26. Jax
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
JAX
Chloe and I departed for Canada that Sunday afternoon, with her and Kiley narrowly missing each other.
Kiley was supposed to leave that morning, but my appetite for her was insatiable, and we broke our rule of having sex only once by having it three more times.
In the shower, on my dining room table and then she straddled me on the couch.
I didn’t stop thinking about her when I spent time with my family in Kelowna.
She was on my mind when I went to Vancouver to see my sister and friends.
And now, I’m in one of the swankiest clubs in all of Las Vegas with some of the most beautiful women, and none of them compare to her.
“Can you try to act like you’re at least having fun?
It’s Jordy’s bachelor party for Pete’s sake,” Harry yells into my ear after he sits down next to me.
Jordy is Jordan Alley, one of our defensemen.
Even though he and Trina aren’t getting married until this summer, we thought the mid-winter break would be the perfect time for his bachelor party.
“I’m having fun,” I tell him in a not so convincing manner.
“My right nut is having more fun than you. What’s your deal?”
I glance around to make sure none of the other guys can hear us. “I slept with Kiley,” I admit before taking a pull of my beer.
Harry slowly smiles. “Took you long enough. So why so glum? Was it that bad?”
I sigh. “Worse. It was that incredible.”
“Ah…” Harry laughs and smacks me on the back. “Well, congratulations! So what’s the problem? You’re in love with her?” He teases, but when he sees that I don’t return his smile, he gets serious.
I shake my head. “I don’t know what I am.”
“Sounds like denial to me. I think you’ve always had something for her.”
I shrug. “She’s always intrigued me, but I never saw her as anything other than Killian’s daughter who hated me.”
“And now what do you see her as?” He questions, his eyes searching mine.
I could see her as my future, but there’s a lot of obstacles in our way. “I don’t see how it would work.”
“Why not?”
“Her whole life is in Chicago. I want my life to be where Chloe is, or at least damn closer than what it is now.”
“What if Chloe wants to stay permanently in Chicago?”
“Not going to happen,” I answer with a shake of my head. “Her and Gretchen were looking at new high schools this week while she’s home.”
He’s silent for a moment before he asks, “Have you and Kiley talked about the future?”
“There’s been no reason to. Getting attached was not supposed to happen.”
He scoffs. “You were attached the moment you put that necklace on.”
My fingers automatically touch the shamrock and rub it. “Maybe this thing is a curse instead of good luck.”
He eyes it with suspicion. “Yeah… let’s not test that theory out. Your stats have been fire since Christmas, so keep that damn thing on until off-season.”
I chuckle. Hockey players and our superstitions.
“Not that you’re asking, but my advice is to stop worrying so much about the future and live in the moment. If you’re enjoying your time with Kiley, then enjoy it. But if you’re too worried about hurting her feelings, then end the physical relationship as soon as you get back to Chicago.”
I agree with Harry’s advice, and I try to enjoy myself the rest of the evening, but the thought of hurting Kiley weighs on me.
Itossed and turned all night long and realized the best path forward with Kiley is to discuss how she’s feeling now that we’ve had sex. The last thing I want to do is hurt her, so maybe it would be better for us to just end our physical arrangement.
I decided to leave Las Vegas early and caught the redeye flight Saturday night, which got me back into Chicago at six a.m. Sunday morning.
I went home and allowed myself a three-hour nap.
Once my alarm woke me up, I sent a text to Kiley, asking if I could see her today to talk, preferably before I had to pick up Chloe from the airport.
Fortunately, she said she was free now and could come over.
I told her Zander was welcome in case she couldn’t find a last-minute babysitter.
Secretly, I hope she does bring Zander because that will force me to keep my hands to myself and focus on the task on hand.
Twenty minutes later, I hear a knock on my door. I smile at her refusal to use her key while I’m alone in the condo. I open the door and my heart pounds with nervous energy when I see she’s all alone.
“Where’s Zander?” I step out to look up and down the hall to see if he’s playing hide and seek.
“Well, hello to you too,” she chuckles and I immediately feel like an ass.
“I’m sorry. Hello, how are you?” I kiss her on the cheek as she walks by and mentally curse myself.
