Chapter Twelve
Pepper
The hours pass in a whirlwind. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. I’m treated like a queen at Dior, and though I fight Clay every step of the way, I finally settle on a black cocktail dress with heels to match, both of which are shamefully expensive. I apologize for initiating the must-do game a dozen times, but he just smiles and kisses me, bringing wild flutters to my chest and stomach, like he’s been doing all day. He arranges for my outfit to be sent to the hotel, and we hit Armani next, where Clay seems more than comfortable. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s a chameleon, acting like a carefree kid one minute and looking like a bigger heartthrob than James Bond in an Armani suit the next. He makes arrangements for his purchases to be sent to the hotel, too.
It’s after two o’clock when we finish, and we realize we haven’t eaten lunch. Clay asks the salesman for our next destination, and we head to H?tel Plaza Athénée, an iconic luxury hotel and restaurant, where we enjoy an elegant champagne lunch.
“What do you think, Reckless? Are you glad you stayed, or are you worried about work?”
It’s so easy being with him when we’re not hiding from my family, I realize I haven’t thought about work once since we left the hotel. Well, it’s been easy other than when he was making me spend his money. That wasn’t easy for me. Although being treated like a queen was almost as fun as being with Clay. He makes me feel special every second we’re together. He’s so different from the man I thought he was.
That hefty realization momentarily steals my voice. But he’s looking at me expectantly, and I want him to know the truth, so I find my voice. “I’m really glad I stayed.”
He covers my hand with his, giving it a squeeze. “Good. I don’t want to make you think about work, but I do want to know more about you and how you got into research and development. Have you always loved science?”
“Yes. I’ve always been a curious person, and science answers a lot of questions. When I was a kid, my parents would buy me science kits, and I’d spend hours working with them. My dad made the hayloft in our barn into a lab for me when I was in sixth grade. I had to swear never to use fire or flammable chemicals without him, but I was too smart to do that anyway.”
“I’d expect nothing less. Your parents seem very supportive.”
“They always have been, for all of us. My dad was an engineering professor before he retired, and he used to come up with things for us to build together.”
“I can see your dad doing that. What kind of things did you build?”
“All sorts of things. We made robots and boats and gadgets we could use around the house.”
“Like what?”
“This won’t seem like a big deal now, because technology is so easy to come by, but we built a detection system that turned the light on when I came into my bedroom, and a plant watering system, which worked, but it was too cumbersome to leave in place.”
“That’s amazing. Dash told me that when you were in graduate school, you developed the seizure-alert necklace Amber wears and that it’s now sold all over the world. That’s impressive. Is that how you got into making medical devices?”
“Sort of. I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, and R and D allows me to do that. I guess it was a natural fit. Probably like football is for you. What did you study in college?”
“Biology and physical education. I figured if professional football fell through, I’d become a biology teacher and coach high school football.”
“ Biology , really?”
“Why do you sound so surprised. You did think I was a dumb jock, didn’t you?”
“ No . You’re obviously smart. It’s just that a biology degree takes a lot of hard work and dedication, and the athletes I knew in college didn’t care about anything but football and skating through their classes with a passing grade.”
“That would’ve been a waste of time and energy. I like structure, and I have always enjoyed school. That’s one of the reasons I fought to stop traveling when we were young. That and football, of course.”
“I didn’t realize you fought for that.”
“I had to. I was going stir-crazy. I’ve always been competitive, and while my parents supported my love of football, signing me up for teams when and where they could and bringing in coaches from time to time, I wanted to excel at it. I also wanted to have clear academic expectations and goals so I could excel at that, too. We were homeschooled a lot, and I wanted the competition of kids other than my brothers and sister. It turned out I loved science, too. Why do you think I found your explanation of chemical reactions sexy?”
“I thought you were just flirting with me.”
“I was.” He picks up his glass and takes a drink. “But now you know it goes deeper.”
“I have a feeling a lot of things about you go deeper than I thought. Are you a sapiosexual?”
He shakes his head. “No. I don’t think intelligence is the most important quality in a partner, but it’s damn sexy with you.”
