Chapter 22
JAMIE
My eyes stay latched to Carmen’s. Even though it’s really fucking hard to resist lowering my gaze to watch her throat bob on a heavy swallow.
Intensity hums through my veins. I feel my eyes darken under my lowered brow.
I might be a virgin, but I know how to kiss.
I’ve kissed a couple girls I’ve been on dates with. I never lost myself in those kisses, but I knew I was doing something right. Their body language made that clear. But each time I backed off, because I wasn’t feeling it.
But if I kiss Carmen right now, I know I will lose myself in it. I’ll fucking drown in it. And if she asks me to go further … fuck, I don’t know if I’ll be able to back off, even if I want to.
I don’t know if I would want to.
I’m not under any delusions. I know that even though Carmen and I have been spending more time together, even though she asked me to help her by pretending to be her boyfriend in front of her parents, that doesn’t mean she wants to date for real.
I’ve always imagined that my first time going beyond kissing would be with a girl I could call my girlfriend. But it’s not like that’s a rule I’ve established for myself. More than anything, I’ve wanted my first time to feel right.
If it happens with Carmen, even if we’re not officially dating, even if she’s not my girlfriend … well, it won’t feel wrong. I’m convinced of that. There’s a glow of assurance in my chest that I’ve never had before, telling me that whatever I do with this girl, I won’t regret it.
For a couple long and heavy beats of time, Carmen is caught off guard. Her chocolatey eyes are wide and glossy. Her sweet, pink lips parted in surprise.
Then, something gleams in those eyes, and those lips curl. A spark of provocation flashes in her chestnut gaze.
“Is that right?” Her question is an undisguised challenge. Suddenly, my balls are tight. A hot pressure throbs in my groin. For all the bravado I’m still trying to display, it feels like my stomach is upside down.
I take another step forward. Not a big one this time, because we’re already so close. The curve of her breasts brushes against my shirt. Her scent floods my nose. It feels like I’m coated in static.
“Are you too scared to find out?” There’s plenty of irony in that taunt, because I’m the one whose chest is so tight I can hardly breathe.
She scoffs. “Scared? Of what?”
My lips hitch. “Of liking it too much.”
Her head shakes slowly as she assesses me. “Who are you and what did you do with Jamie?”
A tremor races ceaselessly up and down my spine, but I fight to maintain my composure.
“I know that making your parents buy this is important to you. If you think us kissing will help that happen, I don’t want it to be off the table.” I run my tongue against the crease of my lips. “And I really don’t want you thinking that I wouldn’t enjoy the fuck out of it.”
My cock is like a hot spike between my legs, arousal hammering at my loins. The ache is driving me crazy, but fuck does it feel good. The only problem is, if we kiss, and I pull her close, the feel of Carmen flush against my pelvis could easily make me erupt in my pants.
Carmen pulls a breath through her nose. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt …”
She’s wrong about that. Pressing my lips to hers would hurt. It would make my cock so damn hard and my balls so damn tight that I might pass out. I can sense it already. And it would be so, so worth it.
I’m thinking of what to say next, but when I see Carmen’s chin tilt upward and her eyes flutter closed, I realize there’s nothing left to say.
My heart jumps like it’s on a trampoline. Each beat, and those beats are coming fast, feels like it’s getting further up my throat. My pulse pounds like a drum in my ears.
The confidence that just filled me washes away. I can’t feel confident right now, because I’m not even sure this is reality. Are those really Carmen’s lips slightly parted and slowly arcing toward mine? Are those really her long, dark lashes dancing at the crease of her closed eyelids?
Oh fuck, are those really her perfectly firm tits pressing into my chest as her body shifts closer to mine?
Electricity rips through my body. My hands are clammy and shaky. To steady them, I plant them on the sides of Carmen’s hips—and a bomb goes off in my chest.
The curve of her hips feels so fucking good against my palms that I can’t believe it.