Now my lips are tingling, my nose has detected her scent and my dick is twitching, doing its own little happy dance.
She looks so good, even in casual clothes with no makeup and her hair pulled back in a ponytail.
I missed her, and that scares me to death.
“Good,” she responds after I shut the door. “And to answer your question, Zander slept over at my parents’ house last night since I worked the bar for Keegan.”
If she worked last night, that means she got home early this morning as well and must be tired. Now I feel bad for asking her over.
She starts to take off her coat, and I stop her. “Maybe you should leave your coat on. This won’t take long.” She halts right before it slides down her arms.
“Okay.” She gives me a confused look and pulls her coat back up her arms. “Am I being fired?”
“Fired? God no.” I run my hand through my hair, feeling completely flustered around her. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re acting weird.”
“I just—” I start and then stop to take a deep breath and decide to rip the band-aid off. “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“From what?”
“We had sex, Kiley.”
She blinks a couple of times and nods. “Yes, I remember. I was there.”
I give her an exasperated look. “Of course you were there. What I’m trying to say is that sex can complicate things. I just want to check in on you and ask how you’re feeling now that a week has passed since we’ve been intimate?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Am I supposed to feel different? Just because we had sex doesn’t mean I caught the dreaded ‘feelings’ you’re so deathly afraid of.”
I frown, realizing I’ve upset her. Did she not feel the shift between us that I felt? Did she feel anything that night? “We had sex four times, Kiley.”
She takes a deep breath. “Is this going to be a regular occurrence?”
“The sex? God, I hope so.” I smile, but she isn’t amused.
“No, the questioning every time we have sex, because if it is, then we should stop all physical contact. Is that what you want?”
She just gave me the opportunity to end this before someone gets hurt, so why does my stomach feel sour at the thought of never touching her again?
Maybe she can handle friends with benefits better than I thought she could?
Maybe I’m the one overreacting and should give this more time?
With that thought, the decision has been made.
“No, that’s not what I want. All I ask is that if something shifts for you in the future, you tell me.”
She stares at me for a moment. “I would expect the same from you.”
“Of course,” I tell her, even though I’m not being completely honest with her. “Deal?” I take a step closer to seal the deal with a kiss, but she moves back and holds up her hands.
“Did something happen on your trip that you want to tell me about?”
I shake my head. “No, nothing happened. I promise I did not hook up with anyone else.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Okay.”
Her answer catches me off guard. “Okay? You don’t sound very convinced.”
She throws her hands up in frustration. “What do you want me to say, Jax? You have made it clear that we are fuck buddies and nothing more.” I wince because it sounds so much harsher coming from her.
“So while I would hope you wouldn’t be hooking up with anyone else out of respect for not wanting to give me an STD, we never discussed being exclusive. ”
“I don’t want you hooking up with anyone else,” I blurt out.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, I don’t want you hooking up with anyone else either.”
Thank God this topic is getting out of the way. “Then it’s settled. We’re exclusive sex partners.”
Her lips curl up at my new term for us, and I’m dying to taste them. “Can I please kiss you now?”
She doesn’t answer right away, making me wonder if she’s going to deny me when she finally agrees.
I grab the lapels of her coat, pull her towards me, and crush my lips to hers.
She tastes like she just drank a peppermint mocha, and I groan, swiping my tongue against her lips for entry.
She hesitates, but then opens and once our tongues connect, I feel her shoulders drop their tension.
Her soft little moan is all I need to hear to deepen the kiss.
I start to open up her jacket to take it off, but her hands rests on top of mine and she pulls away. “Don’t. I need to keep it on. Got to go get Zander.”
Disappointment rears its ugly head, and I drop my hands. “Oh, right.”
She gives me a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’ll see you Thursday.” She gives me a quick peck, grabs her purse from the dining room table and walks to the door.
“I’ll call you later,” I call out after her just as she grabs the door handle.
She glances over her shoulder at me and lifts her chin. “Have a great Sunday. Get some sleep,” and she exits my condo.
I should be happy with how the conversation went, but something feels off with how Kiley reacted. A sense of uneasiness washes over me, and I have this sinking feeling that I just screwed up.