Chapter 31
CARMEN
After a long shift at Last Word, I fall backward onto my couch. I reach for my phone to put it on the coffee table. When I pull it from my pocket, the screen lights up.
It’s an incoming call. From my mom.
As I look at the word displayed on my phone, it’s curious how little anxiety accompanies it.
For a long time, the way I left things with my parents before moving to Cedar Shade was a constant source of background stress. And that moment weeks ago when they walked into the café out of nowhere had my anxiety shooting through the roof.
Maybe it’s because I knew they still disapproved of my decision, that they judged me and thought I was making a terrible mistake … and maybe I still wasn’t totally convinced that they were wrong.
But as I look at my mom’s incoming phone call with calm, I fully realize, maybe for the first time, that now I am convinced they were wrong.
I knew that dropping out, moving away, and giving my writing a real chance was something I had to do, but I guess I wasn’t totally secure in the belief that it was the right thing to do.
Now, I realize I am. Fully.
What changed?
Jamie.
The name flashes in my mind like a whisper.
Something about that being the answer does pop my stress level. To avoid thinking too deeply about it, I slide my mom’s call open.
“Hey, mom,” I answer. My ears are surprised at the breeziness of my tone.
My mom’s voice, though, is less blasé. There’s a heft to it, like making this call was something she had to build herself up to doing. “Hello, Carmen.”
“What’s up?”
A pause on her end of the line. “I felt I needed to call you.”
Uh, yeah, hence the call. I don’t make that quip, though. My mom and I don’t really have the kind of relationship where we quip at each other.
Maybe one day?
Other things in my life have changed for the better recently. Maybe my relationship with my parents can, too. Eventually.
I’m living somewhere that increasingly feels like home in a way I’ve never experienced.
I’m on a roll with my writing, feeling like the successful completion of my book is in sight.
I’m part of a friend group I enjoy spending time with, where I feel like I can be myself and be appreciated for it.
And a hot hockey player is giving me regular orgasms.
A hot hockey player who, more and more, I’m …
Good thing I have this phone call to keep me from finishing that thought.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” she continues, “and I realize that I need to apologize.”
Okay. That’s unexpected.
“Apologize?” I repeat.
“Right. Your father and I … I think we were wrong.”
This raises my guard a tad. My mother admitting that she and Dad were … wrong? About anything? I’m almost worried she’s about to drop news of a terrible medical diagnosis on me that’s spurred some kind of existential reevaluation of her life.
I’m lost for words, so it’s my mom who speaks next.
“When I saw you when we had dinner with you and that boy …” at the reference to Jamie, my heart does a twirl in my chest, “It was so clear he was good for you. So clear that he treats you right.”
My stomach swoops. Is that how Jamie and I look together? Even when it was a fake date, even when we’d only kissed once?
I’m still silent on my end, taking in my mom’s unexpected words.
“Ever since then, I’ve been coming to this realization,” she says. “If your decision to go to Cedar Shade and try writing led to you finding that, well, maybe it really was the right decision for you.”
I don’t even know what to say.
“Thanks, Mom,” is all I come up with. A strange pinch of uncertainty comes with the words, though. After all, what she had that reaction to, what caused her to reevaluate everything… it was all fake. All a lie.
Or was it?
Jamie
Are you home yet?
My chest whirls at the thought of Jamie wanting to come over. Lately, I’ve gotten good at not trying to analyze such feelings.
Walking home now, a couple minutes away
Get on your bed and keep your door unlocked
Excitement winds low in my core. I like it when Jamie’s bolder side rears its head. What does he have in mind? I think I’d rather let him show me than have him answer me, so I keep my response simple.
Okay
Tension skates up and down my spine as I wait for him, on my mattress.
Should I get undressed? Put on something sexy? I don’t own any sexy outfits, though. Besides, he just told me to get on my bed, he didn’t add any specifics. I’ll just follow his instructions.
My stomach swoops at that thought, muscles tugging at the peak of my thighs. Getting excited about … following a man’s instructions? The me of just a few weeks ago would kick the me of right now in the shins. But I can’t ignore the thrill that simmers through my bloodstream.
I hear my door opening. My heartbeat rumbles up my throat.
Jamie’s steps are slow, torturously drawing out the tiny distance to the doorjamb of my room that I’m impatiently waiting for him to fill. With every thud of his footfalls against my carpeted floor, the thrum of anticipation between my legs notches higher.
