Chapter 2
2
M ara examined her naked body in their full-length mirror. She had little fingertip bruises all over her thighs and upper arms. It was nothing new—she was pale, and she and Derek liked rough sex—but for once, the sight of all the red and purple spots didn’t fill her with quiet satisfaction.
Derek was doing his best to act normal, but she sensed the stress churning beneath his surface. The same caged panther energy she remembered when exams rolled around in high school and Derek’s football career was forced—however briefly—to take a back seat to his education.
He’d never been grumpy with her , but he’d paced incessantly, chain-smoking and swearing at his algebra textbooks. The intensity that made him an incredible athlete was downright stressful when it was directed at anything that wasn’t sport. His brothers, coaches, friends, and even his teachers all learned to stay out of his way until exams were over, and he was back on the footy field. Only now, there wasn’t a field for Derek to return to. He’d retired from AFL over three years ago, married her, and dedicated himself to writing fantasy novels under a pseudonym and raising their boys.
The novelty of writing and newborns had distracted him for a while, but as he settled into a routine that didn’t involve football, that old tension had started to prowl. Derek had been the king of AFL for over a decade, but being a top sportsman was like being a top model—your time in the sun was limited. Everyone claimed to understand that, but Mara had met enough models to know that there was a difference between pretending you were fine with aging out of the industry and actually aging out of the industry.
She loved Derek. Not the image of him—the real man beneath the mask. His flaws and his strengths were equally beautiful to her, but knowing the real Derek meant knowing he was in denial. In some private chamber of his heart, he’d thought he’d never have to retire. He never believed he’d watch a younger man reach the watermarks he’d left on the walls of the sporting world. Let alone exceed them. But he had watched both things happen this past year. The further he got from AFL—the more the game moved on without him—the tenser he became.
She knew he loved his family, but sitting alone at a desk and taking the boys to baby rhyme time was a far cry from the days when he drove his knees into men’s backs and launched himself into the air to the cheers of thousands. Millions, if you counted TV.
Mara turned and studied the violet bruises flowering on her ass. Lately, Derek kept casting himself as a criminal. A version of the man who’d once walked into packed locker rooms and biker bars and had everyone straightening to attention. It was insanely hot, but it was also edging into something she didn’t like.
Intense roleplay used to help him relax. To become more ‘himself’ for a while. But his tension seemed to be increasing, and he requested longer scenes. More elaborate roleplay. More bondage. And the frequency with which he wanted to enter these worlds was growing. Staring at her bruised backside, Mara wondered if he was going to keep pushing both of them until the game never really ended.
“But what should I do?” she asked her reflection. “He can’t play football anymore. If sex is the place where he wants to let go, what am I supposed to do? Tell him to find someone else?”
He wouldn’t. He’d die first, but that didn’t change the fact?—
Wetness scraped across her calf. Pan, her Golden retriever-spaniel cross, was licking her shin. Glad to be broken out of her head, Mara bent to stroke Pan’s ears. “What do you think I should do, Pan-Pan?”
The dog licked her wrist, her long tail thumping the carpet. She desperately wanted to talk to someone, but who could she trust? Chase was the ideal candidate, but he was in South America with his partner Andy, and she didn’t want to interrupt the holiday. But then who? She needed someone level-headed and kind who wouldn’t judge her sex life and was completely uninvested in Derek’s football legacy. An angel, essentially.
Sighing, Mara moved toward her cupboard and pulled out a pair of black leggings and a sports bra. She’d planned to go to yoga before she picked the boys up from daycare, but she didn’t know if she had the energy.
“Pan-Pan,” she called, shoving her feet into her tights. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
Pan yipped excitedly, and her bright brown eyes made Mara think of someone else. Beth Myers lived in Perth with Derek’s best friend, Byron Thomas. She wasn’t an angel, obviously, but she was smart and nice and completely unimpressed by Derek. It always made Mara laugh, the way Beth teased her husband about his tattoos and what she called his ‘edgelord persona.’
