Chapter 20
TWENTY
CARMINE
It felt as if they’d been in the intensive care ward for days when in actual fact it wasn’t even twenty-four hours. Carmine stared at his father lying there. Wires were all over the place and machines whirred. All playing their part in keeping him alive.
Other families kept silent vigils at other beds nearby. Carmine focused solely on Stefano. As if his own will power would bring him back to them.
Maria and Raoul hadn’t moved either. Monica managed to join them the previous evening, having made a mad dash from London.
For a family usually ruled by noise and merriment, none of them had made a sound for hours.
Around one o’clock on the Saturday afternoon, Stefano began to rouse. Carmine didn’t dare hope that this was a good sign.
He gently moved his mother away as the medical staff checked his father’s vitals. She was trembling as they watched. Transfixed.
“Mr Amato? Can you hear me?”
Stefano blinked rapidly. Then his right hand waved.
“He’s trying to speak,” Maria said.
The nurse removed the oxygen mask.
“Of course I can hear you,” he grumbled. “You’re shouting down my ear.”
As one the whole family let out a sigh of relief. Carmine grabbed his mother’s hand and squeezed it.
“We’ll call the doctor to do more tests. For now, please would you be able to wait in the relatives’ room?”
Carmine nodded. He went to go but his mother appeared to be rooted to the spot.
“I can’t leave him,” she stammered.
“We have to be able to work with him,” the nurse said, squeezing Maria’s arm. “I know it’s hard but he really is in the best hands. I promise you.”
“Come, Mama,” Raoul said. “They know what they’re doing.”
She allowed herself to be guided away by Carmine’s younger brother. He and Monica followed. When they got to the door, Carmine turned. His father was still awake although seemed exhausted.
Is this the last time I see him?
He pushed the idea from his mind. Plenty of people came back from the brink. Hell, Stefano had already done that once. There was no reason to believe he couldn’t manage it again.
The windowless box set aside for relatives had horrible plastic seats and many magazines which appeared to have been leafed through by an army. Carmine made a mental note to send the hospital a ton of new publications.
Raoul settled Maria into one of the chairs. A couple of other families were in there. Mercifully they didn’t appear to want conversation either.
“Shall I get drinks?” Carmine asked.
Maria nodded. “Coffee. Strong.”
Carmine kissed her on the cheek and went for the door.
“I’ll come with you,” Raoul said.
They left Monica with their mother and wandered down the hospital corridor in search of caffeine.
“Did you see a coffee shop when we came in?” Raoul asked.
Carmine shook his head. “It’s all a blur.”
No food or drink had passed any of their lips since arriving. That had to be a record for the Amato family.
They reached the lobby and found a chain coffee shop. There would be grumbles from their mother at the quality of the bean.
As they joined the queue, Raoul stretched.
“Long night,” he said.
“I’ll say. Weirdly I’m not tired yet. Are you?”
“Nah. Mind you, we should probably get better organised.”
Carmine frowned. “What do you mean?”
“We can’t all go on for much longer,” Raoul replied. “There’s a hotel across the road. Why don’t we get a room and take it in shifts? At least we can encourage Mama to get her head down.”
Wow. Raoul has this under control.
“That’s a good idea.”
They ordered coffees and croissants. It wouldn’t do Stefano any good if one of them passed out.
As they waited for the drinks, Raoul shifted uncomfortably. He always fidgeted when he wanted to say something.
“Go on,” Carmine said. “Out with it.”
“I interrupted something yesterday, didn’t I?”
After everything that had happened, Carmine didn’t have the energy to lie.
“Yes.”
“What?”
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing came of it.”
Then a thought occurred to him.
“I hope you’re not blaming me for this.”
“Of course not. Don’t be so paranoid.”
The barista brought four cups in a holder and plonked them down on the counter.
Carmine grabbed the bag of croissants and left Raoul with the drinks.
“Carmine,” he said as they set off to the ward. “Please believe me, I didn’t mean that at all. I only wanted to see if you needed to talk. Then I suppose you’ve got Monica for that.”
