18. The F-Word
GARRETT
East coast winters suck.
I don’t often find myself missing them, unless Vancouver has a particularly mild winter and pond hockey is off the table. I’ve been here two days and have spent hours whipping around the frozen pond with friends or taking my sisters out for a skate.
But right now I’m on my ass in the snow on the front lawn of my childhood home, getting pummeled by snowballs.
A particularly hard and icy one smacks me dead in the nuts, and I fall to my back, groaning.
“Oops,” Alexa says, which is how I know she did it on purpose.
“Garrett! Are you okay?” Gabby scrunches her nose, grits her teeth, and with a battle cry that echoes in the frigid air, charges at Alexa. The two of them collide, tumbling to the ground, shrieking as the snow swirls around them.
Stephie’s face appears overtop of me, blocking the sun. “Me and you are the only normal ones,” she says plainly, then tries to pull me up. She’s ten, all scrawny, gangly limbs, and probably seventy pounds soaking wet. I’m two hundred plus. The effort is there, but it’s not working.
I lie there lifeless, and eventually she gives up, dropping on top of me, knocking the wind from my lungs.
She rolls off, lying beside me in the snow, and smiles. “I really miss you when you’re not here. I wish you could come home more.”
“I think we should convince Mom and Dad to move to Vancouver. Then we’d never have to miss each other.”
“Fat chance. Dad says you guys don’t have good lobster there.”
You can get good anything anywhere if you make as much money as I do, but there really is nothing like east coast lobster.
It’s why I wound up wearing one of those plastic bibs last night at the Harbour Lobster Pound.
Conversation was limited, the moaning at top peak.
I ate so much I crashed early and missed Jennie’s call.
In fact, with our clashing schedules, we haven’t talked much since I last saw her. At least I get to see her during her recital tonight, even if it’s only on TV.
When the sun starts to dip, the chill in the air too damp to be fun anymore, we retreat to the warmth, and I text Jennie.
Me: Can’t wait to watch u kick ass. Hope u can hear my cheers from here, sunshine.
“ Garrett’s texting his girlfriend !” Gabby shrieks as she leaps over the back of the couch and onto my back, trying to tackle me to the ground. “ He called her sunshine !”
“She’s not my girlfriend, you little monster.” I wrap my arm around her head and tickle her ribs, laughing as she tries to fight me off. “Jennie’s just my friend.”
She spins out of my grasp and jumps to her feet. Breathless, she swipes her dark blonde hair from where it’s plastered to her cheeks. “Yeah, a friend you watch Christmas movies with and make ice cream sundaes for.” She sticks her tongue out, dashing away with a squeal when I lunge for her.
“Jennie,” Mom murmurs from where she’s working over the stove. She casts me a glance over her shoulder. “Not Jennie Beckett?”
When I don’t respond, her mouth gapes.
“Garrett Andersen, please tell me you’re not dating your captain’s little sister.”
“Okay. I’m not dating my captain’s little sister.”
She pops a fist on her hip, expression unamused.
“What? We’re not dating. We’re just friends.” Technically not a lie.
“Does Carter know you’re friends?”
“Uh, yeah. We live in the same building. He knows.” Still not a lie.
“Okay, let me rephrase my question. Does Carter know you’re watching movies at night with his little sister and making her ice cream sundaes?”
I cross my arms and look away, grumbling, “Shut up.” Gabby meets my gaze from where she’s partially hidden behind the wall. I point a finger at her. “You’re in trouble.”
A maniacal giggle leaves her mouth. “Alexa has a boyfriend too! Jacob Daniels!”
“ Gabby !” Alexa shrieks.
“I saw them holding hands at recess!” Gabby screams, running down the hallway, bedroom door slamming shut moments before Alexa collides with it.
Stephie meets my gaze. “What’d I tell ya? The only normal ones.”
“What about you?” I poke her side. “Any boyfriends?”
Her cheeks blaze and she looks at her hands in her lap.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Her eyes lift, searching mine. “What if I want a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend?”
I tug her into my side, kissing her hair. “Then you want a girlfriend; that’s all there is to it.”
Stephie sinks against me, and the phone on the wall rings before my mom grabs it. My parents are the only people I know who still have a house phone.
