Chapter Four
Pepper
“ Okay, okay! I’ve got one! Never have I ever…” Brindle’s voice trails off, her rascally gaze moving around the table. Anticipation hangs in the air like bait as we await her claim in our game of Never Have I Ever.
We’re at the hotel nightclub for a private party with the bands and their crews. They’re leaving early tomorrow morning for their next stop on the tour. Music is blaring, and the club is teeming with people dancing and drinking. Johnny has already come and gone, and his and Sable’s bandmates are scattered around the club. I’m tipsy from alcohol, high from the excitement of the night, and my every nerve ending is ablaze from the darkly handsome man beside me. It’s been hours since Clay and I struck our deal, and he’s been right there ever since, driving me out of my mind with furtive glances, hidden touches, whispered jokes, and sexy innuendos that catch me off guard, wreaking havoc with my ability to think about anything other than the dirty things he says.
“Never have I ever,” Brindle, the drama queen, repeats, “had sex in public.”
Everyone reaches for their shot glass except me.
I swear my siblings are out to either embarrass me or find out all my secrets, and this is just one more thing that sets me apart from them. As banter and laughter ring out, even Amber, my most demure sister, is whispering and giggling with her husband. It’s like they’re all in some kind of naughty-fun club that I’m not privy to.
Clay leans in and whispers, “I can help you remedy that.”
Yes, please tramples through my tipsy mind, and my body takes it as a promise, throwing a little party, which is crazy because I’m not a public-sex person. I don’t know what is going on with me right now, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s as exciting as the hungry look in Clay’s eyes. None of the men I’ve been intimate with have made my body ignite the way he does. I never thought I was missing out by not having one-night stands or meaningless trysts, but with him looking at me the way he is, I’m beginning to think I am.
“Really, Pep? Not even in college?” Brindle asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Not even in college,” I say with exasperation, because I can’t understand why it’s so hard for her to comprehend.
“Not even when you went out with Ravi in high school?” Morgyn asks.
Ravi Bhandara grew up with us in Oak Falls. He’s always been as science minded as me, which is what made us fast friends as kids and has kept us close ever since. But I’m not about to give my gossipy sisters the down and dirty on him. “Nope.”
“I always thought you two snuck out to a field or some other place to fool around,” Morgyn adds.
“Gosh, you guys,” Amber says. “You jumped straight to sex with her and Ravi, and I always thought she was doodling Pepper Bhandara in her notebooks.”
“Well, you were all wrong. Can we move on, please?” I take a sip of water.
“Ravi Bhandara, huh?” Clay says for my ears only. “Was he your first?”
“I’m not telling you that.”
“Not here. Got it.” He winks. “We’ll talk about him later.”
“Don’t count on it.”
“Now that we’ve got the skinny on all you exhibitionists,” Brindle teases, “I’m changing the game. Whoever has the best answer doesn’t have to drink. What’s the hottest place you’ve ever had sex?”
“One partner or multiple?” Axsel says.
“Ohmygod.” I shake my head at my brazen brother, and Clay chuckles.
“Your choice,” Brindle announces.
“I don’t know what you’ll find hot, but I’ve got a few good ones,” Axsel says. “The Jerichos’ barn roof, a construction elevator, at a bonfire on a beach with three other guys, under the lights onstage before a concert.”
“Our barn roof ?” Trace snaps.
“You’d be even more surprised if you knew who it was with,” Axsel said.
Trace frowns. “Do not tell me. I don’t want to think about you doing some dude on my roof.”
“I want to know,” Morgyn exclaims.
“Let it go,” Sable says, leaving no room for negotiation.
Sable has always been everyone’s greatest protector. I don’t know if she’s protecting Trace from finding out what he doesn’t want to know, or the guy Axsel was with, but Morgyn murmurs, “Fine.”
“ On stage, Axsel? In front of people?” Amber asks, wide-eyed.
I’m still trying to process the three other guys part.
Axsel’s brows knit in concentration. “I think there were a half dozen people milling about.”
As Axsel and the others discuss his varying trysts, Clay places his hand on my thigh, leaning closer, and says, “I can’t wait to hear your answer.”
“I am not answering that question,” I whisper harshly.
“Aw, come on, Pep. You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”
His charm is addicting. “I am not telling you anything.”
“I get it. You’re a bedroom-only girl. Probably vanilla, too. There’s no shame in that. It’s cool.”
