Chapter 19 #2
“He absolutely does. Cooper and my Rob are cut from the exact same cloth.” Pam sighs, looking at all four of us.
“It’s so hard to be a woman. Especially a pregnant woman.
The whole damn world wants to tell you how you should feel, and it’s exhausting.
I’m here to tell you that however you feel is the right way to feel.
I’m also here to tell you that if you hate being pregnant, so did I.
If you have no idea if you actually want to be a mom, I didn’t either.
And if you have no idea how to feel most of the time, I promise I felt exactly the same way.
Most women do, it’s just that no one talks about it.
But you can talk about it here. You can always talk to us.
You’re Cooper’s, so you’re ours now too. ”
I let out a long slow breath, trying to get my emotions under control. “I don’t know if I would call myself his.”
Amelia snorts. “Tell that to people who believe you. I saw the look he gave you earlier when he came in with your bags. That look had claiming all over it.”
“Sorry, I have to agree with my girl here,” Hannah says, grinning at me. “He literally raised the temperature in the room with his eyes. That man has it bad for you.”
“He doesn’t,” I protest. “I mean, he can’t. Five minutes ago, we hated each other.”
“And I suppose you got pregnant through immaculate conception?” Pam asks, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Hot damn, now we’re talking!” Jo says, bouncing a little on the couch and linking her arm with mine, her enthusiasm infectious. “Tell us everything about that.”
“It was, like, a moment of pure insanity.”
“It sure wasn’t,” Cece pipes up from her chair.
“That moment was a long time coming. You might think you hated each other, but you never really did. Cooper has had feelings for you forever. I saw it the second he came home complaining about the new associate in his group two years ago. You were always meant to be here, Evan. To be Cooper’s.
And ours too. You’re our missing piece. You and your daughter. Cooper’s daughter.”
Amelia gasps, and every head in the room turns to Cece.
“Daughter?” Jo asks, a waver in her voice.
Cece nods. “Daughter,” she says definitively.
“That’s what Cooper said too,” I say quietly. “He’s sure of it. We haven’t found out yet. I have an ultrasound right after New Year’s.”
Cece waves that away. “You don’t need an ultrasound to tell you what I can see with my own two eyes. Cooper has a way about him, too. If he thinks it’s a girl, it’s definitely a girl.”
“Oh my god, we’re having a girl,” Amelia says, grinning madly at me.
“We definitely need more girls around here. Love this for us.” Hannah reaches around Jo and squeezes my shoulder.
“You’re going to be a wonderful mom,” Pam says, voice low.
I close my eyes for a second, trying to collect myself.
“I have literally never thought about being a mom even once in my entire life. My own mom sucks, so I don’t even know what a wonderful mom looks like.
I figured this would be it. My career, my brother and his partner, my pets, my apartment.
It’s not a huge earth-shaking kind of life, but it worked for me. ”
Pam takes one of my hands. “I didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure if it was my place, but honestly, I love you already and I don’t care. I say what I think. Always have, always will. Any mom who leaves one of her children alone on Christmas doesn’t deserve that title.”
I feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment and just a tiny touch of anger that Cooper divulged this little part of my personal life. I open my mouth to respond, but Pam holds up her hand.
“Don’t be mad at Cooper, honey. When he told me you were coming, I asked him where your family was for Christmas and he wouldn’t tell me, but I’m really persuasive.
He didn’t even realize he was saying anything until the words were already out of his mouth.
” She gives me a sly smile, and despite myself, I laugh.
“But I’m glad he told me because it gives me the opportunity to tell you that you have a family right here.
And not just because you’re having my first grandchild, but because I’m positive my youngest son is crazy about you, and that makes you a part of us.
We’re loud, chaotic, and probably a little crazy, but I promise the one thing you’ll never be in this family is alone. ”
When Pam says the word alone, my eyes fill with tears that spill over immediately as it hits me suddenly exactly how alone I’ve felt for so long.
I didn’t even realize it until I was sitting here with this group of women reaching out their hands and offering me something I didn’t even know I was missing. Friendship. Family. Home.
“I’m sorry,” I manage, taking my hand from Pam’s and swiping under my eyes. “I really didn’t mean to cry all over you the first time I met you. Hormones are so fucked up.”
Jo slides an arm around my waist. “The first time I came here, I accidentally flung a thong, a bra, a vibrator, and a couple of condoms all over the driveway.”
Amelia links her arm through mine. “I cried the first time I came here too. Pam hugged me, and I hadn’t been hugged by a mom in so long that I sobbed all over her.”
Hannah reaches across Jo and takes my hand. “I didn’t come here for the first time so much as I barged in after leaving my awful ex-boyfriend and driving all the way here from Pittsburgh in some kind of fugue state and then I literally never left.”
Cece stands from her chair and joins Pam on the coffee table so we’re all sitting in a tight little circle.
“It doesn’t matter how you got here. Any of you,” she says, as she looks at the four of us on the couch.
“All that matters is that you’re here. When I said we were waiting for you, I meant it.
We were waiting for all of you. We needed you, exactly as you are. You were meant for us, and us for you.”
“Shit, Cece,” Amelia mutters, wiping under her own eyes.
“Yep,” Jo says, sniffling and leaning her head on Hannah’s shoulder as Hannah wipes her own tears away.
My hormones are having a freaking rave right now, and I couldn’t stop these tears if I tried, but sitting here with them, I don’t mind so much.
“Why are you crying? What did they do to you?” Cooper’s voice has me turning to the living room doorway as his gaze sweeps the room, an accusatory look on his face as he makes a beeline for me, nudging Pam out of the way and crouching in front of me, taking both of my hands.
“What did you say to her?” he demands, glaring at his mom and Cece.
Cooper lifts my hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to my knuckles, his deep blue eyes steady on mine.
“What happened, Rhodes? Who made you sad?”
“Not his, huh?” Pam says in an amused voice.
“Head over fucking heels,” Jo says gleefully, tears suddenly forgotten.
Wanting to reassure Cooper I’m fine—needing to, somehow—I lean in and press a kiss to his forehead, my heart squeezing at the way his breath stutters out, the emotion swirling in his eyes when I draw back.
And with him in front of me, and these women around me, somehow, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m home.