Chapter 42
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
COOPER
I’m flipping the quesadillas with one hand and squeezing fresh lime into guacamole with the other when my front door flies open. “We brought lunch!” Noah announces.
“Jesus, Noah, turn the volume down,” Elliot says in a normal voice. “A baby lives here now.”
“Hang on.” Jordan’s voice filters into the kitchen. “Why does it smell like lunch in here already? Cooper!” he calls. “Who made lunch?”
Fucking shit.
I glance at the pan on the stove with quesadillas that are five minutes from being done.
The bowl of almost guacamole. Spices and ingredients spread out on the counter and my secret cabinet standing wide open.
This is way too much stuff to shove into the dishwasher.
All the visions I had of unveiling my secret to my family in the most epic way possible run through my brain and then vanish, one by one.
I guess this is happening now. And honestly, I think maybe them coming in here and seeing me just like this is epic all on its own.
“Evan, did you make lunch?” my mom asks.
“Cooper Wyles,” she yells from the living room.
“I swear to god, if you let the mother of your child make lunch three days after she gave birth to your baby, I’m giving you up for adoption.
” I stay quiet, snickering at her melodrama, thrilled that she’s here to see this too.
“Oh Pammy, he would never.” Cece’s voice is full of the kind of amusement that makes me entirely sure she has known this whole time that I am, in fact, one hell of a cook.
“I don’t think adoption is going to be necessary, Pam,” I hear Evan say gleefully from her perch on the couch, like she knows she’s about to get a show and is entirely here for it.
“There’s my Emmy Girl,” my mom coos, and I’m sure she’s parking herself on the couch next to Evan, settling in and plucking the baby right out of Evan’s arms.
I should probably make more quesadillas.
“Cooper, where the fuck are you?” Noah calls.
“Kitchen,” I yell, tossing a dishtowel over my shoulder and grabbing a spatula with one hand and a whisk I don’t need with the other. I’m in it now, so I might as well commit. I kind of wish I had an apron.
“Uh, what the fucking fuck am I looking at? What are you doing?”
Pasting a nonchalant expression on my face, I turn at Elliot’s voice to find all three of my brothers frozen in the kitchen doorway, Evan standing behind them, looking gorgeous with her blonde hair piled on top of her head and her blue eyes sparkling, fuzzy pink slippers on her feet and beaming at me like this is the most fun she’s ever had.
Winking at her, I turn my attention to Noah, Elliot, and Jordan, all of whom are staring at me like I have six heads. “I’m making lunch.”
“You’re…huh?” Noah says, his tone bewildered.
“What part of that was confusing to you?” I ask, biting my cheek to keep from smiling when Evan snorts, slapping a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
“Uh, the part where you’re cooking,” Jordan says. “You can’t cook.”
I shrug casually, gesturing to the stove. “All evidence to the contrary.”
“But…how?” Elliot’s gaze bounces from the stove to me. “Did you take cooking classes or something?”
“Nah, just something I picked up along the way.”
I’m practically biting my tongue in half, trying harder than I ever have in my life not to laugh while I watch my brothers—the three smartest people I know—try to figure out what the fuck is happening right now.
Nothing I could have planned to reveal my big secret could possibly be better than this.
“How long?” Jordan finally asks.
I make a big show of turning around to check the quesadillas, and when I find them done, I turn off the burner and flip them onto two plates.
Slicing one into four neat pieces with a pizza cutter, I add guacamole to the plate and walk past my brothers, casually handing the plate to Evan.
I squeeze her hip, feeling her practically vibrate with the effort of holding in her laughter.
“This is the best day of my life,” she mumbles.
Grinning, I bend and kiss her cheek. “How long what?” I ask, turning back to my brothers.
“How long have you been able to cook?” Noah demands.
I shrug again, smirk breaking free. “Like, twenty years, give or take a few.”
“What. The. Fuck.” Elliot gives me the most accusatory look I have ever seen. “Mom, get in here,” he yells.
“Shit,” I mutter, suddenly feeling a healthy dose of fear because there’s no way Pam Wyles isn’t going to exact her vengeance for this little act of subterfuge.