Heat spills through me when his broad shoulders finally fill the width of my doorframe. He leans casually to one side against the wood casing. An arrogant look swims in his green eyes.
“You listened. Good girl.”
I’m slick between my legs at his words. A guy who’s still a virgin shouldn’t sound this … dangerous. But I guess the way my body’s reacted to the orgasms he’s given me can do something to a guy’s confidence.
“The other night, you told me something.”
“What?” I ask.
“That you wanted to try new things.”
I hazily half-remember my drunken words when he put me to bed that night. A smirk slices onto his plush lips, like he sees the memory dawning in my eyes.
“I bet you’ve never stripped and then touched yourself until you came while someone watched, have you?”
Heat rockets through my body. I swallow, working my throat hard because my heart feels lodged in the center of it. I shake my head.
Jamie’s expression is smug as he sizes me up. “Good. That’s what you’ll do now.”
I don’t even think about it. I stand up and slowly start to remove my clothes. The air in my dim room is thick with erotic tension. Arousal dances through me. Jamie’s gaze burns like fire on every inch of bare flesh I expose.
“So fucking beautiful.” The gravel in Jamie’s voice is the first crack in his commanding facade.
I undo my bra and let my tits spill out. Jamie’s Adam’s apple bobs in the thick column of his neck. His eyes are shining emerald circles in globes of bright white, his eyelids retracting.
“I heard you touching yourself,” he says. “Weeks ago.”
“You did?”
He nods. His eyes are skating over me, eating me up. My nipples pebble so tight they hurt.
“I heard you say my name while you came. Standing outside your door. Ever since that day, I haven’t been able to get the thought of you touching yourself off my mind.” His jaw muscles pop. “Show me what it looks like.”
I slide my pants down my legs, surprised to find that my panties haven’t melted off yet. Jamie’s gaze traces the curve of my hips. His jaw muscles arc further out, and his nose twitches like he’s exerting effort to keep himself poised at a distance.
The sound of Jamie’s breath is sharp through his clenched teeth when I remove my panties.
I lie back down on the bed.
“Spread those legs for me.” His voice is low and tight, almost as tight as the muscles are wound between my legs. Which says a lot.
I follow his command. The ache pulsing through my loins only throbs harder as I spread my knees apart, exposing my wetness. Jamie’s eyes glimmer, marveling. The low growl in his throat fills the room.
“Look how fucking wet you are. You need to come so bad, don’t you?”
“Yes.” The word is a whimper from my mouth. The admission only increases the need winding behind my pelvis. Flames lick through me. My clit throbs, dying for contact.
His throat bobs. “Here’s something else I bet you’ve never done before.” His eyes crawl back up to mine. When our gazes catch, they lock, and I can’t look away. “I bet you’ve never come in just ten seconds.”
Static blankets my body. I’m so worked up that I’m squirming. I’m primed for release—but ten seconds? That’s ridiculous. I can’t come in ten seconds.
Jamie still hasn’t blinked. “Now touch yourself. And I’ll count down.”
My finger touches my clit, and pleasure explodes through my body.
I pull in a sharp gasp, hardly able to believe the intensity of the feeling. I can just barely hear Jamie intone over the rush of my pulse in my ear, “Ten.”
Tendrils of bliss snake through me as I work my finger through my wetness.
“Nine, eight …”
Tension coils at the base of my spine. Intensity swells between my legs as my finger swirls around my clit.
“Seven, six …”
Pressure builds, and holy shit, Jamie might be right. How the fuck am I this close this soon?
“Five, four …”
My back arches, my hips lifting off the bed. The whole middle of my body is nothing but a tight clench of liquid ecstasy. Sparks dance all over my perspiring skin, and as hot as I am, my nipples are hard and peaked like it’s sub-zero.
“Three, two …”
His prediction arrives a second early.
My whole body goes taunt and my orgasm wrings me dry.
My eyes clench tight, and I writhe on my bed as the most unbelievable release of my life barrels through me. It draws out so long I almost feel like I’m going to pass out. When I come down and can finally open my eyes again, the last several minutes have an utterly surreal tinge to them in my mind.
My body feels like rubber as I lie breathing, my brain too scrambled for thought.
“Told you,” Jamie breaks the silence.
I gather the strength to lift my head off the mattress and find his eyes. Swimming with smug satisfaction. Even standing across the room, he was able to play my body like an instrument, with his just eyes, just his voice.
Suddenly, I feel an impulse to wipe that smug look off his face—and maybe wear one of my own.