“I am not vanilla. I’ve done things. I just don’t feel the need to broadcast them.”
“Mm-hm,” he says disbelievingly. “If you say so.”
“Oh my God. Fine ,” I whisper harshly. “I’ll have you know that I’ve used syrup.”
He laughs. “Sounds sticky.”
“ Chocolate syrup.” Now I’m laughing, too. “There was a lot of licking, and it was sticky, but it was fun.”
“Wait a second. You mean you went for sundaes, right? That almost counts. Sex. Sundaes. I can see the correlation.”
“We did not go for sundaes.” We’re both cracking up.
I swat him, but he grabs my hand, tugging me so close, our mouths nearly touch. We both fall silent, the air crackling between us. The others sound far away. He reaches up and caresses my cheek with the backs of his fingers, sending heat scorching through me as he says, “I’d like to get my mouth on your sundae. Maybe add a little whipped cream.” He licks his lips. “Mm.”
I can barely breathe for the lust pooling inside me. I grab a shot and down it.
“You might want to slow down on the shots.” He moves the water he’d gotten me earlier closer. “I’d hate for you to wake up with a hangover.”
He’s been watching out for me like that all evening, making sure I’m staying hydrated, asking if I need anything. When I went to the ladies’ room, he insisted on walking me there. It’s easy to forget who he is when he does things like that. What isn’t easy to forget is that when I came out of the ladies’ room and found him waiting for me, it was just the two of us in the dimly lit hallway, and I wanted to kiss him so badly, I ached with it.
That ache still hasn’t left me.
“I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
His lips quirk up. “I might have ulterior motives. Especially now that I know you like the idea of sharing your sundae with me.”
I go for a deadpan stare, but I’m betrayed by my attraction to him and fail miserably. “Didn’t I tell you not to say things like that?”
“And miss seeing that sexy blush? Not a chance, sweetheart.”
Futilely trying to hide my smile, I say, “I’m going to get you back for that.”
“I can’t wait.” He picks up his shot glass and whispers, “To sweet revenge,” and eyes me as he tosses it back.
“Hey, what’s going on down there?” Brindle shouts.
We both look over and find everyone watching us. My stomach knots up. “Nothing,” I say, sounding like I’ve been caught naked. Ugh . Now I’m thinking about Clay naked.
“You’re drinking and we didn’t get to hear your answers,” Brindle complains.
“I don’t have an answer,” I say.
“Oh, come on,” Axsel urges. “You must’ve rubbed one out with Ravi in the science lab or something.”
“I did not .” Okay, maybe I did, but I’m not going to announce it. It turns out it doesn’t matter what I say, because once again they start discussing all the places they thought Ravi and I snuck off to all those years ago.
Clay leans in, his breath like fire on my skin. “I’m making a mental note to get you into a science lab.”
“Ohmygod. Why am I even playing this game?”
“Because you want to know the hottest place I’ve ever had sex.”
“No, I definitely do not . I don’t want to think about you having sex with anyone else.”
“Good to know,” he says with a grin.
I realize my mistake and quickly backpedal. “I mean I don’t want to think about you having sex at all .”
“Yes, you do.” He squeezes my thigh, and my entire body gets hot. “And just so you know, the hottest place I’ve ever had sex is yet to come. But don’t worry, you’ll be there with me, so you’ll get to see it firsthand.”
I blink once, twice, three times. That’s how long it takes for me to realize I’m mentally ticking off all the places in Paris where we could have sex. I scramble for something to say. “Enjoy that fantasy.” In an effort to take the attention off me, I lean forward, peering down the table, and say, “I haven’t heard Sable’s answer yet.”
Sable and Kane exchange knowing glances, and she says, “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Since when?” Morgyn retorts.
Sable eyes her handsome fiancé. “Since Kane.”
Kane looks like the billionaire badass he is, with tattoos creeping out the collar and cuffs of his crisp white dress shirt, as he presses a kiss to the back of Sable’s hand. “If you’re thinking about what I’m thinking about, there wasn’t a lot of kissing going on.”
“Only because I couldn’t reach your lips,” Sable says.
Kane leans in and kisses the hell out of her, earning whistles and cheers from all of us.
“Our hottest place was in Belize,” Morgyn announces, leaning into Graham. “Remember the swing?”