This stopped Carmine dead in his tracks. He’d shortchanged his brother and he felt bad.
“I’m sorry, Raoul. I guess I’m more knackered than I realised. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
They resumed their journey.
Now Raoul had mentioned the hotel room, Carmine craved to lie on a bed for an hour or two. His bones were aching from sitting in one position all night.
When they got to the relatives’ room, Monica sat on her own.
“Where’s Mama?” Carmine asked.
“Papa wanted to talk to her,” Monica replied. “He’s been awake less than an hour and he’s giving his orders out.”
Raoul grinned and handed her a drink.
“No doubt he’ll be telling me what to put on the specials menu tonight.”
Carmine accepted his coffee. “I think you’re perfectly capable of managing that.”
“Thanks, brother.”
The door opened and Maria came in, dabbing her eyes.
“Mama?” Monica asked.
“Don’t worry. He’s fine. Well he’s not but you know what I mean.”
She sank down on a chair. Monica threw her arm around her.
“What did he say?” Carmine asked.
“He wants to see you,” she replied. “Off you go.”
Of course Stefano would have an audience with each of them. Nonna would be proud of his sense of occasion.
As he got to the door, a nurse stopped him.
“Five minutes maximum,” he said.
“How is he doing?”
“Remarkably well. He’s not out of the woods by any means.”
Carmine nodded.
As he approached the bed, his father watched him. His eyes as bright as stars. A sob caught in Carmine’s throat.
I’ve just come back to you. Don’t leave me.
Taking the seat recently vacated by his mother, he rested his hand on Stefano’s arm. Still strong from years of hard graft.
“I want you to make sure your mother is all right,” he said croakily.
“Dad. There’s no need for talk like that. You’re doing really well.”
Stefano waved him away. “I mean today, not forever. Don’t get carried away. Try and get her to rest up a bit.”
“Raoul’s going to get us a hotel room,” Carmine replied. “I’ll make sure she has a lie down.”
“Good boy.”
He fell silent for a second. Carmine didn’t know if that was his audience over.
“Shall I leave you?”
Stefano grabbed Carmine’s hand.
“Give me a second, will you? I’ve had a heart attack.”
“Yes. I’d heard.”
Ordinarily, Carmine would be annoyed by his father’s contrary nature. Today it was like a gift from the gods.
“You were about to say something before I keeled over,” Stefano said.
“Don’t worry about that. It’s not the time. You focus on getting well and we can have a talk then.”
But Stefano had a tight grip on him.
“Were you going to tell us you’re gay?”
Carmine thanked his lucky stars he’d sat down. His whole body seemed to tremor at those words.
“What?”
“Well?”
He might never get another chance. His remarkable father had opened the door. All he had to do was step through.
“Yes. I was.”
He expected Stefano to rear away from him. Or one of the machines to go haywire and someone to yell for the crash team. Instead, the older man stroked Carmine’s hand with his thumb.
“Son. Do you really think it would be that much of a surprise to us? Have we been such bad parents that you couldn’t come to us twenty years ago?”
“Dad…I…”
“All I want for you is to find love like I did with your mother. Nothing else matters.”
A sob left Carmine.
“Don’t blubber, for goodness’ sake,” Stefano said. “That’s all those years in America, for you. Now go and send your brother in. I’ve got plenty to say to him. Although God knows what I’m going to talk to Monica about. I’ll have to think of something.”
Carmine managed to hold it together long enough to book the hotel room and settle his mother.
Raoul and Monica were going to take the first shift at the hospital for a couple of hours.
Besides Stefano had things to say to them.
Carmine hoped Raoul’s speech wouldn’t consist entirely on how to get the famous La Piazza marinara sauce right.
Or Monica’s that she needed a man and two children to find true happiness.
Now he stood in the ensuite, staring at himself in the mirror. Everything was in turmoil right now. For the first time in hours his thoughts fell to Noah. Carmine had been sharp with him on the phone. Of course Noah wasn’t to know the crisis Carmine and his family were facing.
