44. Throw Dicks Around Like Confetti
JENNIE
“Do you think you’ll get married? What about babies? Are you gonna have ’em? That would make us aunties, right? Oh, and can we be bridesmaids at the wedding? I wanna wear a—”
Alexa twists in her seat, trying to slap at Gabby in the back. “ Gabby ! Shut. Up. Jennie doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid.” She turns back around. “Sorry about her. Cool isn’t in her dictionary.”
A bloodcurdling shriek roars through the car as Gabby pinches Alexa, and I shove my arm between them, pushing them apart.
“All right, enough! Holy crap, I thought Carter and I were bad.” I exhale loudly and meet Stephie’s gaze in the rearview mirror. She shrugs. “You’re lucky the car was already in park. I have a terrible track record with stop signs.”
“But how?” Alexa asks. “Stop signs don’t move.”
“Yes, Alexa. I’m aware. Your brother likes to remind me at least weekly.” Climbing out of the car, I glance back at Garrett’s sisters. “Okay, ladies. Let’s go.”
Gabby’s the fastest to escape, quickly linking her arm through mine, Stephie next.
Alexa ambles beside us, watching our joined arms like she’s feeling a little left out, even if she won’t say it.
She’s in that grumpy preteen phase where cool and detached is the the only way to act.
Mostly, she doesn’t want to have to ask for the attention she’s longing for.
She pretends to be annoyed every time Garrett yanks her down beside him on the couch for movie night, but she’s as much of a snuggle bear as he is.
That’s why she stays tucked into his side until the end credits roll.
“Hey, Lex,” I call. “Will you sit next to me at lunch later?”
“Really?” Her hazel eyes glow before she schools her expression, lifts a shoulder. “If you want.”
I give her a wink, making her flush. She’s so much like her brother.
I don’t think I truly realized the weight and depth of my love for Garrett until I saw him with his sisters. Watching him sway back and forth with Ireland in his arms while he babbles away to her really does it for me too.
Garrett and I aren’t technically living together, but his family moved out here at the beginning of April.
Garrett’s dad doesn’t start his job until the end of the month, and we’re only halfway through it now, but it’s given everyone a chance to get settled into their new city.
They’ve been staying in my condo, and I’ve been staying with Garrett.
Today, his parents are signing the papers for their new home, the one they take possession of in four weeks. I don’t know how to tell Garrett that I really just…don’t want to leave.
Falling asleep wrapped in the heat of his body, waking with his lips on my skin, his murmured words in my ear…it’s my favorite thing in the world. Even when he’s on the road, there’s something comforting about being in his space, something that feels like home.
“Wow,” Stephie murmurs, coaxing me from my thoughts as we step through the front doors of SFU. Her eyes are wide with wonder as she looks around the expansive foyer. “It’s so different in the daytime without all the people here.”
“Recital nights are packed,” I agree. We sold out two weekends in a row, and I’m proud to say an entire row was filled with my friends and family. I felt like I was dancing just for them. “But the semester is over now. Everyone’s finishing up exams, so the school is quiet.”
I sweep the girls into the dance studio. They ooh and ahh as they spin around the space, then follow me to the back where my cubby is.
As luck would have it, Simon has also chosen today to empty his cubby.
“Jennie.” He drops a textbook to his feet. “I didn’t know you were coming in today.” He looks to the girls. “Who are they?”
“Garrett’s sisters,” I reply with disinterest, packing my things into my bag.
“Right. So you two are…?”
“Dating.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Gabby’s voice snaps from behind me. I glance over my shoulder to find her scowling at Simon, arms pinned, hip popped. “My big brother’s her boyfriend. And who are you, you frickin’ turkey?”
Simon fumbles for a response before giving up and hovering at my shoulder. “Uh, hey, Jennie.” He clears his throat into his fist. “Could we maybe…talk?”
“I don’t see what the point would be.” I yank the zipper, closing my bag. “You don’t really know how to listen, do you, Simon?”
“Yeah, Simon .” Gabby snaps her fingers through the air in the shape of a Z . “So back the heck up, buddy .”
There’s a tiny angel on my shoulder telling me I should reel her in, but the devil on my shoulder urges me to set her loose.
The angel wins. Damnit.
“All right, tiger. Rein it in.” I turn away from Simon, gesturing for the girls to go ahead of me.
“You’re really just gonna walk away?” Simon hollers. “After five years of friendship? Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? How many times do I have to tell you I’m sorry?”
My sneakers squeak as I skid to a stop, and rage thuds in my ears, in line with the beating of my heart.