“Sunshine, what we did on that swing should be illegal.” He pulls my giggling sister into a kiss.
Relationship envy is a thing, right? Because it’s hitting me pretty hard right now.
“You’re up, Amber,” Brindle says.
Amber’s cheeks flush. “Ours was a study room at the public library.”
“What?” I practically shout, unable to believe my ears.
Everyone laughs, and Brindle says, “Maybe Amber can teach you how to loosen up.”
“I’m loose,” I insist, causing more laughter.
“That’s not what he says,” Morgyn teases.
Clay grabs my ankle and lifts my foot onto his lap, his silver bracelet catching the light.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Making sure you don’t put your foot in your mouth again.”
We all crack up.
He gives my calf a squeeze before releasing my foot and tosses me a charming grin that makes him look so boyish, my stomach flip-flops.
“It’s my turn,” Morgyn announces, and taps her fingernails on her glass. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”
Everyone stills.
“You’d better not reach for that fucking glass,” Sable says to Kane, and we all laugh.
Clay reaches for his shot glass, and my stomach twists. The guys give him halting looks.
“Dude.” Dash shakes his head. “Don’t do it, man.”
“Fuck that,” Axsel says, and drinks a shot.
Clay shrugs. “You’ve got to try everything once, right?” He downs the shot.
Now I’m wondering why he’s even interested in me. He might not know me well, but he knows I’m not the threesome type. Even more curious is what it says about me that I’m still attracted to him.
“Damn right, brother,” Axsel says as they refill their shots.
“God, Axsel. Is there anything you haven’t done?” Amber asks, spurring our brother on to brag about things I have no interest in hearing.
Clay leans closer again and says, “It really was only once.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
He puts his hand over mine, holding my gaze. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to explain myself to.”
The honesty in his eyes is as inescapable as the heat between us.
“I was pretty drunk when it happened,” he explains. “Bragging rights and all that. But once was enough to know sharing isn’t for me.”
And just like that, my thoughts are reeling again. I may not have had a lot of interesting sexual experiences, but I don’t need experience to know that I’d never be comfortable in a non-monogamous relationship.
“Let’s get it all out there,” Brindle suggests.
“I don’t think I can take any more revelations tonight,” I say.
“Sure you can. This is fun.” Brindle looks around the table and says, “How old were you when you lost your V-card? The youngest person drinks.”
I shrink back in my chair, wishing I could disappear.
“On that note, I need to dance. Let’s go, Pep.” Sable pushes to her feet, coming to my rescue.
As I stand, Clay grabs my hand and says, “Save me a dance.”
Such a simple request should not make my heart race, but as Sable and I head to the dance floor, I’m practically vibrating at the thought of being in his arms again. “Thanks for saving me from further mortification with that drinking game.”
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I never understood your need to keep your sex life private until Kane and I got together. I get it now.”
We find a spot on the dance floor and begin dancing. “Does that mean you no longer think I’m a weirdo?”
“I never thought you were a weirdo. I just didn’t understand why other people’s opinions mattered to you so much.”
“It’s not about anyone else’s opinions. Sharing private moments belittles them.”
“I understand that now. Sorry if I ever made you feel bad about it.”
“Thanks.” It feels good to hear that. Sable isn’t one to make me feel bad about anything, but I like that she cares enough to apologize just in case she ever has. “How does it feel knowing you’re just a couple of weeks away from the end of your tour?”
“Bittersweet. How does it feel knowing you’re maybe an hour away from an incredible orgasm?”
Laughter bursts from my lungs. “Sable!”
“Don’t pretend you’re not thinking the same thing. I’m surprised you haven’t dragged his ass up to your room yet. I’ve never seen you so into a guy.”
“I’m not—”
“Save it. We both know you want him.”
I dance closer so I don’t have to talk so loud. “I was going to say that I’m not the kind of person who drags a man into my hotel room, but I kind of wish I were .” Sable is one of only two people I can be this honest with. She knows most of my secrets.
“Then become that person. And you’re welcome for my Never Have I Ever turn.” She’d said Never have I ever had an STD , and nobody had done a shot. “Now you know he’s okay to sleep with.”
“That’s why you said it?”
“Why are you surprised? I’ve always got your back.”
“Thank you for that, but I don’t know how to go from being me to doing that .”
