26. Carmela
Carmela
E xhaustion drips from every pore in my body. I don’t even feel like we did that much at Universal, but the sun beating down on us the entire day makes me long for the cooler temperatures of home.
Anders tells me it’s not even hot, but I’ve never left the East Coast. The weather is a lot warmer than I’m used to at this time of year.
“Are you sure you want to go out tonight?” I ask Anders, bracing my weight on the bathroom vanity. I just finished my makeup and still have to curl my hair into submission.
Maya is happily playing chess in the living room with Roe while sharing the sweets she acquired throughout the day. Greta is with them, working on a crochet project while Anders and I get ready for the evening. I no longer have any doubts about leaving her with them for a few hours. Maya seems more than comfortable, and they are genuinely nice people.
The talk Anders wants to have looms over my head like a thundercloud of impending doom. Once he says the words, everything will change. Become more complicated.
All my life, I’ve wanted a man to love me—well, at least one particular man. Now, this man’s love threatens to tear our world apart.
Anders catches my eye in the wide mirror as he cleans up his beard. We've been in his home for less than forty-eight hours, and we’re already acting like we’ve been married for years. “I’m sure. I think you’re really gonna like the surprise I have for you.”
“Surprise?” He never mentioned anything about a surprise—just dinner. “What type of surprise?”
“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise now, would it?” He grins and slides over, bumping my hip with his. “Come on, Cara. Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been acting weird since last night.”
Instinct has me snapping back, “I haven’t been weird. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I’m uncomfortable?”
“What do you mean?” He turns to me, eyes drilling into my profile as I continue to wrap my hair around the hot barrel of my curling iron without looking at him .
“Nothing,” I mutter. Self-sabotage is not my style, but right now, it’s coming pretty damn naturally. “This is just hard, Anders. Taking my kid away from the only home she’s ever known, flying her across the country to leave her with strangers.”
I steal a glance at him through the mirror to see his jaw tic and his brows draw together. “Maya is fine, Carmela. My mother isn’t going to–”
“She hasn’t even met my mother!” I cut him off, finally turning to look at him. He cants his head to the side before stepping into me, forcing me back against the closed door. “What are you doing?”
His arms rise to cage me between them as he braces his weight on his back foot and leans down until we’re eye level. “Do I need to fill your mouth with something so you’ll shut up and stop being such a brat?”
The whispered question has my eyes growing wide and my legs rubbing together. Talk about a turn of events.
“I’m being serious, Anders,” I manage shakily.
“So am I.” He straightens, pressing against me and shifting his leg between mine as his hand cradles my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “For some reason, you’ve picked a fight nearly every moment we’ve been alone on this trip. I don’t know why you’re trying to push me away, Cara, but let me remind you that our relationship started with chemistry and the ability to rile each other up. So, baby girl, all your feistiness is doing, is making me hard.” He takes his free hand and grabs mine, placing it over his straining erection. “So you can shut your mouth and let me take you out on a date. Or you can get on your knees, and I’ll shut that pretty mouth for you. Then afterward, I’m still going to take you out.”
Any other time in the past few weeks, I’d sink to my knees and gladly suck his cock. But tonight, I am feeling feisty, as he not so eloquently put it. I jerk my head out of his grip and push him away with the hand over his dick. Without a word, I go back to curling my hair.
Anders’ chuckles fill the air. “Can’t say I’m not disappointed.” He leans in until his lips brush my ear. “That’s okay, baby girl. The night is still young.”
By the time we finish dinner, I’m in a better mood. Anders takes me to a cute spot on the water known for its seafood. I’ll choose New York pizza over grilled salmon any day, but the food is good, and the wine is better.
“Are you ready for your surprise?” Anders grins at me once we’re back in the Jeep.
The brat in me is subdued, resting beneath the surface, waiting until I need to pull her out again. I don’t know how to explain why I’m pushing him away, as he pointed out earlier. Everything is starting to feel so convoluted that I honestly think it’s just my body’s knee-jerk reaction. It’s like I’m subconsciously trying to keep myself from getting majorly hurt again.
And Anders definitely has the power to hurt me the way Mick did.
“Yes! I’m dying from anticipation over here,” I joke. Laying my head back on the seat, I watch him drive as his sexy smirk pulls his lips up at the corner.
“Well,” he starts, grinning at me momentarily before returning his eyes to the road. “I know how much you love to dance.”
My heart skips a beat. Dancing was my biggest passion once upon a time. I used to dream about becoming a famous dancer and was on the right track—until Mick dropped the bombshell about Kate.