As soon as his mama was asleep, he’d try to call Noah. It was unfair to be silent for so long.
He wiped his eyes and splashed water on his face. When he went into the room, Maria stared up at the ceiling.
“Mama? Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head.
“I don’t think I’ll sleep,” she replied.
He kicked his shoes off and lay down on the second bed facing her.
“Do you want a story?” he asked.
This made her smile. As a child, whenever he’d had a nightmare, she would scare the monsters away with one of her tales she appeared to have a never-ending supply of.
His favourites being tales of fairies who lived in Sardinia where Maria’s mother had grown up. These stories had been passed down for generations. Carmine realised he was ready to be an uncle and share such things. Raoul needed to get cracking.
I sound like Mama now.
“What did your father say to you?”
This made Carmine jolt awake from his daydream.
“Just that he wanted me to find happiness in the same way that you and Papa have.”
Now she turned toward him. Their gaze meeting across the divide from the two beds.
“Have you ever had love?”
With a lump in his throat, Carmine nodded.
“And lost it,” he replied.
“Oh darling. That is the problem with love. It is like a fairy. Magical in so many ways. But so very hard to keep hold of.”
A tear rolled down his cheek.
Instantly she leapt off her bed and onto his. She wrapped her arms around him and they both wept. The tension of the last day falling out of them.
“He could have died,” Carmine said.
“Not likely,” Maria replied. “If I have to lock him in the house when he gets home, that’s what I’ll do.”
Carmine sat up. “More jigsaws?”
“He’d better get used to them.”
He’d never felt so close to her as he did at that moment.
“I’m gay,” he blurted out.
She took his hand in the same way Stefano had. They’d clearly been together so long that even their actions mirrored each other.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” she replied. “You’re my first baby boy. I held you in my arms and thanked God that he’d sent me such a beautiful and wonderful creature. I’ve never stopped thanking him and never will.”
“You must have thought double that when you had Monica.”
His mother sighed. “In a way. She wasn’t the prettiest of babies.”
Carmine sniggered. He’d seen the photos and it was an understatement.
“Nonna refused to let us visit the village until she was a toddler. By then she was the beauty she is today.”
They both fell about laughing. The emotional rollercoaster rattled on.
“You’ve never told me that before.”
“And don’t you dare repeat it,” she warned him.
“I promise.”
“Never underestimate our love for you, Carmine.”
“I won’t.”
Telling his parents the truth about himself had been easier than he’d expected.
“I should have done this years ago.”
“I agree but you weren’t ready. Now this love that you lost. Is that why you came home?”
Carmine sighed. “That was part of the reason yes. Would you believe I’ve done it again since I’ve been here.”
She too sat up and stroked his cheek. “You have my genes, my handsome boy. I’m not surprised.”
People always commented how much like Maria Carmine was. Raoul and Monica resembled Stefano.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through these things without me,” she continued. “Tell me about him. If you like.”
Carmine swallowed. “It’s Noah Farman.”
“Oh my goodness,” she said. “You’d better make it up with him and quickly.”
“Why?”
“Because if your father finds out we almost had a Brockton player in the family and lost him, he’ll slap your legs from here to eternity.”
“You would accept a partner of mine into the family?”
Maria appeared genuinely shocked at this comment.
“Darling, I don’t know where you have the impression that we wouldn’t. All right, Nonna might take a bit of convincing and maybe Raoul. They can all go to hell. Anyone who cares for my son has a place at my table.”
Carmine’s eyes stung with tears once more. He’d hoped coming to the hotel would give him a rest. It appeared not.
He kissed his mother’s forehead.
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Now get a plan together. I want you to be happy.”
They both snuggled down. He wrapped his arms around his slight mother and held her as she fell asleep.
Could things be fixed with Noah? Once they settled into more of a routine for visiting Stefano, Carmine would turn his attention to that.
If it wasn’t too late.