Chapter 9 Closer Than Before
After Chu Qingyun moved in with me, I went out to parties much less.
Drinking with Cheng Yuzhou and the others suddenly felt pointless.
It was better to stay home and hold his warm body.
I used to think he was an aloof Top Student. Now I realized he smiled a lot in private.
His personality was actually quite soft.
If he didn't want to do something, a little coaxing and half-hearted resistance usually made him give in.
I would get angry if he stayed out too long, if people kept sticking to him, or even when company matters went wrong.
But Chu Qingyun calmed me by holding me, his soft fingertips stroking my hair as he whispered and soothed me. I would calm down almost instantly.
One day I suddenly asked him, "Why are you so good to me? Because I'm your Patron?"
My heart pounded as I watched him. I knew what I was hoping for. I wanted a denial.
I wanted to hear that it wasn't just because of that.
Because I was so eager, I missed the flash of hurt in his eyes.
It seemed the word Patron reminded him again.
Even though I had appeared as his savior, the two of us were never equal.
Some feelings that had slowly built up between us should never have appeared.
He fell silent, which was rare.
I took his silence as agreement.
I pressed my lips together, pushed him away in anger, and moved to the other side of the bed.
Later that night it got cold. I turned and saw him curled up on his side.
It made me uncomfortable.
I pushed him.
He turned around.
"Hold me."
In the dark he sighed helplessly, then pulled me back into his arms.
The familiar warmth returned, but my heart still felt unsettled.
I always felt something was off, like Chu Qingyun wasn't giving me enough.
I wanted more.