“And as much as I love seeing you work the pole at Désirer, I thought it might be nice to dance at a different kind of club.” We pull into the parking lot of a building that looks more like a hole-in-the-wall bar than a club. But there’s a large crowd standing around outside, and I can hear the loud beat of the music drifting from inside.
I swallow a flippant comment about how this is definitely not a club, along with the thick pressure that’s trying to settle in my sinuses. This is probably the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me .
As he helps me out of the vehicle, I press up on my toes and pull him down for a kiss. “Thank you,” I whisper against his lips. I don’t trust myself to speak any louder, lest my voice crack, and the waterworks start.
“You’re welcome, Cara. Now get on in there and show me your moves.”
Anders informs me that The Crazy Cove is most definitely not known for the greasy burgers listed on the table tents, or the half-priced margaritas during happy hour, but the selection of 80s, 90s, and early 2000s music on the jukebox. The men all wear jeans with flip flops and button downs while the women are dressed to the nines in glitter-glad miniskirts and tight bodycon dresses.
It’s a far cry from New York fashion, but you make due with what you have in the neighborhood I guess.
We order a beer for him and I take my chance on a fruity cocktail made of vodka, X-RATED, and the house juice that ends up tasting like a mix of passionfruit and mango. “Be My Lover” sounds over the speakers and Anders starts swaying to the beat, overexaggerating his chest and arm pumps as he swaggers into my personal space.
“This is my jam!” he yells over the music.
Laughing, I turn and let him dance with his chest against my back. I move my hips in time with the beat, sucking on my straw as I lose myself in the rhythm. The heat of him surrounding me makes me feel safe in the sea of bodies that occupy the bar.
“Done with that?” His arms encircle me, taking my empty glass and setting it on a hightop table along with his bottle.
“Can I buy you a drink?” a chipper, bubblegum young voice rings out.
I turn to see a bright-eyed blonde staring adoringly up at Anders like he just single-handedly saved her kitten from a tree while simultaneously curing cancer.
He smiles at her, his smirk hot enough to melt the panties right off the living Skipper doll. A green-eyed monster curls around my limbs, surging me forward to step between them and snap a sharp, “He’s taken.”
She looks like I kicked a puppy and pouts as she walks away to find her next victim.
Warm hands settle on my waist and Anders’ breath ghosts over my ear. “I love watching you get jealous, baby girl. You wear it so fucking well. I think it’s my new favorite outfit of yours.”
“Don’t get used to it, smooth guy. A good man never makes his woman think she has anything to be jealous about,” I snip back.
Anders’ laugh rises over “Livin’ La Vida Loca” as he pulls me into the throng of dancers. “Touché.” He begins to salsa, feet moving quickly, arms and hips turning vibrantly. “Dance with me, Cara.”
He’s actually really good. I take his hand, matching his movements with a smile. “How did you learn to salsa?”
“I was raised by women.” Is all he says, like that explains why he moves like Ricky Martin himself.
It’s exhilarating, dancing with him. We move together like two people who have danced together all our lives. And when another couple aggressively enters the circle that people have made around us, we glance at each other and grin, not needing to say a word to understand we’ve just invited a competition.
And we make a pretty good team.
The salty ocean air licks at the sweat coating my body. “I don’t remember the last time I had that much fun. I feel like a teenager again.”
Anders chuckles beside me, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles as we branch off the concrete path along the edge of the beach and head toward the water. “I can’t believe that guy tried to out-dance you. Seriously, that was like some So You Think You Can Dance shit.”
We stop a short distance from where the waves kiss the shore and sit in the sand, hands still interlaced as I lean my head on his shoulder. After a few hours of dancing, we checked in on Maya before deciding to take a walk to air ourselves out. Anders’ dress shirt is damp, and my little black dress will take some effort to peel off later.
“I forgot how much I love it. How much I miss it,” I murmur. “I got pregnant so young. Missed out on all the opportunities to dance professionally. I think that’s why I perform on the pole so much at the club.” I shrug. “I know it’s completely different but it’s the closest I can get.”
Anders is silent for a little while before he kisses the top of my sweaty head. “Why don’t you ever go dancing in New York?”
Lifting my head from his shoulder, I shake it as I stare up at the dark night sky. “I feel guilty enough as it is not being home enough for Maya.”
“If you had to do it all over again, would you?”
His question catches me off guard. But I don’t hesitate to answer. “I wouldn’t trade Maya for the world.” I stare at the waves for a few seconds before continuing, “In another life, I imagine I would have gotten married and had more kids. But in this one, I’m constantly worried that I’m going to give Maya some sort of trauma from the way I’m raising her. I’m selfish.”