“It’s pretty sexy with you, too.” Our gazes hold for a long moment, and then I remember we were in the middle of a conversation and try to get back to it. “How old were you when your family stopped traveling?”
“We moved back to Ridgeport when I was twelve, but we still traveled during school breaks.”
“How did your siblings feel about it? Did they resent you for asking your parents to stop traveling?”
“No. Victory and Seth wanted to go to a normal high school, so we were a united front. Flynn hated giving up travel, and Noah was too young to really know what he wanted. But we were brought up a little differently in other ways, too, and I think that kept Flynn from being too angry at us.”
“What do you mean?”
“My parents had family money, but we never knew it until we were adults. We lived meagerly, fitting all of our belongings into a few small bags, and we were raised with family and giving back to others at the heart of everything. So when one of us got something that was important to them, the rest of us were genuinely happy for them, even if it meant we didn’t get anything. We knew we’d get our turn. Of course, we had our moments when we’d lose our shit, but in general, we were happy for each other. Flynn knew football was my life and that Vic needed consistent friends and Seth needed bigger opportunities. He didn’t resent us, but my parents made sure he got what he needed, too.”
“How?”
“Flynn has always been tight with our grandfather. They’re like two peas in a pod, and when Flynn was a teenager, he got to go on expeditions with our grandparents.”
“That’s incredible. Your parents sound like really special people. Your grandparents, too.”
“They are. I’m lucky. But you’re lucky, too. I’ve met your parents. They seem like they’d go to the ends of the earth for you and your brother and sisters.”
“Yeah. They would. Was it hard to get good grades and keep up with football in college?”
“Yes, very . But as my grandfather always says, nothing easy is worth a damn.” He pops the rest of his croissant into his mouth. “Did one of those athletes you mentioned have anything to do with why you don’t date jocks?”
I fidget with my napkin. “Maybe.”
“What happened?”
“I was naive. A star football player acted like he was into me, and I was stupid enough to believe him, when all he really wanted was for me to basically do his homework so he’d pass his classes and not lose his scholarship.”
Clay’s eyes narrow. “He used you.”
“Mm-hm.” Why does that still sting? “Before we went out, I wasn’t someone people noticed, and I liked that. I had a small group of friends, and I was happy. But suddenly people knew who I was, and when finals were over and he dumped me, I became a laughingstock. I didn’t even have the courage to give him hell for it. The worst part was that everyone in his friend group knew he was using me, and I was too naive to suspect it.”
“That’s not on you. That’s on him ,” he says vehemently. “No wonder you don’t trust jocks. How big of a star was he? Did he go on to play pro ball?”
The answer is yes, but I don’t want to get into that, so I shrug, fidgeting with my napkin.
The muscles in Clay’s jaw bunch. “Give me his name.”
“ No ,” I say with a laugh, surprised by his adamancy.
“Come on, Reckless. Who was it?”
“It was a decade ago. It doesn’t matter.”
He levels me with a serious stare. “It matters to me .”
Heck if that doesn’t make me feel good all over, but still. I don’t want to cause trouble. “We were kids. It’s water under the bridge. Can we please let it go and move on? I don’t want to think about those awkward college years.”
He’s quiet for a beat, his jaw working overtime. He takes a drink, averting his eyes for a moment. When he meets my gaze, some of that tension is gone. “I bet you were adorable in college. I would’ve been into you.”
I laugh. “You wouldn’t have given me the time of day. Besides, you were out of college by the time I started. I’m only thirty.”
“Are you calling me old?” he teases.
“No. I’m just stating a fact about our ages.” I eat my last bite of quiche, which is heavenly.
He sits back, his expression turning serious again. “I’m sorry that asshole hurt you. I know a lot of athletes, and some are real pricks, but there are a lot of good guys in the league.”
I think he’s right about our fling being different than others’, because according to Sable, flings are usually a onetime thing with no emotions involved. I’m feeling all sorts of emotions toward Clay. “If the guys you’re talking about are anything like you and Dash, I’m inclined to believe you.”
“Good. Speaking of Dash, he told me you started your own company last year. What was that like, going out on your own?”