Her lips are closer now. My eyes are still open. They shouldn’t be. I force them closed. I dip my head down. My heart hammers, I’m lightheaded, an excited thrum swelling through me.
Our lips touch.
I just told Carmen that I’ve kissed girls before. But apparently, I lied. Because whatever the hell I was doing with my lips before … this feels like something else entirely.
Pleasure bursts through my mouth as our lips slant. Her scent and taste fill me. My feet don’t feel like they’re on solid ground. I could be floating right now and it wouldn’t surprise me.
I almost have a heart attack when her tongue brushes against my bottom lip.
Our kiss deepens. I wasn’t wrong that I would drown in this. That’s exactly what’s happening. I’m at the bottom of the fucking ocean, and I don’t want anyone ever pulling me up.
There’s no way that breathing oxygen is worth it if it means I’ll ever have to stop feeling the slide of my lips against Carmen’s. If this kiss is my grave, then bury me in it.
Was that glancing touch of her tongue against my lip an invitation? With my fingertips trembling against the soft curve of Carmen’s hips, I decide to find out. I glide my tongue across the seam of her lips, and she opens them for me.
It’s a new level of bliss when my tongue pushes into her mouth. It tangles with the smooth, warm velvet of her own. My eyes roll back behind my shut lids.
I’ve thought a lot about kissing Carmen. A lot. But I’ve never experienced something that was so much better than even my wildest fantasies.
I pull her flush against me, needing to feel more of her. When she moans against my mouth, though, I think that might have been a mistake. Because now sharp flames are licking at the base of my balls, and I’m pretty sure a gust of wind could make me come in my pants.
“Jamie,” she groans into my mouth right after I lap my tongue over hers.
I can’t suppress the low, rough growl that rumbles against Carmen’s mouth. That wispy sound of my name on her lips drives me almost mad. Close enough to it that my self-control snaps, and I feel my hands roaming, dragging across Carmen’s hips, tracing the dip of her waist.
“You’re tense,” I mumble into our kiss, feeling the tautness in her muscles.
She hums. “Maybe a little nervous about dinner,” she says as she nips at my bottom lip. I have to clench my abs tight to keep from tipping over the edge.
“I wonder if there’s anything I could do about that.” The words come out staggered, one or two at a time, as our kiss doesn’t let up. “To … help you relax.”
Her hand feels like a ring of fire when it wraps around my wrist. She guides it to the waistband of her pants. My heart skips way too many beats to be considered clinically safe.
We’re standing in the middle of her living room, lips crashing, the contours of our bodies molded together, and I snap open the button of her jeans.
“Bedroom,” she says. With a couple stumbling steps, we find our way to her bed and tumble onto it.
Being on top of Carmen’s soft mattress, pressed against her, the warmth of her lips crushing against mine, her pants partly undone, the scent and softness of her silky hair wrapping all around my face … I’ve died and gone to heaven. I must have.
She rolls onto her back, and I take the handle of her zipper between my thumb and forefinger. The metallic sound of her zipper unwinding ratchets my anticipation to unbearable levels. I angle my hips to minimize the amount of contact the swollen, sensitive head of my cock has with anything.
The fly of Carmen’s jeans is wide open. I brush my fingertips along the line of exposed skin between her panties and the hem of her shirt. Her skin is so fucking soft, so perfect, that I moan out a ragged breath.
I don’t know what’s the more pressing danger right now: me busting in my pants, or my heart stopping in my chest. I brush the pad of my thumb against the outline of her hipbone, and a shiver rushes through her.
I need to make sure we’re on the same page here. “Do you want me to get you off, Carmen?”
Holy shit. Just asking that question turns me on like I can’t believe. I hardly recognize my own voice.
She rolls her hips. A needy, impatient motion. “Yes, damn it.”
I chuckle against her lips. That’s my girl.
At least, I sure as fuck want her to be.
I dip my fingertips under the waistband of her panties. The groan that falls out of me is choked. The skin beneath is so soft. A blast of tight heat pulses through my groin.
