Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Shiloh
I’m not sure when Aspen and I became friends. Sure, we’ve worked together in the past. He’s always friendly, but he’s friendly with everyone. After he realized I was SookieBlahBlahBlah, something seemed to change between us.
This is all Kei’s fault. I liked putting up walls around myself but now I have a friend? Now I have… well, whatever Kei is to me. Boyfriend? Partner? Dating buddy? I don’t fucking know but we’re more than just friends.
It’s scary. At the same time, it’s kinda nice. I’ve missed having friends. I’ve missed having people around who cared about me.
Stevey did a good job of isolating me. At the end of our relationship, I was reliant on him and him alone. All of my friends stopped trying to reach out. I even stopped talking to my dads.
“Here’s your refills,” my beta dad says, putting two drinks onto a tray for me. “Scotty is making lunch for you guys as well.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“We wanted to. Plus, we love Aspen. Before he leaves, make sure he stops down here and says hi.”
“I’ll let him know.”
Both my beta dad and my alpha dad kiss the side of my head before I grab my tray and head into the kitchen. I’m so glad to be close to them again. I’m so glad they never gave up on me.
“I’ve got your baskets right here,” my omega dad says, sliding them onto my tray. He’s made me my favorite, a spinach omelet with a bagel while he’s prepared a grilled chicken salad for Aspen, his usual order.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re having fun with your friend. Feels like you’re on a play date or something,” he adds with an amused snort. I flip him off as I make my way out the back door.
Aspen is exactly how I left him, his nose stuck in his book as he meticulously writes out flashcards for himself.
He’s a really good student which doesn’t surprise me.
Aspen is the type of person who puts his all into everything.
He doesn’t half-ass things and when he puts his mind to something, he’s going to get it done, one way or another.
“Hey,” I say softly, setting the tray on the table. “Time for a break.”
Aspen lets out an annoyed whine. “One second. I’ve just got one more flashcard.”
“Fine. One more. Then it’s break time. My dads made us some food.”
At that, Aspen finally looks up, his giant gray eyes somehow widening further as he looks at the tray on the table. His stomach rumbles, making both of us chuckle.
“I didn’t even notice I was starving!” Aspen murmurs as he finishes up his final flashcard. “Geez, you must be tired of me in your space by now.”
“I’m not,” I tell him quickly and meaning it. “I would have kicked you out if I was annoyed. You know I don’t mind being mean.”
Aspen picks up the salad and takes a giant bite, leaning back in his chair. He looks at me with a raised brow. “You know,” he says slowly between bites. “You always say you’re mean but you’re always really nice to me.”
“You’re easy to be nice to,” I tell him with a shrug.
Aspen gives me a look. I look away, cursing the way I feel splayed open for him. How dare he actually perceive me?
“Anyway,” I say quickly, changing to subject. “What’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean your dating life,” I say bluntly. “My dads are such gossips. They told me you had not one but two men come meet you at work recently.”
Aspen’s face turns pink and he quickly looks away. “Well, about that,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I think maybe I have a crush?”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “Why the question mark at the end of that sentence?”
“I have a crush,” he says more firmly. He shoves his fork into the lettuce and takes a giant bite. I watch him work through his thoughts. “I have crushes.”
“Oh shit,” I say, my eyes widening. “This is about your little group chat, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he says, his shoulders slumping. “It’s silly. I can’t have a crush on three guys at the same time, right? I’ve met Winter. Gods, Shiloh. He’s so handsome. He smells so good. I just want him to wrap me up in his arms and ravish me,” Aspen says, all in one breath.
My eyes grow wider the longer he talks.
“Then I got to meet Kent when he came into the coffee shop with some of his teammates. He’s also so handsome!
He’s got this amazing stubble and gorgeous eyes and his arms are so toned from being on the volleyball team and yeah, he’s short but that’s because he’s a halfling and I don’t really mind that he’s so short. Also! He smells really nice too!”
Aspen lets out a long sigh, putting his face in his hands.
“I haven’t even met Glasses yet but I just know he’s going to be just as great as the other two!
I just know it in my gut! And he’s always so sweet when we talk over chat.
Apparently he and Kent have met before and I’m so jealous but also not really because the idea of Kent and Glasses interacting and getting along and maybe even kissing only makes me warm all over and none of this makes any sense. ”
Finally, Aspen stops talking. His mouth shuts with a click, his gray eyes staring over at me. I process everything he’s just said before finally nodding.
“Right,” I say, setting my coffee on the table. Relationships are a touchy subject for me. I never want someone to hold power over me. I hate being vulnerable. I hate feeling like it could all be ripped away at a moment’s notice.
I’m not about to drop all that on Aspen though.
“Would you like to hear what I think?”
He tilts his head at me. “Are you about to prove you’re mean?”