Living in different states had prevented her and Beth from becoming really close, but they were friends. And Mara knew Beth would tell her to call rather than keep her stress to herself. She was that kind of person.
“But she’s pregnant,” Mara said to Pan. “She probably doesn’t have time for me, right?”
Pan let out a little whine, and Mara decided to throw caution to the wind. She yanked on her sports bra and grabbed her phone from the bedside table.
Beth picked up on the third ring. “Hey, Mara. How are you, lady?”
The relief of hearing her voice, so bright and friendly, made Mara feel a little woozy. She sat on the bed, pressing her free hand to her throat.
“Hello?” Beth called. “Mara?”
“Hi,” she said quickly. “And hi, little foetus baby.”
“Yes, Simon says hello.” Beth laughed at her own joke. “Man, I’m never gonna get tired of that.”
“You shouldn’t,” Mara said, transferring her hand to her forehead. She felt hot all over. Prematurely embarrassed at wasting Beth’s time. She wished she hadn’t called.
“Mara,” Beth said sharply. “What’s wrong?”
“Um… nothing?”
“Don’t give me that.”
“Well, um, Derek…”
Words failed Mara, but she needn’t have worried. Words were Beth’s specialty. “Big Man’s back on his bullshit, isn’t he?”
The giggle that escaped her was as cathartic as hearing someone else say it. “Um…”
“Right,” Beth said drily. “Give me the story. Spare me no details.”
So, Mara told her the story of the growing sexual intensity in her and Derek’s relationship and her fear that it was leading them to a place she didn’t want to follow. Beth listened intently, only interrupting to ask little questions like ‘How did he phrase it exactly?’ and ‘What do you think he meant by that?’ When Mara was done, she felt cleaned out. As relieved as if she’d actually achieved something.
She said that to Beth, and the redhead laughed. “You have accomplished something! You talked about it. That’s huge.”
“I guess…”
“It is,” Beth said confidently. “So, next steps, can you say any of this to Derek, or do I have to fly to Melbourne and throw water in his face?”
“I don’t think that’ll help.”
“Won’t know until I try... but point made. Can you talk to Derek about how he needs to deal with getting older without spanking you silly?”
“But I like being…” Mara forced herself to say it. “… spanked .”
“Same,” Beth said comfortably. “But there’s a line, and that line is when the dude doing it is whacking your ass bloody instead of getting a fucking therapist.”
Mara smiled. “I’m really glad I called you, Beth.”
“And I’m so glad you called, but what are we gonna do? You can’t let him think you’re down for the rough stuff when it’s getting to you.”
“I know. I would talk to Derek about slowing things down, but it’s our anniversary next month, and he’s talking about planning ‘A Big Surprise.’”
“So tell him you’re not keen!”
“I would, but I don’t know if the big surprise is, like, a nice weekend at the beach or?—”
“Hiring out a prison so Derek can roleplay some bad boy power fantasy where he forces himself on a female corrections officer to great success?”
Mara giggled. “Something like that, yes.”
“My money is on crazy fucking power play, especially with finals season coming up.”
“Oh God, I’d forgotten about finals… Do you think I’m right? Do you really think this is about him retiring?”
“Yes.”
“But—”
“You’re not the only one who’s noticed he’s changed. Byron’s picked up on Derek never wanting to talk footy with him, too. So, long-term, old mate needs a psychologist, to get over himself, and a fucking hobby. But short term, what are we gonna do to help you avoid this prison roleplay bumming?”
Mara burst out laughing. “I have no idea, but calling it that is a good way to make it as unsexy as possible.”
“Cheers.” Beth let out a low humming sound.
“What? If you have ideas, I want to hear them!”
“I dunno if it’s an idea so much as an observation, but Hardiman is a bit of a… man of action, isn’t he?”
“Um, I guess?”
“Like, that’s what this post-retirement man-flexing is about, right? A chance for him to, like, strut his stuff again.”
“I think so,” Mara admitted. “Control and power.”
