Chapter 17
17
Maggie gazed at her reflection as butterflies swarmed and swirled in her stomach. The café’s grand opening was in just under an hour and she had no idea if it was going to be a success, a complete flop or something depressingly in between and mediocre. What was occupying her thoughts even more than that was that she had no idea if Zach was going to come.
Two days ago she’d worked up the courage to go to Miller’s General Store to see him. She’d stepped inside, browsing the aisles for a few minutes while she’d tried to look discreetly around for him, but he hadn’t been anywhere to be seen.
Jenna had been behind the counter, though, and so when Maggie had taken a couple of cans of beef barley soup up to the cash register—bought only as a pretext to be in the store—she’d forced herself to ask casually, “Is Zach around? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“Nope, he’s gone into Hartford,” Jenna replied as she scanned the soup. “Probably on another date.”
Maggie had frozen for a moment before she’d murmured something nonsensical, then taken her soup and scurried out of the store. A date . Well, why shouldn’t he, she told herself. He had every right. It wasn’t as if they had been dating, after all. She recited all the reasons not to be hurt, but still, it had stung, more than a little.
Zach still hadn’t replied to her message, and she hadn’t seen him for nearly two weeks. It was the middle of March, spring getting closer every day, a time for fresh starts, and she clearly needed to have one when it came to Zach Miller. She told herself all this, and she did her best to make herself believe it.
Now, with the grand opening looming, Maggie doubted Zach would show up. While she understood why he stayed away, she was still disappointed, not just for herself, but for Ben. She wished Zach could show up for him, at least, especially since he’d read her apology.
A knock sounded on the door of the café, and Maggie’s heart lifted. Could it be…?
Ben beat her downstairs, clearly hoping for the same thing. But when he unlocked the door, it wasn’t Zach standing there with his crooked smile and gorgeous eyes.
“Lynn!” Maggie hurried forward to liberate a giant sheet cake from her sister’s arms. “You’re early!”
“I thought you might need some help setting up,” Lynn replied. She glanced around the café as Penny leapt down from one of the sofas and wound her way between her ankles, tail high and swishing. “Wow, this place looks amazing. Great job, guys. And who’s this?” She leaned down to pet Penny.
“Penny,” Ben told her. “We just got her a couple of days ago.”
“Seems like she’s settled in.”
“She has,” Maggie confirmed. “Thank you so much for this cake. Ben, look.” The cake had the logo from his banner printed onto the icing, complete with the die, the pawn, and the Sylvana figurine. Lynn must have gotten it from their website.
“Wow, thanks, Aunt Lynn!” Ben looked boyishly pleased. “That’s really cool.”
“What’s really cool is this place,” she returned. “I’m so proud of you both.” Lynn straightened, giving Maggie a frank look. “Now, what can I do to help?”
Maggie had thought she was pretty organized, but now that the moment was approaching, it felt as if there were a million more things to do. The espresso machine needed to be turned on; the baked goods freshly delivered from The Rolling Pin put into the glass case; cups laid out; the floor swept one last time.
The three of them buzzed around the room, plumping pillows and restacking games, trying to make everything perfect. Ben put a mellow jazz playlist on for background music and got a few games out as “suggested plays.” It was ten minutes to ten, and a few people were already milling around outside the store—Laurie and Joshua, Annie Lyman, Zoe Wilkinson, and a family with young kids that Maggie had never seen before. Her heart swelled with gratitude and affection for every single person there—this town really was making an effort. They were coming out for her, for Ben, and it meant so much.
Then she saw Zach.
He was in the back of the small crowd, wearing his usual t-shirt and plaid shirt combo with worn jeans and scuffed hiking boots, a paper bag tucked under one arm, his expression friendly but, Maggie feared, a touch reserved. Was she imagining the cool way he was surveying the scene, his eyes slightly narrowed, his expression unreadable?
She faltered in the middle of fanning some napkins on the counter, and then hastily put them in a pile before trying to catch Zach’s eye to give him a welcoming smile. A smile that she hoped managed to convey, in the simple curving of her lips, how sorry she was, as well as glad that he’d made it. How she wanted to talk and hoped he did too. Even if all that could be communicated with a single smile, it didn’t matter, because he didn’t look at her once.
“Mom, it’s two minutes to ten. Do you think we can open? There’s, like, twenty people out there now.” Ben’s voice was full of excitement and only a trace of anxiety as he glanced outside at the growing crowd. “People want to come in!”
“I think we should do it,” Lynn said, and Maggie nodded, tearing her gaze away from Zach, again.
“Okay,” she agreed, “let’s do it. Ben, do you want to do the honors?”
