Chapter 20 #2
“Mean everything,” I say quietly, as I tip her head back and seal my mouth over hers.
When our lips meet, my brain short circuits, my only thought: This.
More of this. Evan lets out a low moan as I push my tongue into her mouth to tangle with hers, sliding closer to me, splaying her hands on my chest and then twisting them in the fabric of my sweatshirt, meeting my tongue stroke for stroke.
My head spins with the intensity of it all, and I take the kiss deeper, kissing her like I won’t ever get another chance.
Evan didn’t know how right she was when she said that this would feel like the first time.
It feels like the first kiss I’ve ever had.
The first kiss anyone has ever had. The only kiss anyone has ever had in the history of the universe.
Of the cosmos. A revelation. A fucking religious experience.
As my world shrinks to the size of me and her and this porch swing in the dim light of dawn, I realize that this is where we’ve been headed all along.
I realize it’s always been her. It’s only ever been her.
I’ll be different when this kiss is over than when it began.
This is the kiss that changes everything.
“Fuck, Rhodes,” I murmur, breaking away from her mouth to trail my lips over her jaw, down her neck, drinking in her taste and her scent and the feel of her next to me.
I didn’t know it could be like this.
“Fuck is right.” She gasps when I flick my tongue over her pulse. “You can really kiss.”
“It’s not me,” I murmur, licking a path back up her neck and taking her lips again in a kiss that’s longer. Slower. “It’s us. This is how it’s going to feel when we’re together.” I lift my head and lock eyes with her. “Every time, Ev.”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Are you sure it’s not just Christmas magic?”
I recognize the dodge the same way I recognize the tiny bit of panic in her eyes at the intensity between us.
This isn’t a woman who trusts easily. She’s independent, self-sufficient, a certified badass, and she’s been alone for a long time.
Her entire life is changing fast, and she still needs time to catch up.
It’s a good thing I’m a patient sort of guy.
I chuckle, pressing a kiss to her forehead and leaning back against the swing, wrapping my arm back around her and tugging her to my side. “Could be. We’ll need to try it again when it’s not Christmas to test that theory.”
Evan shifts a little closer, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. “Jo mentioned that you guys are having a New Year’s Eve party next week. She invited me.”
Taking one of Evan’s hands in mine, I twine our fingers together.
“Did she?” I ask, giving Jo a mental fist bump.
I’ve wanted to invite Evan to Jo and Jordan’s for New Year’s, but I didn’t know if it would be too much, too fast. Bless my friendly, outgoing, loves everyone in the entire world sister-in-law.
Evan nods. “She mentioned something about The Poseidon Adventure and five kinds of takeout?”
I laugh, pressing a kiss to Evan’s hair.
“Disaster movie night. It was a feature of Jo and Jordan’s early relationship the summer they met in New York.
They watched a movie where a natural disaster destroyed some part of the world, ordered a ton of takeout, and dumped candy into popcorn for dessert.
They brought the tradition to Boston when they moved back here, and it kind of became all of our things.
She likes to match the movie to the moment if she can. Hence, The Poseidon Adventure.”
I can feel Evan’s smile without needing to see it. “Luxury liner gets hit by a tsunami on New Year’s Day. Very appropriate.”
I smile into her hair. “Impressive disaster movie knowledge, Rhodes—you’ll fit right in. So, what do you think? Wanna come hang with us on New Year’s Eve, eat too much takeout, and fight with Noah over whether gummy candy belongs in candy popcorn?”
She wrinkles her nose, and it’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. “Ew, that’s just blasphemy. Peanut M&Ms or nothing.”
I lean down and smack a kiss to her cheek. “I knew we were meant to be. Please come. Don’t leave me hanging with three couples and no one to kiss at midnight.”
Evan sits up so she can look at me. “I think I’d like that. And maybe after…” She trails off and looks away, almost like she’s gathering her courage. When she looks back at me, there’s an uncharacteristic uncertainty in her eyes. “Maybe I can stay?”
I tilt my head and study her, going for casual even as all the blood in my body drains to my dick at the thought of having Evan in my bed. “I don’t know, Rhodes. I’m not sure if we’re there yet.”
She rolls her eyes. “So, you can fuck me in a conference room but not in your bed? I’m fucking pregnant, Cooper. The jig is up. I have the baby currently knocking against my stomach to prove it.”
I feel the grin spread over my face. “No fucking way—she’s moving? Like, right now?”
Evan shrugs. “Yeah. I think it’s the caffeine. It happens a lot in the morning after coffee. It was just a flutter at first, and it kind of gets stronger every day. It’s super fucking weird.”
I’m asking Evan the question before my brain even has time to process it. “Can I feel?”
She frowns. “Feel what?”
“The baby. Can I feel her move?” I have no idea how she’s going to react to that, but it’s out there, so I’m in it now.
“Okay, first of all, you don’t know it’s a her, and second of all, the only way to feel is for you to put your hand on my stomach, and even then, I don’t know if you’ll feel anything. I’m only, like, twenty weeks. It might not be strong enough.”
I smile at the confusion in her voice, like she doesn’t quite know what to make of me, and I realize I like the idea of throwing this gorgeous, formidable woman just a little off her game.
“I do know it’s a her, and I might not know a lot about pregnancy, but I do know where inside of you that baby lives. ”
She wrinkles her nose. “You want to feel my stomach?”
