Chapter 1 #2
“Jesus Christ,” Suga murmurs, rubbing at his eyes. “Okay, so we’re jumping straight in, huh? No easing us in. No lube. Just straight to fucking us with the tough questions.”
Snow sputters while Rodney just chuckles.
“Does the donation have a username?” Maki murmurs, looking at Wizard seriously.
“It does but I’m not saying it out loud.”
“Sounds familiar,” Maki says with a shrug while Blue nudges his shoulder into his boyfriend. He leans down, covering his mouth as he says something to Maki, the mic not picking it up.
“Okay,” Rodney says, turning serious. “This sounds like a really tricky situation because on the one hand, if they don’t feel the same way, it has the potential to make things awkward.
On the other hand, you’ve known each other for so long.
Do you really think telling him how you feel will actually change things between you?
You’ve seen each other through way more embarrassing things than awkward I love you’s.
You saw each other during pre-teen, hormonal changes, through puberty, through adulthood.
Surely, your relationship can handle this too. My vote is to tell him how you feel.”
“Any relationship takes communication,” Maki agrees with me with a nod.
Suga wrinkles his nose. “Can’t believe we’re starting with a love question. Gross.”
“Well,” Blue says, nudging Suga. “What do you think they should do?”
“I genuinely think that living in the ‘what if’ limbo is worse than hell. You should tell him, that way you know one way or another because the what if will eventually eat you alive.”
“That’s so wise of you,” Rodney says with a grin.
Suga rolls his eyes, the sight making the smallest smile tick up against my lips.
“Whatever. I do have some follow up questions I wish we could have answered. I wanna know how living together works. I wanna know why they’ve waited this long to talk about their feelings.
I’d also really like to know where they work.
How the hell did they tangle their lives so thoroughly without either of them being like ‘hmm maybe this is a bit codependent and we should just kiss instead of invading each other’s lives so thoroughly’. ”
Blue starts laughing his ass off. “There’s our asshole,” he says, turning towards Azaad who nods, reading the next question.
“This one comes from a tired barista. They wanna know what’s the best way to tell someone their coffee order makes them an asshole without them getting fired.”
That brings everyone into a lively discussion about customer service and how anyone who fucks with server workers are assholes. Then they get creative, thinking of ways to tell someone they suck without saying they suck.
I keep a few of their ideas at the back of my mind for the next time I have to help out my dads.
I curl up even further, bringing my feet up onto my chair and resting my face against my knees. I’m way too big to be fitting in my chair like this, but I somehow make it work. The sound of everyone’s voices washes over me and my eyes start blinking heavily.
One particular question has me snapping back to attention.
“I hope this question is okay,” Azaad reads, his voice going soft. “What would you say to someone coming to terms with being an alpha who’s attracted to other alphas? Signed, Alpha Lover Apparently.”
My breath catches and I suddenly feel wide awake. My heart feels like it’s going to worm its way up into my throat, my hands tightening around my legs.
It doesn’t matter what any of them say to this question.
It doesn’t, because I’m confident in who I am.
I’m hard around the edges. I get mad too quickly and come across as an asshole more times than not.
I’m aggressive when I see something I like.
In the bedroom, I like to fight and bite and scratch.
I like it rough and dirty. I don’t want soft and that’s why I’ve always found myself drawn to other alphas, men who can take what I enjoy giving out.
I’ve been burned in the past so I don’t trust easily. I keep walls upon walls around myself in order to keep myself safe. I like being alone.
That’s what I tell myself anyway.
It doesn’t matter what these guys have to say.
I listen intently anyway.
“What a bullshit question,” Suga hisses out, crossing his arms over his chest.
His friends are staring at him with matching looks of understanding. Maki and Snow on the other hand, look surprised at the outburst.
“You’re right,” Blue says, nodding his head. “There’s no reason to worry about something like that.”
Suga looks right into the camera, his eyes somehow both hardened and earnest at the same time. A shiver runs down my spine.
“You shouldn’t care who you love or who you’re attracted to so long as you’re both consenting adults.
You can love one person, you can love two.
Hell, you can even love more than that, so long as you’re all on the same page.
The only thing you should care about is if they treat you well, respect you as a person, and make you happy.
That’s it. Who the fuck cares if you’re an alpha who likes other alphas or an omega who likes other omegas or someone who likes the same primary gender! Who fucking cares?”
“Hell yeah,” Rodney says, nodding his head.
“If you’re actively working on making sure you’re a good person, someone you can be proud of, then fuck all the hates and love who you wanna love,” Suga says, sitting back in his seat with a huff.
Then, in a much smaller voice he adds, “everytime someone is brave enough to proudly be themselves, the world is a better place because of it.”
A profound silence goes through the stream as everyone looks at Suga. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of him. His cheeks are red and he keeps looking at the floor instead of the camera now that he’s said everything he wants to say.
“Well said,” Wizard finally says. “Okay, so our next question comes from Owls for Brains.”
I tune Wizard out, unable to hear anything but the sound of my own heart beating rapidly in my own ears. Suga has never made it a secret that he’s an alpha, talking on stream about ruts and knots and stupid alpha shit. Now, I feel like my eyes are open, seeing him in a new light.
My treacherous heart wants me to think about how I have a chance with him.
Just a couple of alphas who like other alphas.
My brain on the other hand, reminds me how fucking dumb my heart is.
There’s not a fat chance in hell I’m allowing myself to open up to another person.
I will not be getting close to anyone for more than one night.
I won’t be making that mistake again, thank you very much.
With a sigh, I get up from my seat and head to the kitchen. I’ll make myself a fresh pot of coffee and get back to the stream but first, I need a little break to settle myself. Just a few more hours and then I can get some sleep and stop thinking about PourSome-fucking-Suga.