Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
SAM
London, UK – November
“You’ve really gotta clear the air with Dad. I cannot keep coming to North West London to see you,” Hannah said as I set her coffee down on the table. The winter sun was bright, and even though it was cold, it still felt good to sit outside and enjoy a coffee under the sunshine.
“It takes you forty minutes to get here. This is literally the first time you’ve done it, and you were already coming out this way because you’re meeting a friend for lunch. You literally said you could squeeze me in,” I pointed out.
It was only when the euphoria of winning the ATP Finals died down, and my countdown to when I could be back in my own bed went down to one, that I remembered my own bed was in a house I lived in with my dad.
A man I still wasn’t ready to speak to. Naomi hadn’t hesitated to offer up their guest bedroom, and I hadn’t hesitated to take her up on it.
We’d been back in London three days, and I’d not slept in the guest bedroom once.
“The first part of my sentence still stands.”
I ran a hand over my face. “I know. How is he, anyway?” Both my sisters respected that unless I asked about him, I didn’t want updates.
The sip Hannah took from her coffee seemed to last for lightyears. “He’s fine. Like I said a couple of months ago, he’s got golf friends now. He seems settled,” she eventually answered steadily. I waited for the ‘but’ to come as she took another sip.
“But there is definitely still some anger there about the way things ended between the two of you.”
“What makes you say that?”
Hannah’s thumb started running along the edge of her coffee cup lid.
“He watched your Finals match the other day. I know I already messaged you about it, but congrats on the win. Anyway, he noticed that you didn’t thank him even though he was your coach for most of the season, but you did thank the Sullivans. ”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t.” I knew I hadn’t.
I made sure to keep my thank yous as neutral as possible so they couldn’t be picked apart.
I’d even double-checked my adrenaline-fuelled brain hadn’t forgotten to do that by watching the video Alisha took of my speech afterwards.
“I thanked my friends and family, and that was it. I know that was it.”
“Yeah, well, he didn’t take it that way. He thought he deserved at least some of the praise for what he helped you achieve.”
I leaned back in my seat and widened my legs as the new angle gave them more space.
“And that’s why I’m not in the headspace to clear the air with him. Was it just anger at not being acknowledged, or was there something that could fall under the umbrella of pride there?”
Hannah’s eyes looked down. “You know he’s proud of you.”
“Did he say that, though?”
Her gaze flicked back up, and she sighed. “No. He didn’t. It was mostly annoyance. But you can’t blame him.”
“I don’t. The way things ended was rough, I acknowledge that.
I should’ve handled it way better. But he also shouldn’t have tried to make me feel like an immediate failure for retiring from a match with heatstroke and then suggest I defy doctor’s orders and put my health at risk for the sake of a sport.
If I tried to talk to him now, I don’t think it would end well, and then you and Charlie would really be stuck in the middle.
I’m trying to make this work for all of us in the long term. ”
As I took a sip of my own coffee, I felt a head slide onto my thigh and huff. When I looked down, it was to see Logan’s eyes looking up at me. I rested my hand between his ears, and his eyes closed as he sat down at my side. A moment later, one of his owners arrived at our table.
Naomi’s nose was a little bit pink from the cold. She was wearing one of my leisure hats and sunglasses along with her usual black leggings and black walking boots, and I knew there was a jumper underneath her puffer jacket. There were two leads in her hand.
“Sorry. Mum did warn me that one of our leads was broken, but she couldn’t remember which one, and I guess I know now. He saw you and took off. Well, power walked, but apparently it was with enough strength to unclasp the lead,” she said a little breathlessly.
“He’s fine. You coming or going?”
“Coming. Although he looks like he might have other ideas.”
Logan’s head was heavy on my leg. How it was comfortable enough to fall asleep on, I didn’t know, but he seemed to be doing it.
“You want company on your walk?”
A bright smile broke out on Naomi’s face. “If you’re around.”
“Hannah has to be somewhere in twenty minutes if you don’t mind hanging around?”
