Chapter 5 Joanie
Joanie
“I heard the commercial is back on?” Skylar looked up from the pad she’d been jotting notes in all training session.
So, word was out? Bad enough that Claire had broken the unhappy news that Kieran Earnshaw had miraculously backed down, without everyone resenting that I’d been afforded the undesirable opportunity to join him.
My teammates would assume Dad had swung this for me.
I could only hope against hope that it wasn’t the case.
Better to play it down. “It’s not a big deal. Claire thought it would be good to send me because of the injury. She wants me to get out of my comfort zone.”
I clamped my mouth shut to stop waffling. Great job playing it down.
Skylar’s inquisitive eyes burned into me. “I think it’s brilliant. You can grow your platform. It’ll make you more attractive for individual endorsement deals.”
Right, but I wanted to blend into the background, not give everyone more reason to gossip about me.
People looked at me and saw Mortimer Fox’s daughter.
Someone who’d had it easy to get here. It couldn’t be further from the truth.
Dad had never taken an interest in my football aspirations.
All that had ever mattered was his music.
Now, after the incident, he was all over me, as if he could make up for the circus that had been my childhood and twenty years of absent parenting.
Skylar fiddled with the piercing in her eyebrow. “It’ll be great for your brand. The more money you can make now, the better.”
Annoying, but she was right. Professional sport was a short-lived career, and I didn’t make enough to retire on.
I’d always been determined to make my own way in the world.
Dad couldn’t be trusted not to blow everything on some disastrously unaffordable arena tour or another divorce that threatened to bankrupt him.
A ball flew out of play and landed by my feet.
On instinct, I stood to kick it back across the pitch.
A chill of trepidation made me pause. The physios were about ready to sign me off to rejoin training.
No use reinjuring myself before the season started.
I toed the ball gently to Skylar. With an almighty kick, she launched it back across the field to Miri.
Skylar’s voice softened as we returned to the bench.
“I know this year has been tough, but soon you’ll be back on that pitch and you’ll be fitter and stronger than ever.
You’re nearly there. Don’t lose sight of the goal.
” She gave me a friendly nudge in the ribs.
“And it’s not a bad thing, you know . . . getting out of your comfort zone.”
Maybe, except the thing about comfort zones is that they are very comfortable.
Skylar’s face suddenly brightened. “Why don’t you write a list?”
“A list?”
“A list of exciting things you want to do now you’re almost back to form. I’ve always wanted to do a bucket list. We can both do it.”
“A bucket list? Isn’t that what people do when they’re going to die?”
“Who’s dying?” Lana dropped heavily onto the bench next to me. “Fair warning,” Lana gasped between labored breaths. “If Claire doesn’t end this session soon, it’s me.”
Skylar leaned across me to address Lana. “No one’s dying. It’s for Joanie. She’s off to Menorca to film a commercial, and I was just saying she could do a list of positive things to focus on now she’s getting back to form.”
Lana winced in pain and rubbed her side. “Menorca, huh? Nice.” She took a long drink from her water bottle. “So more of a fuck-it list. Fuck ACL tears and rehab.”
Skylar chuckled. “Exactly. A fuck-it list. Even better. What do you think?”
I feigned a smile, but I wouldn’t be jumping for joy about the idea.
I had enough to worry about with getting back to fitness.
This was more work. But if Skylar was asking, I could hardly say no.
It could be a way to build some bridges with my teammates.
Everything always seemed effortless between everyone else, and I was always on the periphery looking in.
“Maybe I could have a think about it later.”
“Great. Claire’s calling a break. No time like the present.” Skylar deposited her notepad on my lap and held the pen out to me. “Let’s brainstorm.”
Oh gosh. Really? Now? Skylar hovered the pen in front of my nose with an expectant look. Don’t be difficult. Easier just to agree and get on with it. You don’t actually have to do any of it.
“Great.” I took the pen and tried to inject some enthusiasm into my voice.
Skylar rubbed her hands together and gave me an encouraging smile. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but never got round to?”
I stared at the blank page. It was hard to even remember what I’d enjoyed doing before the injury.
The past nine months had revolved around physio and painkillers.
A good day was one where I opened the living-room curtains.
I could give her a few things. If I humored her, she might get bored and move on.