Her son’s eyes widened with panic at the thought. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” Maggie replied, smiling. “This was your idea, remember? I didn’t even know what a boardgame café was .” For a poignant second, she recalled the scene, ten months ago now—Ben lying on the hospital bed, his wrists heavily bandaged, spring sunshine pouring through the window, her heart as heavy as a bowling ball as she’d considered the total wreckage of their lives. “How can we make this better?” Maggie had asked him, needing him to answer, to know , because whatever it was, she was already certain she would do it. “What do you want to change about our lives?”
Ben’s reply had been stark and wrenchingly honest. “Everything,” he’d said simply.
Maggie had mentally staggered under that statement, the awful enormity of it, but then she’d forged ahead and asked him for details. With some gentle prompting, Ben had shyly started to paint a picture of the life he’d dreamed of—no more high school bullying, and in fact no more high school at all; he’d rather be homeschooled. He wanted to live in a small town where people knew and liked each other, open a boardgame café where he could help out and teach people the games he loved, especially RainQuest. He had, Maggie recalled poignantly, even mentioned having a cat.
And here they were, she thought with both pride and gratitude, living out that dream in just about every detail. She’d made it happen for Ben. They’d made it happen together , and so had Zach… who still wasn’t meeting her eye.
“Go ahead, Ben,” Maggie encouraged her son, forcing her fears about Zach to the back of her mind. “Open the door and welcome people in. This is your moment. Enjoy it!”
Ben gulped, then nodded, a sparkle coming into his eye that filled Maggie with joy as well as relief. “Okay,” he said, like he was talking himself into it. “Okay.” Then, straightening his shoulders in a way that made her feel a rush of fierce love and pride for her son, he went to the door and threw it open.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he called out in a booming voice that had Lynn smothering an affectionate laugh. “Welcome to Your Turn Next!”
A cheer went up and then people began to file in, exclaiming over everything—the sofas, the games, the baked treats, even Penny, who was curled up in the window seat, surveying everyone with the kind of haughty arrogance only a cat could possess. Within minutes, Maggie was too busy to worry about Zach; before he’d even come in, the family with little kids was asking if they had Candyland, and Maggie was bringing them over to the section of the bookshelf that Ben had organized for all the younger-player games. She glanced at the carving of a snake and ladder that Zach had made on the shelf’s joint, and had to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.
The next hour passed in a blur; Maggie manned the espresso machine while Lynn did the cash register—she had been intending to do both herself but quickly realized what an impossible job that was—and Ben acted as host, welcoming people in, recommending games, and helping people set up them up as well as learn the rules and strategies. Every chance she got, Maggie snuck a look at her son, who was so clearly in his element, relishing being the one with the know-how, making it all happen.
“The Dixit expansion pack is really worth the investment,” she overheard him explain seriously to a family with teenagers who had come in and were sitting all together on the three-seater sofa. “Especially once you’ve played a few times. But if you’re just starting out, go with the original cards, for sure. They’re pretty wild.”
“You know,” Lynn said quietly, when there was a brief lull in the coffee orders, “I had my doubts about this whole venture, as I made abundantly clear, but looking at him here, Mags… you did the right thing. I’ve never seen Ben so happy.”
“Thank you,” Maggie whispered. Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked them back. It felt good not to just to hear her sister say that, but to see it and know it herself. They’d chased a dream and amazingly, thankfully, it had worked out.
Inevitably, her gaze moved to Zach. She’d been achingly conscious of him the whole time, even at her busiest—where he was in the room, who he was talking to, what he was doing. Every time he raked a hand through his hair and let it flop back onto his forehead, she noticed. The way he tilted his head back when he smiled. How he rocked back on his heels. His easy laugh as he cocked his head. Yes, she was aware of it all, because, she realized, she’d come to know him so well.
He was chatting with Annie Lyman now, over a game of bananagrams they seemed to have abandoned; they were clearly more intent on their conversation than forming a crossword with the tiles in front of them. He still hadn’t looked at her.
“Have you talked to him yet?” Lynn asked quietly, following Maggie’s gaze. “That’s Zach, I’m assuming? The most gorgeous guy in the room?”
“Yes.” Maggie let out a small, sad laugh. “And I tried.” She paused, unable to tear her gaze away from him. “I think… I think maybe the moment has passed.”
“The moment never passes, Mags,” Lynn told her with a sternly knowing look. “Not unless you let it.”
* * *
By mid-afternoon, Maggie was exhausted, and the café was still humming with activity. People had left and others had come in, and Zach had stayed the whole time, moving from table to table, chatting with everyone and playing plenty of games. He’d talked to Ben at one point, and Maggie had strained to listen but with the conversation, music, and the veritable roar of the espresso machine, she hadn’t been able to hear a word that had been said.