I snort, shaking my head. “Nah, I’m feeling benevolent today.”
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
“I think if anyone was going to make a quad relationship work, it would be you. You put your everything into every relationship you have, including this friendship between you and me. I worry about you giving too much of yourself, but I also know that’s partially my baggage making itself known.
I think you should go for it, Aspen. Don’t be afraid to tell them you’re catching feelings.
If it’s too scary to tell all three of them at once, maybe take one of them on a date, feel things out, tell that one person that you’re catching feelings for everyone and see how they react.
Whatever you decide to do, please don’t push me away, okay?
It’s important to keep friends even when you’re dating someone. ”
The last part could have gone without saying but I felt compelled to add that in there. I’ll be damned if I let someone like Aspen go through what I did. He’s too much of a softie.
“Oh wow,” Aspen finally says. “I wasn’t expecting all that.”
“Yeah. Well. Whatever,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “It’s not a big deal. I just care about you or whatever.”
“I care about you too, Shiloh. If you ever wanna talk about what happened, I’ll listen.”
“Not right now,” I say. I look at the wall for a moment before snapping back to Aspen, meeting his eye. “I think I’m almost ready to talk about it. But not yet.”
“I’ll be here.” He picks up his coffee, taking a sip. “I think I’ll invite Winter to a volleyball match. Then we can see Kent and flirt over how cute we think he is.”
I smile at my friend. “That’s perfect. If you go to the home game against the Pitt Falls Pirates, you’ll see me in action.”
“Oh right! I forgot you ref sometimes! That’s so cool. It’s so weird how we’ve gotten so wrapped up in volleyball. Blue is dating Maki. You ref. I have a crush on Kent. Okay, so it’s not that much but still, it’s a fun coincidence, right?”
My phone vibrates on the table, startling Aspen. I pick it up, read the message, and set it back down with a sigh.
“Is that Suga?”
“You can call him Kei when we’re not online,” I say, rubbing at my eyes. “And yes, it’s him.”
“What did he want?”
“He’s inviting me on some fucked up three-way date with his roommates and their mates. Nothing sounds worse.”
“Things have been going okay with him?”
I shrug. “I guess. We’ve just been talking on the phone this week because he was going through his rut.”
Sure, at one point we had some really hot phone sex while Kei whimpered about how much he wanted to knot me, but I’m certainly not about to tell Aspen that. We’re friends but I don’t think we’re quite on that level yet.
“Then why are you being so resistant?”
“Are we really at the stage where I hang out with him and his friends?”
Aspen snatches my phone off the table, reading the message.
He quirks his eyebrow. “Really? Dude,” he says and I suddenly feel so attacked right now.
“He’s inviting you to an arcade! And there’s going to be laser tag!
Shiloh, I love you, man, but what the fuck?
You made it sound like some awkward stuffy dinner. This sounds fun.”
I roll my eyes and take my phone back. “Does not.”
“Does too.”
“Does not.”
“Tell him he can pick you up.”
“No.”
“Do it or you’re scared.”
I send the message and put my phone back on the table, face down. I look across at Aspen. “So what? I am scared.”
“Shit,” he says, slumping in his chair. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not. I’m pushing you.”
I bite my bottom lip, clicking the back of my teeth with my tongue ring. “I think maybe I need the push.”
“Why are you scared?”
“Past bullshit.”
“Kei isn’t that person though. He’s brand new. I think it would be best if you gave him a chance.”
“I am,” I tell him, covering my face with my hands. “I am giving him a chance. That’s why I’m saying yes to the group date. I haven’t pushed him away. I like him and I kinda hate that I like him.”
“Do you want to hear what I think?” I nod my head.
“I think you’re really brave for opening yourself up again.
I think you’re really strong, Shiloh, all on your own.
I also think that you don’t have to do everything alone.
Ease into things. Keep yourself safe, but don’t completely close yourself off.
If anything starts to smell of trouble, you can pull back.
Plus, you have me. I’ll beat the shit out of him if he hurts you.
” Aspen starts flexing his arms, showing off his muscles. “These babies ain’t just for show.”
I can’t help myself, I snort which comes out ugly. That only sets me off into an actual chuckle which quickly dissolves into giggles. The two of us laugh until I’m wiping at my eyes.
“Thanks, Aspen.”
“I’m your friend,” he says with a grin. “I’m here for you and I’m gonna make sure you’re there for me too. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” I pick up his flashcards. “Now, let me quiz you before I have to get ready for this dumbass date.”
Aspen grins over at me as I read off the first word and he gives me the definition.
Maybe Aspen is right. Kei isn’t Stevey and it’s about time my brain allows that to sink in.
I can’t punish Kei for Stevey’s sins. I can allow myself to open up the tiniest bit but allow space for me to jump back if things get to be too much.
This date is just a tiny step but one I want to take.