Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
UDO
The locker room had been empty when Udo arrived. He figured that they would all be dissecting the day’s news in the canteen. He glanced over at his spot. At that point he had no idea if he would ever sit there again.
He wiped his eye with his sleeve. If Steven could face people, then so could he.
He needed to speak to the team. There was nothing else to be done. He charged onto the corridor outside. A couple of the physios were there. To his horror, they didn’t meet his gaze.
Pushing it down, he made his way to the stairs.
“Udo,” Meg, one of the physios called.
He turned.
“I’m totally behind you. No matter what any fucker says. You got that?”
Udo almost burst into tears.
“Me too,” Amy, the other physio, added.
“Thank you,” he said. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”
Fired up from their comments, he continued his search for his teammates. As predicted, they were all in a huddle in one corner of the canteen.
“And where is he?” Shaun asked.
He sat in the middle, evidently leading this court of public opinion.
“What do you mean?” Colin asked.
“He’s skulking away at home. Can’t be man enough to face up to what he’s done.”
“I’m here, Shaun. What is it exactly you think I should be facing up to?”
Everyone snapped to attention. Shaun had an arrogant expression on his face that screamed trouble. Udo hated confrontation. Today he had no choice. Deep down he didn’t give a fuck what Shaun thought. He did, however, care about the others. He’d begun to really care about them.
“That you’re screwing the boss,” Shaun replied.
Udo froze. The only sounds were the staff in the kitchen banging around. Everything in the canteen was silent.
“I’m in love with our assistant coach.”
He glanced at Adam, who nodded like a glimmer of sunlight breaking through the worst storm clouds.
“Call it what you want,” Shaun said. “It’s not right.”
“Says who?” Udo asked. “You?”
“Yeah.”
“Well that means precisely fuck all to me. Thanks for letting me know.”
Shaun puffed his chest out. “You let me feel like shit for calling out your special friendship.”
“I did nothing of the sort,” Udo replied. “You shouted your mouth off to a shitty website like the cry-baby bitch you are.”
He’d had enough. If Shaun thought he was going to take yet another verbal assault, he was wrong. Everything was out in the open now.
Ewen burst out laughing. “Fucking hell, Holtmann.”
Goran and Adam joined him.
This had evidently not been Shaun’s intention. He went an interesting shade of red. Udo looked at the rest of his teammates. The hostility was unmistakable. Udo had suffered the same at school when he’d been caught with another student behind the sports block.
He’d survived that too.
“Is that it?” Shaun said, holding his hands up. “One catty comment and you’re all fawning over him. He’s been shagging Steven, for fuck’s sake.”
“And?” Ingvar asked.
“He’s brought shame on the club,” Colin said.
That one hurt. Udo simply stared at the young man who blushed.
Ewen stood forward. “Haven’t we all at one time or another? Adam when Jen walked out on him twice.”
“Yeah. All right, Ewen,” Adam said.
“Alain. When you had a threeway with those singers in Ibiza.”
Alain smiled at the memory. “I’d forgotten about that. Happy days.”
The others all found that highly amusing.
“So that’s funny to you. But Udo actually caring for someone is shit?” Ewen continued. “Have a word with yourselves.”
Shaun shook his head. “The locker room is a sacred space. Where we’re allowed to be comfortable.”
Udo opened his mouth. This time Adam stepped in.
“Don’t give me that homophobic bullshit, Riggs,” he said.
“I didn’t mean that,” Shaun replied, sharply. “Although now you come to mention it.”
As touched as he was that Ewen and Adam had come to his defence, Udo wanted to face this for himself.
“What did you mean then, Shaun?”
“We need to be able to talk freely without it being pillow talk that night.”
Interesting. His main worry was Udo might tell Steven how much of an arsehole he was.
“We don’t do that,” Udo said. “Didn’t you see how furious I was at being on the bench last Saturday? Did I look as though Steven had given me a heads-up?”
Edi nodded. “That’s a fair point. You were pretty pissed.”
