Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Chase
I felt like shit, but it was the right thing to do.
Wasn't it?
I paced across the front patio, arms crossed to ward off the chill wind which blew off the bay.
Good guys didn't stand women up. They didn't string women along. A clean break, that was what Ashley needed. Okay, it was what I needed, but if she knew how I felt about her, she'd agree. The last thing she needed was me mooning around like a lovesick puppy.
I sighed out my nose and stepped back inside. It was warmer in here. Warmer still when I closed the door to keep out the cold.
One thing I promised myself when I bought a place with my earnings from the Humpbacks, was that I'd never be cold at home.
Apart from a wing upstairs for guests, everything stayed at a comfortable temperature all year round.
I could walk from room to room in the middle of winter and be equally comfortable.
The heating bill was horrendous, but I paid it without blinking. If I was careful with my money, I could live the rest of my life like this.
It was a small thing for some, but a big deal for me.
My childhood consisted of winters wrapped in blankets in front of tiny heaters.
We'd all sit in the same room, to save money.
My parents did their best, but we still had hard times.
Now I paid their bills too, so they could be comfortable in retirement.
The air smelled of stew cooking in the slow cooker. It would be ready in another couple of hours, according to the digital display on the front. The smell was so good I was tempted to open it and start eating now. Knowing how these appliances worked, it would be worth the wait, so I resisted.
I thought about having a soak in the tub—jetted of course—with a good book. Then I remembered I dropped the last book in the water and hadn't ordered a new copy. Damn, I really wanted to know what happened with the rock stars in the story. I'd have to—
The doorbell rang. I immediately froze. Several reporters came around earlier in the day, but Bernice chased them off. I should have known they'd come back.
No way in the world would I answer the door to them. I glanced at the screen before I headed upstairs.
Ashley stood on my front doorsteps, arms wrapped around herself. My first instinct was to pull her inside and warm her up. My second was to keep walking and pretend I wasn't home.
Since both of those were bad choices, I unlocked the door and opened it just wide enough to look outside.
"If you're selling girl guide cookies, I bought ten boxes the other day." That wasn't a lie. I have a mild addiction to the things, and a bigger addiction to good causes.
"Do I look like a girl guide?" Ashley asked.
She wore a knee length skirt, light coloured blouse and a leather jacket that made her look like a low key badass. If she was a girl guide, she was a hot one.
"Not like the ones I used to know," I admitted. "But times have changed. Their recruitment method might have too."
She snorted. "Well you're no boy scout, that's for sure." Her eyes snapped with anger. Yep, she was pissed. I should close the door and back away slowly.
Instead my dumb ass opened the door further and said, "You wanna come in?" I stepped back and almost tripped over the section of floor where entry tiles met carpet.
Ashley didn't laugh. Either she was too nice to laugh at my clumsiness, or she was too pissed to find it funny.
I closed the door behind her after glancing around for paparazzi.
"I don't think I was followed," Ashley said.
I grinned because it suddenly felt like we were in a spy movie. My smile faded at the look on her face.
"Good. Everything is messy enough without them drawing you into it." I gestured toward the kitchen. "Coffee?"
The moment I said the word, I wanted to kick myself so hard I'd fly over the try line.
"Now you feel like coffee?" She narrowed her eyes at me.
I sighed. "About that."
She crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow slightly. The expression on her face clearly said, 'Yeah, this better be good.'
I toyed with a few different replies, several I had rehearsed just in case we had this conversation.
"I figured it would be better if I don't go," I said finally.
She blinked slowly. "That's it? You weren't too busy to make it, or even let me know you weren't going to show up? You just—" She waved a hand in the air. "Just didn't show."
That was exactly it, but her tone put me on the defensive.
"Making plans like that was a stupid idea," I said. "Almost as bad as us sleeping together."
She looked hurt, but I was on a roll now. "I shouldn't have kissed you. It's my fault, all of that." It took two to do what we did, but I'd take the blame anyway.
"I decided it would be easier on you if I stayed away," I said finally.
"Easier on you, you mean," she snapped.
I hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. "That too."
"You could have texted," she said bitterly. "I sat there for nearly an hour. I'm pretty sure everyone knew I got stood up. The barista certainly did."
Now I felt like an absolute asshole. "I guess I could have, but it wouldn't have been a clean break then."
"You call this clean?" she asked. Her eyes shone.
I wanted to kiss away the tears as they slid down her cheeks.
Instead, I took a step away, to the coffee pot. I stopped short of pouring a cup. Boiling hot water might be a bad idea right now.
