15. It’s A No From Me #2
I’m tired of the doubt, of tucking pieces of myself away in hopes that someone might take me in. No matter how much I starve it, the fear grows like weeds. I’m a tangled web of uncertainties and insecurities, and I don’t recognize myself.
Yet when Carter pulls up out front, the tension in my shoulders immediately melts away.
Krissy might as well be purring as she follows behind me, like she’s planning to climb in with me. “Is that your brother?”
“No,” I answer bluntly, loading myself into the front seat, narrowly missing Carter’s face when I aggressively toss my bag into the backseat. “It’s my grandma.” I slam the door and sink into my seat. “Yes, Krissy, you fucking doorknob. It’s my brother.”
Carter grins. “Ah, my sweet, charming sister. How I’ve missed you.”
* * *
“ Carter ! Why are my cookies above the fridge?”
I prop my elbows on the countertop, watching my tiny, pregnant sister-in-law as she turns into Spider-Woman and tries to crawl up the stainless-steel fridge.
“Son of a…goddamn…bitch,” she grunts, slapping at the top of the fridge, which is as high as she can reach.
Carter waltzes into the kitchen. “You asked me to put them somewhere you couldn’t reach. You said you were eating too many.”
“I’m pregnant,” Olivia growls. “And you made me this way! And another thing !” She stabs an angry finger into his chest. “I’m allowed to eat too many cookies!”
Carter leans into me, hand over his mouth. “She’s been especially aggressive and emotional lately.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ll grab—”
He bars his arm across my chest, stopping me. “I like to let her go for a couple minutes. It tires her out, kinda like an overstimulated kitten.”
God, I hope I’m here the day Olivia finally decides to let him have it.
This right here is where I need to be, watching my mom yell at Carter for hiding his wife’s cookies, then him and Olivia fighting over said cookies, and Hank sneaking a whole handful of them.
Any residual anger from the day fades away, replaced with a soft, warm feeling in my chest that only comes with family.
The warmth still lingers a half hour later, when Carter, Hank, and Olivia, all smiling happily with their stacks of Oreos next to their plates of lasagna, are seated around the dinner table.
Hank twists a cookie apart. “How’s school, Jennie?”
“Good. Great.” I sigh when everyone pauses eating. “I’m ready for it to be over,” I admit.
Carter points his fork at me. “Steve’s dragging you down. You should ditch him.”
Reason one why I’m not going to tell him Mikhail wants Simon and me to pretend to be a couple. I do, however, finally open my mouth and tell my family the secret I’ve been hanging on to.
“There’s a job opening at The National Ballet in Toronto after graduation. And, uh…” I fold my napkin, unfold it, then fold it again. “Leah recommended me for the job.”
“Jennie,” Olivia murmurs. “That’s incredible.”
Hank finds my hand and clasps it, pressing a loud smooch to it. “Way to go, kiddo.”
Carter springs from his seat, engulfing me in a hug that’s teetering on the edge of suffocating. He only pulls away when somebody starts wailing, choking on their sobs.
It’s my mom.
“Aw, Mom.” I go to her, hugging her from behind. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m fine,” she cries. “Totally fine!” Another sob.
“It’s just that I’m equal parts so happy for you and so sad for myself.
” She buries her face in my neck. “I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I want you to have everything you want and deserve, and I don’t know how to express that all, so it’s coming out as tears! ”
A heavy ache rips through me as she clings to me. “You’ll never lose me, Mom. I don’t think I’m going to go.”
“You have to go,” Carter interjects, arms in the air. “It’s your dream!”
Is it though? How can I go after something without being 100 percent certain it’s the future I want?
Another choking sob pierces the air, and tears start streaming down Olivia’s cheeks.
“Nooo.” I scrub my face. “Not you too!”
“I’m just really happy for you but I also really want you to stay because you’re going to be the best auntie ever and you’re one of my best friends, and your mom is sad and that’s making me sad, and my mom’s on the other side of the country and I miss her so much so I don’t want to miss you, too, but you should pursue your dreams, and also I’m just—” she gasps for air, flapping at her face, “— feeling really, really emotional right now !”
Carter meets my gaze as Mom and Olivia collapse into each other, weeping.
Help me , he mouths.
“Uh, right. I love you both,” I tell Mom and Olivia, kissing their heads as Carter leaps to his feet. “I promise you’ll never lose me. Carter’s driving me home now.”
“You’re gonna leave me here with these two?” Hank calls after us in disbelief.
“You were made for this,” Carter yells over his shoulder as he ushers me down the hallway. “Good thinking,” he mutters as he hands me my coat. “I think Mom might be entering the phase .”
“ Carter !” I whack him in the shoulder.