“It was scary, giving up the security of a steady paycheck and a marketing team that worked on securing contracts. There were people I could go to with questions and issues, and I didn’t have to deal with the business side of things, which takes up a lot of my time. Honestly, I was really close to not going out on my own.”
“I can see how that would be intimidating. It sounds like it would be the equivalent of being the quarterback and managing the entire team at the same time.”
“My company is much smaller than a football team. I only have a few employees.”
“What pushed you over the edge to do it?”
“My dad said something that made me realize I couldn’t not give it a shot, and I’m glad I didn’t chicken out.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing groundbreaking. He told me to imagine myself twenty years from now still working for someone else and asked how I’d feel about it. When I looked at it that way, it made me take stock of what was really important to me. I’ve helped develop some amazing medical devices, and I’m proud of them and thankful for those opportunities, but I’m not looking to change the world. My heart lies in changing lives . Helping people with disabilities who are having trouble in their daily lives because they can’t find relief through what’s currently available to them. I couldn’t make the decision to work on those types of projects while working for someone else. That’s when I realized, if I didn’t take the chance, I’d definitely look back at my career and wish I had.”
“Your dad had a great point, and you and I have more in common than you think. I can’t change people’s lives the way you do, but I support several charities, and one cause that’s close to my heart is my foundation, Fast Friendships, which helps improve the lives of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.”
“ Your foundation?” I guess I should have taken a deeper dive when I googled him.
“Yeah. My high school coach’s son, Ronnie, is intellectually disabled. He used to hang out with all the players, and seeing how he was treated by some people when we went places is what gave me the idea. I set up the foundation right after I started playing pro ball and pulled together a great team to run it. I made it our mission to help spread awareness to stop the social stigmas associated with people with IDD. We offer programs to help with employment and mentorship and have support groups for their families.”
“That’s amazing. I had no idea you were involved with that. Social stigmas are hard to overcome. Especially for kids. I saw it with Amber when she was first diagnosed with epilepsy. People are scared of what they don’t understand. You’re doing a good thing.”
“Like I said, there’s more to me than just an orgasm donor. But we’re not here to talk about me. I just wanted you to know that we do have that in common.”
We seem to have a lot more in common than I first anticipated.
“Now that you’re in the thick of running your business, how do you like being your own boss?”
Switching gears, I sit back and sigh. “It’s a double-edged sword. It’s exciting and scary, knowing my staff relies on me for a paycheck, and like I said, keeping up with the business side eats up a lot of my time, which takes away from my research. But I love being able to go after contracts for devices I want to make, even though it’s harder to secure funding for them.”
“What makes it harder?”
I sip my champagne. “There’s more of a demand for products that help a larger number of people, like the wireless heart-failure monitor and the pocket ultrasound that I helped develop, which is why the bigger companies go after them.”
Clay smiles and shakes his head. “That beautiful brain of yours blows me away. I’m out there tossing a ball around and fans are screaming my name, and you’re developing life-saving technologies but the general public has no idea who’s behind them. That’s not right.”
“It wasn’t just me. It was a whole team of people, and we weren’t the first to develop either of those technologies. But ours are the most widely used on the market today.”
“That’s incredible. I assume you’ve been successful securing funding for the projects you want to work on through your own business, or you wouldn’t have a company.”
“So far,” I say proudly.
“I’d love to hear about your work.”
“I don’t want to bore you.”
“Pepper, I wouldn’t ask if I thought it would bore me.”
Wow. I like that. “Okay. We’re working on two contracts that are funded by venture capitalists. A Smart Glove to help people with neurological conditions regain hand function and a wearable assistive device for people who are sight impaired, so they don’t have to use a cane. And we’ve got a contract with NIH to develop a vagus nerve stimulator for seizure prevention in people with drug-resistant epilepsy.”
“Those sound incredible. Is that the type of epilepsy Amber has?”
“No. Her seizures are controlled with medication, but seeing how epilepsy has affected her over the years makes me want to help others who aren’t so lucky.”