A few minutes later, Ben had come over, a long, emerald-green cape flung over his shoulders. “Look what Zach got me,” he exclaimed as he turned around to let the cape swirl out. “It’s a sylvan energy robe.”
“A what?” Maggie answered with a laugh.
“It’s from RainQuest,” Ben explained in the tone of someone who thought she should have known this, which she supposed she probably should have. “He got it from a special gaming store in Hartford. Isn’t that awesome ?”
“It is very awesome,” Maggie replied sincerely as she duly admired the cape. “You look like a grand maestro.”
“I know, right?” Ben agreed, beaming. “It’s perfect. He said I should wear it when I’m working the floor here. It can be my thing.” He hesitated, the old anxiety once more shadowing his eyes. Maggie had been so grateful to see less of it in the last few weeks. “You don’t think that’s too… weird , do you?”
“Are you kidding me? It’s exactly the vibe of this place. It’s amazing, Ben,” she stated firmly. “Go ahead and strut your stuff.” Ben grinned and Maggie watched, smiling, as he straightened his shoulders, threw his head back, and then returned to the floor of the café.
Most teenagers, she knew, wouldn’t be caught dead in a sylvan energy robe, but she loved that her son was now able to wear it with pride—and that Zach had helped him gain that much-needed confidence. And, she realized, he’d bought it in Hartford … where he’d been the day she’d been trying to talk to him. Had he gone there specially, just for Ben? Maybe Jenna had been wrong about him being on a date…
Once again, she tried to catch his eye, but he wasn’t looking at her. It had to be deliberate, she thought. He had not met her gaze once in all the hours he’d been in the café. The realization was both humbling and hurtful. He must still be so angry with her, she acknowledged bleakly. Either that or he’d become indifferent, which felt worse.
By four o’clock, things were finally starting to slow down, just a handful of customers left, and Maggie was dead on her feet. The opening hours of the café going forward were noon to six, and she half-hoped it wasn’t as busy as this, because she already knew she wouldn’t be able to manage it. Today, however, had been a very good one for business, and she was glad for all the support.
“I think I’ll shut down the espresso machine,” she told Lynn when there hadn’t been any coffee orders for fifteen minutes. The only people left in the café were Zach, Ben, Joshua, Zoe, and Bella Harper. They were all playing the boardgame version of RainQuest, with Zach, Ben and Joshua the most committed, trying to explain to Bella and Zoe how it all worked, the board on the table in front of them with about a million tiny pieces.
“This is like, a serious investment of time and energy,” Zoe remarked, shaking her head as she ran her fingers through her short, hot-pink hair. “I’m in awe. I’m also kind of intimidated.”
“It does take a certain mental discipline as well as a commitment to the craft,” Zach replied gravely, and Joshua nodded seriously. They fist bumped, their expressions appropriately somber, which made Maggie smile.
“I can see how it could be really cool,” Bella said, only somewhat dubiously. She glanced at Ben. “Do you have the patience to teach us, though?”
“Oh.” Maggie watched as her son’s cheeks turned pink. “Definitely.”
Zoe laughed as she shook her head. “I never knew this side of you,” she told Zach teasingly. “An RPG gamer. You are so not who I thought you were, Zach Miller.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve come to your senses,” Zach replied lightly.
Were they flirting , Maggie wondered with a lurch of something close to panic. Zoe was closer to Zach’s age, and she was pretty and funky and fun. Why shouldn’t they flirt? Why shouldn’t they date ?
Why were her insides knotted up with jealousy and agitation at the mere thought?
Maggie tried to listen to their continuing banter as she cleaned the espresso machine, but she was too far away to hear, and frankly, that was probably for the best. She did not need to add to her anxiety and obsession at this point, but she was determined to talk to Zach and give him a proper apology for the way she’d behaved. Maggie just hoped she managed to find an opportunity.
“This has been really fun,” Lynn told her as she came back to the kitchen to help clean up. “And my cake went over well.”
“Your cake was amazing,” Maggie told her. They’d served it along with the free coffees when people had bought a boardgame, and it had definitely been appreciated.
“You’ve been amazing,” Lynn returned, “and so has Ben.” She paused, dishrag in hand, as she gave Maggie an earnest look. “Honestly, I’m so impressed by how you guys have pulled this off. You know I had my doubts?—”
“Ye-es,” Maggie replied with a good-natured eyeroll, and Lynn laughed.
“But I mean it. This has been a total success.”