“I’ve always wanted to learn to crochet.”
“Crochet? Great. That’s . . . probably very satisfying.” She tapped the pad with her finger. “Write it down. What else?”
Dutifully, I wrote on the pad, while racking my brain for something else to appease her. “My violin has been in the loft for years. I’ve always thought about getting it down and joining an orchestra.”
Dad couldn’t hide his disappointment that I hadn’t inherited his musical gifts. Maybe it would make him happy if I gave it another shot.
“Perfect.” Skylar nodded her approval. “Write it down.”
Jeez. She really wasn’t going to let this thing go. I felt her eyes on me as I wrote Violin underneath Learn to crochet.
“And what about something a little more adventurous?” Skylar’s voice took on a tentative edge. “Have you ever done skydiving or bungee jumping?”
Nope. Hard to think of anything worse than hurling myself out of a plane or off a cliff. “I have been thinking about taking a pottery course.”
A snort erupted next to me. Lana threw her hand over her mouth to smother a laugh.
Skylar raised a surprised eyebrow. “Is something funny?”
Lana shook her head. “This is the most boring fuck-it list in history. Violin and knitting? My grandma had more fun than this in the retirement home. Then again, Granny Vera was pretty wild.”
Skylar frowned. “It’s Joanie’s list. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.”
Lana winced again and kneaded her side. “No one looks back at their life and wishes they’d spent more time on their needlepoint.”
Crochet, actually. Not that I’d dare correct her.
Lana was kind of intimidating. She was confrontational on and off the pitch, and she seemed so confident and comfortable all the time.
Lana had played for England, and Skylar had played in LA.
They were both so cool. I could imagine how they saw me: a mediocre player taking up a place on this team because of my dad.
A superstar’s daughter with too high an opinion of herself.
Lana held her hands out impatiently. “Give it to me.”
“I’m fine, honestly. You don’t need to—”
Lana snatched the notepad and pen from my hand. She tapped the pen against her lips thoughtfully and shot me a curious glance. “Are you still with that guy from contracts? What was his name? The one with . . . the haircut?”
Gerard. I suppressed my grimace. “We just broke up.”
“Perfect.”
A smile curved Lana’s lips as she turned over the page and wrote with an elaborate flourish.
Joanie’s fuck-it list.
1) Wild, horny rebound sex in Menorca.
Warmth climbed the back of my neck. What on earth?
Lana gave me another penetrating look. “Where’s the strangest place you’ve had sex?”
I shot a nervous glance at Claire patrolling the sideline. Her hawkish eyes surveyed the team as they stretched and chatted during the break in training. Lana followed my gaze and lowered her voice.
“Don’t worry about Claire. She can’t hear. Anyway, I bet Claire spends her weekends swinging from the chandeliers. That woman is an enigma. Well? Have you ever done it outside?”
The heat on my neck raced up my jaw to my cheeks.
Skylar shook her head, but her tone was indulgent. “It’s supposed to be Joanie’s list. Why do you always have to lower the tone? Aren’t you supposed to be training?”
“I’ve got a stitch! I’m suffering here.” Lana gripped her side and laughed. “Lucky for you. You need me to help with this.”
Skylar rolled her eyes. “No. We really don’t.”
Lana tapped the pen on my thigh. “What about a threesome? Have you ever done that?”
A crushing awkwardness gripped me. A threesome?
Was she for real? I hadn’t even done a twosome.
It wasn’t a big deal that I hadn’t had sex yet.
My life had been busy, and I hadn’t met any guy who made me feel at ease.
It had almost got to that point with Gerard, but something always held me back.
I wasn’t great at putting myself out there.
Sometimes, even talking to a man I didn’t know well left me tongue-tied and flustered.
How could I shut this conversation down without looking precious?
Lana gave me a questioning look. “Well?”
I kept my gaze fixed on my football boots because I couldn’t look at either of them.
“You don’t have to talk about any of this.” Skylar’s voice held a chiding edge as she reached across me and took the notepad. “This is a professional training session. Enough.”
Skylar probably knew I still had my V-card. She was one of these people who looked at you as if they were seeing directly into your soul.
Lana’s scent of the pitch hit me as she leaned in. “Mile-high club?”