I push my hand lower, and I feel her.
Wet. Slick. Hot. Impossibly soft.
The sensations barreling through me are so intense, I don’t know how I’m going to stay conscious. I’m swelled with thrill and excitement, like I’m about to burst at the seams. My blood pressure is so high that I feel the drum of my heartbeat behind my eyes.
I lightly glide my finger up the length of Carmen’s slit.
Her back arches, a breathy moan ghosting from her parted lips.
I circle my thumb around the taut nub of her clit.
Her hand cups the firmness of her breast, kneading it. I’m so keyed up that I’m not blinking. My eyes are wide open and razor-focused on the rosy flush coloring her cheeks, her closed eyelids and lips parted in pleasure, the way she writhes as I work my hand between her legs.
But I do close my eyes when I slide a digit inside her. I can’t help it. Her clenching around me is too overwhelming.
There’s no way sex is better than this, right? How could it be? How could anything be better than this?
Tight knots pull through my whole body as I slowly work my finger in and out of her.
At the same time, I keep swirling the pad of my thumb around her clit.
I can’t pretend that I know what I’m doing, but judging by Carmen’s gasps and moans, and the way her hips squirm and roll, I think I’m doing alright.
“Oh, fuck, Jamie,” her voice is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard, “this feels really good.”
That’s it. My brain is officially rearranged. I’m in some kind of altered state of consciousness.
I work my hand faster, and Carmen’s moans grow louder and more desperate. Her hand curls around my forearm, her fingernails digging into the dense muscle.
“I’m almost there,” she says, and I feel like I fall off the face of the Earth.
A molten throb stabs at the base of my cock. Carmen announces her orgasm, and as she writhes on the bed, the curve of her hip grinds against the front of my pelvis.
I fall past the point of no return. My eyelids screw tight, my jaw clenches, a savage sound rips from my throat, and as Carmen unravels and fills her tiny bedroom with blissful sounds, I coat my pants with jets of cum so strong that it feels like my soul leaves my body.
We’re both breathing hard as we come down. My pants are a hot, sticky mess. I’ve never come so much in my life.
My hand is still in her panties. I never want to take it out. Unfortunately, that would make dinner with her parents awkward.
“Good?” I ask.
Her eyes meet mine. The sight of her sated, heavy-lidded gaze with the satisfied flush on her cheeks has my cock twitching again, even though I just emptied my balls.
“Don’t get cocky all of a sudden,” she teases.
I huff a laugh. “I’m pretty sure guys who come in their pants aren’t able to pull off cocky.”
A surprised grin pops on her face. She looks down at my pants. “You didn’t. Really?”
I scoff. “Of course I did. The only surprise is that I didn’t come twice.”
Carmen bounces her eyebrows. “Making a guy come in his pants. Maybe I should be the cocky one.”
“You should be.” I really want to kiss her right now. Again. But that would be a real kiss. An intimate kiss. Not just a kiss to rise to her challenge and show her that I know how. I’m not sure she would be okay with that. Even if my hand is still inside her panties.
I might be a virgin, but I’m not so na?ve that I don’t understand that a post-orgasm kiss is just … different.
“I guess you’ll need to get changed before dinner, then.” There’s amusement in Carmen’s voice, but also something else. Arousal? Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part. I’m pretty sure coming in your pants isn’t a turn-on. Right?
“I guess so.” My voice is more of a lament, because taking a shower and getting changed means getting up from this bed. It means pulling my hand away from Carmen’s warm center. Neither of which I have the slightest desire to do.
But duty is duty, and the whole reason we’re in this position right now is because I agreed to pretend to be her boyfriend for her parents. She needs me to do this, and I’m not about to waver.
But I can’t say that all my thoughts right now are selfless. There’s one thought I’m entertaining that isn’t selfless by a long shot.
I’m hoping that Carmen’s feeling a little tense after dinner, too. And that she wants to release that tension the same way.