“Stop it. You’re not selfish. You’re providing for your daughter,” Anders chides, bumping his shoulder into mine.
“Mick would never let her go without. I could be home with her all the time if I chose to be,” I admit in a small voice. I’ve never confessed this to anyone before. It only solidifies how selfish I am now that I’m hearing the words leave my mouth. “But I wanted to try to stand on my own two feet. I wanted to raise Maya with the sense that a woman doesn’t need a man to be successful.” I blow out a long breath. “Even if the only reason I have everything I do is because of him.”
“Carmela, listen to me.” Anders shifts his body toward mine, never letting go of my hand. “We haven’t known each other that long, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that you're a hard worker. Mick didn’t instill that in you, baby girl. That’s all you. You took a small gentlemen’s club and turned it into a multi-million dollar business. You run a successful restaurant. And you do all of that while raising a daughter who adores you. You need to give yourself more credit. You’re an amazing woman, and it’s time you start treating yourself with the same respect you demand from everyone else.”
Anders’ gaze burns a hole in my cheek. My jaw hurts from how tightly I’m clenching my teeth to keep myself from crying. For so long, I’ve felt so unseen . I never thought there would be anyone out there for me after I lost my heart to Mick.
I’d hardened myself to men. Telling myself I didn’t need them for anything other than sex.
But God, this is everything I’ve always wanted in a relationship. The simplicity of a walk on the beach while holding hands. The thoughtfulness of a dance club when I haven’t had the chance to really dance in so long. So now that it’s within reach, why do I keep pushing Anders away?
Mick always shows up with diamonds or something equally as extravagant. Expensive gifts meant to remind me he could give me everything I ever dreamed of. All material and transactional.
I’ve forgotten how much I miss simple affection.
And it’s so easy with Anders.
A simple shared smile while he watches Maya play chess with Roe. Convincing her that buying a wand from Harry Potter World is still cool at fourteen. Taking my hand as we walk unhurriedly down the street.
These aren’t things I want to give up. These are things I want to fill my future with.
And that scares me.
Once upon a time, Désirer was meant for me to stand on my own two feet one day—to continue giving me the lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to. But it hits me with a startling force—the club no longer feels like home.
Home is starting to feel like pancakes, and Maya’s genuine laughter while she attempts to cook them. It’s hazel eyes and tan skin covered in swirls of black ink. It’s the way Anders holds me. The way he kisses me, slowly but surely, like he knows without a doubt that I’m his, and he’s mine.
“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” he asks softly. The breeze ruffles his hair, and the sea salt fills the air, mixing with the spiced scent that is so uniquely his.
“Honestly?” I pull my eyes from the water. My heartbeat fills my ears, the rhythm matching the ebb and flow of the waves breaking against the shore. “About how happy I am right now.”
Our eyes connect. We inch closer together, the sand giving way beneath our twined hands as our lips collide—slowly, before combusting into an explosion of passion.
Caution is thrown to the wind as he pulls me into his lap, twisting a hand in my hair and around my back. I can feel the hard ridge of him beneath me, setting the space between my thighs on fire. Lust, hot and viscous, pours through me—following his hands as they race to touch every part of my exposed skin.
A sharp catcall sounds closely, causing us to pull apart. Anders cups my cheek as we share a laugh, looking around to see a group of young adults walking by.
“Come on, baby girl.” He kisses me once more. A chaste peck on the lips. “I’m ready to get you out of that dress.”
“We can’t have sex in your mom’s house with her and your grandma and my daughter there,” I tease, well aware of how old I sound.
“We’re not going back home.” He gets to his feet and holds out a hand to help me up .
“We’re not?” I’m reminded of my distaste for the beach as sand clings to every part of me. I dust it off the best I can while following him to the sidewalk.
He shakes his head, and that damn smirk I love so much slowly crawls across his face as he turns back to look at me. “I got us a hotel for tonight. I already told Maya we wouldn’t be back ‘till morning.”
There’s no urgency in the way Anders lowers me to the bed. He kisses me deliberately, nipping at my lips with the pace of molasses. Every part of me is desperate to feel him sink inside my warmth and claim me the way only he knows how.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispers, lowering his lips to my neck. My nails grip his flesh as he trails a featherlight path down to my collarbone. “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you.”
His words draw my brows together, a frustrated moan leaving my lips on a raspy breath. It’s too slow…too sweet .
Slap!
