Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
CARMINE
Carmine was nervous. The invitation had come completely out of the blue. At first, he’d panicked and nearly declined. Thankfully, Samantha had talked him down from that ledge.
Instead, he’d hurried to his apartment to change. Now he found himself in Noah’s lounge, nervously holding a glass of wine.
“Are you okay?” Noah asked.
“Yeah.”
Carmine tried to put on a brave face but judging by Noah’s frown, he wasn’t fooling anyone.
“I love that you care so much.”
“She’s important to you,” Carmine replied. “I want to make a good impression.”
Ashley was getting ready in the spare room. It had given Carmine a few minutes to get himself together. The wine had been a welcome offering.
“How come you have booze in the house?” Carmine asked.
“Ashley’s influence.”
Carmine took a sip.
“I like her already.”
Before Noah replied, the bedroom door opened. A short, beautiful woman came through. Her smile lit up her face. Instantly Carmine relaxed.
He stood and wiped his sweaty palm on his chinos.
“Ashley,” Noah said. “I’d like you to meet Carmine.”
She crossed the room and took Carmine’s hand.
“So lovely to meet you,” she said warmly. “I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t heard a lot about you.”
Carmine nodded. “And vice versa.”
Ashley glanced at Noah. “Have you been telling tales?”
“Only good ones.”
He handed her a drink.
“Here’s to new friends,” Ashley said.
“And old ones,” Carmine added.
Noah raised his sparkling water.
“To us.”
They all clinked glasses. Carmine noticed Ashley took a sizeable gulp. Maybe he wasn’t the only nervous person in the room.
Noah went to the kitchen where he was chopping vegetables. This left Carmine and Ashley to sit.
“How was your day?” Carmine asked.
“Very exciting,” Ashley replied. “We went to the site. I must say, it looks like you’ve worked wonders. Noah showed me the plans.”
Carmine felt himself blush. “It was a pleasure. After years in LA where everything has to be as big as possible, it was a joy to create something realistic and ecologically minded.”
“That’s our Noah.”
She stared across to the kitchen. The love that shone from her eyes gave Carmine goosebumps. He hoped she saw the same in his when he looked at Noah.
“I can’t wait to be cooking for you two up there,” Noah said.
“What’s for dinner?” Carmine asked.
“Peri-peri chicken and roasted veggies.”
Carmine smacked his lips.
“I love Noah’s cooking. I’m very lucky.”
“He’s always been the same,” she replied. “When he first came to live with us, he asked me to teach him everything I know. Every Christmas he would want at least one recipe book.”
“What kind of a kid was he?”
Her eyes misted over for a second.
“Too troubled too young.”
Carmine could have bitten his tongue.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”
“Don’t be,” Noah said. “Everyone knows what happened. I would have been fucked if it wasn’t for Ashley.”
She took another swig from her glass.
“He’s always had to bear such a lot of responsibility,” Ashley continued. “That has made him into the man he is today.”
Carmine didn’t need to stare Noah’s way to know he would be deeply uncomfortable with all this.
“How about you?” Ashley asked. “I hear you’re a local boy.”
“That’s right. Brockton born and bred.”
She regarded him. She might be friendly on the surface. However, he sensed he was being sized up at the same time.
“It must be odd being in Brockton again.”
“So weird. I was in the states for a long time.”
“Noah tells me you’re not out to your parents.”
“Ashley!” Noah shouted.
Carmine sat up straight.
“I don’t mind,” he said. “It’s true, I haven’t told them. I left when I was so young that it didn’t come up. I’m going to rectify that very soon.”
“Sorry for prying,” Ashley replied. “I can imagine how difficult it is no matter when. I think you’re very brave.”
Carmine nodded. They were kind words. Yet Carmine felt like a net had closed around him. Everyone had an opinion about his relationship with his parents. If Noah had been talking to Ashley about it, he must be getting annoyed with it all.
He took a healthy swig of his wine.
The meal went without any further hitch. As usual, Noah’s cuisine was top-notch. Later that night, they were snuggled up in Noah’s bed. Carmine was woozy. He and Ashley had finished the bottle of wine and hit the cans of gin and tonic she’d brought with her.
“When you finish with football, you should open a restaurant,” he said lazily.
“Only if you design it for me.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
They lay in silence for a while. The TV from the spare room blared out. Carmine wasn’t sure if Ashley needed that to fall asleep to or she was covering up any noises coming from their room.
“What did Ashley mean about responsibility?”
Noah sighed. “She thinks I should enjoy life more and stop being so focused on Malcolm.”
“It is admirable that you are saving enough money to cover the rest of his life. Isn’t it a bit full-on though?”
Noah’s body stiffened.
“What do you mean?”