Toying with the ends of her ponytail, I laugh. “I’ve had my hands on almost every inch of you. You have a problem with me touching your stomach?”
Evan furrows her brow in thought. “I guess not. Like I said, it’s really weird to have this, like, thing inside me moving around. I don’t know how to feel about it.”
I shrug, giving her some of my truth. “I don’t know how to feel about it either, but if she’s doing something in there, I think it might be cool to feel.”
Now it’s her turn to shrug. “Okay, I guess.”
Eying me just a little warily, Evan turns, sliding a little closer and unwrapping herself from the blanket.
Reaching out, I slide a hand under her sweatshirt and pajama top, laying it on the smooth, warm skin of her belly.
She rests a hand over mine, moving it a little to the left, and a second later, I feel it.
At the soft knock against my hand, I freeze, my breath hitching as my world tips on its axis.
When it happens again, it’s like I can feel my entire being shift. My cells reorient and rearrange themselves to make me into someone entirely new. In the space of a breath and a tiny baby kick, what was theoretical becomes concrete. What was uncertain becomes sure.
I’m someone’s dad.
“Holy shit,” I whisper, tears burning my eyes. When one falls, Evan reaches up and wipes it away, staring at me like she’s never seen me before in her entire life. “That’s our baby, Ev. She’s moving. Like, really moving.”
Evan smiles, but it’s just a touch sad. “I’m glad one of us is excited about that.”
Taking my hand from her stomach, I cup her face. “Why does that make you sad?”
Evan sighs, and this time when she leans into my touch, it’s for real, like she’s taking her comfort from me, and my heart pounds at the thought.
“Sometimes it feels like everyone is excited except for me. Rio texted a hundred times yesterday with pictures of baby clothes he’s buying in Miami, and Chris is getting recommendations on the best strollers from his teammates with kids.
Jo was practically bouncing in her seat at the idea of being an aunt again.
When you felt the baby move just now, you looked like someone handed you the entire world on a silver platter.
And then there’s me. The actual mother of this baby, still trying to figure out how I feel about it. ”
I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead, wanting to reassure her.
Needing to. “However you feel is the right way to feel. This came out of nowhere, and as much as I hate that it has to be this way, it’s you who has to do all the hard work and heavy lifting.
It’s okay not to know how to feel today.
It’ll be okay not to know how to feel tomorrow or the next day, the day this baby comes into the world or any day after that.
This whole thing is a mindfuck, Ev, and there’s no instruction manual for it.
I can think it’s cool that I can feel the baby and also wonder how on earth we’re supposed to actually raise a kid. ”
Something like relief flashes in her eyes. “You wonder that? How we’re supposed to raise a kid?”
I smile at her hopeful tone. “Every day. I never thought about being a dad. Literally never in my life did I think, Hey I think I’d love to have a bunch of kids. I wonder all the time whether I’ll be good enough for it. Whether I’ll know what to do. Whether I can be what a kid needs.”
“Oh, thank god,” Evan says, laughing a little. “I thought it was just me. You’re always so calm about everything.”
I shrug, stroking a thumb over her cheekbone.
“I’m a calm sort of guy, and I’ve been focusing on taking care of you.
Making sure you have everything you need.
I figured we could sort out the whole what to do with the kid thing when she’s actually here.
But if you ever want to talk about it, I hope you’ll talk to me.
It’s okay to be scared, uncertain, confused, or pissed as hell, but let’s do it together, okay?
Talk to me, Rhodes. I really like the sound of your voice. ”
Evan blows out a breath and smiles. “Okay. Thanks for that. And for what it’s worth, you’re a gold medal caretaker. The bagels alone would have won you that award, even if I ate so many of them I kind of don’t want to look at another bagel for the rest of my life.”
I grin, lifting her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I’ll make you anything you want. I wouldn’t make that offer to anyone but you.”
She lifts an eyebrow. “I mean, you definitely wouldn’t because no one knows you’re, like, a savant in the kitchen. But if you’re offering, I wouldn’t say no to cookies. Peanut butter chocolate chip is a personal favorite.”
“You got it.” I point at her. “But keep it to yourself, Rhodes. Gotta maintain the ruse.”
She laughs, and warmth trickles through me despite the cold morning air.
I absolutely love this day. When the front door opens, we both turn to my mom, who is standing there in the same pajamas Evan and I both wear under our sweatshirts, grinning maniacally.
“Well, isn’t this the coziest little morning for two I’ve ever seen. ”
I roll my eyes and wink at Evan, who flushes a pretty shade of pink. “Morning, Mom.”
“Good morning, my babies. If you’re done out here, breakfast is almost ready, which means it’s about time for me to see which one of my children bought me the best present this year.”
Chuckling, I squeeze Evan’s hand. “We’ll be right in.”
When my mom goes back inside, I turn to Evan, stroking a thumb over her cheek. “What do you think? Want to go dive headfirst into a Wyles Christmas?”
She cocks her head to the side. “I don’t know…what’s in it for me?”
I grin, standing from the swing and holding a hand out to her. “A nosy mom, a potentially psychic grandma, three brothers who live to give each other—and me—shit, three women who treat gossip like a sport, and your former work nemesis turned guy who kind of, sort of, really likes you.”
Evan laughs, putting her hand in mine. “Sounds perfect.”
As the sun starts to rise, we head inside to have Christmas with family.
And it’s the most perfect day.