Chapter 26 Kieran #2
She cried out the moment the bullet touched her clit again. Her body jerked forward, but I stood and dragged her hard against me with an arm around her waist. Her hand reached around and grabbed my thigh, her nails digging in through my sweatpants. My cock throbbed with the need to be inside her.
I slipped my finger gently and slowly into her tight, drenched heat, because I needed to savor every tightening wave, every deepening furrow in her brow, every escalating cry the way I’d watched the changing sky as the day broke.
I whispered into her ear as she shuddered against me.
“Next time you come like this, you’re going to be wrapped around my cock. I’m going to fill every inch of you.”
When she stopped crying out and trembling, she twisted in my arms and pulled me down for a passionate kiss.
“Oh my gosh,” she whispered against my lips, soft and sweet.
I pressed my forehead to hers, breathing in the mango scent of her shampoo, searching for a sign of shame or regret.
She peered back at me, her eyes wide with exhilaration.
No one had ever looked at me with such sincerity and trust. My heart ached with a strange mix of hopeful and exposed, like maybe I could be the kind of man worthy of that look on her face.
A different kind of man. Something profound had happened between us.
A shift. Not just a first for her, but something new for me, too.
My voice came out hoarse. “Was that OK?”
“Yes.” She laughed—a joyous, melodic burst. “Thank you.”
I took a moment to drink in her raw, unguarded beauty—the wholesome dusting of freckles on her nose, her hair falling in messy golden waves, her eyes sparkling with confidence.
Almost impossible to imagine that this was the same woman who had quaked with fear and gripped me so tightly on the plane journey.
A quiet revelation wrapped around my heart.
I wanted to freeze this moment, hold the world at bay, and keep her looking at me like this forever.
I shouldn’t have been touching her, but I’d never want to erase the radiance beaming from her in this moment.
If I’d had a small part to play in that then I’d never take it back.
This woman was a line I wasn’t supposed to cross.
So fucking what. The smile on her face was worth every second of my downfall.
I swept a strand of hair from her cheek. “Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For trusting me.”
“Of course.”
The intensity of the moment we’d shared pulsed in the silence around us.
She cleared her throat, and pulled away from me. “I’m going to take a quick shower.”
She grabbed her sundress from the floor, pulled it over her head, and just like that, the spell was broken. She’d run out on me last time. Not again. This was new to me, but I wasn’t ready to let the bubble around us burst.
“Wait.”
She paused at the door. I searched for words to lighten the whirlwind of emotion in my chest before I did something stupid like drop to my knees and beg her to stay with me instead of taking a stupid shower.
“We’d better work on our visa applications. We’re moving here. I’m never letting you out of this country,” I said.
She chuckled. “I’m sorry?”
“There’s going to be a lot of paperwork. This is why I was opposed to Brexit. It’s making my love life difficult.”
Her smile widened. “I was also very opposed to Brexit. I had a banner and a poster in the window.”
“There we go. I love that we have so much in common. Will you come back to bed after your shower?”
A tiny line appeared above her nose. “Why? You think we could do something else from the list?”
“I thought we could just be . . . together . . . in the bed.”
She frowned. For a terrible moment, I thought she might laugh at me, but somehow I held my nerve.
A smile touched her lips. “Together? You mean you want to snuggle?”
There had to be a better word. Snuggling was for puppies and teddy bears, but yes, I wanted to snuggle.
If Sean Wallace or any of his sidekicks in the locker room could hear me now, they’d be howling with laughter.
I wasn’t known for my softer side, and I’d never show vulnerability to any of those wankers.
Not that I gave fuck about any of them. They could think what they wanted.
I wanted to keep this woman cherished and in my arms, because apparently now I’d turned into a guy who needed to snuggle after sex. I needed to make sure she was OK. The urge to hold her and take care of her was as exhilarating as it was terrifying.
I swallowed past a sudden sharpness in my throat. “I know it’s not on the list. You don’t have to. Just if you want to come back—”
“Yes. I’ll come straight back. Sometimes, I need space to process things, but I promise you, I’ll always come back.” She cupped my cheek with a smooth palm. “Snuggling could be on the list. I like it too.”
We lay in Joanie’s bed with the balcony doors open, letting the sunlight in.
Joanie traced her fingers absently over the hair on my chest. Her voice was soft and tremulous. “I had a crush on you, you know.”
“What? When?” I couldn’t keep my surprise from my voice.
“I used to watch you on the TV when you played in Spain.”
My brow lifted. She glanced up at me and her cheeks pinked.
“I was watching when you scored the goal the year that Madrid won La Liga.”
“You liked that one?”
She let out an incredulous snort. “Are you kidding me? It was the most amazing goal I’ve ever seen. Their entire team was in the box attacking. You moved like lightning. One end of the field to the other in a heartbeat. That was the perfect breakaway goal. Everything about it.”
That goal had been the one that meant the most to me too. The match had been overshadowed by controversy when I’d been sent off for arguing with the ref. It had still been the highlight of my career. Nice that Joanie had seen it.
“I do love a good counterattack. They break down your defenses, so you obliterate theirs.”
She smiled. “You were so exciting to watch. I wanted to be like you. I wanted to play professional football.”
She peered at me with affection and warmth. I stroked her hair back from her face. “And you made it. That takes guts and determination.”
“I had to have determination. It wasn’t like anyone around me supported me. My parents were too busy.” She chewed her lip. “I had this friend, Sally, and I always got a lift with her mum to training. No one ever came to watch me play.”