“Okay, so this is an honest question. What does Derek like about you?”
“Oh, um, we’ve always had a great connection...”
“Yeah, yeah, there’s the obvious stuff like you’re a ten-out-of-ten MILF and a charity saint and the mother of his identical nightmare twins, but what does he specifically love about you? What do you give him that no one else does?”
“I don’t think I?—”
“You do,” Beth interrupted. “He’s never had another serious relationship, Byron told me. You’re it for him, and you always have been.”
Mara pressed a hand to her chest. “That’s so sweet.”
“It’s true. So, what do you think it is?”
Mara considered the question. She felt like the answer was there, but she couldn’t quite grasp it. “Can you… help me out a bit?”
“I think it’s that you’ve always held him down. Made him look at himself as more of a person and not a superstar or, like, some larger-than-life dude.”
Mara blinked. “Maybe. Even back at school, he liked that we talked about other things, not just football.”
“Exactly. He likes having your support, but he also likes that you make him a more well-rounded person. And when you were hooking up a few years ago, he was being a dick because he let that get out of balance. He wanted all the power, and I told him he needed to sit the fuck down and be an adult.”
Mara smiled. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. My point is that I think you’re kinda creeping into that same territory. You’re like… supporting him too much, giving him all these intense sex fantasies whenever he wants them. You weren’t put on this earth to play second fiddle to The Great Mr Hardiman. What are your fantasies? What do you want to get up to with him, sex-wise?”
Mara felt a buzz of excitement. There was something she’d been thinking about, although it wasn’t anything she thought Derek would go for.
“You know,” Beth said. “Tell!”
And so, Mara told. It was a testament to how comfortable she felt that she could even give broad brushstrokes, but Beth immediately understood what she was getting at. “I love it, M. It’s hot as hell.”
“Really?”
“Definitely. And it makes sense. It’s a way for you to be submissive and like, worshipped, without Derek being the one in charge.”
Mara bit her thumbnail so hard that her manicure chipped. She stopped at once. “I guess. How do I get Derek on board?”
“You tell him that you’re planning your anniversary. You tell him it’ll all be safe and under control, but you’re taking the reins because that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know…”
“Do it! Take him for a sexy little ride. Give him a taste of his own medicine.”
“I mean, what would that even involve? I’d need someone else’s help and?—”
“I’ll help,” Beth said. “As long as you don’t mind having a pregnant Kiwi for a stagehand?”
Mara’s nail had already found its way back into her mouth. She spat it out. “I’d love that?—”
“Then it’s done. On your anniversary weekend, Mr Hardiman is gonna get a little reminder of who his hot wife is and what she’s capable of. And when you’re done blowing his tiny mind, you’ll talk like equals and sort this whole mess out.”
“But I don’t know if I deserve…” Mara waited for Beth to jump in, but she stayed silent, making what Mara needed reassurance about even harder to say.
“I don’t know if I deserve to have this go my way,” she groaned. “God, I sound so pathetic…”
“Fuck that. You sound like a woman who needs a break. And I know I can’t make you go through with this, but it’s your life, M. He’s your partner, too. If you trust that he loves you and this is something you want, you’re not helping anyone by denying him the chance to rise to the occasion.”
When Beth put it like that, it was hard to see why she wouldn’t follow through. “You’re very good at talking, you know.”
“Yeah, just ask my mother. Anyway, how do you want this to go down? Let’s talk smutty details. Only before we start, I think I should tell you something about Derek…”
Mara’s heart froze in her chest. “What?”
“Something Byron said. Nothing bad,” Beth added quickly. “It’s football related, and I didn’t know whether I should let you know, but since you called, I’m just gonna say it, and you can tell me how it makes you feel. Is that okay?”
Mara bit down hard on her thumbnail. “It’s okay. Please tell me?”
As Beth explained what she knew, Mara realised two things. First, Derek had lied to her—if only by omission. Second, she no longer had any doubts about her plan. She would put her husband in the passenger seat and drive them exactly where she felt like going.