31. Grey
Chapter 31
Grey
“ I need chocolate,” I say, pushing past Piers into his and Julie’s house.
“Welcome in,” he says sardonically.
“Thanks.”
“No, Grey,” Julie says, swatting my hand away as I reach for the fresh brownies on the counter. “Those are for a bake sale at work.”
“I can guarantee you I need it more than your work bake sale does.”
“It’s to raise money for hurricane relief.”
I hesitate, then steal a brownie anyway, shoving it into my mouth as fast as humanly possible to prevent Julie from stopping me. Her face contorts in anger, and for a second I think she’s going to claw her hands into my mouth to rip the brownie from it.
“Grey!” Julie yells, though luckily keeps her hands to herself.
“I’ll give you a signed poster to sell or something,” I reply through my mouthful of chocolate. So good.
“I can’t bring a signed poster of my brother-in-law to my work bake sale ,” Julie huffs.
“Then I’ll come in-person and take photos for money, I don’t know.”
“Nobody wants a photo with you, you asshole, dickwad, bastard?—”
“Babe, wait,” Piers interrupts his wife. “Something’s seriously wrong with him right now. He never volunteers to go anywhere.”
I swallow down the not-fully-chewed brownie, which is as thick as cement going down, and grab another.
“He also never eats sweets unless it’s a special occasion. You know that.”
“So, why is he eating all of my brownies?”
“Because the internet said chocolate is supposed to help with psychosis.”
“Psychosis? What are you talking about, Grey? Why are you here?”
“I’m losing it, Piers. I need help.”
“Are you on something right now? Did you take something?” Piers asks, his features painted in concern.
“He’s not on anything,” Julie says, swatting Piers’ chest.
“How do you know?”
“Because, in case you forgot, dear, I have a doctorate in psychology and meet people who are experiencing actual psychosis and drug addictions every day.”
“Then what’s wrong with him?” Piers asks as I reach for my third brownie.
“He’s just experiencing emotions.”
I speak around the mouthful of brownie. “These are stronger than normal emotions.”
“If you eat any more of those, you’re going to vomit,” Julie warns, like a half-resigned mother talking to a wayward toddler. “Just sit down, since you’re already here, and tell us what’s wrong.”
I do as she says and fall into the couch, although I bring the brownie pan with me.
“Spill,” Julie says.
“I hope you don’t talk to your patients with that tone,” I reply.
“Only the ones who stroll in uninvited at eight p.m. and eat all the brownies I just spent an hour making from scratch.”
“If it makes you feel better, they are incredible.”
Julie just glares.
“What’s up, bro?” Piers asks.
I sigh. I don’t know how to say this. “I think I’m in love with Aspen Jordan,” tumbles out. I guess we’re getting right into the thick of it.
Julie’s and Piers’ mouths drop open in sync. I start on brownie number four while they struggle to pick their jaws up off the floor. Julie’s right, my stomach is starting to hurt. Maybe I should slow it with the brownies.
“That’s amazing!” Piers answers, once he’s gathered his senses back.
“It’s actually the worst thing that’s happened to me, possibly ever,” I correct.
“Why’s that?” Julie asks. “Sounds like pretty good news to me.”
My face drops. “I never told you guys, did I?”
“Tell us what? You broke up?” Piers asks.
“We were never really dating. It’s all just for show, the studio asked us to do it to boost the film’s sales.”
Piers looks like he’s just been told Gran died and Julie looks equally shocked, but…happier?
“I told you,” she says, nudging Piers’ arm lightly. “They got off to such a bad start, no way Aspen would start dating him like a week after the snake episode.”
“Fake snake,” I clarify.
“Either way, it would’ve taken way longer for her to warm back up to you after such a cold-blooded incident. Get it, babe?” she asks, looking at Piers with a smirk.
He responds like he’s on autopilot. “Good one, babe. But wait, Grey, you’re not really dating her?”
“Negative.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because I was sworn to secrecy. Obviously, the fact that we’re not really together is sensitive information.”
“But now you’re actually into her?” Julie asks.
“I think I’m beyond into her . But it doesn’t matter, because she doesn’t feel the same way about me. This is completely one-sided. I think I’m the only guy dumb enough to fall for his professional-actress-fake-girlfriend. Seriously, how daft am I?”
“How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way? Maybe she does, but she’s as scared as you are to admit it.”
“I’m not scared to admit it; I just know better. It’s obvious she doesn’t feel the same way. Everything she does screams that she sees me as only a friend, if that.”
“I need specific examples,” Julie replies. “A woman’s actions can be hard to read, leave it to the experts.”
“Fine. Well, for starters, she’s being paid millions to hang out with me, so pretty much everything she does can be discounted.”