Mom turns away, voice low. “Well, what time can we expect you? Your son is only home for a couple of days…I didn’t say that. I know you’re being safe. It’d just be nice if you could spend some more—okay, okay. We’ll see you when you get home.” She hangs up, giving me a tight smile.
“Everything okay?”
“Your dad’s going for dinner with the guys from work.”
I’m not surprised. He’s mostly made himself scarce since I got in yesterday morning. He picked me up from the airport, and it was an awkward drive home, forcing conversation that didn’t want to come.
I love my dad, and I know he loves me, but I also know he feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for his absence in my childhood and the pain he caused.
He went through a lot of therapy, made the effort to repair our relationship when he returned to our lives, but I think it’s been easier for him with me gone all these years.
Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a reminder of his struggles.
I’m glad my sisters got a different version of him, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing our relationship were different now, especially when he eventually walks in the door and my sisters rush him, hugging him.
“Hey, Gare.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Sorry I missed dinner. What are you guys up to?” His eyes are tired and red rimmed, and his gaze doesn’t linger long on mine.
My brain tells me to search the air for any hint of vanilla spice, the smoky aroma of his old drink of choice.
My heart reminds my brain that we trust him.
“We’re gonna watch Garrett’s girlfriend’s dance recital,” Gabby tells him as I set up the livestream.
“She’s not his girlfriend,” Alexa mumbles.
I shake her knee. “Thanks, Lex.”
I sink into the couch as a group of ballerinas take the stage, and Gabby snuggles into my side, Stephie between my legs on the floor. Alexa looks at me and Gabby and slowly, so damn slowly, starts inching closer.
Grinning, I grab her, jerking her into my side. “Come here, you.”
She giggles, relaxing against me, and my dad smiles down at us.
He claps his fist into his hand as my mom finds a space. “Uh, do you mind if I…join you guys?”
“Of course you can,” I tell him. The way he grins, going instantly from awkward to ecstatic, reminds me so much of myself during those first few encounters with Jennie.
He brews mugs of hot chocolate for everyone, extra marshmallows, and turns the lights out. “Which one is your girlfriend?”
“She’s not my—” I sigh, scrubbing a hand down my face, but when the spotlight illuminates the next dancers, when the music starts and Jennie’s body comes to life, I lean forward. “There she is.”
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything so stunning. Draped in a deep emerald dress, long hair braided back with a champagne ribbon, she outshines everyone as she floats across the stage. Every leap, every spin, everything she does looks effortless and natural, exactly like she was born to do it.
Jennie and Simon are an extension of each other, always connected in some way. He seems to know where she is even when he can’t see her, and a strange feeling surges through me, like I want to take her hand and tug her into me, hide her away for only me.
I push the thought from my head, focusing on my favorite person as she dances several times throughout the ninety-minute recital, all while my family comments on how beautifully she moves.
When it comes to an end, Jennie the last on stage, my chest swells with pride, and I stay up late so I can tell her just that when she calls.
When Jennie’s bright beam fills my screen, it hits me why sunshine is the perfect nickname for her—because she’s radiating, and when she wears that wide smile, deep dimples pulled in, stormy blue eyes shining with excitement, she fucking glows.
“What did you think?” She might be vibrating.
“You were incredible, Jennie.”
Her eyes spark with excitement. “You really think so?”
“I’m so proud of you. You were breathtaking.”
She fiddles with the bow at the end of her braid. “I was thinking about you up there. I…I wasn’t sure you were still going to watch. You didn’t answer my call last night, so I thought maybe…” She lifts a shoulder and lets it fall. “I donno. Forget it. It’s stupid.”
“Tell me.”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought you went home and maybe forgot about me.” Her face flames and she waves a hand through the air. “Stupid.”
I haven’t quite figured it out, but Jennie brings an ache to my chest that wasn’t there before her.
She’s an enigma, this bold, confident woman who refuses to settle yet always seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It’s like she’s expecting me to walk away at any moment, like this relationship isn’t as valuable to me as it is to her.
“Haven’t we already covered that you’re very missable?”
Jennie flips her braid over her shoulder. “So true. You’d never survive without me.”
I chuckle, stretching out on the small bed, folding an arm behind my head. “I’m sorry I missed your call last night. I ate so much lobster I passed out at nine and slept for fourteen hours straight. Did you think I was ignoring your call?”