“What?” he asks, sweeping me into the garage. “Oh, are you on your period?”
I shake my head in disbelief. “How in the fuck has Olivia not killed you yet?”
His grin is oddly proud as he runs his palm over his torso. “She tries on a weekly basis.”
I roll my eyes as I turn toward the cars. Olivia’s beat-up old Corolla sits on the end, unused in months. I’ve seen her out here petting it, like she can’t bear to part ways with it. “Which car are we taking?”
“Any one you want.” Carter taps on the hood of his BMW. “You could take the Beemer.” He scoops up a set of keys and swings them around his pointer finger. “Or you could have the Benz.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m too tired for games, my heavy emotions are creeping back up, and there’s a sexy hockey player at home who’s eager to put his face between my thighs. “What are you talking about?”
He pets the hood of his graphite Mercedes Benz. “I think you want this pretty lady.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Carter.”
“We don’t need all these cars, Jennie.”
“Then why did you buy them?”
“Because I’m ostentatious,” he murmurs, leading me to the driver’s seat.
“Carter! This is ridiculous!” I grip the door frame when he tries to shove me inside. “You can’t give me a car! You already gave me an apartment!”
“You don’t have your own car.”
“I’m gonna get one!” In the summer maybe, when I hopefully have a job.
“C’mon, Jennie. For the winter, at least.”
“I don’t like driving in the winter! The roads are slick and-and-and accidents happen!” My chest hurts, and I don’t even know why.
Carter’s eyes soften. “It has four-wheel drive and snow tires. Let me make life a little easier for you. You’re a safe driver.”
“Oh great. Now you’ve jinxed me.”
Carter wraps an arm around my waist, lifts me off my feet, and stuffs me into the seat. He clicks the seat belt in place and drops the keys in my hand, folding my fingers around it. “Just give it a week, okay? If you hate driving that much, I’ll take it back.”
My hands reluctantly glide over the leather steering wheel. This car is pretty, no doubt about it. “I’d look pretty dope rolling up to the grocery store in this, eh?”
“ So dope.”
I sigh. “Okay. I’ll try it.”
Carter shows me all the features, and he doesn’t open the garage until I promise to text him to let him know I made it home safely.
“Oh wait.” I roll down the window. “I forgot to mention this a couple weeks ago, but your wife wants you to fuck her like you mean it.”
Carter stares. “What?”
“You cannot poke your baby in the eye, Carter.”
He glances at his crotch. “Are you sure? I’m pretty well-endow—”
“Stop.” I hold up a hand. “Please stop. My God, what is this life I’m leading?” I sigh. “Okay. Thanks for the car. I’ll take care of her, hopefully. You take care of your wife. Bye. I’m going now. Good-bye.”
* * *
Okay, this car is pretty cool. It has a banging stereo system, and I can text using my voice, and somehow the car sends it. That’s how I wind up yelling at Garrett over “Dear John.”
“ Can you meet me in the parking garage? It’s important !”
“ Bear said, ‘Did you slash my tires? I get to spank you if you did.’ Do you want to reply? ”
“Yes,” I tell Veronica, which is the name I’ve given my new car. “ Note to self: find something to slash tires with. ”
That’s basically how Garrett finds me sprawled across the hood of Veronica when the elevator doors open, revealing him in all his messy hair, sweatpants, and dry-fit T-shirt glory.
“What the fuck is this?” he asks with a chuckle. His eyes coast over me, then the parking garage, before he slips his hand beneath my coat and wraps his palm around the curve of my waist. “Hi.” His soft lips sweep across mine. “Your brother did not willingly allow you to take his Benz.”
I pull my dimples all the way in. “He did.”
“Damn, he loves you way more than I thought. This wasn’t a good idea. We need to break up. No more special friends.”
“ Please . You couldn’t kick me out of your bed if you tried.” I pop off the hood with a wink and reach for the waistband of his sweats. “I suck your cock too damn good.”
His bright eyes sparkle as he pins me to the car with his body. The only thing gentle about it is the way his lips ghost over the edge of my jaw until they find my ear. “Keep talking, sunshine. I’ll shove you in this backseat and make you suck me dry.”
“Perfect.” I slip my hand down his pants, palming his thick length. “I’ll be done in two minutes.”
Thirty seconds later, we’re pinballing around the elevator, hands and mouths everywhere.
“Ow.” Garrett pins my wrists on either side of my head. “You ripped out my hair.”
“You bit me.”
“You like it,” he growls, mouth opening on my neck.
My fingers sink into his hair. “So do you.”
“This is so incredibly entertaining,” a voice murmurs, and my blood freezes. “You’re so wrapped up in each other you haven’t even realized the elevator is stopped and I’m standing right here.”