Maggie glowed from her sister’s praise, but she still felt she had to be the voice of pragmatic pessimism. She’d already learned how much hope could hurt. “Well, this is just the beginning,” she told her. “I mean, everyone comes out for the grand opening out of curiosity, and the free coffee—and cake! But as for the future…” She let the words trail away before finishing. “I just hope it really is a success. And that we can eventually turn a profit, because Matt’s life insurance won’t last forever.”
“I think it will be a success.” Lynn gave her arm an encouraging squeeze. “A big one. I have a good feeling about this.”
Impulsively, Maggie threw her arms around her sister’s shoulders and gave her a hug that Lynn laughingly returned. “Thank you, Lynn,” she said, her voice muffled against her sister’s shoulder. “That means a lot.”
“I’m serious,” Lynn said as she gave her another squeeze. “You’ve done well, Maggie. Really.”
“Thank you.”
“But,” Lynn continued, and Maggie couldn’t help but laugh because her sister always had a but, “you need to talk to Zach. I saw you sneaking looks at him all afternoon. Whatever is or isn’t between you, you need to clear the air. Soon. Today, if possible.”
“I know.” Maggie quailed at the thought. Zach had absolutely not been sending her any positive overtures—no chitchat, no quick, smiling glance, no wryly arched eyebrow, nothing . What was she meant to take from the absence of all contact? Nothing good, she feared, but as she’d told Ben many times, just because something was hard didn’t mean you didn’t do it.
“I just need to find the time,” she told Lynn.
Lynn nodded toward the group still sprawled on the sofa. “No time like the present.”
“They’re playing RainQuest.” Even if Zoe looked like she wanted to be put out of her misery.
“But Bella’s looking pretty into it,” Lynn remarked with an arched eyebrow. “And into Ben, frankly.”
“You think?” As discreetly as she could, Maggie glanced at her son and Bella, who was sitting next to him, heads close together as they chatted earnestly about the game. “Maybe…” She wasn’t sure she was ready for Ben to be into girls, or girls to be into Ben, but it was an interesting and hopeful development.
“Go over there and ask him if you can talk,” Lynn urged. “There’s never going to be a perfect time, Mags.”
“I know…” Maggie knew she did not sound enthused by the prospect. She really did not want to ask Zach to have a private word in front of Joshua, Ben, Zoe, and Bella. But she knew she had to figure out something.
She finished tidying the kitchen, taking her time to give the espresso machine a really good polish, and then finally, knowing she could put it off no longer, she steeled herself to go over to their table and clear up the empty coffee cups and plates. As she stooped to collect the dishes, she glanced at Zach. As usual, he wasn’t looking at her, but she was the closest to him she’d been all afternoon, so she could see the glint of stubble on his jaw and the way his lashes swept downward as he studied his cards.
“Having fun?” she asked lightly, making sure to look around at the whole group.
“My brain hurts,” Zoe admitted. “But this café is such a cool idea. I’ll definitely be coming back, although, sorry, guys, maybe not to play RainQuest.”
“That’s great to hear,” Maggie told her warmly. “We’ve got plenty of other games.”
“But I should probably go,” Zoe continued, rising from her chair. “I closed The Latest Scoop for this, but I might open it for the evening now that it’s getting warmer.”
“If you call this warm, you really are a New Englander,” Zach told her, and Zoe rolled her eyes.
“Aren’t we all?”
Her departure invariably caused that of the whole group, and within a few minutes, with a scraping of chair legs and gathering of coats, Joshua and Bella had gone as well, although not before Bella had promised Ben she’d come back so he could keep teaching her the game. Ben was clearing up, and Zach started helping him. Maggie watched them for a few seconds before she took the dirty cups and plates back to the kitchen.
“Did you say anything?” Lynn whispered, and mutely she shook her head.
“ Maggie …”
“I know.” She took a deep breath. “I will.” Resolutely, Maggie went back to the table. Ben was just putting the lid on the box, and Zach was reaching for his jacket. It was now or never. “It would be great if you could stay for a little while,” she blurted. “I’d love to, um, talk with you.” Cringe. That had sounded so clunky and awkward, but how else could she have put it?
Zach looked, crushingly, like he was going to refuse. He had one arm already in the sleeve of his jacket, a look of resolute regret hardening his features. Ouch .
“Yeah,” Ben chimed in. “You should totally stay, Zach. You aren’t doing anything now, are you?”
Zach glanced at Ben, and then finally, finally , at Maggie. The look in his eyes was veiled, but also decidedly cool.
“I can stay for a little while,” he said, the words aimed at Ben.
Maggie’s spirits plummeted at that reserved, even reluctant, response, but then she told herself she’d just have to take what she could get.
“Great,” she told him, and her voice came out in that high, slightly manic tone she’d once used with Ben. “Thanks,” she added in a more normal voice. “I appreciate it.”
Zach just nodded.