Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Scottie
The Pre-Fuck Emotional Debrief
It’s not like me to text anyone asking for an emergency coffee—or, you know, a fixing intervention.
Nope. That’s not my role in the group chat hierarchy.
I’m usually the one who gets those texts.
You’ve got a crisis? A breakup? A deadline?
You contact Scottie, and I show up with caffeine, baked goods, and solutions so effective it makes any private investigator weep.
But this?
This is different.
I’m outside Leif and Hailey’s penthouse with a four-slot coffee carrier in one hand and a tight grip on the fragments of my mental health in the other.
My breathing’s shallow. My heart is in my throat.
My skin’s too warm and not in a glowy, post-yoga way.
No, this is more of a pre-apocalyptic, I-might-actually-have-a-breakdown-on-this-marble-floor warm.
Hailey opens the door, baby Luna on hip, hair in a soft twist, bare feet padding on hardwood like she was born for this whole domestic goddess thing. Luna stares at me with big, curious eyes like she can sense the fact that I’m two seconds away from combusting.
“If you’re here claiming the godmother spot,” Hailey says, lifting a brow, “the answer is still: we don’t know.”
I sigh so hard it feels like my ribcage deflates.
“Okay, yes, I’ve been pestering you and Leif about that, but can you blame me?
She’s a literal marshmallow with eyes. We’re going to have ‘Auntie and Me’ zoo expeditions, aquarium days, donut shop adventures, and mini-hikes followed by matching pedicures.
I already have the onesies picked out for when we start doing yoga together in Central Park. ”
Hailey gives me that Hailey-smirk with a side of suspicion.
“You don’t have to be her godmother to be a badass aunt,” she mutters and moves aside so I can walk into her home.
“Fine, we’ll set the whole godmother on the side today. Though, you should add some bonus points since I came bearing gifts. Your favorite hibiscus concoction, and that lavender matcha chai with those rosemary scones you were obsessed with last month.”
Her expression softens. “Interesting,” is all she says, and I’m not sure how to take that one word.
We settle into the living room, which is unfairly cozy for a place this nice.
Plush chairs. Oversized windows. Baby toys that somehow blend with the decor.
I sit on the couch, hands wrapped around my drink like it might ground me.
Hailey sets Luna down in her bouncy chair, then folds herself into the armchair across from me.
“Okay,” she says, voice neutral but eyes laser-focused. “I see it now. You’re losing your shit.”
I pause mid-sip. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve got the forehead crease, the jittery hands, the lip chew you only do when you’re about to spiral. You’ve been spiraling since I opened the door. Now I’m just waiting for the words to catch up.”
I clear my throat. “Umm . . . you just decided that based on . . . caffeine and eye contact?”
Hailey cocks her head. “Scottie, you’re a lot like your brother. You just simmer in your issues until you’re about to explode.”
Her tone is all-knowing as if she’s already scanned my vital signs and pulled my diagnostic report.
“It’s complicated,” I say, immediately regretting it.
“So’s assembling a crib with a half-drunk Leif, but we did it. What’s going on? You texted like your apartment was on fire.”
I wince. Not a slight cringe. Full-body, face-scrunching, soul-flinching wince. “It’s not a fire. Not exactly. More like . . . spontaneous combustion.”
Her eyes widen. “Okay, we’re getting somewhere, but we need a lot more information than that.”
“Information, yes, you do.” I sigh, sipping my drink. “So . . . I have this client who’s, I mean, attractive if you’re into hot professional hockey players.”
“Ooh, this is getting more interesting.” She grins. “Okay, so one of the Vipers is your client.”
“I never said he’s a Viper,” I protest.
“No, but you’re not saying no.” Then that stupid grin gets wider. “Are you telling me you have a thing for a player? Scottie is breaking the rules—hot.”
“I–I’m not—” I close my mouth, open it again, and finally say, “I never said that.”
“Sure, you didn’t, but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the issue. Tell Hailey more.” She drinks from her hibiscus concoction and then spits it. “Oh my God, you’re talking about Jason Tate.”
I gawk at her. How does she know?
“Was Jason Tate naked in your treatment room?”
“No,” I say way too fast and way too loud, then drop my voice to a guilty murmur. “Shit—no. I mean . . . not naked-naked.”
She squints. “Define not naked-naked.”
I press a palm to my chest like that might stop the emotional heartburn working its way through me. “He was . . . emotionally naked. And now I’m emotionally concussed.”
She sets her drink down so fast she nearly knocks it over. “You have got to be more specific.”
“I agreed to have a fuck buddies kind of arrangement where we go full naked—and it starts tonight.”
Hailey blinks. “You what?”
“I dared him. Technically. It was a sexting dare. It escalated quickly. One second, we were talking about one thing. The next, he was saying stuff about dreams, maybe. I can’t remember exactly. The point is that tonight we’re fucking.” The last word comes out like a secret, so Luna doesn’t hear it.
Hailey nods as if she’s trying to understand why I’m freaking out, or maybe she’s freaking out with me.
