Chapter 36
JAMIE
I’m lying on our living room couch, daydreaming. I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing so for hours, but I couldn’t swear to it. I’ve lost track of time. My eyes are closed, my lips are tipped in a drowsy smile, and nothing is running through my head except memories of my first time with Carmen.
It feels like I’m floating on a fluffy cloud, alone in a blue sky on the softest and most beautiful day of the year. In reality, I’m reclining on an old, lumpy couch covered with stains of questionable origin.
I’ve been holding out for years for a first time that just felt right. Well, that was it. No matter what happens between Carmen and me, I’ll never regret yesterday. It’s a memory I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.
But that sure as shit doesn’t mean I don’t care about what happens between Carmen and me.
I want us to be together. I’ve been gone for her since the very beginning, and I’ve never felt any other way. Now, I need to move beyond just hoping. I need to convince her how right we would be together. But how do I go about it without scaring her off?
My brain isn’t in the right state to think through a question like that, though. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow, either. Maybe not for the next week. I’m too high on the memory of yesterday, the memory of sinking into Carmen and losing myself utterly in her body, to handle thorny questions.
I slide right back into my reveries of feeling her hips roll against mine and her legs lock around my waist, until I’m pulled back to reality by the sound of one of the kitchen stools scraping against the linoleum floor.
I crack my eyelids open. Veikko sits at the counter, a miserable look on his face. He reaches out and pulls over a half-full bottle of whiskey and a shot glass I’m not even sure is clean. It probably isn’t. Veikko pours the glass full to the brim. His brow lowers as he eyes the amber liquid.
I press my eyelids shut. He thinks I’m napping here.
He thinks he’s alone. I don’t want to spy on him, but I don’t want to intrude on his moment of contemplation by getting up.
I stay still for a moment, unsure what to do, unsure whether or not I should get up or make a sound to let him know I’m awake.
But before I can decide, I hear the front door open and the sound of a determined stride marching toward Veikko.
“Felix …” Veikko says. His throat sounds dry. A sudden unsteady charge thickens through the air. Now I’m really not sure what to do. I don’t move a muscle, staying on the couch with my eyes clasped shut, trying not to breathe too noticeably.
Felix’s steps become slower as they get closer to Veikko. Then they stop.
For a long moment, silence reigns. The tension threading through the atmosphere tightens to an unbearable pitch.
I risk opening one eyelid to see what’s going on, the anticipation becoming too much to bear, even though I have the strangest feeling that I’m in the midst of something I have no right to witness.
Felix reaches out and grabs the glass, downing the shot in one gulp. He slams the glass back on the countertop, the thud of contact sounding like a bomb in the tense silence.
Felix plants a firm hand on Veikko’s shoulder. Then, he kisses him.
My eyes shoot open in shock. I need to make sure I’m actually seeing this.
Both Felix’s and Veikko’s eyes are closed. The kiss is deep, long. It steals the air from the rest of the room. I can hardly suck in a breath.
What the fuck is going on? Shock and disbelief swim through me. I can’t tell anyone about this. I can’t let on to either Felix or Veikko that I was awake. Right? Shit, my brain already wasn’t functioning at a high level today. I’m really not capable of processing all this right now.
Felix pulls back from the kiss. Veikko’s mouth is still open, a disoriented look on his face as his wide eyes latch to the man who just marched in and kissed him.
Felix pours another measure of whiskey into the shot glass and throws it back with a gulp.
He looks at Veikko, then he scoffs. “Straight, my ass.”
Felix turns on his heels and strides back out the door. Leaving Veikko in stunned silence at the kitchen counter. And leaving me with a couple answers about what’s been going on between my two roommates lately—but a hell of a lot more questions.