“Shit is right,” Jordan says. Crossing his arms over his chest, he spins to glare at Evan. “Did you know about this?” he demands.
Evan puts her hands on her hips and stares right back at him. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Jord. Know about what, exactly?” she asks in her very best questioning the witness voice, and I have never loved her more.
“What’s happening in here?” my mom says, coming up behind Evan, Emmy tucked into one arm, glancing around at all of us. “Cooper, why are you holding a spatula, and is that a whisk? You don’t own a whisk.”
“I’ll tell you what’s happening here,” Noah says, whirling around to face my mom.
“This asshole”—he points at me—“has been fucking with us for, like, two decades. He’s holding a spatula because he’s making lunch.
I don’t know what the deal is with the whisk, but he’s making fucking lunch.
There’s guacamole. We brought Chinese food for lunch because he can’t cook…
but he can cook! He can really fucking cook and he’s been, like, pretending he can’t or some shit all this time. ”
My mom stares at me, laser beams shooting out of her eyes, and if looks could kill, I would be extremely dead right now. “Is this true?” she asks in a voice that’s low and deadly.
“Well of course it’s true, Pammy.” Cece appears behind my mom, beaming out a smile. “Cooper is brilliant. You really think he’s been that bad in the kitchen all this time by accident?” She shakes her head. “That kind of ineptitude is all the way on purpose.”
My mom’s eyes bug out as she swings her gaze back to me, red curls swirling around her face, and that’s when I finally break.
I bend at the waist as a laugh bubbles out of me, and I see Evan give up the fight too, holding her sides as she laughs hysterically.
We both laugh until tears are streaming down our faces, my brothers looking on incredulously, and then, to my absolute shock, my mom tosses her head back and cackles.
“What the fuck?” Jordan mumbles.
Noah looks around with wild eyes, and Elliot frowns, his forehead furrowed like he’s trying to solve an unsolvable math problem.
My mom seems to get ahold of herself and opens her mouth to speak, but no sound comes out as she shakes her head and dissolves into laughter again, which sets Evan off a second time and then me.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?” Noah practically roars, stomping his foot like a toddler having a tantrum, which does nothing to stop my laughter.
“Uh, everything okay?” Everyone turns to the kitchen doorway where Jo, Amelia, and Hannah are standing shoulder to shoulder, looking around like they’re trying to find the source of Noah’s ire.
“Everything’s great,” I say, walking over and tossing an arm around Evan’s shoulders with a grin at the girls.
“Noah’s upset because he just found out that I’ve been pretending I don’t know how to cook since we were kids.
My mom seems to think it’s funny, and I think Cece has known all along, but I’m pretty sure my brothers may never speak to me again. ”
Jo barks out a laugh, looping her arm through Jordan’s and looking at Evan. “Did you know?”
Evan grins, sliding an arm around my waist. “Sure did. Cooper makes a mean bagel.”
Jordan narrows his eyes at her. “Like, he does a good job toasting them?”
Evan’s grin turns wicked. “No, like, he does a good job making them from scratch. With flour and yeast and whatever else goes into bagels.”
I shrug when everyone looks at me. “Homemade is better.”
My mom hands Emmy to Hannah and then laughs so hard she wheezes. “You are the youngest child of my dreams,” she manages, looking at me. She points to my open cabinet with the built-in secret door. “That where you keep your stash?” she asks wryly.
I shrug again. “Couldn’t risk anyone finding my supplies. This kind of lie takes effort.”
My mom nods at me, her lips tipping up. “Respect, Cooper. I don’t think I have ever been prouder of one of my children in all my years of parenting.”
“Right?” Evan says, beaming up at me proudly. “Talk about iconic.”
“It was the video games, right?” my mom asks. “You realized pretty quickly if you sucked in the kitchen, I would kick you out and make your brothers do it all, and for the time it took them, you wouldn’t have to fight anyone for the controllers.”
Laughing again, I step over and kiss her head. “How do you know everything?”
She smirks at me. “I’m a very, very good mom.”