His expression tells me everything I need to know: he’s not sorry. He wasn’t before and he’s sure as hell not now. What he wants is forgiveness he doesn’t deserve. He wants to walk away without the guilt of what he’s done.
“Sometimes an apology isn’t enough.”
When he opens his mouth, I beat him to it.
“Sometimes it’s not enough,” I repeat. “People like you throw out apologies like greetings, empty and meaningless, something you feel required to say. And people like me, people who like to believe there’s good in everyone, that we deserve second chances because we all make mistakes…
people like me forgive you. We forgive you once, then twice.
We forgive you again and again until somebody walks into our lives and shows us it’s not hard to keep promises.
To apologize and mean it. To commit to being better.
Until somebody shows us there’s no room in our lives for people who don’t care about boundaries. For people like you , Simon.”
Alexa slips her hand into mine, squeezing gently before she urges her younger sisters forward, and we head toward the exit, together.
I’m halfway out the door when I remember an item at the bottom of my backpack. I stowed it there at the beginning of the year. It was meant for an unsuspecting Krissy, but it wouldn’t be wasted on Simon.
I dig the hefty item out of my bag, walk back to Simon, and place it in his hand. “Here. I got you this before everything. You might as well have it.”
The smarmy grin that crawls up his face lets me know that, despite literally everything I’ve just said, he thinks this means I still care. So I stand there and wait for him to open the black cylinder.
Simon makes a triumphant noise as the object spring opens, and my grin grows as his dies.
Shiny confetti dicks in every shade of pink rain down around him, covering his hair, sticking to his cheeks, his clothing. They fall inside his open backpack, and a particularly large fucker catches on his top lip, clinging there as his eyes blaze.
For the life of me, I can’t get my grin to stop growing. “Let’s go, girls.”
“Um,” Stephie starts cautiously. “Were those…penises?”
“Yes. Don’t tell your mother.”
“Can we tell Daddy?”
“No. Wait. Yes.” That man loves me. So does Garrett’s mom, but she has a way of laying on the guilt with only the look in her eyes. I try to avoid being on the receiving end of that stare. Sometimes I just look anywhere but at her and she says she knows I’m avoiding her.
When we’re loaded in the car, I face the girls.
“Don’t ever let anyone walk all over you, ladies. Know your worth, set your boundaries, and don’t let anyone disrespect either of those things. If they do, knee ’em in the nuts and hit ’em with an exploding confetti dick bomb straight to the face. Understood?”
“Yes, Jennie,” they respond in unison.
“I wanna be strong like you when I grow up,” Alexa says quietly.
“You already are strong. But it’s okay to have days where you don’t feel strong too.”
“I wanna be a dancer and a cheerleader when I grow up,” Gabby pipes up. “Like you and Emily.”
“Oh, honey. Emily’s not a real cheerleader.”
“Then how come she was wearing a cheerleading outfit when she was saying good-bye to her friend yesterday? Me and Stephie were riding our scooters in the hallway and we saw her.”
“You know what? That’s a great question. You should definitely ask her at lunch.”
I crank the ignition, connect my phone to the car with the adapter, then quickly yank the cord right back out at the message that lights the screen.
Bear: Dreamt about fucking ur soaking wet pussy all night long until ur throat was raw from screaming my name.
Bear: Oops, autocorrect. That was supposed to say good morning, sunshine.
“Is that Garrett?” Gabby asks, leaning around the seat to peek at my phone.
I tug it into my chest. “No.”
Alexa squints at me. “You’re lying.”
“I have to admit, Jennie, you do look guilty.” Stephie pokes my cheek. “Your face got super red when you read the message. Alexa was always like that when she was texting Jacob Daniels.”
“My face did not get super red.” Her brother just lit my insides on fire with a simple text message. “He was just being sweet. Super sweet.” I’m gonna let him tie me up tonight .
“What did he say that was so sweet?” Stephie frowns.
“Did he say he wants to braid your hair? ’Cause last week I caught him with one of the ribbons you use in your hair.
When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was going to braid your hair for you.
His face got really red, too, and he was kinda yelling.
” She shrugs. “I guess he really likes when you use those ribbons.”
“Yes,” I say slowly. “That’s definitely why he had my ribbon.”
“Maybe one day I’ll have a boyfriend who wants to tie my hair with a ribbon too,” Gabby says brightly.
Garrett’s gonna kill me.
* * *
It’s been a long week without Garrett.
All right, it’s only been four days.