He asks a dozen more questions. His genuine interest and his knowledge of how bodies work spur me on to talk in more detail about my current projects, which leads to a conversation about my failures and my successes, and some of the projects I hope to work on in the future. It’s so refreshing to talk to a man who’s not only interested but understands the science behind what I do. Most of the guys I’ve gone out with ask generic questions about my work, and I can see their interest waning within the first three minutes of answering. Clay and I talk for nearly an hour, and when we leave, I feel closer to him than I have to anyone in a long time. Even my own family doesn’t show as much interest in my work as Clay.
We take our waiter’s suggestion and go for a walk along the Seine. It’s breezy by the water, and when Clay pulls me close, I snuggle into his side. His scent mixes with the scent of the river, and I realize that when we were near the river with my family, I didn’t even notice it had a scent.
I’ve never been one to dream about frivolous things. I haven’t longed for romance or been starry-eyed over the idea of a white wedding or a picket fence. But in this moment, with this unexpectedly interesting and surprisingly thoughtful man, I think I know why I haven’t dreamed of those things.
I never knew what romance felt like until now .
Everything about today, from laughing on the train and kissing in the cobblestone streets, to letting strangers control where we go and what we do and sharing a meal and good conversation, has been romantic. It’s as if I’m seeing everything through new eyes. The buildings I’d previously thought were pretty and interesting have taken on a magical quality, like castles in fairy tales. The gentle flow of the river feels relaxing and beautiful, bringing more warm, fuzzy emotions. My rational brain wants to pick all of that apart, but I don’t allow myself to analyze it.
I want to revel in the specialness and intimacy of it. I want to be free from overthinking just for today.
Fear tries to bully its way in against my efforts to abandon rational thinking, but my trust in Clay feels like a buffer protecting me. From what , I have no idea, but once again, I shut down the urge to overthink it, allowing myself to revel in all these remarkable, inexplicable feelings.
Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t turn off that easily, and in the far recesses of my mind, I hear a whisper about this being fleeting, not real, a fling . I know that’s all it can ever be. We live in different worlds, and they’re very far apart in every way that counts. But for the first time in my adult life, something feels too good to ruin it with reality, and I cling to it with everything I have.
We walk in comfortable silence, serenaded by the gentle flow of the river and the sounds of life taking place around us. Clay holds me a little tighter each time people walk past, and I like that, too. Fling or not, it’s a luxurious feeling to be this content, to feel this safe and special.
When he kisses my temple and lets go of me to pull out his phone, I long to be closer. He thumbs out a text, and as he pockets his phone, he says, “Time for our next stop, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart feels different now, too. Bigger, more intimate. “Who should we ask where to go?” I look at the people around us.
“I already asked a guy.”
“When? We haven’t stopped to talk to anyone.”
His dimples come out to play. “You didn’t see me talking to a great-looking dude with excellent bone structure?”
God, he makes my cheeks hurt. “Does he happen to go by the name Mr. Perfect?”
“Not if he can help it. Come on, Reckless. Your surprise awaits.”
My heart skips. “Surprise?”
His grin knocks my socks off as he takes my hand, pulling me along as he rushes toward the steps that lead to the road, and I get caught up in the whirlwind that is Clay Braden. We go from the river to a carousel. A carousel! Although it’s not quite sunset, the carousel lights twinkle against the dusky sky. In the distance, the Eiffel Tower stands like a romantic sentinel watching over us. Now I wish I did climb the tower with my family, if for no other reason than to have known what the view of all the places Clay and I have visited today look like from above.
“I haven’t been on a carousel since I was a little girl,” I say as we choose our horses.
Clay helps me onto a horse. “I don’t think I’ve ever been on one.”
“Ever? I thought carousels were like a rite of passage.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t have a conventional childhood, remember?”
When he told me about his childhood, I was so focused on the things he was sharing with me, I didn’t think about the things he’d missed out on. “I’m glad I get to share this first with you.”
“Me too.” He climbs onto a horse and reaches across the space between us. “Give me that hand, Reckless.”
It’s ridiculous the way my heart flutters as I take his hand. The carousel starts, and I grab the pole with my other hand as my horse moves up and down.
“Look over here, beautiful.”
I look over and he snaps a picture. “Hey.” I’m sure he caught me with a goofy grin.