“Forever is a long time. The chances are you’ll be making money for quite a while yet.”
“And what if I don’t?”
He detected an edge to Noah’s voice that screamed to Carmine to retreat. Yet the temptation to push this a little further remained too strong. It was partially the booze. And partially the fact that Noah had shared something so personal about Carmine with Ashley.
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“I could be injured. I could die.”
Instinctively Carmine held him closer.
“Would you mind not doing that?”
“I’m serious, Carmine. I thought you understood what I’m facing.”
“I do,” Carmine replied. “Honestly, I do. Ignore me, I’ve had a drink.”
Noah began to run his hand down Carmine’s body.
“What do you think you’re up to?”
He reached Carmine’s waist before he wriggled away.
“Don’t you fancy me?” Noah asked.
“Not in the slightest. That’s why I’m in your bed.”
“Well?”
“I’m not having sex with Ashley in the next room.”
“She’ll be asleep.”
“I don’t care. It ain’t happening.”
He shifted to allow Noah to rest his head on his chest. He also kept his raging hard-on out of range. If Noah detected that he would be unstoppable.
“This is the first time we’ve shared a bed without having sex,” Noah said.
“A milestone for any couple.”
“I like being in a couple with you.”
“Me too. Now go to sleep or I’ll have Javier banging my door down.”
“True.”
“You can save your energy for Saturday night.”
Noah raised his head and frowned. “Saturday night?”
“Valentine’s Day?”
Noah grinned. “I’d forgotten. Are we doing something? I’m playing in Manchester so why don’t I come to you?”
“Sounds good. I’ll come up with a plan.”
Carmine winked at him.
“Sleep,” Carmine said.
They settled. Before long Noah’s head became heavy. Sleep evaded Carmine. He kissed the top of Noah’s head.
The evening had been a total success. He’d expected Ashley to be more terrifying than she was. He was painfully aware that they had such a lot in common because only a few years separated them in age. Thankfully that hadn’t come up. No doubt Ashley would have an opinion on that as well.
Carmine closed his eyes. He really needed to stop stressing about every detail. This felt right. The notion of not having Noah in his life now was unbearable.
Then his parents flashed up in his mind. To lose them would be more than he could handle. He should have known this would come up when he returned to the UK. He should do it on his own terms.
He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him. He was safe for now.
The next day in the office, he couldn’t stop yawning.
“Just because you have a sex life, you don’t have to flaunt it,” Samantha said without looking up from her screen.
“For your information we didn’t have sex last night,” Carmine replied.
Truth be told, he’d barely slept. Noah had been so peaceful that Carmine had stayed stock-still. His back ached like crazy as a result.
“It was nice that Noah invited you,” Samantha said.
It had been a wonderful gesture. Neither of them had been very good at inviting the other into their lives. Living in a bubble together had suited Carmine. It wouldn’t last much longer though. So many forces were conspiring to pop it.
“True,” Carmine replied. “I suppose it’s my turn now.”
Now Samantha did give him her full attention.
“How are you going to do that?”
Carmine shrugged. “I’ve no bloody idea. I’ll think of something.”
She shook her head. “It’s not a competition. If you’re not ready, that’s fine.”
Now Carmine had tasted them developing their relationship, he wanted more. Deep down, he knew the ultimate move from Noah would be introducing him to Malcolm. Yet he couldn’t possibly broach that when he hadn’t even told his family he was gay. Let alone dating a Premier League footballer.
“It’s not all that easy for me, is it?”
“Like I said, you go at your own pace. Is Noah pressuring you?”
“Not at all. He did talk to Ashley about it though.”
Samantha narrowed her eyes. “She shouldn’t have told you that. I’m not sure about her.”
“She’s protective. I get it.”
Samantha fiddled with a pen. He decided not to attack her for telling him off when he fidgeted.
“You’re living on borrowed time,” she said. “The media will get hold of this soon.”
Carmine shuddered. He’d become addicted to reading news reports of Udo and Steven’s affair from last year. The coverage had been brutal at first. Thankfully things had calmed down.
Then there was Adam and Jonas. They were doing a great job of keeping things secret. Plus they were a much bigger story than Noah and Carmine.
Yet, that wasn’t the way he wanted to come out of the closet to his parents. Raoul would have a field day.
“I don’t want to be responsible for Papa having another heart attack.”
“Is that what you’re worried about?”
“Of course it is.”
“Darling, your father loves you. Monica tells me how his face lights up when he tells stories about you.”
Was that true? Carmine had always thought his father to be disappointed in him.
“Maybe soon,” he said. “I’m not ready to let the whole world into our relationship.”
“Bubbles pop,” Samantha replied. “The trick is to make sure you’re holding the pin.”