“You’re being paid to spend time with her too,” Piers notes.
“Yeah, but it’s different with her.”
“How?” Julie asks.
“It just is. It’s hard to explain. But it's pretty clear she’s not interested in me. She hasn’t liked me from the start?—”
“Which, fair enough, you were pretty awful to her,” Julie adds.
“I know I was.”
“But she seems to have finally warmed up to you,” Julie says. “That’s something.”
“Only as a friend. She isn’t interested in me like that, I can just tell. Whenever I try to flirt with her she just laughs and brushes it off. She doesn’t reciprocate. She sees me as a funny interlude, not as a life partner.”
“Whoa, life partner? You like her that much?” Piers questions.
“I don’t know. I could, but I’ve only known her a few months. And she doesn’t feel the same, so what does it matter?” I frown down at the brownie pan, itching for another but knowing I shouldn’t.
“What has you so convinced that she doesn’t like you romantically? You seem really assured that she doesn’t, and so far I’ve yet to hear a reason why she wouldn’t,” Julie says.
“That’s the thing, there’s no reason why she would . For starters, I’m just now regaining my footing with her, as I said. On top of that, she’s twenty-one, gorgeous, and everyone loves her. I’m just her twenty-nine-year-old coworker. It doesn’t add up; I have nothing to add to her life.”
“Grey,” Julie deadpans. “You’re literally the Sexiest Man Alive twice over.”
Piers frowns.
“Second sexiest,” Julie amends, patting Piers’ thigh. “But you know what I mean. The entire world lusts after you. Why wouldn’t she?”
“I don’t want lust, I want love. I want someone who likes me , not my body. After all, all this,” I say, motioning down at my body, “isn’t going to last forever.”
“How does she act on your dates?” Julie asks, switching her line of questioning.
“I don’t know. Normal, I guess.”
“So, she’s relaxed around you?”
“I guess so.”
“You said earlier that she laughs around you.”
“Around me or at me. I’m not quite sure which.”
“That’s another good sign. Does she joke back or tease you?”
“All the time.”
“And does she seem like she’s itching for the dates to end? Does she try to shake you off as soon as possible?”
“Not really.”
“Does she talk to you a lot on set?”
“Yes, but we’re costars.”
“That doesn’t mean she has to talk to you while you’re not explicitly working.”
“Maybe not.”
“Does she ever initiate physical contact?”
“We’re being paid to look like a couple, so yes.”
“I mean when it’s not truly necessary.”
I think back to when she held me in the closet of the film premiere. But that doesn’t count because she was having an anxiety attack. I also remember when she kissed me at that private lookout point that we rode to. But that doesn’t count either, because I asked her to do it. Then I think about the time she pulled me into her trailer…but, again, that doesn’t really count because we were both so sexually frustrated from the scene we were filming that day. I’m sure she would’ve wanted to get it on with anyone, I was just the closest person.
“I don’t know,” I answer Julie, fidgeting with the golden chain around my neck to prevent me from eating a fifth brownie.
“You sure were thinking for a long time, mate,” Piers comments.
“Had to be sure.”
“I think you’re letting insecurity cloud your judgment. I think you really like Aspen, but you’re afraid of the small possibility of rejection if you make your feelings clear to her. So you’re just convincing yourself that you have no chance with her,” Julie explains, therapist mode fully-activated.
“I’m not insecure.”
“Well, you’re not secure,” Piers says.
I roll my eyes. “Thanks.”
“It’s actually pretty thought-provoking,” Piers goes on. “If the Sexiest Man Alive isn’t secure with himself, who is?”
“Will you shut up?” I groan. “I just don’t want to ruin anything by taking a chance and asking her out for real. We’re already in such a weird situation and I don’t want to make it any weirder.”
“But what if she says yes?” Julie presses. “What if she feels the same way about you?”
I sigh, not knowing what to say.
“Does it feel real?” she asks after a few beats of silence.
“Yes,” I reply. “But again, she’s a professional actress.”
“Not even professionals can keep up the act all the time,” Piers says. “You know that. Besides, what if she thinks you’re just acting with her too? She could be having the exact same dilemma as you right now.”
“Maybe. Anyway, thanks for having me over guys, but I’ve got to go. I have a late session with Brock tonight. Oh, and Julie,” I say, opening my banking app and transferring $16,000 to her. “Here’s fifteen thousand for hurricane relief and an extra thousand to pay for the brownies I ate.”
Julie balks. “They weren’t made of gold.”
I smile and head for the door. “They tasted like it. Anyway, see you two later.”
“That was weird,” I hear Piers say as their front door closes behind me. “And how come he didn’t give me any money?”