“I want to remember that smile in your eyes, and before you say I’m being cheesy, you should know I don’t care if I am, because it’s true.”
He holds up his phone to take more pictures, and I make silly faces, feeling like a teenager with a crush. When we get off the carousel, he pulls me into a kiss. Then he’s rushing us off again, leading me toward the Eiffel Tower.
“Are we climbing the tower?” I ask.
“Yes. You didn’t get to do it yesterday, and you can’t leave without getting the best view of the city.”
Thrills sweep through me as we make our way there. “We need tickets.”
“Already taken care of.”
“We can’t go to the top.”
“I know the rules.” When we get to the tower, he leads me around the line of people waiting for their turn and heads for a dark-haired man wearing a black coat.
“Mr. Blanchet?” Clay asks.
The man nods, a cordial smile gracing his angular face. “Mr. Braden.” He shakes Clay’s hand and turns that friendly smile on me. “Ms. Montgomery.”
Thoroughly confused, I say, “Hello,” and look questioningly at Clay.
“Right this way,” Mr. Blanchet says. “We need to do a security check before we can go up in the tower.”
Clay puts a hand on my back as we follow him, and I whisper, “What’s going on?”
“We’re following Mr. Blanchet.”
“I know that .”
He just flashes those dimples and keeps on walking.
After going through a brief security check, we’re taken into an elevator by ourselves. I’ve never been afraid of heights, but my heart is already racing with anticipation, and watching the world get smaller as we ascend in the belly of the iron tower brings a hint of anxiety.
Clay’s arm circles me from behind, pulling me against his chest. “You okay, Reckless?”
Better now . “Yeah.”
We step out of the elevator on the second floor, and there are a lot of other people milling about. Mr. Blanchet tells us to take our time.
“Why did we ride up alone?” I ask Clay as we make our way to a railing.
“Because I didn’t want to share you with anyone.”
He kisses me like he didn’t just say the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. As we make our way around the perimeter, taking in the magnificent views of the city, he keeps me close, the way he has been doing all day. We both take pictures as I point out the Louvre, Montmartre, Notre-Dame, and more. “Look at the river,” I say. “It looks like a ribbon running through the city.” I snap a picture of it and glance at Clay, catching him taking pictures of me. “You’re missing the view.”
“I’m not missing a thing. I’ve got the best seat in the house.”
I shake my head, but the more he says things like that, the more I believe he really feels that way. As we circle the tower, the sun is hovering just above the horizon, like a mother watching over her children as evening sets in.
“Time to go, sweetheart.” Clay takes my hand again.
“But the sun is about to set. Do you think Mr. Blanchet would mind if we stay to watch it?”
“No, but I will.” He leads me to a different elevator, where Mr. Blanchet is waiting for us.
“Why?” I ask as the elevator doors close.
“Because you deserve the best view of the sunset,” Clay says, and the elevator starts going up .
My pulse skyrockets. “I thought the top floor was closed?”
“It is. But I promised you an unforgettable time, and I am a man of my word.”
The magic of the evening must be getting to me, because I full-on swoon . My heart feels too big for my chest, my body tingles with happiness, and I feel a little dizzy.
I hold on to Clay as we step out of the elevator and are met with a cold wind. He tucks me beneath his arm and kisses my temple, keeping me close as we choose the spot with the best view to watch the sunset. As the sun makes its gentle farewell, painting the sky with gorgeous streaks of pinks, oranges, and purples, the lights of the city bloom to life in twinkles and bursts of gold and white, until they’re all we see.
I’m so overwhelmed by the magnificence before us, “ Clay ” comes out just above a whisper. “This is extraordinary.”
“It sure is,” he says huskily, those piercing blue eyes locked on me.
I want to memorize the rush of emotions swirling inside me, but it feels a little too dangerous, because our time together, our fling, will soon be over. I try to shut down that rational part of my brain again, but without the light of day, with Clay looking at me like he truly believes I’m extraordinary, I’m stuck in some middle ground between caution and the wind.
But then he lowers his lips to mine, holding me possessively, and kisses me so thoroughly, every ounce of me aches to be closer to him, and my caution flits away in the wind.