“You just do it,” Sable says, like it’s easy. “Look at me. I never thought I’d settle down, and there’s nothing I want more than a life with Kane. Clay’s a good guy, Pep. I’ve been watching him. He’s looking after you, and he makes you laugh and blush and want .”
“That he does, but he’s also an athlete, and you know I don’t date athletes.”
“Yes, and for good reason when you were in college. But Clay’s not a stupid college kid, and who said anything about dating ? You’re having fun. You’re in Paris. If ever there was a time to cut loose and enjoy yourself, it’s now. Nobody’s going to know what you do except you and him.” The song ends, and we start dancing to a faster song. “When’s the last time you’ve felt like this about a guy?”
“I don’t know. Never . He makes me feel rebellious and like I want to rip off his clothes, which is so not me, and knowing it’s not me makes me want to hide. But I really don’t want to hide.”
Sable laughs. “Girl, you’ve got it bad.”
“No kidding. But, Sable, he’s got loads of experience.”
“Which means he’ll know how to make you feel good.”
“Sure, but what if I throw caution to the wind, and I don’t make him feel good?”
“You’re overthinking. Everything feels good to guys. They’re not that complicated.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“You can , and you will. Trust me. When you’re with someone who really turns you on, it all comes naturally. Even the confidence.”
I cling to that as we dance, hoping it’s true, and try to lose myself in the music. But between the alcohol and Sable’s encouragement, all I can think about is getting up the nerve to be with Clay.
“You’ve got a gorgeous guy watching your every move. Are you going to show him what you’re made of, or go home from Paris wishing you had?” Sable encourages.
I chance a look, and sure enough, those keen blue eyes are trained on me.
Clay grins, like he’s heard every word we’ve said. Even that feels dangerously exciting. The dance floor is hot and crowded with couples bumping and grinding. I don’t know how I muster the courage, but when “Lose Control” comes on, I close my eyes for a moment and give myself over to the music. Fueled by desire, I open my eyes, dancing dirtier, more seductively.
“You look hot . Get it, girl,” Sable encourages.
The tethers of my inhibitions fall away with every thunderous beat, until I feel free and a little wild.
Sable takes my hand, pulling me closer, and says, “Tonight is your night.”
She twirls me away, and my hands land on a hard chest. Cedarwood infiltrates my senses as I look up, finding Clay’s piercing blue eyes boring into me. He falls into step with my dirty moves, and “ Hello there, handsome ” sails huskily from my lips. I don’t recognize my own voice, but his eyes flame, and I refuse to give in to the urge to overthink my behavior.
“Have fun,” Sable says, and saunters off the dance floor.
“I think this means Sable approves of me.” Clay wraps his arms around me as we dance.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I tease.
“How about you?” His expression turns serious. “How much does it bother you that I’ve had a threesome?”
There go my nerves again. I expect instinct to kick in and my insecurities to pour out, but Sable was right, and confidence shoves them aside. “Let’s just say, never have I ever seen myself as someone who would be into a guy who’s had a threesome. Yet here I am in your arms again.”
Relief washes over his features. “Good. I was worried it intimidated you.”
“It did” comes out before I can stop it. Hello, rational brain, please go away . “You have a lot of experience. I’ll surely pale in comparison. I’ve only had twosomes, and lately, it’s been more onesomes.”
He holds me tighter. “I like that about you. Fewer men I have to kill.”
I laugh.
“Tell me more about those onesomes.”
“No.” God, he makes me smile.
“I’m kidding. Spending the evening with you has already been more fun than anything I’ve done in a long time. If you succeed in seducing me, I know it’ll be better than anything I’ve ever experienced.”
“If I seduce you ?”
“Don’t play innocent. You’ve been doing it all night with your coy smiles and sassy comments. Don’t even get me started on that sexy laugh or the cute way you fidget when you’re nervous. It’s a little embarrassing the way you’ve been undressing me with your eyes.”
I laugh again.
“Seriously,” he says with the warmest expression, making my insides go soft. “Cards on the table. Never have I ever thought about a woman day after day, month after month, the way I’ve been thinking about you. I have no doubt if we take this where I think we both want it to go, we’ll be great together, and I think deep down you know it, too.”
Time stands still as I try to process the truth in that, and Sable’s voice tramples through my mind. Are you going to show him what you’re made of, or go home from Paris wishing you had?