“Sure. I’ll go kill time in the bookshop if you’re alright to keep Logan?” I nodded, and she handed me one of the leads, which I clipped to his harness. He didn’t stir. “Cool, let me know when you’re done. It was nice to see you Hannah.”
Her ponytail flared out as she turned on her heels and crossed the road to the bookshop.
“Well, I don’t need to wonder anymore about the two of you,” Hannah drawled, dragging my eyes away from Naomi’s retreating figure.
“Huh?”
“I was gonna ask if the two of you had managed to resolve all that unresolved sexual tension that was basically choking us on that night out, but I have my answer now.”
I frowned. “I told you both we went on a date?”
Although now that I was thinking about it, neither of them responded, which seemed unusual.
“You might have thought you did. Maybe you typed it and forgot to send because you definitely did not update me on that turn of events. Where did you even find the time?”
“She came to Paris. We talked, and now we’re dating. In theory. We’ve not actually formally been on another since the first.”
The matches came thick and fast after our date, and the only thing I really wanted to do at the end of each one was be horizontal.
The benefits of entering a relationship with both a professional athlete and a physio were that she actively encouraged as much rest as possible.
I made it on the odd outing for food when we were in Turin, but most of the time, I was basically a recluse.
In a lot of ways, the way Naomi and I interacted hadn’t changed that much.
Except both of us were aware of a very serious non-serious bet on who would cave on kissing the other first, and so there was a lot more touching.
Fingers against lower backs, hands high on thighs, featherlight touches along ribs under the covers, backs pressed fully against fronts, inconspicuous movements of hips.
A slow cranking of a dial that was bound to reach its limit eventually.
Probably imminently now that there wasn’t the distraction of work humming in the background of everything. We had two solid weeks where neither of us had to really think about tennis at all.
“You live together. How is that even possible?”
Heat prickled across the back of my neck.
“Okay, we don’t live together. And it’s possible because we both know saving energy is key, so we didn’t expend it.”
Hannah’s face screwed up. “That is way more information about my brother’s sex life than I wanted.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I had to do a lot of resting, and she understood, so it was a lot of the four of us hanging out.”
“Still is, by the sounds of things,” she muttered.
“Staying with them is safer than with you or Charlie, who I can’t trust won’t spring Dad on me ‘accidentally’.”
She sighed. “We’re just gonna go around in circles on this, so let’s park it. I’m gonna respect that you need to do this in your own time. I guess Christmas is out of the question?”
I nodded. “This year, yes. I’m in Australia by then anyway,” I added quietly.
I could tell in Hannah’s eyes that she understood what that meant and who I was spending it with.
A pang of sadness flashed through me, but it was quickly replaced by the anger I’d felt earlier when she’d talked about how Dad reacted to my win.
I knew I was right not to go to Dad while I still held this negative energy towards him, but for a brief moment, I wondered if I should try anyway for my sisters’ sakes.
“Okay, give me and Charlie a date, and we can celebrate it before you go. It’s good to know you won’t be spending it alone.”
“I’m sorry if it ends up being awkward for you with him in the end.”
“Don’t be. My need to want to fix it is probably driven by the fact that our plan didn’t work, and I feel it’s my job to problem-solve it as the oldest. We can weather this storm while you process and heal, and figure it out.
You deserve that much because you’re right.
He shouldn’t have only been annoyed he didn’t get credit; he should’ve been proud of you, too.
I can’t imagine living in that framework for as long as you did. ”
“It really wasn’t that long. This year was the worst, and it’s better now.”
That seemed to be a sign to Logan to wake up as his head lifted off my leg, where the muscles tingled as the blood rushed back, and he looked up at me expectantly as he slowly stood back on all fours.
“I think he’s trying to tell you he’s ready to go.” Hannah laughed. “Impeccable timing, I’ll give him that. Come on, bring it in.”
Hannah stood and opened her arms. I rose too and stepped into her, wrapping one of my arms around her and feeling her squeeze around my shoulders. When she pulled back, she locked eyes with me.
“I love you, and I’m proud of you.”
I kissed her temple. “I love you too.”