“So, yeah, we’re having a no-strings-just-sex-mutual-release arrangement,” I conclude. “It’s very mature and grown up, right?”
Hailey stares at me like I just confessed to planning to rob a bakery using a rubber band as a weapon.
“Wow, so you and . . .”
“Yep.” I pop the ‘p’ like I’m not one minor anxiety tremor away from disintegrating. “Now I think I might’ve agreed to the best-worst idea of my adult life.”
“ And now you’re . . . spiraling.”
“Spiraling with pastry,” I correct, holding up the scone bag. “It softens the impact.”
Hailey leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “You do understand this has consequences, right?” she asks.
“I’ll use protection, promise,” I state because that should help with the consequences.
She shakes her head and points at her baby. “No, I don’t mean those kinds of cute consequences. I meant . . . he’s Leif’s best friend. He’s a family friend, Scottie. You can’t think this is just going to be casual.”
“Oh, it totally is casual,” I reassure her.
“Do you want to only sleep with him?”
I open my mouth, then close it.
Then open it again and whisper, “Even if I did, there’s no way he’d ever reciprocate. He’s already made that abundantly clear.”
“So you do have feelings for him.”
“I don’t have feelings,” I squeak, which is weird because I only do that when I’m lying, but this time I’m so not lying. I feel nothing for that man. Okay, there’s attraction, and I so want to fuck him, but that’s it.
“You want more,” she states, invalidating what I just told her.
“I don’t want more,” I say, then promptly ruin it with, “I just want to fuck him until I’m thoroughly satisfied.”
Hailey lifts her drink and sips, shaking her head like she’s seen this story before, and it didn’t end with quiet orgasms and emotional boundaries.
“So are we sure you want to have sex with your best friend’s brother—who is also your client—and is currently being offered a personalized physical therapy plan with full-body release included?”
“Don’t phrase it like that,” I mutter, dragging a hand over my face. “You make it sound like I run a sex spa with resistance bands.”
“I mean, I’ve heard you’re pretty strong with manual therapy.”
“Hailey.”
She softens. “Sorry. It’s just . . . wow. That’s a lot. You and Jason?”
“It’s not like it came out of nowhere.” I exhale.
“We’ve always had this . . . thing. Since prom.
Then again, at the Olympics. God, the fucking Olympics!
I thought I was over him after he ghosted me like that.
And now it’s like—I’m not even sure how it started.
One second, we were arguing about quad activation and the next, he’s sexting me like I’m the reason his knee can’t bend anymore. ”
Hailey chokes on her sip. “Please tell me you didn’t say that out loud.”
“I didn’t. Yet.”
She quiets again, giving me the space to catch my breath. And I appreciate it—because beneath the humor and the mental images I really shouldn’t be having, there’s the part of this I haven’t said yet.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
Hailey’s eyes meet mine. Calm. Steady. No judgment. “Of what?”
“Of ruining something I can’t take back.”
“You mean your license?”
“Well, yeah, there’s that, but also, there’s Leif.”
She shifts, setting her cup aside, all humor evaporating. “They’re big boys. Other than breaking his other knee, nothing bad would happen.”
“Not helping.”
She laughs. “They’ve been friends for a long time. This shouldn’t change anything.”
“As long as Leif doesn’t find out,” I add to her statement.
Hailey shrugs. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t. But they’re more than best friends, Hail. They’ve been through everything together. College. Draft day. Family stuff. I mean, Jason practically lived at our house half the time growing up. And Leif’s always been . . . protective.”
“You think he wouldn’t approve?”
“I think he’d feel betrayed. By both of us.”
Hailey’s quiet again. Thoughtful.
“I know Leif,” she says finally. “And, yeah, he can be intense. But you don’t think he’d understand? Eventually?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “He still sees me as his defenseless little sister. The one he’s supposed to protect. He doesn’t see me as an adult. None of my brothers do. They see me as the girl that’s always chasing behind them, not a woman who could have a love life.”
Not sure where all that came from, but the word vomiting isn’t over. Nope.
“But Jason does,” I say before I can stop myself.
The words fall out too fast, too loud. Hailey doesn’t blink.
She just nods like she’s known it all along.
Like she’s just been waiting for me to say it out loud.
I lean back and exhale so hard it shakes something loose inside me.
Something I’ve been holding for years. He sees me.
And maybe that’s why I’m terrified of letting him touch me again—because once he does, I’m not sure I’ll ever want to stop.
I told him very specifically in our texts not to confuse therapy with foreplay. Somehow, I know that I might not heal if I take the wrong step.
Hailey tilts her head. “So do you want him just for sex?”
I hesitate, then remind myself that I can’t want him any other way.
“Of course I do. The sex drought has been too long.”
Hailey covers my hand with hers. “Okay, so you’re in denial, and we have to work on that part before something very, very stupid happens between the two of you.”
I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about, but that’s fine. Even with her criticism, I feel much more confident about this arrangement. I don’t mind going to Jason’s house and . . . starting our agreement.