My palm stings before my brain catches up with its movement. Anders stares at me wide-eyed, a bright pink outline of my hand beginning to blossom along his jawbone .
“What the fuck, Carmela?” His tone is dangerous. Low and gravelly, unrestrained with anger. His pupils are blown wide, nostrils flaring as he waits for me to explain why I just slapped him out of nowhere.
“That’s more like it,” I whisper, widening my legs around him.
Understanding dawns over his features, and then we’re pulling at each other’s clothes. Teeth biting, lips sucking, tongues sliding roughly against the other. I hear the fabric of my dress rip, and at the same time, a button flies off Anders’ shirt from the force of me ripping it open.
“Does my girl want to get fucked instead of made love to?” He rips the straps of my underwear and flings the ruined undergarment to the side.
He takes over my movements, removing his belt and pants, watching my chest heave with every labored breath. “Yes. Hurry up, Anders. I need you inside me.”
“I wanna hear you beg for it.” His words send a fresh wave of arousal through me, and I rub my legs together, smearing it all over my inner thighs.
Wet warmth slides along my skin as Anders lowers his head and licks a path from the inside of my knee up to the juncture of my thighs. His cock is thick and full, crown flushed an angry red as the veins protrude along his length. “Beg, baby girl. Beg me to fill you up. To make you feel good.”
Hooking a leg around the back of his thigh, I pull him to the bed and roll us over so that I’m on top. His hands fly to my hips, head thrown back as I sink onto him bare. “Fuuuuck, Cara.”
“I don’t beg,” I announce proudly as I begin to ride him. Pure pleasure washes over me as our bodies move together. Every part of him fits against me perfectly as we move in sync, reading each other without having to ask for what we want.
With every roll of my hips, I snap them roughly, milking Anders’ cock as I squeeze my walls on every pass. He looks like he’s trying to hold back his orgasm, which only spurs me to move faster.
His hands leave my hips, palming my breasts and pinching my nipples roughly as I cry out. He uses them as leverage to pull himself up and rotate us, pinning my back to the bed as he pistons into me. “We’ll see about that, baby girl.”
Everything comes to a halt as he suddenly stops moving. “Anders! What are you doing? Don’t stop.” I writhe beneath him, trying to gain some friction back.
He locks his legs around mine and pins my wrists, pulling out until just his crown is nestled right inside my pussy. “Do you want me to keep going?”
I try to lift my hips, but he pulls away, and I lose his warmth for a split second before he’s surging in again, going so slow, until he’s buried to his base. “Tell me how bad you want it, Cara.”
Over and over again, he pulls out agonizingly slow before pushing back in. Tingles spread throughout my spine, up into my brain, and down into my toes, making them curl against the plush duvet.
“Anders,” I whine, my voice a high-pitched rasp. I open my clenched eyes to find him watching where we’re joined. My gaze follows his, so fucking turned on by the sight of his silken length covered in my arousal and disappearing inch by inch into me before repeating the process.
“I can fuck you like this all night. Go nice and slow, build you up, and get you close before taking the edge away again. I’ll let you take control and ride my dick like it’s the only thing that will keep you alive, but just before you come, I’ll flip you over and remind you who’s really in charge here.” He leans down and bites a nipple, stretching it with his teeth before watching it bounce back.
“Fuck you,” I grit out, tensing my body in preparation to flip him again.
“I am, baby girl. I’m fucking you so good right now, and you’re going to come so fucking hard when I’m through with you.” He relinquishes control, pulling out and getting off the bed with a smirk.
Snarling, I rise and reach for him, letting out a frustrated growl when he steps just out of my grasp. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.” He smirks.
I change tactics, launching myself forward and grabbing his dick. A startled grunt leaves his lips as I pull him back to the bed by it and push him on his back. With the most sensitive part of him in my grip, he wastes no time obliging me as I maneuver us to the head of the bed before I sink onto him once more.
“How’s that for hard, smooth guy?” I grip the headboard and twist my ankles around his, using the leverage to thrust ardently as I build up my release again.
“Holy fuck, baby. You keep moving like that, and you’re gonna make me come.”
“Oh, but I thought you were going to fuck me all night?” I tease.
That familiar tingling sensation crawls up my spine again, climbing higher and higher until I see stars. As it spreads throughout my body, Anders and I lock eyes. Our shared connection makes it more emotional as we come together, both of us crying out for each other. Everything I’ve been feeling culminates as wave after wave of pleasure crashes through me.
All the good and all the bad explodes inside my chest like a bomb, and it isn’t until Anders reaches up a hand and wipes a tear off my cheek that I realize I’m crying.