Chapter Twelve
Aleksi
The usual smells of the Hawkeyes stadium hit me the moment I walk in. Ice cleaner from the zamboni, stale popcorn, fresh brewed coffee, and an undercurrent of sweat and determination.
I just left Kendall at the baby store a few minutes ago after finding out she’s pregnant and that the baby she’s carrying is mine. I feel like I floated on a cloud the whole way here.
I walk into the locker room. It’s loud with the chatter of teammates getting back into the rhythm. Someone’s blasting music from a Bluetooth speaker, Slade’s arguing about fantasy stats, and half the guys are already suiting up for practice.
It feels good to be back. Spirits are up which means that most everyone has had enough time to shake off our playoff loss. It’s a new season full of new possibilities. We’ll get ‘em this year.
I drop my duffel beside my stall and nod a few greetings, but all I can think about is Kendall, the baby, the sound of its heartbeat that’s still looping somewhere in the back of my skull like background music I can’t turn off. I wouldn’t turn it off, even if I could.
Slade claps me on the shoulder. “Back from Finland and already spaced out? Must’ve been one hell of a vacation.”
“Something like that,” I say, forcing a smile.
Trey’s across the room lacing his skates for the morning ice meeting. When he glances up, his brow furrows. “Hey, you okay? You look distracted.”
I hesitate, debating how much to say, but it comes out anyway. “I ran into Kendall on my way here. She was with Vivi and Peyton.”
That gets his attention. His head jerks up fast, and I see the exact moment Vivi’s voice replays in his head.
“Oh, shit,” he says, dropping his laces. “Are you okay? How’d you take the news?”
I blink. “Wait… what news?”
The look on his face answers that before he can. He grimaces. “Damn. Vivi swore she wouldn’t say anything. I just assumed—”
“You assumed I knew.”
“Yeah. Because you and Kendall seemed like you’ve been getting… Closer. I figured she told you while you were in Finland.”
A sharp laugh escapes me. “She hadn’t told me yet. She thought I was dating someone else and didn’t want to ruin it for me, but I think my reaction was better than I think she expected,” I mutter, rubbing the back of my neck. “Who all knows?”
Trey shifts, eyes darting around the room. I follow his gaze. Hunter’s standing by the whiteboard, flipping through drills with one of the assistant coaches. The second our eyes meet, he gives me that “I know something” look before heading over.
“Fuck,” I groan, dragging my hands through my hair. “You too?”
Hunter lifts a brow. “Peyton told me. But I’m on strict orders not to say a damn word, or I get my adventure sex privileges revoked for a year.”
Trey makes a face. “Adventure sex?”
“Sex anywhere besides our house,” Hunter says, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. “Peyton likes to switch it up. I’m always down.”
Trey snorts. “Man, you two need a hobby.”
Hunter grins. “We have one. It just sometimes happens in an elevator.”
Scottie overhears that last part and yells from across the room, “Elevator? That explains why you were late to the charity gala, bro.”
“Yeah, well,” Hunter shrugs, unapologetic, “we make efficient use of time.”
The locker room bursts into laughter, but I can’t quite join in. My stomach’s still knotted, brain replaying Kendall’s face when I asked to touch her stomach. The way her expression softened.
Trey notices. “Seriously, though,” he says, lowering his voice. “You good?”
I nod. How could I not be good? The woman I’m crazy about is having my baby. “Yeah, I’m good. Better than I should be.”
He studies me a beat longer, then nods slowly. “You’re handling it better than I would’ve. Vivi said Kendall’s been worried about the whole thing. And Tarron McCoy hinting on national television that they are getting back together threw her off.”
I smile faintly. “We’ll work it out now that I’m back. Tarron and I will be exchanging words if he thinks he can claim my kid and Kendall in charity interviews. It’s not going to go down like that.”
“Have you talked to Kendall about that?” Hunter asks, as if he still knows more than I do.
Before I can ask what he knows, Coach yells for quiet as the morning orientation starts.
Everyone shuffles toward the whiteboard, the usual mix of jokes and chirps dies down.
But I barely hear a word of the schedule rundown.
Conditioning drills, media day prep, equipment fittings. It all blurs into background noise.
All I can think about is her and the baby.
When the meeting ends, I sit on the bench for a second longer than everyone else, pulling out my phone. My thumb hovers over our text thread—short, clinical, all business until now.
Me: Can I come to the next ultrasound?
The three little dots appear almost immediately. Then—
Kendall: You can.