The other young player in their midst stared at him earnestly. Was this another soul on his side?
“So you say,” Shaun muttered.
“Yeah I do.”
Shaun got up. “And what about when we’re getting changed?”
“Here we go,” Udo said. “I knew you’d say something like this. As upsetting as this may be, I have no interest in seeing your dick.”
Shaun squared up to him. “Like arses, do you?”
“I’m looking at one and no, I don’t like what I see.”
In a split second, Shaun shoved him. Before he landed a punch, Ingvar restrained him. Shaun could not match his muscles.
“Riggs. Stop!” Adam shouted. “Udo. Out now.”
The unfairness at being ejected stung. However, Udo believed in living to fight another day.
He stormed out of the canteen, letting the doors slam behind him.
Once out on the landing, he paced up to the window. In the distance the reporters were waiting for him.
The canteen doors burst open. Adam and Goran came over to him.
“You okay?” Adam asked.
Udo nodded.
In reality he was dazed at what had just happened. To be fair it didn’t come as much of a shock. Even so, Udo would like a break from drama and get back to playing football.
“He’s bang out of order,” Goran said, squeezing Udo’s shoulder.
That was enough to let a stray tear escape his eye.
Shit. I don’t want to cry in front of them.
Adam leant against the window next to him.
“Don’t let Shaun Riggs get to you.”
“He’s only saying what the others are thinking.”
Goran shook his head. “Not me. Not Ewen or Ingvar or Adam. And most importantly, not Javier. It isn’t that bad.”
He had a point. When Udo had opened his eyes that morning, he’d felt more alone than ever in his life. More than coming to the UK for the first time. And more than finding out his ex, Alex, was on his manager’s payroll.
But he’d been wrong.
“Thank you,” he said. “I really truly mean it.”
“As if anyone would pay any attention to Riggs’ cock,” Goran said with a shudder.
A shrill ringtone sounded.
Goran got his mobile out of his pocket and answered it.
“Hi, babe. I’m having a shit day, babe. What?”
The change in his tone made Udo jump.
“You’re fucking joking,” Goran said.
All the colour had drained from him. Udo glanced at Adam, who looked worried.
“I’ll be there as soon as. Go in the ambulance and I’ll meet you at the hospital. I love you.”
He terminated the call.
“What’s the matter?” Udo asked.
“The baby’s coming,” Goran said. “A month early. Fuck.”
Would this day ever get any better?
“I need to go.”
“Wait,” Adam said. “If you go tearing out of those gates with all those reporters, they’ll be following you in no time.”
The last thing Goran needed was the press to shift to the hospital. It wouldn’t take them long to sniff out a potential story.
“I’ll drive you,” Udo said.
“What do you mean?” Goran asked.
“If I force a few tears out and we leave in my car, they’ll think you’re taking me home. I’ve buckled under the pressure.”
“I can’t ask you to do that,” Goran said. “It’ll be another headline.”
“Oh fuck that. I’m going to be on the front pages for a few days yet.”
Goran looked at Adam. “What do you reckon?”
The team captain seemed lost in thought for a second.
“I’ll come with you. In for a penny, in for a pound. Let me square it with the boss.”
He dashed off to Javier’s office. Every fibre of Udo’s being wanted to go with him. Just to get a glimpse of Steven.
“Thank you, Udo.”
“Don’t mention it. I’ve been dying for a good blub since I got out of my car.”
Goran hugged him. “Then let it all out. I know I am.”
So they did. Two Premier League footballers sobbed in each other’s arms.
The waiting room was comfortable if a little soulless. Of course Paloma wouldn’t be giving birth in a regular hospital. Her birth suite was completely private and had been booked for a three-month window to ensure availability.
Adam sprawled on one of the green velvet sofas. Udo curled up on the other.
“How long has it been now?” Adam asked.
“About ten minutes since you last asked me,” Udo replied.
It had been over an hour since Goran had disappeared into the room where his wife and child were in trouble. Neither Adam nor Udo had any intention of leaving.