“Confident” comes on, and I take a page from Morgyn’s playbook, counting it as a sign from the universe. Before I can overthink that , I step out of Clay’s arms and start dancing seductively, his heated gaze fueling my confidence. His hands skim over my waist and up my ribs, stopping just short of my breasts. I have a fleeting thought about my family seeing me, but the dance floor is even more crowded, and that thought is no match for the things he just confessed and the desire coursing through me.
I run my hands along his chest, his muscles flexing beneath my fingers, and we fall into sync, moving erotically to the music. When “Body Like a Back Road” comes on, he turns me around, and I gyrate my hips, dancing with my back to him. He gathers my hair over one shoulder and slides his arm around my waist, tugging my back to his chest. I feel every hard inch of him against my ass.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he rasps in my ear, sending shivers down my spine as he bites my earlobe. I gasp at the mix of pain and pleasure slicing through me. “That’s for taunting me,” he growls. He sucks my earlobe into his mouth, his arm tightening around me.
Sweet baby Jesus . I feel myself go damp.
This man is going to be my undoing, and I want to unravel.
I angle my head, giving him better access. He lowers his mouth to my neck, kissing, licking, and nipping, setting my entire body on fire. “A Little Wicked” starts playing, and he turns me around. The hunger in his eyes makes me feel bold and brave and sexy.
“Get in here, you wicked thing.” He tugs me to him.
We’re swaying and grinding, our hands roaming, eyes trained on each other. His touch sears through my clothing, and the music pulses beneath my skin. The sexually charged atmosphere magnifies every sensation. When “Play with Fire” comes on, he holds me tight against him, our hands on each other’s asses, our hips grinding. He brushes his lips over mine, electrifying me all the way down to my toes. Time moves in a blur of want and need as one song bleeds into another until I’m dangerously close to ripping this man’s clothes off right here on the dance floor.
I force myself to take a step back. “I, um…” I’m breathing hard. My brain won’t function. “I need a minute.” I hurry off the dance floor, making a beeline for the ladies’ room.
I push through the bathroom doors, blinded by the bright lights. I pace, trying to calm my racing heart. I run my hands under cold water and wet a paper towel, pressing it to the back of my neck, trying to cool off. But this isn’t just heat from dancing. My body is an inferno of desire. I’ve never felt anything like it. I toss the paper towel in the trash and look in the mirror. My hair is tousled, my cheeks are flushed, and I look as hot and bothered as I feel.
Who is this wanton woman?
Okay, Pepper. Think rationally.
Yes, it feels good to want and be wanted, but this is not you.
Some rebellious part of me fights that, but I work hard to squash it. After a few deep breaths and a long-winded pep talk, I feel a little more in control. I head out of the ladies’ room and nearly crash into Clay. We’re alone again in the dimly lit hallway.
“Everything okay?” His fingers wrap around mine.
My nipples tighten with awareness as he closes the small gap between us. My back hits the wall, the beat of the music vibrating through it, competing with the hammering of my heart. “Uh-huh,” I manage as the rational part of my brain battles with the needy woman being enveloped by his masculine scent.
“You sure?” His thick thighs press against me, caging me in with his big body.
“Better now,” that needy woman says, earning a devilish grin.
“Good.” His hard length presses into my stomach, and he threads his fingers into my hair. “I know you’re a private person.” He skims his teeth along my jaw, sending prickles of heat through my core. I close my eyes, savoring in the sensation. His lips brush over mine, soft as a feather, as he says, “This is what I really wanted to do out there.”
His mouth comes coaxingly down over mine in a slow, sensual kiss. He doesn’t press his body harder into mine, and I know he’s giving me a chance to change my mind. Rational thinking be damned, I want this night with him. I slide my arm around his waist and go up on my toes, hungrily returning his efforts. He growls in appreciation, and the sexy sound unleashes something wild in me. He intensifies his efforts, his hands fisting in my hair, his tongue delving deeper, rougher, more possessively. Yes! This is what I want! We’re grinding and moaning, feasting on each other like ravenous animals. Our kisses go on and on, and when he tears his mouth away, I’m so caught up in us, I pull it back to mine. But he kisses me for only a minute before breaking our connection again. My eyes fly open, and the passion staring back at me has my knees weakening.
“Not here,” he says gruffly. “Unless you want your family and everyone else in this place to hear how thoroughly I’m going to pleasure you. Let’s get our jackets and get out of here.”