“Not so good you didn’t realize Cooper has been fucking with us for, like, his whole life,” Elliot says.
My mom swings her gaze to him. “You want to try that again?”
Elliot blows out a breath. “You’re the best mom ever. No mom in the world has ever been better than you.”
She nods with a grin. “Bet your ass. Well, Cooper, you win the coveted favorite child award today on account of more than two decades of deception. That takes a kind of creativity and brilliance I’m positive you learned from me.”
All three of my brothers’ mouths drop open in unison. “He’s not even going to get in trouble?” Elliot asks. “That’s, like, twenty-three years of lies. Twenty-three years of setting tables instead of cooking like the rest of us. Asshole,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Damn straight,” Noah mutters
Amelia snorts. “El, I think you forgot for a second that you guys are all adults.”
“And also, that you all love to cook.” Hannah grins at me, amusement all over her face.
“Especially for us.” Jo grins up at Jordan.
“That’s besides the point,” Noah grumbles.
Jordan rolls his eyes. “Definitely besides the point.”
My mom links an arm through mine. “Oh, he’s in trouble, alright.” She looks up at me. “I’m proud of you, you little shit. And you gave me a grandchild this week, so I’m feeling magnanimous enough to only make you cook midnight breakfast for all of us, all alone, for a year.”
“Wait, Evan knew, and she kept the secret too.” I toss my girlfriend straight under the bus without a qualm. “I think she should have to help me.”
The eyebrow Evan raises says, very clearly, No fucking way, and I give her a cheeky wink.
My mom gives me a cool stare. “I’m sure you didn’t just volunteer the mother of your child for kitchen duty. Be so for real right now, Cooper.”
I shrug. “It was worth a try.”
Emmy chooses that moment to let out a soft cry, and my mom smirks at me. “Your own daughter seems to disagree.”
Cece scoops Emmy from Hannah’s arms, cuddling her close. “What do you think, Emmy girl?” she says as she walks into the living room. “Greatest family in the world, right?”
“Definitely greatest family in the world.” Jo grins and follows Cece out.
Noah takes the plate out of Evan’s hand and shoves it at me. “Evan’s lunch is cold. I think you better make her a new one. You know, seeing as you can cook and everything. And you better make one for me too. And Han,” he says, wrapping an arm around her waist. “She loves quesadillas.”
“Want a quesadilla, Ames?” Elliot asks, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “Cooper’s cooking. Apparently, he can do that now.”
I grin, taking the plate from Noah. “How long do you think I’ll be on your shit list for?”
“Oh, it’s gonna be a while,” Jordan says with a smirk. “Better brush up on your groveling.”
“A long while,” Noah mutters. He steps away from Hannah and throws his arms around me. “I love you, you asshole.”
My heart squeezes when Elliot joins the hug, and then Jordan, the four of us standing together right in the middle of my brightly lit kitchen. “I can’t fucking believe you’re a dad,” Elliot says out of nowhere.
“Totally weird right?” I say on a laugh.
“Nah,” Jordan says quietly. “Fatherhood looks good on you, Coop.”
“Thanks,” I manage, emotion tightening my throat.
When we break apart and my brothers head to the living room, I see Evan still standing there swiping under her eyes. I’m in front of her in a flash, cupping her face in my hands. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” she says on a watery laugh. “Just seeing you and your brothers like that…” She shakes her head.
“I don’t know, it’s a weird hormone thing.
Or maybe just the fact that I’ve never, ever met people like your family.
I didn’t know families like this even existed in real life. I really love them,” she says quietly.
Closing my eyes for a second against the onslaught of emotion, I lean down and press my forehead to hers. “They love you too. And so do I. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. It’s always been you, Ev. And it’ll be you until the end of time.”
Evan tips her head up and kisses me, soft and sweet and full of promise. “Always,” she murmurs.
“You better be cooking, Cooper,” Noah yells from the living room, and we both laugh, easing back from each other, the moment broken.
Evan pats my chest. “Guess you better get cooking, Cooper. You fucked around and now it’s find out time.” She winks at me and saunters into the living room, and I turn back to the stove to make lunch for my apartment full of family, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.