Your teammate handed me a beer. I told him I prefer wine.”
Calm and completely unbothered.
“Just like that.” I snapped my fingers, then looked down at my hand. Where the hell had that come from?
“Yes. Just like that.” He smirked, turning toward the house, where thirty slightly drunk guests were paying us exactly zero attention.
Sebastian reached out with his free hand, looped our fingers together, and squeezed.
“I can’t believe you told a guy you met two hours ago that you’re gay,” I breathed out, still feeling somewhat dazed by this very unexpected turn of events. “Aren’t you worried?”
He dropped my hand and leaned back against the railing, facing the door. “I’ve been watching these people all night. They care about hockey and their families and the turkey—in that order. They don’t give a shit about me.”
“Will does,” I pointed out, my tone teasing.
Sebastian’s mouth curved into a wry smile. “Will is very persistent.” He took a sip of his wine, winking at me over the rim of his glass. “I was almost starting to feel bad for him.”
I turned to lean against the railing beside him, making sure to keep several inches between us, while also being close enough that the outer edge of my shoe touched the outer edge of his. It wasn’t much, but it felt like something.
“I fucking hate this,” I said.
He glanced down at our feet, then back up at me. “I know you do.”
“You just came out to my teammate like it was nothing, and I’m standing here mentally measuring how much distance is considered appropriate between two guys who are only supposed to be friends.”
He bumped lightly against my arm.
“For what it’s worth, it wasn’t nothing,” he said quietly. “It just wasn’t as hard as I spent all these years thinking it would be.” He stared straight ahead at the party that was carrying on without us.
I followed his line of sight. Lavoie was serving himself another heaping plate from the appetizer table.
Monroe was pointing at the TV and arguing with Ryan about the game.
The rookies had graduated from sneaking beers to openly cracking open new ones, apparently deciding they no longer cared about being caught.
They weren't the only ones.
I’d spent months telling myself I was staying quiet for Sebastian’s sake, but in the last few weeks, he’d come out to two different groups. I was running out of reasons not to do the same.
“I want to tell them,” I whispered.
“About you, or about us?” He spun to face me, bringing us closer together.
“Both, if you’re okay with it.”
His throat moved as he swallowed, his attention flicking to the house and then back to me. “Right now?”
I nodded, chewing on my lip, and sliding my hand along the railing toward him. The tips of our fingers touched.
Just then, the back door opened, and Will slipped out onto the deck.
Sebastian and I both immediately straightened, though neither of us made a move to step back.
“Hey, Sebastian, I—” Will’s brows pulled together, then cut briefly to our hands, then the door, and back to us again. “Wait. Are you guys together?”
I looked at Sebastian. Sebastian looked at me, his expression soft. Accepting. Encouraging.
“Yeah,” I said, reaching to take his hand and lifting it to my mouth where I pressed a kiss into his palm.
He looped his arm around my back, and I stepped into his side.
Will stared at us for a full three seconds, then he let out a huff of surprise, and then pointed at me. “Okay, first of all, I never picked up on you at all. That’s fucking embarrassing. My radar is normally impeccable.”
“But you picked up on me?” Sebastian asked.
“Pretty much immediately.” Will chuckled and gave him a look. “Why else would I have been hitting on you all afternoon?”
“About that,” Sebastian began. “You, uh, might want to work on your subtlety a bit.”
Will’s "Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit right now?" expression was so much like Ethan’s in that moment that I had to bite back a laugh.
“You’re hot, and I wanted to fuck you.” He shifted his attention to me. “No offense, dude.”
I shook my head. This fucking kid. “None taken.”
Will glanced over his shoulder, then back to us. “And none of them know?”
“Your uncles do.”
He nodded, his head bobbing a few times slowly. “So like, mum’s the word then?”
Sebastian and I shared another look. “I was actually getting ready to tell everyone,” I admitted.
“Cool,” Will hummed, then turned to head back inside.
It wasn’t a decision I remembered making. One minute we were on the deck, and the next we were through the door and moving toward the kitchen, Sebastian’s hand in mine.
Ethan noticed us first, clearing his throat. “Bell.”
Bell, who was a few feet away, gesticulating wildly in what looked like a pantomime of Phoebe Buffay running, turned immediately at the sound of his husband’s voice.
His eyes bounced to Sebastian’s fingers linked with mine, then he put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loud enough to cut through every conversation in the room.
“Yo! T has something to say,” Bell announced.
Thirty faces turned toward us as Sebastian’s thumb swept across my knuckles.
“Uh,” I started, looking out at the crowd, some of whom I’d only met tonight, others I’d spent the majority of the past three years with.
These were my people. This was a safe space.
I knew that deep in my bones. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to do this for a while now, and I kept waiting for it to feel like the right time.
Tonight I realized there isn’t one perfect moment.
” I paused, then cleared my throat. “So … uh. I’m bi.
And this is my boyfriend.” I glanced at Sebastian, who was watching me with an expression I was going to need about a week to fully process.
“Most of you met him already, but if you haven't, this is Sebastian.”
“Wait!” A buzzed Cally called from the back of the room. “I thought you said he was your college roommate.”
“His best friend," his best friend, Mikey "Ports" Porter corrected, shoving at Cally’s shoulder.
“Cool it, you two,” Lavoie chimed in with a broad smile. “It’s clear he’s all three.”
Laughter broke out, and just like that, I’d come out to my team.