"I never intended to hurt you," I said. "Just the opposite. Did you think about what may happen if you're seen in public with me? Jerks like Harvey would be all over that like… like flies on shit."
"You're comparing me to shit now?" She seemed very unimpressed with that.
"No, I was comparing myself to it," I replied. "I'm sure you'd agree it's accurate."
"Well, actually…" She shook her head. "I don't think you're a shit, but you did a crappy thing. I'm a big girl, I can deal with Harvey Danbury seeing us having coffee together."
"Yeah? What if it got worse?" I asked persistently. "He might start to follow you around. Dig through your rubbish. Stalk you online. None of that is as fun as it sounds."
"It doesn't sound fun at all," she said. "But he'd soon get bored. I'm not at all interesting."
She was so wrong on that count. So very, very wrong. I've never met anyone more interesting. She was compelling. I wanted to lose myself in those eyes of hers.
If I do, don't send a search party. I don't want to be found.
Only, I couldn't do it. I had to force myself to look away before I did something dumb. Okay, something else dumb. The list was getting pretty long at this point.
"Fine." I shrugged. "I could have sent a text. So could you though. You didn't ask where I was, or why I wasn't there."
Her mouth moved but nothing came out for a moment.
Point to me. Funny, it didn't feel like a win.
"I shouldn't have to," she said after a moment. "I was there, waiting. The stander-upper should do the calling or texting."
"There are rules for stuff like that?" I asked. Wait—was stander-upper even a thing? It was now I guessed.
"Of course there are," she said. "There are rules for just about everything. Most of them come back to rule one."
"Which is?" Did I want to know?
"Don't be a dick," she said dryly.
"Ah." I nodded. "That's a good rule." I scratched my head. "I guess I broke that, huh?"
"Yep," she said mercilessly.
"Is this where I say I'll make it up to you, and invite you to next Saturday's game?" I asked.
That really went against the whole concept of clean break. Or any kind of break.
"I don't know, should you?" she asked. Her expression confused me. She seemed hopeful. What was she hoping for though? That I would ask, or that I'd tell her I was joking.
My heart thumped in my chest at the idea she might want to go. I wanted her to go, but for her own good, she really shouldn't. The best place she could be was away from me.
"You ask Kris," I said, my eyes everywhere but on her. "You wanted him back. This might be just the time to make a start on that. He likes a good game, once in a while."
It wasn't his thing, but he'd come to cheer on the team from time to time, like good friends did. Hell, he probably met Brandi there.
Ashley looked as though I'd struck her. She shook her head. Her tongue swept across her lips in a way that made me stare.
The things she could do with that tongue… My mouth went dry. I'd give almost anything to put my arms around her, pull her to me and kiss her silly. I wanted to wake up next to her again.
I looked away from her mouth.
It couldn't happen. Not with her, not with anyone. I was done with women. I might get a dog. A boy dog. Or a rabbit. Those were cute and didn't make too much mess. You could even take them for walks. Plus a rabbit wouldn't laugh at me if I fell over, or said something dumb.
"I suppose it would," Ashley said softly. She looked about as enthusiastic as I was.
"I'm sure he'll work hard to make it up to you," I said. "He broke rule number one, but he's a good guy, most of the time. He messed up, I'm sure he won't do it again."
I wasn't sure, but if he did, I would… I'd set my attack bunny on him. After I got an attack bunny, that was.
Maybe that was going too far. Bernice would put an aggressive rabbit in the slow cooker if it tried to bite her.
I'd hire an attack rabbit then. Surely that was a thing? If it wasn't, then it should be.
"Yeah, I'm sure he would," she agreed.
"Then you two can live happily ever after," I said lightly. "Get married. Have little Krises and Ashleys." The idea of them having babies made me want to shove the fictional rabbit down Kris' underpants. There would be no babies if it bit his dick off.
That petty thought gave me a few moments of pleasure.
"That is why we made the plan in the first place," Ashley agreed.
"Mission accomplished." I looked at her sideways. "You should be at his place, wherever he's living now, not wasting time with me." I wanted to beg her to stay. Not just for tonight, but forever.
"Yes, I should." A tear slid down her cheek.
Without thinking, I wiped it away with my thumb. My hand lingered on her soft skin for a few moments too long.
Finally I dropped my hand to my side. "I'll see you out." My breath hitched in my throat. My pounding heart slammed harder.
"Yeah." She stepped toward the door and out into the deepening evening.
Closing the door behind her felt like locking my heart away in a vault. I mentally threw the key into the bay and let it sink right to the bottom.