“I know you said you didn’t want to talk,” Adam began.
“I did and I meant it. Imagine if Goran comes out with awful news and we’re discussing my love life.”
Adam sat up. “It’s not about that. I need to ask you something. The lads want me to.”
Udo tensed. What the hell could this be?
“Go on,” he said, nervously.
“You don’t repeat any…well any negative shit you hear about the boss and Coxy?”
His body flopped down again.
“Of course not,” Udo replied. “We made a vow from the beginning not to do that. I told you, when Javier put me on the bench the other day, I was as shocked as anyone.”
Adam’s expression was unreadable.
“I hope you believe me,” Udo said. He was annoyed by this silence.
“Yeah I guess. Edi wanted to feed you false information to see if it got back.”
Udo laughed. “I think he’s been spending too long on social media. Do it if you like. When I’m with Steven, we have more things to talk about than Ewen’s opinion on the smell of the shampoo in the showers.”
Adam grinned. “You’re a decent guy, Udo. You know that? You don’t deserve the shit you’re getting from those rat bastard reporters.”
Thankfully none of them had bothered to follow the teammates to the hospital. They had colleagues stationed outside Udo’s home and probably assumed he would go there.
“Howard has told me to keep my mouth shut for now,” Udo explained. “I’m also banned from seeing Steven.”
“Really?”
“Yup. Only professionally.”
The words hung in the air. Both his and Steven’s professionalism was being examined under the harshest of lights by everyone.
“Do you love him?” Adam asked.
“I do. Very much.”
“He loves you too.”
Tears pricked his eyes once again.
“I know,” he stammered. “That’s all I can hold on to right now.”
“It’s fucking ridiculous,” Adam snarled. “The double standards of it all. It makes me want to puke. Forcing people to stay in the closet is barbaric.”
It was a surprisingly passionate response from the usually stoic captain.
“Thank you.”
“And stop thanking me. You’re my friend.”
Despite feeling the worst he’d ever done, Udo revelled in the warmth that statement brought to him.
He would get through this. And if Steven was waiting at the end, that made him all the more determined.
The door opened. An emotional Goran stood in front of them.
“I have a son,” he said.
Adam and Udo leapt to their feet.
“Is he okay?” Adam asked.
Goran shook his head. “He’s early,” he said, clearly fighting the tears. “They’ve taken him away to put him in an incubator. When they finish sewing Paloma up, we’re going down there.”
“Shit,” Udo said.
“Yeah. Shit.”
By the time Udo had got home, there’d only been a couple of diehard photographers at his gate. The others no doubt filling the pockets of one of nearby pub landlords.
Oh well, I’m boosting the local economy.
His shoulders dropped when he got into the safety of his lounge. He flopped down on the sofa and inhaled deeply. Slowly he exhaled. The silence cocooning him.
Focusing on his breathing, he tried to banish the memories of the day from his mind.
It was no use. The film reel of images was far too strong.
Far too wired to sleep, there was only one thing that Udo wanted to do. It was as if he were addicted to Steven. Suddenly going into cold turkey felt brutal.
Then something occurred to him. He pulled his phone out and connected a call.
“Udo? Are you okay?”
Just hearing Steven’s voice calmed the spectres that were haunting Udo.
“I’m fine,” he said. “I needed to hear your voice.”
“We shouldn’t really.”
“Ah fuck it. We agreed not to see each other. No one said anything about talking.”
Steven didn’t reply.
“Steven?”
“I miss you.”
“I know. Me too.”
Now he had him, Udo didn’t know what to say. Without the comfort of Steven’s arms, the fix of his drug was weaker. It wasn’t enough.
“How long will this go on for?”
“Probably until the end of the season.”
“That’s only a couple of weeks,” Udo replied. “We can do that. Tell me about our holiday.”
Steven began to describe the villa they would rent for the summer. There were no international tournaments so they could spend weeks locked away from prying eyes. It made this torture bearable.
Then he focused on the deep tones of Steven as he lost himself in his plans. God he loved this man. So very much.