I exhale, the tension easing. I’m still not sure where I fit into all of this. What she’s going to let me do, or how she’s going to let me be involved, but I’m hoping this is what I need for her to see that we’re worth a shot.
Me: When?
Kendall: Thursday morning. 9 a.m.
Me: I’ll pick you up.
Kendall: OK
I slip my phone back into my pocket, letting the sound of sticks hitting the floor and lockers slamming ground me again.
Slade walks by, flipping a puck in his hand. “You look like you just got benched or blessed. Which is it?”
“Maybe both,” I say with a grin.
He gives me a look like I’ve completely lost it, but I don’t care.
Two more days.
I can survive anything for two more days.
My apartment looks like a bomb went off in a baby aisle.
There’s a stack of library books on the counter, three open tabs on my laptop, and a YouTube video still paused mid-sentence on “Ten Things Every New Dad Should Know.” If anyone walked in, they’d think I was cramming for a parenting final.
I scroll through the site again. “At fourteen weeks, your baby is the size of a peach.”
A peach. My chest tightens with a weird mix of pride and panic. Kendall is already past her first trimester which means I have less than 7 months before she gives birth
I type what to expect when you’re expecting as a new dad into Google like a man looking for cheat codes. Results flood the page. Articles. Forums. Dad podcasts with names like The Rookie Father and Dad Mode Activated.
I click the first one. A chipper voice greets me:
“Welcome back, new dads and dad-to-bes. Let’s talk about the emotional roller coaster that starts before your baby is even born.”
I sink onto the couch, with a notebook. There’s no option to screw up.
I have to do everything right and I owe it to my father to be the kind of dad he showed me how to be.
The only problem? I have no idea how to be a dad to a brand new infant, and even less idea on how to make sure that Kendall is supported.
They talk about patience, communication, and how to support your partner when she’s exhausted or scared. Every word feels personal. Kendall doesn’t need my panic. She needs my calm.
The host says, “The biggest thing is to show up—even when she tells you she doesn’t need you to.”
I pause the episode and stare at the screen.
That part hits hard and I wish this was live so I could ask exactly how I can do this, but I know that the answer is likely different for everyone.
I’ll have to ask her. The only trouble with that is that Kendall isn’t exactly an open book when it comes to telling me her feelings or thoughts on pretty much anything that has to do with her or us.
I open my notes app and start a new list as the podcaster starts to list them off.
THINGS I SHOULD PROBABLY LEARN:
How to install a car seat… the proper way.
How to swaddle (find a video on this)
Purple crying… what the hell is that?
What contractions actually look like and how to stop braxton hicks
Foods pregnant women can’t eat, cravings, food aversions
Preparing for the hospital stay, Go-Bag, natural birth vs. cesarean and preparing for both
The importance of skin to skin at birth, and talking to baby so they recognize your voice
Safe sex, horny second trimester
I stare at that last line for a long time.
I never realized that women sometimes have a sex drive spike during their second trimester.
So many thoughts come to mind. How do I not hurt the baby?
Will she want to have horny pregnancy sex with me?
And how do I bring this up when we’re on unsure ground right now?
My phone buzzes with a new notification. The podcast app: Recommended for you – “Becoming Dad: The Science of Attachment.”
“Sure,” I mutter, hitting subscribe. “Why the hell not.”
I keep scrolling. Another article catches my eye: ‘How to Prepare for Your Partner’s First Ultrasound.’
It’s past midnight before I finally shut my laptop.
Everything I just learned swirls through my mind.
I rub the athletic-tape ring around my finger, thinking about the way Kendall’s hand rested on top of mine at the store.
About hearing the heartbeat for the first time. About her smile when she said our baby.
I consider my notes. The one thing seems to be a recurring phrase: Offer support, and often. I take that as my green light to touch base with her.
Me: You doing okay tonight?
Five minutes pass. Ten. Then:
Kendall: Yeah. Trying to get some sleep. You?
Me: Learning how to be a dad from YouTube.
Kendall: Oh no. That sounds full-proof.
Me: Don’t worry. I’m a fast learner.
Kendall: I know you are. Goodnight, Aleksi.
Me: Goodnight, Doc.
I stare at the last text until the screen fades to black. Then I whisper into the quiet, “I’m not just showing up, Doc. I’m staying.”
Two days later and over a dozen text messages later-the big day. I show up to Kendall’s for our ultrasound knock once, then again.
A crash answers me from inside, something metal hitting tile and then a muttered “ouch” from Kendall’s voice. “One second!” she calls out.