Chapter 12
Ari
Three months later
Today was the three month anniversary of Josiah’s disappearance, and I hadn’t left the room all day.
My heart was torn into so many pieces that, some days, I didn’t really know what to feel.
One day, I was mad at him for disappearing on me, and then others, my heart told me that he was dead, and I should be grieving him.
Then coming back to Vegas for this wedding party didn’t help with the anguish I felt inside; it only heightened all the what-ifs in my mind.
What if we had just gotten married in D.C.
, Gotten married at the courthouse, and he never got into whatever trouble he may have found?
Thoughts like this are why I was often staring into space until someone came and snapped me out of it.
“Ari, you ready to go up to the penthouse?”
Tania asked, breaking my stare out of the window.
I nodded yes and held my chin high to give my friend a brave face.
The jealousy I felt for her today wasn’t from a malicious part of me.
It was because in my head I wished it had been me having a wedding party on the top floor of a hotel to celebrate my union with such a rich and powerful man.
Cyn and Hawk had gotten married just days after we left Vegas and had a quiet ceremony on Christmas Day with not much family around.
Now, they were having a celebration of their marriage because I’m sure Cyn’s parents and her sister threw a fit about not being at the wedding.
Tania and I walked out the door and went up to the penthouse, where we first had to walk through a checkpoint in the hallway, giving one of the security guards our IDs and making sure we were on the guest list.
“Alright, you two may go inside. Enjoy yourself.” He told us, looking over the top of our heads towards the elevators like he was guarding something sacred up in here.
I did hear from my best friend that Nina, the ex-girlfriend, was not happy about Hawk leaving her for Cyn and had sent many threats, harassing emails, and promises to get her revenge.
Cyn told us she would be okay, however. She had confidence that Hawk would protect her.
When we entered the penthouse, there was a picture of the two sitting on an easel, and decorations flowed into the penthouse that were the colors that Cyn always said her wedding would be.
A soft orange, Emerald green, pink, and gold that tied everything together in a classy way.
When we made it out to the terrace where the pool sat, the ambiance got even better, thanks to the view and the flower arrangements scattered everywhere, even in the pool.
“Look, there goes our girl.” Tania became excited when she saw Cyn standing across the way, next to Hawk, as if she belonged on his shoulder.
I’m not saying that their relationship wasn’t inspiring, but I did have my doubts about her marrying a complete stranger.
I mean, they had their drawbacks about me marrying Josiah because of his flaws, but Cyn didn’t know any of Hawk’s to even judge. I just pray she never finds them out.
We walked over to them, and when Cyn spotted us, a huge smile spread across her face as Hawk talked to a man standing near them.
“Friends, you two look amazing in these colors, and Tania, you said orange would make you look like a tangerine.”
They shared a laugh between one another.
“And Ari, you look amazing. I swear you get prettier every day.”
“Aww, friend, you don’t have to hype me up because I’m the sad, depressed friend. You look beautiful as well.”
“Yes, she does. You belong in white.” Tania added behind me.
“Hawk, my girls made it up.” She grabbed him by his arm, and when he faced us, he smirked with his handsome ass looking like his even more handsome father.
Besides thinking about Josiah, Proctor was always the second man on my mind.
The night we shared here months ago was probably the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. Older men genuinely do it better.
“I’m happy you could make it. If you didn’t, I’m not sure if she would be smiling so hard today.”
He looked down into Cyn’s eyes because she was staring right back at him. The way they looked at each other made their union seem real if nothing else. My friend was clearly obsessed with this man.
“But y’all help yourself to the drinks and food out here as well as conversation with my wife. I’m about to go check in with who just walked in. This crazy ass nigga.”
Our attention went to the entry way of the pool where none other than Proctor was standing bowlegged, broad, and fine as hell with that chiseled body from the Gods.
“Still fine,” I mumbled under my breath as our eyes all followed Hawk before Cyn tried to change the subject.
“Come on, y’all have to try these sliders from this deli down here. They probably don’t go with anything else on the menu, but I love them, and they were a special request.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Tania walked towards the food right away, and I followed behind her, looking at Proctor out of the corner of my eye.
When we got to the food, we grabbed some of the fancy ass plates and started to stack different foods on them, even though I knew I wouldn’t eat much of anything.
I’ve lost twenty pounds since around Christmas time, and the only thing still thick on me is my butt.
Everything else had slimmed down. It’s crazy how grief is nature's natural weight loss supplement, even when you have other shit going on.
“Excuse me. Can you fix me a plate too?”
The voice behind me, I knew too well.
“You are more than welcome to get a saucer and fix your own plate, Proctor.” I turned around, trying to pretend his presence didn’t move me at all.
“No, would’ve been a sufficient answer, baby girl. Long time no hear from.”
“Yeah, it’s been a little while. I just had a lot on my plate.”
“I bet, same here. But that didn’t stop me from thinking about you.”
“Thinking about me or our sex?” I asked, making conversation as I traveled down the buffet line.
“Sex, of course. You didn’t give me a chance to get to know you, and I don’t fall in love quickly like my son.”
He shook his head like Hawk being in love was a bad thing.
“How long are you in town for?”
“Just until tomorrow. Monday, I have an important meeting to go to.”
He nodded his head as he placed his hands in his pockets.
I was trying my hardest not to fall victim to that boss ass demeanor he possessed, but it was just so hard.
How he seemed to have gotten finer in the course of months is insane to me.
Or maybe it’s that I secretly had thoughts of him running through my mind constantly that I tried to hide because of guilt.
What Proctor didn’t know was that the important meeting I had was with my OBGYN to check on the baby.
I hadn’t told anyone, not even my best friends, but I’m pregnant.
Three months, and the reason it is such a secret is because I’m not really positive by who.
The facts are, I had sex with Josiah and Proctor within a week of each other, and I will only know the paternity once the baby comes.
Even then, I’m not sure if I will ever tell the world that I cheated on Josiah on our wedding weekend and the last weekend that I saw him alive.
That may just be a secret that I take to the grave.