“Never?”
Hard to imagine doing this without support. My mum had been a constant presence on the sideline for Jack and me.
Her voice was wistful and faraway. “Sometimes I wonder if that’s the real reason I signed for Calverdale.
I had offers from other clubs, but I knew if it was Calverdale, then at least my dad would come.
At least he would support his favorite team, even if he didn’t have the time to support me.
I had to have so much drive to keep going.
There wasn’t a team for girls when I was really little, so I had to play with the boys.
People used to shout stuff at me from the sidelines, but I had a thick skin when I was a kid.
I used to be . . . more confident. Now my dad thinks I’m percussion. ”
“What do you mean?”
“It was this silly comment he made, but it hurt. My dad is a little off the wall sometimes. He’s a genius, really, but he speaks without thinking.
He said if the family was a band, I’d be percussion.
I’m just there ticking along in the background, keeping it all in line while everyone else is a star.
I get it. Everyone in my family is cool, and I’m—”
“You’re a star, Joanie.”
She gave an embarrassed laugh.
I tilted her face to mine. “I mean it. You’re amazing. Some people would quit after an injury like yours. You might not feel confident, but I know what it takes to come back after something like that. You’re a star just as you are, and even if you were percussion, so what?”
“Percussion is boring. What he’s really saying is that I’m too quiet.
I don’t know . . . I’ve never felt worthy of Dad’s attention.
Dad loves men’s football, but he’s never cared about me playing.
It’s not exciting enough for him. I’m not exciting or cool enough.
I’m too quiet. I don’t fit in with my family. ”
I twirled a strand of her soft golden hair between my fingers.
“The world has enough talkers. It needs more listeners. I meet so many people in love with their own voice, but that’s not you.
When you talk, it’s because you have something to say.
You’re not full of bullshit. You’re funny and you’re smart.
Who cares about being cool? Doesn’t everyone get to a point where they realize that there’s nothing cooler than not giving a fuck about being cool? You’re just Joanie.”
The gentle whirr of the ceiling fan drifted into the silence. She sighed and stared up at the rotating blades.
“I can’t believe I’m here in this bed with you. You were so intimidating when I first met you.”
“I want to be someone you can count on.”
She gave me an earnest look. “You do?”
“Yes. I really do.”
She rested her head back on my chest. This woman was so under my skin.
I wanted to take care of her, to make this a good experience with her, to protect her.
This wasn’t just fucking. If only it was, because sex wasn’t complicated.
Whatever this was, it felt like it could get complicated.
We’d have to go home soon, whether or not we wanted to.
I’d meet with Mortimer as soon as we got home.
I’d explain to him this was real for me.
That I wasn’t any of the shitty things that he thought about me and that I’d never hurt his daughter.
If I was honest with him, then he’d see the truth.
I’d make him see sense. This thing with Joanie mattered too much. I couldn’t let her go.
I traced the bumps of her spine with my fingertips.
“If you’re percussion, I want to be your groupie.
” I flipped her onto her back and buried my face between her breasts.
I couldn’t wait to suck on these perfect pretty nipples later while she rode me slow and steady, but this was nice too.
Just talking and being close. “But I’m your only groupie.
I’m not sharing you with the other fans.
You can only shake your tambourine for me. ”
She chuckled. “Fine with me. F-word the fans. They’ll get over it.”
A ripple of amusement went through me. The sunlight fell over her hair and she looked angelic.
Fuck. What was this feeling? Falling in love or a well-timed counterattack?
I’d got through her defensive line, but it was no victory, because she’d broken away and demolished mine before I’d even grasped what had hit me.
It couldn’t be love. We hadn’t known each other long enough.
Love made you too vulnerable. Life was cruel and unpredictable.
One day you had a dad who you loved and the next they walked out of the door and you never saw them again.
Still, I couldn’t stop this warmth and lightness in my chest. Something was stirring inside me, a spark of heat and life, like the fucking Tin Man getting a heart.
I couldn’t give it back to the wizard. Not now I knew what it was to feel it beating for this woman.
What if she didn’t feel the same? We hadn’t known each other long.
What would Christmas dinner be like with the in-laws if I couldn’t sort this out?
Mortimer Fox had made his feelings about me clear, and I wasn’t his biggest fan either.
I didn’t fit into Joanie’s world, and I had no desire to.
I opened my mouth, and a sudden rush of nerves gripped me.
I’d take a penalty or a red card over talking about my feelings any day.
Hell, I’d even take an own goal in front of a packed stadium.
Gathering her in my arms, I fitted her body against mine. “This is the truth. I want to be the only one. If we’re doing this, then you’re mine. I don’t share.”
She bit her lip. “I don’t want to share you either.”
This was fast, faster than I’d ever experienced with a woman, but it couldn’t be slow. It felt too right. “Then we are in agreement that I’m the only person to help you with your list?”
She nodded, and her smile was wide and playful. “Only you, I swear.”
“Good, because . . . I want this to be just you and me.” I swallowed past the knot of nerves in my throat. “I think I’m falling for you.”
The smile trembled on her lips and was replaced by a tight, worried expression. I’d come on too strong and scared her off. “I know. I know. It’s too soon to be saying stuff like that . . .”
She bit her lip.
“Are you going to say something?”
“I don’t know what to say. You scare me when you say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel the same about you, and I don’t want to get hurt.”
I pressed a kiss to her temple. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”